tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50676855912583909652024-03-12T18:22:01.027-04:00Chronicles of CashmereI enjoy writing; putting thoughts/ideas on paper fills me with immense joy. I write about life, work, and all kinds of nonsense in between. I should have a general theme for this blog, but then that would make sense ...and as you'll soon realize, sense and I have a strange and sometimes distant relationship.Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.comBlogger586125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-48297450468841518772023-12-26T16:30:00.008-05:002023-12-26T21:51:32.094-05:00Holiday Home<p><span style="font-family: courier;">**It's hard to remember the last time I was joyous for the holidays. I think the rebel in me is anti anything that is forced upon me like 'good cheer' and 'goodwill towards man'. Instead of wallowing in my grumpiness, I've decided to write a holiday story to work through the coldness in my heart. I realized this whilst watching a Disney Christmas movie featuring Ludacris. I was like a vampire stepping into the sun...hissing, and hiding my face at all the cute shit. Perhaps writing a cute (enough)story will lure me out of my darkness and into a little less darkness. Here's my attempt at good cheer and goodwill towards man...<b><i>Holiday Home</i></b>.**</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJilyoUzsY-RvSKWcX_7583SrQrkIbsEM1zt5dSuHPWyDWQeTKrhiYB6rKWVVU3YPanOpUdTz0OkmaZtuMxnPPvDfm1xgIEmz7jv5wcQO8_5gmB3nEaNtzEKkQM_kDh2IyUZ1QRKCkbjHbxhOI6XWuNa3OE2u1hwHg7rqxrQ2NNMIV1rnwqLATSTxlNE1X/s4096/Home_for_the_Holidays_1.jpg.webp" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2050" data-original-width="4096" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJilyoUzsY-RvSKWcX_7583SrQrkIbsEM1zt5dSuHPWyDWQeTKrhiYB6rKWVVU3YPanOpUdTz0OkmaZtuMxnPPvDfm1xgIEmz7jv5wcQO8_5gmB3nEaNtzEKkQM_kDh2IyUZ1QRKCkbjHbxhOI6XWuNa3OE2u1hwHg7rqxrQ2NNMIV1rnwqLATSTxlNE1X/s320/Home_for_the_Holidays_1.jpg.webp" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: courier;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: courier;"><b><u>1- His Tree Is Huge</u></b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: courier;"><span> Josephine adjusts her weekend duffle bag on her shoulder as she finds the key to the front door. She uses a foot to hold it as she grabs a Trader Joes shopping bag off the ground beside her. Closing the door gently behind her she enjoys the warmth of being back in her mother's home. The scent of 'fabuloso' (the cleaning product her mom used) and the woodsy Diptique candle Josephine had gotten her for her birthday lingered in the air. Though her mom had been away for a few days already, the house still smelled 'fresh' like she just left yesterday. Ever since her dad passed away suddenly two Christmases ago, she and mom don't make a big deal about the holiday. This doesn't stop Josephine from feeling so lonely and sad she can barely see straight.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: courier;">While sitting in her Sunset Park apartment listening to neighbors fight over who made the best mashed potatoes, Josephine decided to drive to her moms empty New Jersey home for some peace, quiet and a comfortable place to be sad. With her mom being on a girls trip in Turks & Caicos until the day after Christmas, she had time to muster up some spirit and maybe stop wondering why Max hadn't asked her out on a second date. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: courier;">Picture it: New York City about seven days ago. We see Josephine, her curls which are usually held up with a scrunchy, are down and bouncing off her shoulders as she laughs with a handsome ethnically ambiguous fellow named Max Jones. Max wasn't that funny but ever since he walked into her favorite cafe with a Pogues t-shirt on...she was obsessed. After a few cafè run ins he asked her out. Which led to the scene seven days ago. Josephine feeling like this was the beginning of a NYC love story...two strangers who met in a cafè, and then share a meal at a cozy Italian bistro...and then a kiss by Prospect Park...and then not a call, text, carrier pigeon or smoke signal since. She was two minutes from just spending all her free time at the Sterling Cafè waiting for Max to come in. She realized that would be crazy and decided to head to her moms house instead. She also blames her intense feelings around the holidays for that extra sprinkle of crazy.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: courier;">Deep in thought and focused on bringing her snacks from Trader Joes into the kitchen, something made her stop and walk backwards to the living room. The fireplace was lit and there was a large decorated Christmas tree. She almost got the 'fuck' part out of the statement 'What the fuck?' when a large tattooed man entered the living room from her moms study. Large was an understatement. This man was huge. He had to be about six foot three or four. His arms are about the size of Josephine's thighs- for some reason she didn't feel her 'fight or flight' come on. Maybe it was his handsome face- he was scowling, but in a very handsome and scruffy faced way. His dark eyes go from stormy to recognition. Full lips form a smirk...</span></p><p><span style="font-family: courier;">"Josephine...right?" His voice was warm, deep but approachable.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: courier;">"Who are you?" Her voice actually squeaked. Her cheeks get rosy with embarrassment.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: courier;">"Stone. Stone Jacobs. I'm a friend of your moms." His smile turns to horror when he sees Josephines face go from suspicion to...horror. "No, just a friend...we met at the Home Depot I manage. She is letting me stay here in an Air B'n'B sorta way..."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: courier;">Josephine closes her eyes briefly and shakes her head, "She never told me she let's people stay at our home."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: courier;">"Her...home." He adds with that smirk again. Stone couldn't help himself as Josephine looked better in person than photos Mrs. Garrett (her mom) showed him. Especially when her cheeks were flushed and her eyes sparkled with questions. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: courier;">"So you're staying here...for how long and with whom?" She was getting irritated at the thought of returning to Brooklyn. A thought popped into her head to text mom.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: courier;">He nods towards her phone and says, "You can ask your mom and find out." He then went back into the study because he hears his cell ringing. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: courier;">Josephine watches him as she types to her mom; she then hears the low rumble of his voice in the study. He felt right at home didn't he...</span></p><p><span style="font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><b>Josephine:</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Um, mom...why is Stone in your home?! How long will he be here?</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><b>Mom:</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Baby! Oh Stone is great. You're at the house? You should've told me you were coming....</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><b>Josephine:</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;">I thought I could sneak up here while you're away and then just stay until you were back. Ugh, now I have to leave!</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><b>Mom:</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;">I doubt Stone is making you leave. He is a lovely young man ;) He will be there for a week. Let me know what you decide- it's my turn to shuffleboard.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Josephine sighs and carries her Trader Joes bag back towards the front door. She decided to treat herself to a Lyft back to the city. Stone clearing his throat shook her from her thoughts.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"You've made your decision?" He leans against a wall because his heart was beating so fast. He was trying to work himself up to doing the weirdest thing he's ever done. A part of him wanted her to go because he liked her for some reason and he didn't want to like anyone like that. On the other hand she could say no...and his feelings would be hurt because he did like her for some reason. Maybe it was the stories her mom told him about her, she seemed quirky, funny and light. Compared to the heavy, emotional almost marriage he just got out of- she intrigued him.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"I am ordering a car and going back to the city. Enjoy your stay." She didn't look at him, but he could tell she was perturbed. At least she was being fair. Bratty, but fair.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Just wait a minute...can I ask you something? This is going to be insane, but I need a favor...." He crosses his arms over his broad chest. He seemed nervous which endeared him a little to Josephine. She raises her eyebrows to let him know she is awaiting his request. He lets out a resounding sigh. "I asked your mom to let me stay here because my family is flying in from Seattle and London and my apartment is not large enough to host."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Josephine begins tapping her foot, the longer this story was the later she got home. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Stone rolls his eye, " I recently had a bad breakup and my parents have been hounding me to give my ex a second chance because they think I'll become even more anti-social...but if I show that I have moved on..." Josephine's laugh causes Stone to stop speaking.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"So you want me to pretend to be your new lady friend?" His intense stare causes her to straighten up. "You're serious..."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"We would be in a serious relationship...staying here in...your home." His smirk returns when Josephine blushes.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"So the only benefit is I get to stay?" Josephine can't help but smile when she sees Stone's chiseled cheeks turn pink. She had to admit she was pretty fascinated by this man. He was...a hunk. A brooding hunk who is into his family so much so he wants to pretend they are a couple so they think he is okay. Josephine knew her cuteness would work for her someday, and she did feel comfortable using her high school acting skills pretending to be his woman because there wasn't a chance in anyones reality that he would be into her. Perhaps this would be therapeutic for her too, a fake relationship to get over...the real...ghosting that was happening to her. Maybe keep away the sad holiday thoughts. She sighs.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"I cook and clean. I can also give you a gift card to use at any Home Depot." He winks. "I know this is asking a lot, but I would be eternally grateful." </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"My moms seems to think you're good people and if you continue to look out for her-"</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"I would do that regardless. Your mother is a great woman." He holds out a hand for them to shake on. When Josephine places her small soft hand in his, they both let go quickly when they feel a small current of electricity pass between them.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"So how did we meet?" Josephine asks.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><b><u>2- Her Gifts Are Bountiful</u></b></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span> The next morning, Josephine was awakened by the amazing smell of food...ah, Stone appears to be a man of his word. The couch her mother read books on had a pillow and blankets on it from where Stone slept. She </span>remembers watching him sleep after she finished her nighttime skin care routine. His handsome face was peaceful, his breathing was slow and deep. She was mesmerized by the rise and fall of his chest, as he began to stir, she tip toed over to the bed and mentally chastised herself for being creepy.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">After showering and acting like she didn't go through four outfits before choosing an 'effortless' jeans and a sweatshirt, she goes downstairs to follow the wonderful smells of coffee and bacon.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Smells good in here..." Josephine almost stumbles when Stone looks up from slicing bread, intense brown eyes lock with hers. How can he make just slicing bread seem like foreplay?</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"The lady awakens..." He goes back to slicing bread. This causes both his arm and pecs to do things that stir things below her belly. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Your parents should be here soon...I have time to get into character." Josephine begins making an iced coffee. Something to cool herself down with.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Iced coffee? It is twenty-seven degrees out." He shakes his head and begins buttering the bread he sliced. Josephine wished she was butter.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Did you make pancakes? I am in the mood for pancakes." She stirs in creamer and begins looking on the stove. She would distract herself with food...stuffing herself since he couldn't...</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"I made tomato and cheddar mini frittatas, bacon and toast. No pancakes." He closes the oven door as if to add an exclamation to that sentence.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"I would be a better girlfriend with pancakes." She sips her coffee. Stone gives her an 'over it' look.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Do your best with today's menu and tomorrow I'll make pancakes." He crosses his arms and leans back on the counter. "Do we need to go over anymore details..."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"It's best not to seem too rehearsed- I remember that from my high school drama teacher. We should....ummm...well...we should seem like we've seen each other naked." Though she was doing a great job imagining him naked.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Don't be crude." He rolls his eyes. The thought had run through his head when they were going over the details of their 'relationship'- what the first time would be like. Would she take down her curls and climb him...</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Yes, use that feeling towards me but make it like you're into me." She feels her hands shake as Stone puts his arms down at his sides and moves towards her. His eyes on her pouty full mouth. Once she is at eye level with his well sculpted chest, he takes a long finger and lifts her chin so she can look into his eyes. Her lips part and her breathe quickens.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"I really want my parents know that I am okay and have moved on so that they won't worry about me." He takes his nose and glides it against her cheek and cheekbone, and then whispers in her ear. "Do I seem into you?" She nods slowly. "Good." He steps away from her and his grumpy 'mask' returns to his face. He goes to take his toast out of the oven.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Josephine gulps her coffee when the doorbell rings. They look at each other briefly before she heads to the front door. She feels him behind her. A smiling trio greets them...Stone's mom and dad...and a woman who appears to be about Stone's age with the same deep brown eyes.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Suddenly, Stone's tall mum (she insists Josephine calls her mum) pulls her in for a hug. His taller pop (again, he insists) joins in the hug, while Stone's sister Sila rolls her eyes and punches Stone on the shoulder. Stone and his pop gather their luggage and they make their way in the house.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"This house is lovely." Stone's mum says as she takes Josephine by the arm and leads her towards the living room.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"It's my family home, it's pretty special." His mum lets out a gasp when she sees the Christmas tree. "Oh Stone it's beautiful!"</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"I chopped it down myself." He smiles and places an arm around Josephine's shoulders just as his mum lets her arm go to move closer to the tree. Josephine seemed to fit right perfectly next his body. She tried not to look shocked as each family member turns from the tree to look at them. Sila is the only one not smiling at them.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"You two are a smashing looking couple." Stone's mum clasped her hands together.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Stone brushes his lips against Josephine's forehead and says, "Let's get you guys settled and eat."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">As Stone takes his family up to their rooms, he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket.</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><b>Josephine:</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;">You didn't mention your sister.</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><b>Stone:</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;">I wasn't sure she was coming.</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><b>Josephine:</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;">She hates me. You are all giants.</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><b>Stone:</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;">She doesn't. You are short.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Later, Sila goes to sit in the living room to check her phone while the rest of the family and Josephine clean up the kitchen.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Stone, you seem to have gotten better in the kitchen." His pop says.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"It's one of the many reasons I am with him." Josephine winks at Stone who smirks.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"It's great that he took all those cooking classes with Raquel." Sila says as she suddenly appeared in the kitchen doorway. Stone's parents clear their throats, she smiles.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Mum and pop both give Josephine a 'pity' look. Stone blushes and if looks could kill...Sila would be no more.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Josephine walks over to Stone, stands on her tippy toes and gives him a peck on the cheek, "Well thank goodness for those cooking classes." He looks down at her and smiles. Josephine feels her heart thud and thinks <i>'oh noooooooooo this can't be happening. I cannot like him'</i>.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span> The next morning, while they ate pancakes, Stone's mum suggests going ice skating. Josephine hated ice skating but was intrigued to see this family of giants on the ice. She chooses a cozy yet sexy outfit, sexy because her sweater had a heart cut-out to reveal her </span>décolletage...her cleavage. While upstairs putting on her snow boots, she feels her phone vibrate.</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><b>Stone:</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Whatever you do, please don't change the sweater 😉</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><b>Josephine:</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;">It will be covered in layers...🤷🏽♀️</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><b>Stone:</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;">So I won't be able to see your heart?</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><b>Josephine:</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Hilarious...</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span> </span>Josephine sips her hot cocoa as she watches Stone and his family glide across the ice like figure skaters. Giant, elegant, figure skaters. She was so deep in thought she didn't notice that Stone was skating over to her.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"You've been a spectator long enough, time to participate." He takes the hot cocoa from her gloved hands. Josephine put on her ice skates and figured that would be enough.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"I don't want to." She reaches for the cocoa. He holds it out of her reach and then gulps it down. He then holds out his free hand. "Come on then. You skate for a bit and I'll get you another cocoa."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Josephine takes his hand. The cocoa <i>is</i> good.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"It's like skating without wheels...just one foot at a time." Stone puts a large hand on Josephine's back. She tries to control her breathing, she had no reason to be nervous about falling but just him touching her and whispering reassuring things in her ear even though she sucks at ice skating. After a while though, she stayed upright mostly and was having fun with the family.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">After skating for most of the day, they all have a cozy lunch at a nearby diner. The conversation flowed easily as did the laughter. Stone's mum loved telling embarrassing stories about him and made a comment about finally being able to do that. Which got Josephine to assessing her fake girlfriend capabilities- she was excellent at it. The family seemed to love her...except Sila.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">As Josephine stepped out of the ladies room she almost bumps into Sila who was coming in. She places a hand on Josephine's shoulder.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Hey...just wanted to say thanks, you seem to be a great rebound for my brother." Her smile is snide and her eyes glisten with dislike.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Thankfully I am dating your brother who thinks of me more than just a rebound."Josephine shrugs her shoulder out of Sila's hand and heads back towards the table where there is a hushed conversation taking place. Realizing she was reaching her limits with the faking it. "Hey, I'm going to head back to the house, you guys have a great rest of the day."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Oh no sweetheart, we are going to walk through the Christmas Village..." Stone held up a hand to stop his mom, and stands next to Josephine.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"It's okay-let me drive you back." He says, Josephine thought the disappointment was a nice touch.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"I ordered a Lyft- I'll see you all back at the house." She smiles, but notices the disappointment has reached Stone's eyes.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"I'll walk you out then..."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Once outside, "Is everything okay?" Stone asks, his eyes searching Josephine's face.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Just need some me time." She avoids eye contact afraid he'd see she was lying because she was feeling herself falling for her fake boyfriend and she is jealous of his ex fiancee. "Looks like Hector will be here in two minutes."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Stone does that finger chin lift thing again and Josephine steps back. He drops his hand, "Thank you...my parents are so happy for us." He understood that this was a lot.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Good." She smiles knowing there was only a few moments left before she let a frustration tear fall from her eye, down her cheek and into the abyss causing Stone to ask too many questions.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Text me when you're back at the house." Stone didn't want her to leave-which was wild because she is practically a stranger. He wasn't exactly a people person either and the way his ex curb stomped on his heart he wasn't a big fan of women. Okay, Josephine wasn't a complete stranger...and he just liked being around her. He looked forward to laying on the couch in the bedroom staring at the ceiling while he listened to her hum as she did her nighttime skin cleansing routine. She then comes out and tries not to look at him on the couch. Then she gets into the bed and they just start talking about their random 'top 5's'. He honestly has never slept better.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">He crosses his arms as he watches her Lyft drive away. He sighs.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><b><u>3- Let's Make Merry Merry</u></b></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span> "What?!" Josephine's mom exclaims. She takes the phone into the bedroom bathroom to ensure that no one can hear.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span>"This week, Stone and I are in a loving relationship."</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span>"Juicy. Jucier when you two actually are in a loving relationship." Her mom is practically squealing.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span>"Jokes on you-never gonna happen." Two knocks on the door. Josephine opens the door revealing Stone in a </span>Santa hat. That, with his usual resting bitch face, made Josephine laugh out loud.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"You are needed downstairs." He says.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"I thought you guys were opening gifts-"</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Hi Stone!" Josephine's mom yells into the phone causing her to hold it away from her ear.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Hi, momma Garrett...ho, ho, ho." Stone smiles.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Okay, I am hanging up..." She hangs up because her moms squealing was going to give her a headache. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Why was she screaming like that?" Stone asks, a smile on his full lips.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Josephine nudges him out of her way to exit the bathroom. "Let's get downstairs...only few more days of being in this relationship."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"And then it's back to being a single man-eater?" He smirks. Josephine's phone rings and he watches her face go from smiles to shock. His height had its advantages, he sees the name: Max.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Uh...I'll be right down...I have to take this." Stone slowly leaves the room but lingers outside where Josephine can't see. "Hey..."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Stone shakes his head and realizes this is 'loser activity' and goes downstairs. As he sits next to his pop on the couch, he tries not to think about who Max is and why he felt a little jealous.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span> A bit later Josephine makes her way </span>downstairs still deep in thought about her conversation with Max. He apologized and said something about life happening. The strangest thing was she wasn't sure she cared anymore...because of her fake boyfriend. The doorbell rings shaking her from her reverie. Sila moves almost too quickly to get the door which makes Stone go and stand next to Josephine. Sila was the only one who was giving him grief about his new 'relationship'. Any sense of happiness made him weary when it came to her. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Raquel!" Sila squeals. Who knew she could make a joyful sound? Josephine looks up to check out Stone's reaction. He looks down at her.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"I'm sorry." He almost growls.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Sila takes Raquel by the hand and leads her towards the family. Raquel is a tall, dark haired, gorgeous woman whose hazel eyes that never leave Stone.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Stone...mum...pop." Raquel waves enthusiastically at Stone's parents, who much to Josephine's delight, seem less than enthusiastic about seeing her.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Josephine was quite certain the look Stone was giving Sila was slowly choking her. She coughs as tries to slip by him. He grabs her by the arm and leads her into the kitchen...leaving Josephine standing alone. A tanned, well manicured hand suddenly appears in Josephine's view.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Raquel..." She eyes Josephine almost daring her to be rude.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">As she takes her hand, "Josephine. Pleasure." She smiles and decides to go up to her moms room. Retreat. Josephine hated feeling so uncomfortable in her home...she wanted to leave but felt it would be crazy to leave these...strangers. Strangers that now included her fake boyfriends ex-fiancee who is probably one of the most gorgeous people she has seen.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">The door to the bedroom closes. Stone steps in, "So you're hiding up here..."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Yeah hiding in my own house- don't say it's my moms. I'll punch you." She crosses her arms and goes to sit on Stone's bed/couch. She feels her seat rise as he sits beside her. He holds out a large hand...after a few moments Josephine places her small hand in his.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"This is a nightmare-" He sighs.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"We were having fun..." Her hand tingles where his large thumb rubs.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Who is Max?" He turns his head to look at her when he feels her hand tense.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"This guy that ghosted me after one date..." Josephine wasn't going to lie about it, it didn't matter anyway.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"He called once he realized he was a fool." </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"I guess." Josephine is slowly blinking at Stone like a cat...and Stone wants to pet her. He leans closer to her because he was a man of action and wanted to show her that Max was a mistake. They hear Raquel's loud laughter. "So...your fiancee`-"</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Ex-fiancee`." Seeing Raquel didn't change these weird feelings he had towards Josephine. "We are all going out to dinner-please join us...I'll try to make it less awkward." One of the things he appreciated about Josephine was that it was always 'written all over her face'. This also scared him because of the look on her face now.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"I'd rather not." It was much easier playing the role of Stone's girlfriend when his amazingly gorgeous ex-fiancee` wasn't around. She was just getting her esteem in check from the Max ghosting when she started feelings things for Stone...and now Max realized he was an idiot and Stone is looking at her like she is his real lady. He hasn't let go of her hand. He leans in closer and then his full lips lightly peck hers. The kiss slowly gets deeper and her arms are wrapped around Stone while his are caressing her as he eases her back on the couch placing his large body over hers.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Two knocks at the door cause them both to pop up and look at each other sheepishly. They both almost forgot there were others in the house, and that kiss was going to turn into the Christmas gift they never expected.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Yeah..."Stone says, his eyes never leaving Josephine's. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"We are ready to head out to dinner..." Stone's mum says.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Okay, be right there." He slowly stands and holds a hand out to Josephine.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">She takes it, "We are going to have a different kind of bedtime conversation tonight..."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">He winks, "I cannot wait for bed then..."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"No...wait...I meant-" She is cut off by another kiss and then he leads her downstairs.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span> </span><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span><span> Josephine stares into the roaring fireplace at the restaurant, trying to </span>quickly decompress from dinner so far or 'how many times Raquel can tell story about she and Stone...and his family'. They all laugh except Stone who massages Josephine's thigh under the table. He does have a wistful expression on his face as he looks at Raquel. Then suddenly his deep brown eyes are on her. He smiles reluctantly. </span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span>"...right, Josephine?" Raquel is asking, which causes Josephine to reenter the conversation.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span>"I'm sorry..." Josephine takes a sip of her wine. Stone squeezes her thigh.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span>"I hear you've reaped the benefits of the cooking classes Stone and I took together..." Her smile is almost a snarl.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span>"Raquel, that's enough." Stone says.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span>"Let me know when we get to the stories about when you cheated on Stone and broke his heart." Josephine stands as the rest of the table coughs; Stone stands with her and though she wanted to make her dramatic exit alone, he joins her.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span>"What the hell, Josephine?" He stands in front of her as she is putting on her coat.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span>"I'm just playing the part- jealous girlfriend." She wraps her scarf around her neck with flair. Stone wasn't impressed.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span>"You know there is more going on here-with us." He is looking at her in a way where she almost believes him.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"We were caught up in a moment...emotions are high. You're off the hook-"</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Stop it." There is no amusement in his voice.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"I have enough ego killers in my actual love life, I don't need this." She crosses her arms to keep from throwing them around him. She felt foolish thinking he actually was into her. The anger that is oozing off him is making him seem believable...maybe he does like her.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"My family and I will stay in a hotel the rest of the week." Stone realized this was probably for the best. The fast feelings couldn't be trusted. He did want to hold her when he saw that sad devastation in her eyes.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"Okay, I'll give you guys an hour before I return to the house." She leaves the restaurant. The cold air hits her warm skin and she allows the tears to flow. Stone stood there a little longer feeling lonely for the first time in days.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"> Josephine sits in the living room holding a couch pillow and staring at the Christmas tree. <i>"This Christmas"</i> by Donny Hathaway plays low in the background as she tries to slowly muster up some holiday spirit for her mother's return tomorrow. She was also waiting for her pizza delivery.<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span>The house felt different now, damn Stone for making her feel even sadder in her comfort space. Her phone vibrates.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span><b>Max:</b></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span>Hey beautiful. What day do you come back? I am planning a date for us.😊</span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span><b>Josephine:</b></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span>Great. I'll be back in two days.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span><b>Max:</b></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span>Great</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span>Josephine sighs. Her phone vibrates again.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span><b>Stone:</b></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><span>Top Five Reasons I Miss You: 1. Your kisses 2. Your eyes when they stare at my large arms 3. The way you eat my pancakes like a hungry </span>raccoon 4. The drama- your acting skills and the way you exit a 'scene' 5. How content I feel when I am around you</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">The smile on her face almost hurt;Josephine couldn't think of anything to type back. She had to stand and pace, she was giddy.</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><b>Josephine:</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;">I was just about to type and see if I can bring a date to your wedding- assumed it was back on with you and Raquel🙄</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Josephine had always been told she can take a joke too far, she thought it was part of her charm but after ten minutes and no response from Stone, she realized she may have gone too far. He called her a raccoon so she figured it was open season. The doorbell disrupts her thoughts. The pizza would help her come up with something to get Stone back to missing her.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">She opens to the door to...a smiling Stone who is holding a pizza box.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"I thought you worked at Home Depot?" She smiles with relief. He steps in.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">"I also have a side gig as a mall Santa...want to sit on my lap?" Josephine takes the pizza box and places it on the bench by the front door. She then gets on her tippy toes and wraps her arms around Stone's neck.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">He lifts her up and she wraps her legs around his waist. "Santa did great this year. You're the best present ever." She kisses him.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">With sparkling eyes he says, "That's my line..." This time he deepens the kiss. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Josephine entered her comfort place alone and sad not knowing that Stone was there making it feel more like a home. At the same time Stone loved the way Josephine's family home made him feel, and once he met her he felt at home anywhere they were together.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><b>- The End -</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;">*Will neither confirm or deny if I spit up a little in my mouth.*</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-82352498788831785922023-11-20T20:22:00.000-05:002023-11-20T20:22:15.401-05:00Good Intentions<p> We have been here before. I don't write for a while (a year this time) and then make promises about how I am going to be better and write, write, write....</p><p>Then I don't.</p><p>This time though....I really mean it. I have worked my way back to a place where I feel like writing. I feel good...like 2024 is going to be HUGE.</p><p>....if I am murdered in 2024, just have someone read this while sad jazz plays AND PLEASE have a hot picture of me with that 'JC Penny haze'.</p><p>A lot can happen in a year and I would love to divulge....but we know I keep it all close to the chest, so expect some peeks in to my life but mostly fanfic (because it's fun) and venting. Know that healing thyself is ongoing and rewarding.</p><p>So know that I am back and have the best of intentions...and that it is never you, it is always me.</p>Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-35686816156921707522022-08-11T17:14:00.001-04:002022-08-11T17:14:09.823-04:00Yes, Chef.<p><span style="font-family: georgia;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinHOu8BihLcsUpJd05Z52-QD1JOv-vUR8NHuaq-2zTlMQdkb9Im5TKP_cXfoERCi3g8PopnNWthWxnLG3XrtU0bHHVZlluaFvW8v_xVn8GI6NYFxxu-LJhEBMqkSQMbDXY0kIxvV-qPoN3bqAjJcq_61Np0QdTb5q2oNK59wnF8ZOgfB9C7uuGxf1NDA/s900/jeremy-allen-white-900x600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="900" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinHOu8BihLcsUpJd05Z52-QD1JOv-vUR8NHuaq-2zTlMQdkb9Im5TKP_cXfoERCi3g8PopnNWthWxnLG3XrtU0bHHVZlluaFvW8v_xVn8GI6NYFxxu-LJhEBMqkSQMbDXY0kIxvV-qPoN3bqAjJcq_61Np0QdTb5q2oNK59wnF8ZOgfB9C7uuGxf1NDA/s320/jeremy-allen-white-900x600.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /><i><br /></i></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><i>**So yeah...I watched <b>The Bear</b> and like everyone, I was parched when it came to Carmy aka Lip from Shameless. Now I could only get through a few seasons of Shameless before I stopped caring, but I do remember caring...well finding that Lip kid attractive. I just kept it to myself because I don't need ANOTHER white boy on the roster and his looks are....unconventional (to me). In any case, him playing a problematic, semi-tatt covered chef made me moist. Also his brother was JON BERENTHAL aka SHANE from Walking Dead (always and forever) who is a man I'd like to rearrange my cervical chakras. After watching the last episode twice, I decided I needed to write a fanfic involving me and these fine tormented mens. Enjoy!**</i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>1-</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span> The bar was semi-crowded and an old Smashing Pumpkins song played low on the radio. Tamara wasn't skeeved out by the scene, but she also knew Carmen wouldn't think it was too swanky. It was a bar with some top shelf liquor. She knew with Carmen she had to keep it simple because otherwise he would lean towards over analyzing everything instead of just being in the moment. Unlike his brother who didn't care where they met as long as he could hold court and become the mayor of the bar.</span><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>She sighed.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">Tamara just knew that bars worked for her when it came to having important conversations. No matter how things went...there were drinks.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">Her skin tingled and she looked up to see Carmen's sad blue eyes find her brown ones and make his way over to her at the bar.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">"T." He said as they half hugged. The air around him was cold because Chicago is cold. He just opens his jacket but keeps it on as he sits on the stool beside her. He runs a tatted hand through his wild hair. She waves the bartender over.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">"I'll have Casamigos and soda....and my friend here..." Tamara does a hand flourish in Carmen's direction. He shakes his head with little amusement.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Your best glass of red." </span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Woah fancy pants..."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">"I just want to be able to sleep tonight." He says, then does his usual stare off and goes to a place that Tamara wouldn't want to visit in a daydream. "Casamigos and soda- you tryin' to fight someone tonight?" The intensely sad blue eyes are on her, she almost jumps. When Carmen focused on her it was intense and it made her feel more seen than she liked.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">"I've had a day so it should actually mellow me out...not cause a fight." She forces a smile though she wanted to hide her face because she knew she was blushing.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">The bartender places their drinks in front of them. They tap the glasses then take thoughtful sips.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">"So..." He says after a few beats. The intense eyes are back on her.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Well you know towards- well recently I was helping your brother keep things at The Beef afloat." She paused. Carmen doesn't use the 'social cues' thing of having her go on. He just stares. Tamara clears her throat. "I wanted to know if you wanted me to continue...consulting, just sitting in the back office three days a week to get things on some kind of track. It will be one less thing for you to worry about."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">The eyes move on from her face, he smirks as he turns to sip his wine. "So the rumors were true about you and my brother...."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">Tamara clenched and unclenched her fist. "No. Like all the Berzatto men, your brother wanted to fuck me but never did." The Casamigos did help in dealing with Carmen being an asshole.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">He raises his eyebrows, "Nice one. You're just doing this to be... nice?"</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Since I take that as meaning you don't want to pay me then I can come in one day a week and that is me being nice." She rolls her eyes and sips.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Why? Pity because of what Mikey did? Guilt?"</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Guilt? Did you not hear me say I was helping him?!"</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Guilt because maybe if you gave him a chance..." He flinches as he realizes what he is saying.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">"If I fucked your brother he wouldn't have killed himself. Wow. You give me and my vagina a lot of credit." She stands. "Like I knew dealing with you would be hard because you are an ass, but you have out done yourself. Fuck off." Tamara grabs her coat and storms out the door. Once outside, the wind sobering her up quickly, she didn't know what made her more mad. The fact that Carmen was an asshole or the fact she had been in love with him regardless of that fact.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">--</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span> Tamara lay under her weighted blanket on the couch still mad. <i>Beat Bobby Flay</i> was on low in the background as she stared at her ceiling. Her phone buzzes. She picks it up and rolls her eyes when she sees who the text is from.</span><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><b>Carmen:</b></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>Two days a week and get paid with meals until everything gets sorted. I would appreciate it.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><b>Tamara:</b></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>Fuck. Off.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><b>Carmen:</b></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>It went from no payment to food...</span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><b>Tamara:</b></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>You think a beef sandwich will make everything better? You're a smart Michelin starred chef. You can figure it all out.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><b>Carmen:</b></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>I didn't say it would be beef sandwiches. I will make you meals. Five star...</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>He knew that would be her weakness. As much she hated mostly everything about him, the way he cooked....it made her dreamy eyed. She notices three dots appear again as she was not responding.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><b>Carmen:</b></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>I'm sorry, T. Please help...</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>He clutched his phone because her response would determine if he could do this. He knew he fucked up and only acted out because of the power she had over him. Always just out of his reach. He remembers when she walked into Le Modin, the place where he earned his two Michelin stars. She came alone because she did that. Air of mystery and elegance around her as she ate. This time she walked in with a dress that made Carmen forget where he was and remember that she wasn't his. That thing between them was always there...looks that lasted a second too long, small touches here and there...that time they kissed when he told her he was moving to New York City. He would've stayed in Chicago if she could've been his but...Mikey always said he saw her first and had been just as in love with her. The thing with Mikey was that as he much as he loved who she was, he was so selfish that he wanted her to dull her shine and build him up. He didn't want her to do anything but be like the rest of his 'fans' and idolize him and she wouldn't do it.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Carmen had to keep his hands from noticeably shaking as he personally explained the tasting menu to her. Her eyes and smile were warm and glowed by the candlelight. He wanted to pull her face to his and just devour her lips. Instead, he fed her the best meal of her life. The dishes were his kisses. As she closed her eyes and licked the spoon while eating dessert he imagined holding her after making love and watching her fall asleep. The feeling of being sated and her warmth would give him the best sleep of his life.</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>Tamara:</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Ok.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">He smiles and places his phone on his coffee table. He went back to staring at the ceiling and thought he would get at least two good hours of sleep tonight.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>2-</b></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span> </span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span> Tamara took a deep breath that chilled her lungs before stepping into The Beef. Carmen must've told someone to keep the door unlocked. She had text him earlier saying she had thrown her keys at Mike two weeks before he...killed himself. She shakes the thought out of her head. Gently, she pushes in the swinging back door leading to the kitchen and office. The kitchen was...clean....and there were low voices in the distance. Everything seemed muddled as she watched Carmen's back muscles as he chopped. His shoulders were wide and then his back went into a 'v' shape. Her mouth felt dry. Suddenly, Tina popped into her view...with someone else.</span><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"Mami!" Tina comes in for a hug, and Tamera relaxes into her familiar smell of Michael Kors perfume and savory food.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"Tina...." She does a quick look up to the tall young woman behind her who is also smiling at her, her eyes </span></span><span style="font-family: georgia;">quickly meet Carmen's though which causes her heart to thud. He stops chopping to watch her.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Tamara, Sydney. Sydney, Tamara." Tina says. Tamara and Sydney shake hands. "She works here now, she used to be fancy like Carmy too..."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Decided I would risk it all if I could work with him." Sydney motions to Carmen. His eyes still haven't left Tamara.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Well from the looks of things, you are doing great work. I will do my best to stay out of the way-" Tamara says, but Tina cuts her off.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"She stays in that office working her magic because now I have healthcare so...." Tina shrugs and heads to her station at the kitchen.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Sydney welcome and nice meeting you." Tamara smiles and heads towards the office. Once inside she shrugs off her coat. Her skin tingles but she still jumps when Carmen squeezes her shoulder.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Get settled, we're prepping. Syd is making family and I am making your meal. I picked up scallops ... that's all I'm sayin.' " He does that half smile that makes Tamara blush. When he sees her cheeks turn that pink that makes his hands shake. He shoves them in his pockets.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Okay." He was standing too close to her. The office was small, but he was standing too close to her. She could smell his aftershave, and the eyes were up close. "Just open the door and let me know it's ready...I listen to music while I'm working."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">He nods, "About an hour and half." He says that and steps back out into the kitchen. Tamara closes the office door gently behind him.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Carmen thought about staying in the office with her and asking questions about what she was finding and how she was putting it all back together. She said she would summarize everything for him before she left so he knew what was going on and could eventually take it on himself. He never intended on taking it on because he wanted her there....there until he finally built up the courage to kiss her again and never stop.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">--</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span> Tamara thought she heard 'sweet tits' but didn't think that was part of <i>I Wanna C U </i>by Blood Orange. She turns off her AirPods and turns to see the office door open and Richie standing in the doorway smirking at her the way he did. </span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"Were you calling me sweet tits, little dick?" Tamara asks as she takes the AirPods out. She stands and stretches.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>Richie doesn't try to hide that he is checking her out, "They look pretty sweet. Like caramel globes." He laughs when she punches him on the shoulder. He steps aside and lets her out the office. "Carmy explained why he is making the fancy food for you....hopefully he built up enough courage to put his dick in it so you can finally taste that." Tamara stops short causing him to bump into her. She tried to hold in the laugh but </span>couldn't. She elbowed him in the stomach.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"You are a piece of shit." She says as they make their way to the dining area.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"You love it though. " He squeezes both her shoulders, "Thanks for doing this, T."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">They both chuckle as they take seats at the multiple tables set up to be one long one. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Uh, T...you sit here." Carmen stands behind a chair at the other end of the tables. She stands and hits Richie on the shoulder again and makes her way over to Carmen. She sits and he pushes the chair in. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">He bends so he is speaking in her ear, everyone around them is talking, laughing and eating. "Please enjoy tarragon butter scallops with a side of pea puree risotto." She smelled spicy and sweet, he notices her eyes close.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">His breath by her ear, his deep voice. Tamara was clenching her thighs closed. "Thanks...chef." She says as she collects herself and grabs her fork. He still doesn't stand back up, but he does lean away a little so he can watch her taste the food.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Tamara uses her fork to cut into a piece of scallop....they were like butter. She scoops up some risotto so she had the perfect bite. She places the fork in her mouth and wanted to close her eyes again but remembered she was being watched by Carmen and noticed that occasionally the crew would glance over at she and Carmen.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">The way the food tasted was unbelievable. Sweet, savory, buttery....she sagged against the back of the chair.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Good?" Carmen asks. Tamara could only nod slowly.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Oh they over there fuckin', fuckin'..." Richie says as he points his fork in their direction. The crew laughs. Sydney looks over and smirks.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Richie you're just jealous I only put my dick in your plate of food...." Carmen says as he makes his way back to the kitchen.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Tamara tried to joke and laugh with the crew as she normally would, but the dish Carmen made her was just so good. She wanted to savor it. She wanted to get into a warm bath and have Carmen bring her a glass of wine....and then when she got out...</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Earth to T." Marcus is smiling at her, "Wanna try this caramel doughnut I am trying out?" She nods and he practically runs into the kitchen.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">After devouring Marcus's delicious doughnut, Tamara makes her way back to the office. She told Carmen she would be there for another hour or so and then she would go to a paying consultation- a Thai restaurant that needed better organization as they were getting popular thanks to a TV segment on the local morning news show.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Carmen is in the office looking up at the filing system she was starting. His hands on his narrow hips.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"This looks amazing." He seemed almost awed.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Thanks." Tamara stayed closer to the doorway because she was afraid if she stepped in she would close the door behind her and just smell his neck...and then maybe have him throw her on the desk...</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Was the meal worthy of all you're doing?" He looks at her knowing it was. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"It was great...Marcus's doughnut really was the cherry on top." She couldn't let him think he won. She chances moving closer to the office chair. He smirks at her and walks out of the office. Unfortunately, he didn't take the tension that was building up inside of her with him.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">--</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span> Tamara could hear the noises of a smoothly run, yet busy kitchen. She figured she could slip out without having to interact with Carmen. Amazingly she was able to do that- until she ran into Richie smoking outside.</span><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"Oh you just leaving like that?" </span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"Carmen knows I have to go...to a job...you know work Richie-wait you don't know." She smiles and sees her Uber would be there in two minutes.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"You know with Carmy it's different...." He says, eyeing her in that way he does. When he was being serious and saying something profound.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"Yeah, the place seems to be running well....Mike just hit a wall." She shrugs and tries not to let her voice quiver.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"Nah, Mikey wanted you for the wrong reasons. Carmy loves you. Always has. You can't turn him down like you did Mikey...this shit is real." He throws his cigarette on the ground and steps on it.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>Thankfully, her Uber pulled up. "Richie...I....it was their thing, it </span>wasn't real." Tamara got into the Uber knowing that wasn't true. The car drives off and she knows Carmen came out just as it did because her skin tingled.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">3-</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span> It had been two days since Tamara was last at The Beef. She made the excuse of being busy with work, but she knew it was because of Richie calling her out and her being unable to even be around Carmen. She steps out of her steamy bathroom into her warm bedroom. Towel wrapped around her lotioned skin. She sees her phone is buzzing- Carmen has sent her three texts in a row.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><b>Carmen:</b></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>Are you coming in tomorrow?</span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><b>Carmen:</b></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>Need to know, I saw some swiss chard I want to do something with</span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><b>Carmen:</b></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>What's going on?</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>Tamara plopped on her bed. She would make herself go in tomorrow and she would be determined and aloof.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><b>Tamara:</b></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>I'll be in tomorrow.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><b>Carmen:</b></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>You good.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><b>Tamara:</b></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>Yeah.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><b>Carmen:</b></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>You home?</span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><b>Tamara:</b></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>Yeah.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><b>Carmen:</b></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>Good. I have Pequod's- let me in.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>Her downstairs buzzer goes off as soon as he sends that last text. Tamara was frozen for a moment. He was here. He had delicious pizza. He was here. She was in a towel. Her curls were wet and bounced as she finally ran to buzz him in downstairs. She ran back to her bedroom- he would hopefully wait for the slow elevator that would slowly take him up to the fourth floor. He would then try to </span>remember where her apartment was....</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">She had enough time to throw on a t-shirt and a pair of Buffalo plaid shorts, just as she slid her feet into her Ugg slippers...there were rapid knocks on her door. Of course Carmen would remember exactly where she lived. She puts her curls up as she makes her way to the door.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">When the door opens, Carmen almost drops the box of pizza and a bag that held wine. He talked himself up to do this motivated by the feeling that Tamara was avoiding him and he didn't like that feeling. Then she opens the door in his favorite way to see her. Looking relaxed, her hair up so he could think about kissing her neck...and in what looked to be pajamas. When he steps in- he was almost woozy she smelled so good.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">She steps aside and closes the door as he makes his way to her kitchen island to put the food down. She notices he doesn't turn around and is gripping the counter, she could almost see his back muscles through his jacket...or at least how she memorized them. Almost afraid to step closer...</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Hey..." She whispers. He turns and steps towards her. His eyes are focused on her lips. He pulls her close to him, hands on her waist. Her warm body flushed against his. He runs his nose along her neck. Wordlessly, he was begging her to touch him...and finally her hands were in his hair, then his lips found her full soft ones. They both moaned, his hands caressed her back and then one slid down to her full ass and he pulled her even more into him so she could feel how much he didn't want the pizza. She sighs softly and slides his jacket off.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Couch..." He whispers in her ear. Without separating from each other, they move to her couch. Once there, she pushes him down on it. She straddles him, he he grabs her hips and he feels how warm she is through his jeans. They kiss and he bites her bottom lip. They tug at each others shirts and when her hand grazes the button of his jeans, Carmen prayed the years of wanting this didn't ruin what was happening. He took a deep breath and held her face, he looked in her eyes which felt like a mirror. She was there with him, and then he kissed her slowly.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">--</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span> Tamara opened her eyes and then squeezed them shut again. She didn't remember when or how they got to her bed, but she was in her bed...alone. Flashes of Carmen on top of her, his eyes never leaving hers as he enters her slowly, then him underneath her with his eyes closed as she began riding him faster...she shivers. Her eyes open. She smells food and hears sounds coming from her kitchen. Suddenly Carmen appears in her doorway, he has on his boxers and t-shirt.</span><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"How do you feel about eating in bed?" He asks.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"Not good." Tamara didn't want to leave her bed, but she was very hungry.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"Then get up and meet me at the kitchen bar." He smiles, a full glorious smile and taps the doorway twice and goes back to the kitchen.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>After a few moments, Tamara sits on one of her barstools as Carmen's slides a pepperoni covered pizza slice from a cast iron skillet onto her plate. Water and a glass of wine were already placed beside her plate. She wanted to shove the amazing looking pizza into her mouth, but she watched and waited as he placed a slice on his plate which was next to hers at the bar.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"Remember that party in high school when Mikey snuck everyone into The Beef ... and invited me but only to make sandwiches for everyone...." Carmen turns to look at Tamara and leans back on a kitchen counter. His eyes were still sad but softer when they looked at her.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>Tamara took a thoughtful bite of her pizza and nodded, "I came in to help you because I barely liked anyone at the party and would rather eat a sandwich in the kitchen with you."</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>He smiles again, Tamara noted how easily they seemed to appear on his face now. He squeezes her thigh when he sits beside her at the bar. "That's when I knew I was in trouble. I thought you were cute...but then we had these conversations..."</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"Trouble?" She looks at him.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">He doesn't look away from the pizza he is eating, "You were Mikey's-"</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"I was never Mikey's." She sips wine. They are both quiet and let that hang in the air.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"One day he caught me watching you at one of your soccer games and he told me you were out of my league and that I should focus on girls I was smarter than..." He sips his wine and looks at her.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"You two had this thing about me and I never took any of it seriously...just brother shit. If I was smart I would've left Chicago and removed myself from all of it..."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Why didn't you?" He still seemed relaxed but the intensity was growing in his gaze.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"You know why..."She tore her crust into bite sized pieces.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Say it..." He says low, and she can feel him looking at her. She turns to him.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"I was unfortunately and painfully in love with you." Saying it out loud almost felt like a relief. Almost. Carmen didn't seem phased. In fact he stood and took their plates to the sink. Tamara slowly follows behind him with their glasses. "Say something..." She says in a low voice.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Why didn't you come with me to New York?" He scrubbed a dish.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"I wasn't going to move anywhere for...someone....and was building my career here."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"But it made me and Mikey believe you chose him." Though his voice was even she could feel the emotion behind it.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Again, that was your shit. Had nothing to do with me..."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">He turns off the water and turns to look at her, "It had everything to do with you."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">That felt like a punch in the gut to Tamara. She let him slide with making her the reason Mike killed himself. She knew it was grief...but to see that he truly blamed her. She throws herself onto him, wrapping her arms around his neck. His arms are at his sides. She grabs his face and kisses him. He kisses her back, his lips salty with tears. She stops kissing him and slides her cheek up his to his ear.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"I will finish with The Beef and then you will never see me again." She feels his fists open and close against her thighs. "Please leave." She let's go of him and he seems to crumple, and she walks into her bedroom and slams the door behind her.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">4-</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><span> Carmen sat in the office, head in hands, elbows on desk. His eyes shut. The flashes of her begin again. Her smiling looking down at her cleats, wind catching stray curls around her face. The kiss they shared outside of The Beef that warm summer night, the next day he was leaving for New York and it was his last ditch effort to be happy. Her eyes when their faces parted...he knew she loved him then, but he still left. Her eyes again as he slid into her warmth, her hands clutching his back...the feeling was so exquisite, she raised her hips and met his strokes and they moved together like he knew they would ... perfectly. Sounds of the last person leaving the kitchen shake him from his reverie...at least it was before he saw the hurt on her face the last time she walked away from him.</span><br /></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><span>"Night, chef!" Marcus shouts. Carmen hears the doors. Then its only him and the buzz of the lights.</span></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><span>It had been two weeks since the best night of his life turned into the worst. Richie gave Tamara keys so she worked during off hours or when she knew she wouldn't run into Carmen. He looks at the unmoved post-it he left on the desk letting her know he left her meals in the fridge. Every time he opened the fridge hopeful the meals would be missing. Every time he felt a chill as he saw them untouched.</span></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><span>He lifts his head when he hears the kitchen doors swing open. His heart thuds when he sees Tamara walking towards the office absently looking in her tote bag. He stands ready to follow her if she turns to leave. She makes it to the doorway of the office when she finally notices him. </span></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><span>"Oh..." She says, but she finds herself frozen. It felt like she blinked and Carmen pulled her towards him. His forehead on hers.</span></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><span>"I'm sorry, T. I don't blame you....I love you." He kisses her frantically, he slows down only when he feels her kissing him back. He pushes off her jacket, and it and her tote fall to the ground. He lifts her and places her on the desk. She gasps, and he begins kissing her again...this time deeper...slower. She pulls at his apron...</span></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Her legs are wrapped tightly around his waist, she gripped his shoulders as he thrust into her. His rhythm making her breathless and causing the shelves behind her to shake. His breath on her neck, a tattooed hand gripped her ass and the other gripped a shelf behind her. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Car...car..." She says breathlessly. He moves a little faster and kisses her...and then starts biting her bottom lip when he feels her gripping him, knowing she was almost there.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">As Tamara put her top back on she smiled to herself thinking that this had been better than any fantasy she had. She notices Carmen is smiling at her.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"What?" She says.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"I am not saying shit. I did that before and you left me." </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Well...I am leaving because there is no way I can work now....but you can come with me." She smiles. "We can stop at the store and you can make me something to eat...I worked up an appetite."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Did you?" He steps closer to her, they kiss.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">--</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span> A few months later, it was Spring in Chicago. Carmen sat at the half empty bar checking the door every now and then to see if he saw her. She wanted to talk and he suggested the spot, a lowkey bar that attracted a professional after work crowd. He wasn't sure if he was nervous. Things were going well with them- even with The Beef becoming The Bear- being with the love of his life helped him to handle the obstacles...and Richie.</span><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>He looks towards the door and sees her, then her eyes meet his and he feels the butterflies in his stomach and the smile forms on his face. As soon as she reaches him, her arms are around his shoulders and he places tiny pecks around her face.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"Hey chef..." She says and kisses his temple before sitting in the barstool next to him. </span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"What are you drinking?" He waves the bartender over. </span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"Ginger ale." She says. The bartender nods and walks away. She avoids making eye contact with Carmen. He taps her arm.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"Ginger ale? You making me drink alone? You okay?" He leans in closer and rests a hand on her thigh.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"Yeah....yeah..." She turns to him, intense blue eyes search her brown ones. "Just a lot going on..."</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"Wouldn't a drink help...or we can leave and I can help..." He squeezes her thigh when she lets her eyes fall to his lips and then bites her bottom lip.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"That's the problem....Carmen, I'm pregnant." Her eyes look hopeful. Carmen appeared to be frozen. He did blink a few times and then he felt like he was going to explode. He wanted to scream like he was at a Cubs game.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Our baby..." He stands because the energy was getting harder to contain. He stroked her back and nuzzled her temple.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Our baby. I'm having it...and I won't be drinking for a while." She leans into him.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"We got this." He says.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">5-</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span> The construction crews were working in the kitchen area, Tamara could see through the front window Carmen in a hard hat looking over plans with one of the crew members.</span><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><b>Tamara:</b></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>I'm out front.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>She turns just as Richie, Tina and Sydney are walking up to the construction site that is The Bear. Their smiles get a bit wider when they see her.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"Que linda!" Tina says as she makes it to her first. They hug and Tina caresses Tamara's small belly bump. The summer dress she had on seemed to emphasize it.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"Fuck me! You're even hot pregnant!" He kisses Tamara's cheek and goes inside, "Yo cousin, I think I want the baby to be mine." He says before the door closes.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>Tamara and Sydney both shake their heads and hug. "I don't care if Richie goes in there, but is it safe for you guys?" Tamara asks.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"Chef wanted us to come in and check with the new kitchen layout." Sydney says.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>Carmen pokes his head out, "Chefs. T, I'll be right out." He smiles at her and then his eyes go to her small bump. They go soft and he steps back to let Tina and Sydney in. They both say 'later' to Tamara as they collect hard hats and go inside.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>Tamara enjoys the stillness even with the dulled construction sounds. A breeze ruffled her dress and she thought she heard Mike's laugh. Her hand goes to her belly and she smiles to herself.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>Carmen comes out and puts an arm around her, "I am leaving them to it for today." He kisses her cheek.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"Good. You promised me lunch and I want a 'wolf burger'." She wraps an arm around his waist as they walk to his car.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"I think I might gain pregnancy weight too."</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"Ew no...I like my chef's lean...coked out even, might have to take Richie up on his offer." She chuckles when he nips at her bare shoulder, then kisses the same spot.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"If you left me for Richie I would just give this all up and move to an island and sell seashells. Grow a beard...."</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>"Two minutes after being with Richie I am on a plane right behind you ready to sell the shells." She kisses his chin. They smile at each other.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>Carmen hugs her to him knowing that he would hopefully never had to suffer a life without her again. A breeze shakes him from his thoughts and he swore he heard Mikey laugh.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><br /></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>**The End**</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p>Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-53212704611250834632022-05-20T11:39:00.005-04:002022-05-20T11:39:34.078-04:00Do I Start A GoFundMe: Part Deaux-The Answer Is Nah.<p> <span style="font-family: arial;">Unless you've been living under a rock...or the shadow of Jesse Williams massive...talent- you know that a photo was leaked from the play that I needed to forgo paying rent to see.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Thanks to an enterprising person, we brokies all saw what we were going to see besides why Jesse has been nominated for a Tony award. I know, I know a code was broken and it certainly isn't RIGHT that the photo was taken and then leaked...BUT let's all remember what is important and that is the fact that I couldn't afford to see this Broadway play. So though I know I am contributing to something 'not cool' the sheer size ...and magnitude of Jesse's .... Thor hammer was well worth it.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">The body, face and devilish sense of humor that surrounds that massive African walking stick is not lost on me for I am not just some superficial thirsty woman looking at (for) dick. I wish I could put on a nice outfit and my culture poise and go see that show, but the way this economy is set up....</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Thankfully I put out into the universe that I needed to confirm and see Jesse's large melonated member....and proving that manifestation works, I got to see IT. I am glad he is being recognized...for his talent and that showing his thicc gift of manhood wasn't all for naught. Do they give out Tony's for amazing penises?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">The category is: that meat stick you hope will rearrange your insides in a way that will leave you unable to digest properly, but you are okay with that!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Now, I have always said that Jesse can ruin my life and I stand behind that. The show unfortunately closes in June so I have a short window of time to bump into him, be able to form sentences cool enough to get me bouncing on that heavenly shaft of life and demonic pleasure.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Wish me luck!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">P.S. no matter what, I am still thankful to the person who risked it ALL so that we could see Jesse's semi-hard wang wand of meaty goodness.</span></p>Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-41619768176484999642022-04-29T12:21:00.001-04:002022-04-29T12:21:03.498-04:00Do I Start A GoFundMe?<span style="font-family: helvetica;">There are times in life you stand at a crossroads. Two different paths. One could lead to a life altering experience and the other is the one you are on...which isn't bad but it isn't life altering.</span><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><a href="https://deadline.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/156862_25229.jpg" target="_blank">Jesse Williams'</a> fine ass is here in NYC starring in a Broadway show. I recently found out that there is nudity in this show...including a full frontal of Mr. Lightskint-Lighteyed Devil himself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</span></div><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Now I consider myself an informed realist and KNOW that he is bringin' da meats. I can tell by his demeanor, swag, slightly bowl-legged walk and WHY wouldn't a handsome demon HAVE a large 'wand' in order to dickmatize one with so that when he RUINS your life, it is less painful.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><i>My assumption has been confirmed by peeps who have seen the show!</i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;">😩</span></div><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Ever since I have found out about the full frontal nudity I have been trying to figure out ways to get tickets to this show. Tickets are pricey- mainly because I want....NEED good seats. This is NOT the time for 'nosebleeds' especially since I am SUCH a giver that I plan on being able to sketch his shriek inducing serpent from my minds eye for all the homies who have no chance to see the show.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;">The orchestra seats are pricey but doable if I wasn't a responsible ass adult who has to take cars to work occasionally because she has high anxiety taking the trains because we are still in a PANDEMIC and it is the wild wild west on the subways. She also likes to get her nails done and have money for cocktails and art shows....</span></div><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Part of my manifesting seeing Jesse's 'rude boi' is putting out in the universe that my birthday is coming up (in June) and possibly starting a GoFundMe. It is a great cause. The best cause. I get close to his magnificent magic stick without him ruining my life (which I would gladly let him)- I mean I am smart enough to not to involve my heart in the place where my legs spread apart....but I am also self aware enough to know that I would get these ideas in my head that he COULD be mine simply because he made me walk funny and realigned my cervix.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Wish me luck....</span></div>Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-44066592519283900202021-12-31T10:23:00.001-05:002021-12-31T10:40:42.500-05:00Onto 2022....I guess...<p> <span style="font-family: arial;">Usually I like to reflect on the times of 2021 and though we were in YEAR TWO of the ponderosa/pilgrimage/popeyes biscuit/polycomm aka pandemic- I still had some highlights.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">If these times have taught us anything it is to appreciate what REALLY matters and the little moments and people that make it all worth it.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Also...I GOTTA NEW JOB. Sure it still isn't writing books on the Amalfi Coast while working part time at a gelato shop- but it's a giant step away from where I was at. Every place has it's....thing...but leaving corporate was the best for my sanity. The copious amounts of racism mixed with flourishing mediocrity...weighed heavy on my psyche and nerves. No amount of working from home helped to appease the feeling of being under appreciated and knowing I would never be 'allowed' to grow.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">So eff it...I left and switched lanes and have an abundance of inner peace and feel appreciated for what I bring to the table. The only thing is...we ARE STILL living in this world. Everything is heavy and a lot. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">One thing about my new job is that it really helps me to see outside of myself....to maintain my perspective and realize how much I have.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Oh man, I didn't do much (this year) but what I did do was EAT and DRINK well! Often with great people (still haven't seen all my people)...or by myself. Epic walks and laughs. Facetimes with me zooming in on my freckles and saying reckless things. Birthday dinners with Neil DeGrasse Tyson...okay he was at the same restaurant...or cozy Egyptian dinners....Japanese dinners....Mexican dinners...Iranian dinners....French dinners....</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">For me, there was a lot of good...with the bad. Depression has been a struggle and maintaining my health...seeing the hope in caring for myself because feeling hopeless leads to me not caring how well I am...</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">2022 has to be better still...and hopefully I will feel comfortable enough to get back on a plane (it's been about two and half years) and change up the scenery.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">I hope for safety for myself and my peoples. I hope we all keep a perspective. I hope we are all okay.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Oh and here's an end of year music mix I made... <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1n1i8dzqVB1OaHlGR5q3XC">Ass Poppin Out of 2021</a></span></p>Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-24575200963064575682021-10-22T16:15:00.003-04:002021-10-22T20:45:30.177-04:00Love Taps: A Chronicle of Cashmere Series<p> ***This is the third and final installment of my fanfic about me and Chris Evans. Some may call it a love letter. I call it a well versed thirst trap. Chris holla! Here is the third and final <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0sohY8QvySboeB8vSp4MQI?si=c74dd43307c3435f">soundtrack</a> to go with the chapter.</p><p>You can find the first chapter of the fanfic<a href="https://chroniclesofcashmere.blogspot.com/2021/08/unchained-melodya-chronicles-of.html"> here</a> and the second <a href="https://chroniclesofcashmere.blogspot.com/2021/08/dont-leave-mark-chronicles-of-cashmere.html">here</a>. Truly hope you enjoyed it and as long as Chris stays fine, not racist and smart, I'll have more stories about him.***</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">1-</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span> The exit sign to the bowling alley began to blur because Tiana was staring at it for so long. Marlo and Nadine surround her, looks of concern on their faces.</span><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"What's up?" Marlo asks.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"What do you need us to do?" Nadine asks. They knew when to swoop in. Their friends boyfriend punching a dude out and then leaving with another woman was 'swoop worthy'.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>Tiana shook herself from her trance, "Nothing, nothing. Let's just continue on..." As soon as she said that Scarlet reappeared looking like the cat who swallowed the canary. A few seconds later Chris appeared. Tiana felt that punch to her gut again. Chris walks over to Sebastian who is still sitting on the floor, he helps him up and takes him towards the exit.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"> The rest of the night seemed to be a blur of people talking around Tiana and everything sounding like it was underwater; her brain was processing what happened and Chris would appear but never near her. Finally she had enough and asked Marlo and Nicole to get her home. Without a word, they were outside and getting in an Uber SUV.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"So he punched Sebastian....and then..." Tiana was thinking out loud.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"Then took that ho outside and then came back and just seemed to avoid you." Nadine says.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"So he was avoiding me right? I am not crazy?" Tiana looks to both of her friends.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"Yeah....he seemed to be actively avoiding you." Marlo says thoughtfully.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>Just as Tiana was about to let a few expletives out she feels her phone vibrating. Chris is calling her. She takes a deep breath and answers.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"Chris..." she says, she knew her tone was lethal.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"Where are you?" he seemed to match her tone.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"I left."</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"That's fucking obvious-"</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"Chris, there was a lot that happened and I need to process. Can we talk tomorrow?" Tiana takes a few meditative breaths.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">He was silent for a while, "I'll come to you." The click indicated that he hung up, but Tiana still held the phone to her face. At least she had time to think about how she would approach all that happened...mostly why? Was Chris upset that Sebastian was with his...woman? Was there something that happened or was happening with Scarlet? He seemed to spend all his time when he wasn't working, with Tiana but that didn't mean that she was just a place holder for someone else. Tiana wished she could forget the look on Scarlet's face when she came back into the bowling alley, like she won. With Chris avoiding her during the rest of party, the writing appeared to be on the wall.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">Marlo and Nadine took turns patting Tiana's hand or knee knowing that silence was best because their friend looked broken in a way that words could not possibly express or console.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">----</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span> He sat in his car a bit before he walked to her doorstep. He did not want to do this, he felt a heaviness and his usual darkness that had been kept at bay start to surround him again. Chris seemed to blink and be at Tiana's door. She opens the door a few moments after he knocks. She looks sad and beautiful- his arms were around her before he could stop himself. He didn't know he was holding his breath until he felt it release when he felt her hold him back.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>Their connection so deep he barely had to say a word. She knew. He explained that as much as he wanted to be with her, he wanted it to be good and with the 'Sebastian thing' it wasn't. He said he needed to figure out the 'Scarlet thing' as well...but he failed to explain that it didn't mean he wanted to be with Scarlet. He needed to understand what her feelings for him were and if he lead her on. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>Chris couldn't put his finger on it, but there was a moment when he knew he lost Tiana. He lost her and a chance at being his happiest. She listened and understood but the distance he felt from her grew to be unbearable. She stood at her window, arms crossed - almost as if she were holding herself. He walks over to her and she was in arms again. Soft kisses eased into clothing being tugged off, they never stopped kissing or touching each other as they made their way to Tiana's bedroom. The mutual feeling of needing each other and having to said goodbye led to a fiery passion that they couldn't contain. Chris wanted to take back everything said as Tiana rode him slowly while nipping as his neck...never coming out of her, he flips her on her back and tries to wordlessly let her know that he was hers and that he could never let her go.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">He slowly opens his eyes and smiles remembering where he was. One of his long muscular arms searches for her body to pull close to him but he is in the bed alone. His eyes search for her and there she is watching him from her vanity chair. She has on his t shirt and he sighs because again she was so beautiful but looked so sad.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"I have to go to a few fittings for the premiere and press junket...." She stands and stretches, and before she reaches her bathroom, "...please don't be here by the time I am done showering." The bathroom door gently closes. Chris stares at her ceiling, heartbroken.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><br /></p><p>2-</p><p> Tiana was thankful for her East Coast roots. She felt it gave her the ability to go into 'protection mode'. This meant compartmentalizing- she went about her days working and acting seemingly normal, then she would go home and cry until her face hurt. Feelings were a bitch. She would allow herself to dwell in the confusion and grief. Confusion because Chris didn't seem like he wanted to break up...the feeling of walking out her bathroom after she asked him not to be there, and there he was. Sitting on the edge of her bed head in hands. Then he says 'just give me time' and he kissed her in that way that he did that left her unable to function.</p><p>That was a month ago and since then it has been 'radio silence'. Tiana tries hard not to check 'her resources' to see if there are any stories about he and Scarlet- there didn't seem to be any. It was the little things. Eventually, Tiana knew she would have to interact with Chris during the press junkets, and she was building herself up to be able to do that.</p><p>She tried to focus on the excitement of going international. The initial press and premiere would be done in London, then New York and then L.A.. Tiana immersed herself in dress fittings which were made fun by her friend and up and coming designer Zendaya- just one name. She was actually great enough to just go by one name...and after Tiana was styled by her she would be the buzz of Hollywood. Tiana just asked that she didn't forget her when she 'made it big'.</p><p>As always, just when Tiana got to a place where she saw herself getting over Chris something would happen to knock the wind out of her. This time she decided to ride a bike to Venice Beach and check out this coffee shop her friend Nadine recommended. The bike ride was exquisite and made Tiana extra excited to explore Venice Beach. She entered the 'groovy' little cafe with its smells of coffee and cinnamon in the air. An old Blues Traveler song played in the background not interfering with the low chatter. As Tiana looked up at the menu, her skin began to get tingly...then the butterflies in her stomach...she looked around the cafe and met Chris's eyes. He was at a table with Sebastian who was starting to turn around to see who Chris could possibly be looking at like <i>that</i>. Tiana darted out of the door before he fully turned around. She didn't understand why she felt the need to run but she knew she had to. Of all the cafes in Venice Beach he had to be at this one. She was leaning on the cafe wall outside to catch her breath, her eyes closed. As she opened them, there was Chris standing in front of her with a mix of amusement and...something else in his eyes.</p><p>"The place is great, please don't let me keep you from it..." He smirks and starts to stand a little too close to her.</p><p>She wanted to wrap her arms around him, but instead she chose to hurt him so she could just get on her bike and head home, "I was meeting a date and thought it would be awkward." His expression doesn't change.</p><p>"Really?" He crosses his arms over his well defined chest.</p><p>"Yeah...I should go." Tiana takes out her phone as if she needed to use it. Chris stands in front of her.</p><p>"Don't do that. Don't lie to me...I am hurting just as much as you and I don't want to be with anyone else. I just don't want what we have to get marred by mess..."</p><p>"And you have to work through all these new feelings- I get it. Just don't expect me to wait around for you while decide who you want to be with-"</p><p>"There's no question about that." His arms are down at his sides, and he is still in front of her.</p><p>Tiana leans her forehead against his chest. At the time it felt like the best way to process this.</p><p>Chris rubs her shoulders, "Just give me a little more time. Please."</p><p><br /></p><p>----</p><p><b><u>London</u></b></p><p>Evan Peters eyed a few of the treats laid out on the table. He thoughtfully sips his tea as he paced and tried to decide if he wanted a biscuit or a muffin that they added for the Americans. His thoughts are interrupted by one of the actors from the cast he was interviewing. It was Hasan Minaj, he smiles at Evan and then grabs a parfait off the table. </p><p>"Hallo mate..." Hasan says in a bad British accent. Evan rolls his eyes and nods quickly. Suddenly there is a melodic laugh that makes them both look towards the door. After a few moments Tiana enters on her cellphone, she ends her call when she sees them.</p><p>"Ah hello..." she says and immediately goes over to Hasan. They hug and start to speak to each other in low voices. Though she maintained eye contact with Hasan, Tiana could feel that Evan's eyes never left her.</p><p>Slowly, the green room filled with more cast and a few producers, Tiana tried appear seemingly calm as she eyed the door for Chris. She managed to avoid him since the run in at the cafe`-though he text her to travel safe to London. As she moved to place herself far away from the entrance, she realized she forgot about the interviewer Evan Peters who was eyeing her like a crumpet...who she just bumped into.</p><p>"Oh,,,sorry." she says. He eyes her up and down and then looks intensely into her eyes.</p><p>"Hello Ms. Jordan. All good, are you a bit nervous?" His eyes were intense, he found Tiana ravishing. He decided post interview he would make himself available for drinks with her. If she were the typical up and coming actress he was used to, he would be inside her before Big Ben stroke midnight. He smirks.</p><p>Tiana steps back, his smirk was one of the creepiest things she had seen in a while, "I guess." She looks to make eye contact with someone to save her and....its Sebastian. Just as she looked for anyone else, she feels a hand on the small of her back and looks up to see Chris.</p><p>He holds his free hand out, "Hello Evan, Chris Evans," He smiles his winning smile, Evan tries to add a bit of strength to his handshake but it was no match for Chris.</p><p>"Mr. Evans. Looking forward to a lively interview. Very excited about this movie, have only heard good things." He meets Chris's eyes but continues to look over at Tiana.</p><p>"Thank you. I have a great cast-including my fantastic leading lady," Chris looks at Tiana and she smiles up at him.</p><p>"Yes she is fantastic." Evan eyes Tiana up and down again.</p><p>"Can you excuse us? Tiana I need to go over a few things with you and Hasan." Chris briefly nods at Evan and leads Tiana out of the room. They continue walking until they find an empty room.</p><p>"Uh where's Hasan?" Tiana looks around and then feels like an idiot. She turns to find a pacing Chris; he appeared to be upset.</p><p>"Just give me a minute. I had to get out of there or I was gonna punch that dude...the way he looking at you."</p><p>"I'm an attractive woman..."Chris smiles and stops pacing and goes to stand in front of Tiana. </p><p>"You are beautiful....stunning....," he lifts up her chin and gently kisses her lips,"...mine. Let's have dinner tonight...please."</p><p>"I'll think about it." Tiana took a deep breath and started to leave the room. Chris's cashmere covered arm wraps around Tiana's waist from the back and then spins her around to face him. He begins kissing her neck as he makes her walk backwards until she was against a wall. His hands are on her thighs as he begins shimmying her dress up. he drops to his knees and looks up at her.</p><p>"Hoping this will make you lean towards a yes and make you...less nervous." He kisses her inner thigh...</p><p>Tiana gasps and lifts a leg to put on Chris's shoulder.</p><p>--</p><p> A very relaxed Tiana decided to head back to the hotel post interview, she moved especially quick when she saw Evan making a b-line for her. As she made her way through the Savoy Hotel lobby she felt her phone vibrate.</p><p><b>Hasan: Pub crawl tonight. Meet in lobby at 10!</b></p><p><b>Tiana: Ok!</b></p><p>She sighed because now she had an excuse not to meet with Chris...though deep down she wanted to. She taps the up elevator button as her phone vibrates again.</p><p><b>CE: It's good we are having dinner at 8 so that gives you enough time not to back out because of that pub crawl...</b></p><p>Tiana smiles and rolls her eyes.</p><p><b>Tiana: You know me too well... where are we meeting?</b></p><p><b>CE: I'll have a car pick you up at 7:30</b></p><p>After a long shower and choosing a dress she hoped would drive Chris mad (goes to London once), she makes her way downstairs to wait for the car Chris sent. Within minutes of stepping out of the doors, a black Bentley Continental pulls up. The driver steps out and goes to the open the back passenger door for her. To her surprise as she slides in, there is Chris in a damn fine burgundy velvet suit. She was glad she chose the dusty rose silk slip dress- the perfect compliment to his suit.</p><p>"Wow..." even in the dark, Tiana could see his eyes sparkling. Chris takes her hand and turns it to kiss her inner wrist.</p><p>"You look handsome...you didn't have to go all out because of Mr. Peters." She laughs as Chris gently bites her wrist.</p><p>"That wanker has nothing on me." He says and interlocks his fingers with hers.</p><p>They arrive at a restaurant that appears to be closed but as they go inside Chris explains that he had the restaurant shut down so they could dine alone. A private moment with just the chef and a lone waiter. A set table in the middle of the restaurant lit only by candlelight. Tiana knew of romance and played 'it on TV'; this was really happening to her. Romance. There were the butterflies and uncontrollable way she smiled. Slowly, the thoughts....the memories crept back up and she didn't allow herself to get caught up in it. Right now, Chris was into her and didn't want to see her with anyone else. Unfortunately, she was in love with him and needed to remain in protection mode.</p><p>He tugs her hand to lead her to the table; he pulls a chair out for Tiana to sit. As they take their seats, a waiter sets champagne glasses down, shows Chris the bottle and after he nods, he pours.</p><p>Clink! They tap they glasses and lock eyes as they sip.</p><p>"Mmmmm- that's a good year." Tiana says, she squints at Chris as he is doing his amused smile.</p><p>"Are you pretending to know champagne?" He asks.</p><p>"Maybe." Tiana shrugs, he chuckles.</p><p>"I hope you don't mind I set the menu for tonight-"</p><p>"Well, you are the director....always in control." Now Tiana smiled as Chris eyed her.</p><p>"You think I'm always in control...you don't think you have any control over me?" That question matched with his intense stare made Tiana shift a bit in her seat. Did she have control over him?</p><p>"I- do I make you feel like you've lost control?" </p><p>He sips his champagne, "Isn't that what love is supposed to do?"</p><p>Tiana gulps her champagne. If she could've run out the restaurant, she would've. "You're really trying to make sure I stick around while you....figure things out..."</p><p>"Maybe I'm done-"</p><p>She stops him, "Let's just enjoy this dinner and not say anything we can't follow-thru with."</p><p>Chris knew this would be hard, getting her back and he was willing to do whatever it took.</p><p><br /></p><p><b><u>New York</u></b></p><p><span> Since the cast and crew were small that went on these press tours, they enjoyed hanging out together. On this night post interview they decided to karaoke in K-town. The drinks flowed as the cast and crew took over a large room. There was laughter and no one seemed to notice Chris and Tiana being cordial but avoiding each other so no one could see that if they touched just once then their secret would be out. After a few drinks though, Tiana was feeling the moment and walked up to Chris who was chatting with Sebastian and nudged him. He smiles and nudges her back.</span><br /></p><p><span>"Let's do a song." She says.</span></p><p><span>"Um, what song would you like to do?" He smirks, he stops himself from pulling her closer to him. He crosses his arms across his broad chest just in case.</span></p><p><span>"When I scream out Chris, just come up and grab a mic." She winks as she walks away. Chris does not take his eyes off of her.</span></p><p><span>"You are done for my friend." Sebastian puts a hand on Chris's shoulder.</span></p><p><span>"I know." His smile shows he doesn't mind it.</span></p><p><span>---</span></p><p><span><span> As Chris takes a sip of </span>Sapporo, the room seems to go quiet as he hears Tiana on a microphone, "Chris. Oh Chris Evans, please come to the stage now." There was no stage, just the front of the room. Everyone starts cheering as it was his first time grabbing a mic. Someone places a mic in his hand as his walks to the front of the room still holding his beer...again to keep from touching Tiana. </span></p><p><span>"What song we doin'?" His sparkling eyes cause the butterflies to reappear in Tiana's tummy. </span></p><p><span>"'Regulators'." She smiles as Chris nods.</span></p><p><span>"Am I Warren G or Nate Dogg?" He asks, as if saying 'challenge accepted'. He begins rotating his shoulders and cracking his neck. The room is 'ooooing' and clapping.</span></p><p><span>"Nate Dogg of course." She shrugs and begins bopping as the music starts.</span></p><p><span>They as the kids say: killed it! </span></p><p><span>Tiana was confident in her Warren G and was shocked at Chris hitting all of Nate Dogg's notes and not even needing to the read the words. They incorporated impromptu choreography getting the crowd into it. There were hi-fives and cheers when they were done. Chris was encircled by everyone being so shocked by his performance. He looked for Tiana and when they made eye contact he winked.</span></p><p><span>"That was great." Sebastian says, and seemed genuine.</span></p><p><span>Tiana nods and slips out of the room. She needed air. She wanted to hug Chris and show public affection-but she knew that wasn't in the cards. Once outside, she decided to walk back to her hotel which was in Tribeca. A long walk would clear her head and sober her up. She thought about London and all the secret moments she and Chris shared. At this point they appeared to be together, but she didn't know for sure. He never explained what happened with Sebastian or Scarlet...but they also couldn't resist each other so she went without an explanation.</span></p><p><span>"Tiana?" Tiana so deep in thought looks up to see Jesse Williams. Jesse was an ex who she forgot lived in New York.</span></p><p><span>"Jesse...hey." They briefly hug. </span></p><p><span>"Always with the furrowed brow over thinking..." He smiles. Jesse was still one of the most attractive people she had ever seen....but he was a demon. </span></p><p><span>"Always randomly popping up with unsolicited comments." She smiles, he laughs.</span></p><p><span>"What are you doing here? I thought you were in L.A.? Congrats on the new movie." He seemed sincere. Tiana remembered this was how he gets you. He is seemingly nice and interested...and then he just isn't.</span></p><p><span>"Thanks. I am still in L.A. but out here promoting the new movie."</span></p><p><span>"Hey, want to grab a quick drink?" His sparkling blue eyes are earnest.</span></p><p><span>"Sure..." Tiana shrugged. Perhaps this chance meeting would provide her with some guidance with how to wrap her head around the Chris situation.</span></p><p><span>Tiana let's Jesse lead her through the New York City streets, they wind up in Alphabet City in a bar that was just shy of dive. They find two seats at the bar and Jesse orders two 'whiskey neats'. This will be a <i>great</i> mix with all the soju Tiana had been drinking.</span></p><p><span>"So what have you been up to Jesse?" Tiana sips her whiskey.</span></p><p><span>Jesse proceeds to tell how he opened up a theatre and started his own theatre company in Brooklyn. He talked about collaborations and artist retreats. Then right as he was about to lean in for a kiss, he mentioned being married. Tiana backed away with a laugh. </span></p><p><span>She pats Jesse on the back, "Never change." She then stands and leaves. For her safety, she decides to order a Lyft home. Thankfully it came before Jesse came out after her.</span></p><p><span>The hotel lobby was pretty empty when Tiana entered. Just a concierge and a few people standing near the baby grand piano. When she got to her room, admittedly she was a little sad there was no text from Chris. She thought it was for the best because she just wanted to shower and fall into a deep drunken sleep.</span></p><p><span>---</span></p><p><span><span> The next morning Tina is awakened by the buzzing of her phone. She sees that Hasan is calling her.</span><br /></span></p><p><span><span>"Hey..." Sleep still layered in her voice.</span></span></p><p><span><span>"Wow you disappear and now you miss the crew breakfast...but I can't let you miss your flight. We meeting in the lobby in thirty."</span></span></p><p><span><span>"You are my G." He chuckles and they both hang up.</span></span></p><p>Tiana rushes about packing and getting dressed. As she exits the hotel elevator dressed and luggage in tow, she hears the song 'New York State of Mind' being played on the lobby piano. Though it sounded lovely she booked it to the counter to checkout. Then she hears Chris's laugh and looks over at the piano. There he was playing and laughing at something Hasan said. Tiana had no clue he played the piano. She walks over to the now crowd of her castmates and crew...and a few random ladies who were swooning. Tiana totally understood.</p><p>"There she is! Hi-five!" Hasan is walking towards Tiana with a hand up in the air. Tiana reluctantly high-5's with Hasan.</p><p>Someone says the shuttle buses were there so everyone heads out, but the random ladies start clapping for Chris and telling him how handsome he is in accented English.</p><p>Once on the shuttle bus, Tiana goes to put her tote in the seat next to her when she looks up and sees Chris is looking down at her and the seat. Tiana puts the tote in her lap and wanted to gulp because though she didn't mind sitting next to him, his energy seemed real hot. Hot in an angry sort of way. After a few moments he hands her his phone, there is an article open on it.</p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><b>Starlet Tiana Jordan Seen With Theatre Wiz Jesse Williams</b></span></p><p>Underneath the title there was a picture of when she and Jesse briefly hugged. Tiana handed him his phone back and took hers out to text him.</p><p><b>Tiana: Ex I randomly ran into. He is married.</b></p><p><b>CE: Randomly ran into when you left the karaoke place with no word.</b></p><p><b>Tiana: I needed air.</b></p><p>"You are ridiculous." Chris says out loud- well to Tiana, not to the whole bus.</p><p>Tiana decided to continue being ridiculous and lays her head on Chris's broad shoulder. He leans in closer to her. She feels his warm hand find hers and he interlocks his large fingers with her smaller, slender ones. This was the beginning of a new reality for Tiana.</p><p><br /></p><p><b><u>Los Angeles</u></b></p><p><span> Tiana was amazed that somehow there is a picture of her 5 second hug with Jesse that started this obnoxious story about her having an affair with him. Jesse of course was enjoying his 15 minutes of fame. Always cheekily saying that Tiana and he were just good friendly exes. Tiana was amazed that no one caught she and Chris holding hands, or thought anything of them sitting together, or when he drove her home from the airport and stayed at her apartment for the weekend. He only left because he had to prep for the L.A. movie premiere. </span></p><p><span>Then an article came out about Chris and Scarlet being spotted out together and Tiana realized why no cared about them being a little 'bolder'....everyone thought..... no knew, Chris was with Scarlet.</span></p><p><span>To drown her sorrows, Tiana met up with Marlo and Nadine for Italian food and plentiful wine.</span></p><p><span>"Yooooo....I cannot believe this whirlwind romance!" Marlo takes a gulp of her wine and shimmies in her seat.</span></p><p><span>"It's something....I don't know if romance is the right term because of this Scarlet ho." Tiana sadly sips her wine. She feels her phone vibrating. When she finally looks at it she sees that it is Chris. The second round of vibrations cause her to go outside to take the call.</span></p><p><span>She takes a deep breath so would hopefully not sound drunk, "Hello..."</span></p><p><span>"Hey, where are you?" He sounded like lighthearted Chris. Like someone who wouldn't completely break your heart.</span></p><p><span>"Out. What's up?" The wine had her feeling a myriad of emotions. Going from 'aww Chris' to 'fuck Chris'.</span></p><p><span>"Okay. Well I just wanted you to know that I will be taking my mom to the premiere..."</span></p><p><span>"Great, so I am freed up for a date."</span></p><p><span>"Are you okay? I just didn't want you to be offended because I wasn't asking you." The tone was going into 'serious Chris' which could sound like 'angry Chris'.</span></p><p><span>"I never expected you to ask me so I am not upset." </span></p><p><span>"Where are you?" He almost growled.</span></p><p><span>Tiana sighed, "I'll just see you at the premiere." She then hung up and went on drowning her sorrows with various wines and her best friends.</span></p><p><span>----</span></p><p><span><span> Zendaya took a step back to admire her work. The lavender silk goddess dress that was draped on Tiana's body looked exquisite. Hair and accessories where perfection. Tiana's face looked like a sad statue.</span><br /></span></p><p><span><span>"You look magnificent...you just need to smile." Zendaya fluffs Tiana's hair for emphasis.</span></span></p><p><span><span>Tiana smiles but even she almost cringed at her reflection. The smile never reaches her eyes. The last couple of days of intentionally not communicating with or seeing Chris made her sad, but it was something she felt she had to do. At least for her own sanity....for her heart. It seemed like they wanted to be together but she still didn't feel confident in where she stood with him.</span></span></p><p><span><span>Tiana decided to go alone to the premiere. She just wanted to exist and be beautiful as she watched herself star in a major movie. This movie has already changed her life in so many ways and could be her 'push into 'it girl' status' or so her agent says. She fell in love for the first time which she knew to be true as her limo slowed to let her out onto the red carpet- even with all the turmoil she felt, she had butterflies in her tummy at the mere thought of seeing Chris.</span></span></p><p><span><span>As soon as her Jimmy Choo touched the carpet there were flashes. Blinding camera flashes- and then Tiana felt a familiar hand at the small of her back. She rapidly blinked to get her bearings and saw it was Chris in a deep purple blazer. She couldn't help but smile when she looks up at him.</span></span></p><p><span><span>He leans close to her ear, "I missed you." They then begin to walk up the red carpet together. The paparazzi was going wild- Tiana knew they looked great together.</span></span></p><p><span><span>"Ma..." Chris's Boston accent took its full form; he smiles as his mother walks over to them and he puts his arm around her too. </span></span></p><p><span><span>Chris's mom holds out her hand to Tiana, "It's nice to finally meet you!"</span></span></p><p>Tiana shakes her hand and then pulls her in for a hug, "It's great to meet you too, so awkward that it is this way." As they part, his mom winks and smiles at Tiana.</p><p>The rest of the carpet was a blur. Tiana didn't know how Chris timed it, but he knew to be there with her and made her first red carpet fun and less nerve wracking than she thought it would be.</p><p>"You look so beautiful." Chris whispers in her ear as they waited to be seated in the theater. His eyes sparkling as he took her in; he couldn't understand how she could infuriate him and ignore him yet the moment he is around her he is...giddy. The way she looks up at him, her eyes filled with excitement....sadness...love.</p><p>----</p><p><span> There was a standing ovation as the movie credits rolled. Chris was told he needed to go up to the small stage and make a speech, but he had a feeling when he left Tiana's side she would disappear from him...again. As if reading his mind, his mom loops her arm into Tiana's- who jumps with surprise. His mom gives Chris a knowing look. He goes to the stage with more confidence, not even feeling a little bit anxious because his heart was secure.</span><br /></p><p>He takes the microphone and looks down thoughtfully, "Thank you...I hope you genuinely appreciated this film," he pauses as the crowd claps again, "here come the clichés...this was a labor of love and I honestly could not have created this without my cast and crew. Everyone put their heart and soul into this. They helped to bring my vision to life and I will be forever grateful. This film felt different because I not only fell back in love with making film, but I actually fell in love for the first time. All around life changing experience, highly recommend. Thanks again for coming out and let's get a little wild at the after party!" He does the 'raise the roof' with his hands and the crown erupts again. Chris goes to look at Tiana, he wanted to look in her eyes as if to put an exclamation point on what he just proclaimed. He doesn't catch her eyes though, just her beautiful hair bouncing as she and his mom discussed something heatedly.</p><p>Still linked by their arms, Tiana and Chris's mom head to the after party. They tried to wait for Chris to make his way back to them, but then decided he would meet them there and it would give his mom time to really explain to Tiana that it was not like THAT with Chris and Scarlet. Tiana thought his love proclamation was about her and was about to escape the theater out of embarrassment, but was reminded that she was linked to his mom and she was NOT letting go.</p><p>Once at the after party, they make their way to the bar for drinks. After a few moments Chris strolls over to them and catches them discussing where to stand for which hor d'ourves. He smiles.</p><p>"Ladies." He kisses mom on the cheek and then looks at Tiana and kisses her on the lips. She smiles and kisses him again. He leans towards her ear, "Cannot wait to get you out that dress and tie you up-"</p><p>She pulls his head down and says in his ear, "What about handcuffs, they seem more like a love thing..."</p><p>"I am proposing with handcuffs." He smiles, she laughs. They kiss a few times more before they remember his mom is there and they were at very public party. Both giddy and excited, they knew they had all the time in the world.</p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">The End</p><p><span><br /></span></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-72955692237003017742021-10-04T21:29:00.000-04:002021-10-04T21:29:01.036-04:00Adjustments, Mercury Fucktrograde, FanFic.<p> <span style="font-family: verdana;">A few things:</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><u style="font-weight: bold;">Adjustments:</u> </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">So during the second half of this Panera Bread/panorama/pickle back/power puff girl/panic at the disco aka pandemic I was lucky enough to find another job. My previous job was in corporate where they would never appreciate me and weren't allowing me to grow....so I sought to be fulfilled and totally leave corporate and work for a non-profit. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">A vastly different environment, less people to interact with....and no working from home- since everyone is vaxxed- including myself- I have to go in for a full week. That shit was HARD to get used to....I had to start taking the trains again. As we know NYC mass transit kills my spirit- I mean besides this pandemic being filled with death and chaos...not having to take the train lifted a weight off of my spirit! I felt like I blossomed. My aura was clear. It was my one good thing.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">....but alas, now I am back to taking the train. My commute is shorter which is great, but being on mass transit with...people....is just exhausting.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">This pandemic also taught me to really listen to myself and truly take care of myself so sometimes I take cars either in or home- it helps immensely.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">A new job also means new personalities to interact with and for the most part everyone is kinder and chiller....but believe me assholes are always lurking but this ho (me) knows how to set boundaries and let people know in a professional way to: *ahem* fuck off.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b><u>Mercury Fucktrograde:</u></b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Yoooo...now usually I don't let these retrogrades affect my spirit but every now and then a retrograde really fists me deep. I will say every other retrograde. I just feel it....I try to fight against it with the power of manifesting a good outlook, buuuuuut sometimes a retrograde just laughs and sinks deeper into your ass...in a bad way.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">We are in one now until October 18th. I have been coping but almost brought to tears twice out of sheer frustration. Luckily, I've learned to just breathe and control only what I can.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Then I started re-crushing on someone- now thankfully this person isn't horrible I just did my usual 'I'm a Gemini and lose interest' thing. There is literally no reason for me to be crushing on this person...but then AHA! we are in a retrograde! We'll see how I feel around the 18th....</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I guess having a crush is a good thing...means I can still feel things. This person just needs to let me be and not fuck it up...</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b><u>FanFic:</u></b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I am working on the third and final chapter of my Chris Evans fanfic and it will be GLORIOUS...it has just been an intense time and when I go to write I am so drained and I want it to be good...I owe this to myself and Chris. It will be finished SOON!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Since I have been creating soundtracks for each chapter and the music is bountiful, I created a BONUS soundtrack for all the songs I feel go with the story but didn't make it on any of the soundtracks. <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3VsipHafK97dGl4iWrw5sS?si=c2387613e712429d">Listen</a>!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></p>Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-16385371402070369542021-08-27T16:07:00.003-04:002021-10-22T20:44:11.258-04:00Don't Leave A Mark: A Chronicles of Cashmere Series<p><b><i> **Here is the second installment of this Chronicles of Cashmere Series where I write a fanfic because I found out Chris Evans may be into BDSM. This is the first <a href="https://chroniclesofcashmere.blogspot.com/2021/08/unchained-melodya-chronicles-of.html">installment </a> and here is the soundtrack I created for it <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FAta96l2rje2Y6Mb1X80P">here</a>.**</i></b></p><p><b><i>**Here is the soundtrack for this chapter <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6wQndeUb7KVM3MQL8UQHh0">here</a>. Enjoy!!**</i></b></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>1-</p><p><span> Tiana was supposed to be in her trailer going over script revisions but she found herself thinking about the night before. The night when Chris Evans totally rocked, elevated and shook her world. They say still waters run deep...but what about still, calm and joyous. Chris had a serious side to him, but mostly he was cracking jokes or just quietly observing...who knew what his mind was conjuring. All Tiana knew was that his mind and body could conjure up some pretty spectacular things.</span><br /></p><p><span>She had never felt so vulnerable and satisfied. He eventually untied her hands and then let her tie him up and she was able to explore him...and all his tattoos. He was magnificent- and again- all the tatts are hidden by long sleeve tees and this idea one has in their head that he would never have that many tattoos. She remembers waking up at some point to him tracing her collarbone as he watched her sleep. He kissed her forehead and then pulled him to her and was soon asleep himself. As much as Tiana wanted to feel that warmth and intimacy that moment made her feel...she knew she had to keep her wits about her.</span></p><p>To get out of the 'amazing night of sex with Chris Evans' reverie, she decides to go on her phone and check what is going on in the social media streets. Just for 15mins and then it was back to work. She scrolled through the usual memes and articles about the world ending, and then she headed to the gossip. One day she hoped to be noticed enough to be lied about in a gossip rag but she really did enjoy her anonymity. Then a title to an article caught her eye: <b>Chris Evans and Scarlet Johansen Get Chummy On</b> <b>His Movie Set</b>. This would prove to be a must read for Tiana: </p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">The 'will they or won't they' friends of a few years were spotted on Chris's, 39, Toronto movie set. The friendly couple were holding hands and sipping coffee while scenes were being set up. Scarlet, 38, is recently single and has always (jokingly) said that she wished she was good enough to date Chris but she needed to get her act together. Both have denied ever being involved but this set visit could be the beginning of a very steamy affair.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">Tiana reread the blurb a few times before shutting off her phone and closing her eyes for a few seconds. Sure she could be dramatic and throw shit, but she knew what this was. Sure her feelings were hurt because even though she tried not to and it had been such a short time, she caught feelings. Or at least deep down had hoped she was wrong and Chris would fall in love with her and they would become a new dynamic Hollywood couple. Reality was like a slap....not to the face, but one of those good stingy pats Chris gave to her full ass. She sighed. He was right...that would be the last time they would ever do anything like that...and she couldn't say it would happen post production because she had to protect herself. At least they had that one amazing night...that she would have to relive for the rest of her life and only hope she could find someone else who would measure up.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">----</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"> <i> She was perfect</i>, Chris thought. Tiana had included the revisions and his notes in the scene and was giving a flawless performance. He tried to keep his 'directors hat' on and not undress her with his eyes. He tried not to remember how soft her skin and body felt against his. He wanted her again and he needed to restrain himself. He was making the rules, but had no self control.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"Cut!" He says. Tiana hugs her costar in the scene, and then smiles briefly at him. Her eyes barely meet his, "Great job you two. That's it for today. Thanks for making my job so easy." He smiles. Tiana gives him the thumbs up and starts to gather her things to leave. He felt like something was wrong and he honestly just wanted her close to him, "Uh...Tiana can you come here for a second." She walks over with a serene mask on her face. He felt that something was up.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"Hey, Chris what's up?" She was just about as good as he was with the casual indifference.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"Great work with the revisions- you are just handling this all very well. Honestly, I am just so impressed with you..." He moved closer to her, but still reasonably far away. He could smell the coconut in her hair.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"That's great to hear-"</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"Hey Tiana, wardrobe needs to see you for some fittings." Sebastian strolls up to she and Chris as casually as he could. He saw the way Chris was looking at her, and much to his surprise Tiana was the cool and aloof one.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"Well, I'm off....thanks again, Chris." The look she gave him told Sebastian all he needed to know. Tiana walks off and Chris can't take his eyes off her for a long while. Sebastian could see his wheels turning and knew he had to help his friend because for whatever reason this situation seemed different. Chris was usually good at hiding his attractions or who he was fucking, but at this point his boy almost seemed whipped.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"Yo...are you good?" Sebastian asks.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">Chris rolls his eyes, "I'm fine."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"Really? Because it looked like you were drooling all over your lead actress."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"I'm fine." Chris goes to watch the dailies...wondering what was up with Tiana. He would find out one way or another.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">2-</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span> The Lyft/Uber waiting area by the set was pretty empty and Tiana was thankful for it. She wanted to put on her headphones while she waited and just think about what to have for dinner, she didn't want to talk to anyone. Chris had been extra attentive all day, and being indifferent with him was exhausting. Her phone vibrates in her hand. It's a text from Chris.</span><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span><b>CE: I'm bringing my SUV around to pick you up- are you at your trailer?</b></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span><b>Tiana: No, I am in the area waiting for an Uber.</b></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span><b>CE: Cancel it. I am coming to get you.</b></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">Tiana looked at her phone a while and by the time she looked up, there was Chris in a silver SUV just looking at her. For some reason she didn't hesitate, she just opened the passenger door and hopped inside.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"This is....what is this?" Tiana asks, though butterflies appeared in the tummy. This felt right. Chris begins driving, as at ease as he seemed she could tell there was a storm brewing.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"We're going to have dinner...in Buffalo." He looks at Tiana briefly to see if she was ready to flee. Shock shown in her eyes and then amusement.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"Ah smart, you can't be seen with another woman in the same city you were spotted with your girlfriend."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"My what?" Chris sounded annoyed and he wondered if this was the thing he was sensing from her.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"Uh...your lady....your woman. Scarlet?" Tiana was able to keep her tone even and mostly playful because she wasn't upset by it, it actually helped her to keep herself in check. As lighthearted as she felt, Chris appeared to be seething.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"Scarlet is not my girlfriend. Gossip rags are your thing?" He sounded disgusted.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"Listen, they are trash...but...there is always a small grain of truth in the trash. Anyways, it doesn't matter....no one knows or cares who I am so we do not have to go all the way to Buffalo. We don't even have to have dinner when this is over...I think we both got what we wanted." She notices the car has slowed down because Chris has pulled over. He turns his full upper body to her. His eyes...Tiana almost wanted to open the SUV door and run. She knew they were still in Toronto at least.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"'We both got what we wanted'? So you wanted to fuck me and now you're good?" Chris knew he shouldn't be this upset because that was usually the scenario he longed for. He wasn't childish enough to feel this was just because Tiana hurt his feelings and that was a rare thing. He was upset because he thought they were on the same page.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"We are two consenting adults....what are we getting married now?" She knew she was overdoing the 'I don't care' vibe, but she didn't want to take the hurt in his eyes and get her hopes up.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">He looks at her a long while and then starts driving again, "No, we are going to your hotel." Then he was silent until they reached the hotel. He found parking and continued to silently walk beside her until they reached her room. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"I'm going to order room service, want anything?" She asks, she wasn't sure what was happening but she knew either way she was hungry.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">He sits on the couch in the small living room area she had The look in his eyes showed that he had minimal interest in food, "Cheeseburger and fries. Whiskey, one ice cube- Macallan 15." He leans his head back on the couch. Taking his eyes off Tiana for the first time. Though he was just staring at the ceiling, Tiana felt the need to run again. He was too calm.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">She calls in their order and after placing the phone back in the cradle, she leans on the desk to look at him. He was magnificent to look at. His long legs in a 'manspread' style...which Tiana knew firsthand he had every right to have his legs that wide. His shoulders were wide and his defined chest slowly moved up and down. His large hands rested at his thighs- muscular thighs you could see through his jeans. Tiana let herself imagine that his was her man. Coming home to him after a long day...</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">She walks over and straddles his lap. He smiles and places his hands on her hips and pulls her closer to him. They kiss, Tiana runs her hands through his hair. His hands go up and down her back, sometimes his hands would slide down to cup her ass. Though Chris was reluctant he slowly stops kissing her; he knew Tiana did not want to stop and was still grinding on his erection while kissing his neck.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"This is not a let's fuck once situation...it's a let's see situation." He says breathlessly and nips her neck.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">Tiana stops kissing on him, "An I like you and you like me...let's go with it situation." He smiles.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"Exactly. Just us though because I don't like sharing." He grips her ass to emphasize this.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"I am not the one entertaining Scarlet Jo-" He stops her with a kiss that took her breath away.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">----</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">As the film production continued and eventually came to a close, Tiana and Chris explored being together. Since they continued to keep it private they would go on dates in Buffalo- a whole other city, state and country to make sure they weren't caught. Besides the obvious amazing sex they had, they enjoyed being with each other in general, that's why Chris was grumpy when it was Tiana's final day on set and he knew he wouldn't be able to see her in a few weeks between traveling back to L.A. and post production.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">When they spent their last night together his spirits were eventually lifted and he decided to be present- well he had to because Tiana was riding his face and he really needed to be involved with that. They knew their last night together wasn't a goodbye, but they knew they would miss each other. Chris sometimes found it hard to verbally express his feelings so he hoped Tiana understood what he meant physically. He really liked her...he cared about her...and though he was a fully grown man, it was the first time he had ever felt that way about someone he was with sexually. Someone who enjoyed his kink and could also sit with him in silence or play darts at a bar. Tiana not only aroused and intrigued him...he could tell she cared for him too. She understood him. On that last night she held him post coitus while he nuzzled her neck and fell asleep- he had never done anything like that. It felt amazing.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">Always on the same page, Tiana's feelings grew deeper as well. She could not believe her luck of breaking out in a fantastic movie and possibly meeting the love of her life at the same time. It was hard leaving Toronto and knowing she wouldn't be able to spend time with Chris, but he always found time to FaceTime or call, and he always texted. She arrived back in L.A. a little sad but mostly excited for the prospects of doing the movie press junket- a first...and mostly being able to spend time with Chris publicly. Though she loved their private dates, finally being able to 'claim him' and just go to Malibu for sushi would just feel so right. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">She had only been back in L.A. a week when she was called to Chris's production offices. Though she was excited, she didn't have butterflies because she knew Chris was still in Toronto. That didn't stop her from texting him.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><b>Tiana: Heading to your offices- yay! You're not there- boo!</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><b>CE: Ah, yeah they need to schedule some voiceover work for a few scenes. I'll be there for those.</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><b>CE: I am back in town tomorrow. Do I come to you or can you please be at my place when I come in the door?</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><b>Tiana: I've never been to your place and don't have a key</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><b>CE: You can meet up with my brother to get that....just be there.</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">Tiana smiles as she texts</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><b>Tiana: ....with very little on</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><b>CE: My favorite!</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span> It was different being at Chris's production offices now. She was less nervous and definitely felt like she belonged. This time Sebastian greeted her and led her to his office. Chris explained that he and Sebastian met in college and were best friends. While Chris always knew film was his thing, Sebastian had been lost and trying to figure things out...but he always had Chris's back so he invited him to be his production assistant. It helped Sebastian focus and he found he loved the behind the scenes coordination of films.</span><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>Sebastian was always pleasant to Tiana but she always felt this underlying thing of animosity. She didn't think he was in love with Chris or anything like that. She felt it was more of a protective thing which she didn't mind...but that didn't mean it wasn't annoying.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"How does it feel to be back in L.A.?" He smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes. Tiana almost rolled her eyes at the fake, snarly undertoned small talk.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"Great. I go back to shooting the show next week."</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"That's good." He is looking at his laptop and begins typing, "Sorry, just getting back to Scarlet about Chris getting back tomorrow. They're going to want to see each other." He looks at Tiana again when she let a laugh slip out.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>Tiana did not mean to laugh, but what was Sebastian trying to do, "Okay...so the voiceover schedule."</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>Sebastian studies her a bit, "We can work around your TV schedule- it's just for a couple of scenes." He then leans back in his chair, "What's so funny about Scarlet and Chris?"</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"Nothing. Just didn't understand what that has to do with my voiceover schedule."</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"Well you're fucking Chris...and I was just hinting that you wouldn't have to worry about that anymore now that we are back in L.A.. So your schedule would be freer..." He smirks.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>Tiana raises her eyebrows and nods slowly, "Okay. So Chris has you handling his fucking schedule...that's funny because I haven't had to run things through you before..." She was practicing her breathing exercises so that she didn't pick up his laptop and beat him with it. A lot of these L.A. people always forgot that she was from the East Coast...New York to be exact...and Brooklyn prior to it becoming a haven for trust funds and the 'best of Iowa'.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"Chris has a hard time telling his...'fleeting friends' when things have come to an end. I think you are talented and this movie will skyrocket you....but you're not at his level and he will never be serious about you." He knew he had to be blunt with Tiana. She had heart, and he liked her but the facts were facts. He respected her keeping her composure, but he could see the hurt in her eyes.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"Okay. " She stands, "I'll email you my TV schedule." With that, she leaves his office and the building.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>Once outside, Tiana wrapped her arms around herself as if she had been punched in the gut. Chris wasn't a coward, he would tell her these things himself...<i>right?</i> She scanned her mind for any sign, but the small part of her came up. The part that always nagged in the back of her head. The part that said he was just playing a part-trying something new with her and would grow tired of her. The part that nagged that she wasn't good enough. The part that said he wouldn't allow himself to be hers because he didn't feel he deserved it.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>She took out her phone and called him before she lost the nerve. Before the tears started. He picks up on the first ring.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"Hey..." She could hear the smile in his voice, he was too good at this.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"I spoke with Sebastian and he made everything clear. So I won't be at your place tomorrow- it's best just for a clean break..."</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"What the fuck are you talking about?" </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"Chris I know this isn't serious and I am big girl who can take care of herself...but I also know that I have feelings for you so I can't just play along until you get bored...."</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"What the fuck are you talking about?!" She had never heard him raise his voice, especially to her so she was quiet a moment,</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"I have to go. I'll see you around." With that she hung up because she felt one tear already running down her cheek. He tries calling her back and she puts her phone in her bag and decides to walk a few L.A. blocks.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>Later while at home, she finally looks at her phone. Six missed calls and one text from Chris.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span><b>CE: I don't know what just happened but I will be seeing you tomorrow.</b></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">Tiana knew this would be the perfect time to take Marlo up on her offer for her to stay at her San Diego home. A long drive and weekend away would help to give Tiana some perspective.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">3-</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span> Chris tried to contain his want to repeatedly punch Sebastian in the face as they sat in a post production meeting. He finally heard what happened from Sebastian since Tiana had not returned his calls and seemed to have left L.A.. She eventually text him that she was just going away for the weekend. Alone- she knew she had to let him know something or he would do everything in his power to find her. Though Sebastian claimed he was protecting him and that it was from a good place, Chris didn't buy it. He went too far.</span><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>In his past he always handled his business, but Sebastian felt different about Tiana perhaps because he could sense that Chris had fallen for her...because she was not like 'the rest'. Sebastian also mentioned actually liking Tiana which was why he did what he did. Either way, Chris was infuriated. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>The only thing besides his work that made him not feel all 'doom and gloom' was knowing that Tiana would be coming in for the voiceovers. He would get to look into her eyes and let her know that he has no intention of letting her go.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"Do you want to go over the re-shoots?" Sebastian asks.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"Not now." Chris stands and walks to his office, and right on que you can hear his office door slam. Sebastian did not know he would be this upset...but he knew he may have just lost his best friend.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>----</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>Tiana paced in front of the production office building. She had magnificently avoided Chris and now she would no doubt see him. Just as she was about to open the door to the building, it swings open and there he is. Chris immediately takes her by the hand and leads her into the building and into his office. He closes the door gently behind them. Before Tiana can even grasp what just happened, he has her in his arms. His large hands cupping her face and then he kisses her. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>When they finally come up for air, he says, "We are not over."</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>Tiana wraps her arms around his waist, holding him close. "You are mine?"</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"Always." They begin to kiss again.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>----</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>With the air clear, Tiana proceeds with her post production work and as Chris walked her out he again held her hand causing some of his team members to try to hide their surprised expressions. She noticed that Sebastian wasn't around and the mere mention of his name almost made Chris's eyes turn black.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"So tonight I'm making dinner....just bring yourself and an overnight bag." Chris says. As they step out of his building, he looks for the car he called for her.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span>"Okay, I am meeting up with some friends for drinks and then I am all yours." She hugs him from the back. She stands on her tippy toes to lean her chin on his shoulder.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"Don't play cute...dinner will be promptly served at 8. You better be there."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"Oh I will because dessert always follows dinner..." She kisses his cheek and runs to the awaiting car before he pulled her back into his office for....some early dessert. She waves as she drives off and he winks at her.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">Chris felt relieved that he and Tiana were back on track but he knew at some point he would have to deal with Sebastian...right now though he mentally put together a shopping list for his visit to Whole Foods. Though his teams was shocked at how affectionate Chris had been with Tiana- they were happy to have to 'dark cloud' from over him and to see him smile again. Much like the smile he had as he reentered his office building. He was happy and quite possibly in love.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">----</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">It had been two months since Chris returned to L.A. and when either he or Tiana weren't working, they were together going out to dinner or going on hikes. Their friends and Chris's brother Scott all felt neglected so Chris and Tiana- mostly Tiana- organized a bowling night bringing everyone together. Chris bought out an old Hollywood styled bowling alley and invited his people. He had heard that people in relationships often try to keep their friends in the mix, he appreciated that though Tiana wanted to spend time with him she also needed to be alone or to just be with her friends. He knew that she let him keep a part of himself to himself because there was a part or herself she didn't share. One day, but now they had time to get there.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">Scott Evans and Tiana's friends Marlo Lane and Nadine Jones were the first to arrive. Just a few minutes in and they all seemed like they had known each other forver. Like Tiana, her friends were dynamic women who put Chris at ease too. He did enjoy when they would 'secretly' nudge Tiana and mouth <i><b>'damn'</b></i> in his direction.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">More people arrived, costars from Tiana's TV show and his film school buddies. There was music and a great energy, low voices and laughter. Chris was having a great time. Every now and then he would tug at Tiana for a kiss or she would absent mindedly sit on his lap while discussing the Game of Thrones ending with Scott. Then he felt a shift- Tiana had mentioned she invited Sebastian but he didn't think he would come... but there he was...with Scarlet on his arm. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">Tiana looks at Chris because he seemed to stiffen- and not in a good way- while she was on his lap.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"What's up?" She asks, he point his chin towards the entrance. Tiana sees Sebastian there with Scarlet and she thought inviting him was big of her...she thought he would've at least humbled himself but no he had to bring the bullshit. Suddenly she feels Chris tapping her hips for her to get up. She stands and he looks her in the eyes and then kisses her lips, an unspoken understanding.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">Chris walks over to Sebastian and punches him in the face. Sebastian falls to the ground like laundry thrown on the floor. The whole gathering seems to gasp and Tiana's mouth drops as Chris then takes Scarlet by the arm and leads her outside.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><b>To Be Continued</b>.... <i>What is going on with Chris and Scarlet outside? Will Tiana and Chris be each other's plus one to the movie premier? Stay tuned for the conclusion to this series.</i></span></p>Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-13782545952537470962021-08-20T17:21:00.006-04:002021-10-22T19:55:35.008-04:00UnChained Melody:A Chronicles of Cashmere Series<p><i><b> **So thanks to my slight TikTok addiction I found out Chris Evans is a private freak. Into whips, chains and them thangs. So knowing that I bruise easily and am a lightskint Black person, I realized I still wouldn't care if Chris was the one doing the handling of my ass. Of course that meant writing a fanfic involving he and I exploring this..... Enjoy!**</b></i></p><p><i><b>** I also created a soundtrack to go along with the series! </b></i><a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FAta96l2rje2Y6Mb1X80P">Unchained Melody Soundtrack</a> <b><i>**</i></b></p><p><br /></p><p>1-</p><p><span> This wasn't going to be a typical audition. Tiana could tell by the waiting area. It was dimly lit with cozy plush chairs and the scent of vanilla in the air, a Pottery Barn catalogue brought to life.</span><br /></p><p><span>"Have a seat and the team will be right with you." the young woman says, she shifts a little in her heels showing discomfort but still manages to sashay in a way that even made Tiana watch her walk away.</span></p><p><span>Anything to take Tiana away from her present situation where she was preparing to audition for a role in a Chris Evans directed film. A Chris Evans directed film would be her ticket out of sitcom land and the 'bit part best friend', and fast track her to brunches with Lupita Nyongo and her pick of projects. She just had to get through this process and show she had the range.</span></p><p><span>The film was about a group of friends in their 30's who band together to help kill their one friends whole family. It was supposed to be indie, provocative, raw. Tiana was auditioning to play the level-headed friend who tries to talk them out of doing this. Sure the character felt boring, but she knew she could add something to it to at least make one notice her on the screen. She didn't want to just rely on her auburn curly hair and her freckled cheekbones- her face was her ticket into many doors. Tiana was pretty but not intimidatingly so. Pretty enough to hold interest, but not enough to make women hate her.</span></p><p><span>She just had to get past her usual nervousness and the fact that she would be auditioning for thee Chris Evans. He was a young director, but well respected and everyone who worked with him either won or was nominated for an Oscar. He seemed to require an easy going set even with an intense work ethic. Tiana was afraid he would see right through her and tell her to go back to laugh tracks and one liners. The thing that gave her slight confidence though, was the fact that Chris's 'people' were seeking her out. Well 'fact' is a stretch since it was coming from her agent.</span></p><p><span>"Ms. Jordan, they are ready to see you now." The same young woman in the heels seemed to appear out of nowhere. She then led Tiana down a fluorescent lit hallway to an unmarked closed door. She turns to Tiana, "This is your moment to take a breath because once you go in, they are watching everything." She winks and then whispers, "You're my favorite character on 'We Were Never Friends'." With that she walks away with a little pep in her sashay.</span></p><p><span>Tiana does take her moment to collect herself and was especially happy she had her sides memorized. There would be no shuffling of papers. Just her walking in with a cashmere sweater that skimmed her ample bosom but in a way that said she loved her body and that she also knew her body could possibly get her this role. Hollywood!</span></p><p><span>Her new found limited confidence caused her to open the door and upon seeing Chris Evans sitting alone with a camera faced towards her, the confidence left causing her to stay frozen holding the door open. They both seemed to be frozen. She in the doorway and he sitting in a 'thinker' position staring at her. His eyes sparkled and there was an energy that almost knocked Tiana off her feet.</span></p><p>Chris slowly smirks, "Ms. Jordan, please step in and close the door behind you." Though he sounded pleasant, there was an authority to his voice that made her want to step out of the room and then close the door. She couldn't do that though. She had come too far.</p><p>Tiana steps in and closes the door behind her and really takes in that it is just them in the room, "I'm sorry, I thought there would be more people."</p><p>"Will this be a problem? My production staff had to take care of other duties and I didn't want to delay your audition. I can have my assistant sit in if you are uncomfortable." Again, he sounded so pleasant but it all made Tiana want to run and hide. Between the nerves and his eyes never leaving her face she was afraid her blushing would ruin her face for the camera.</p><p>"No this will be fine. Let me know when you're ready for me to begin." She smiles, a look comes across his face that he quickly shakes away.</p><p>"Begin..."</p><p><br /></p><p>2-</p><p><span> It had been two weeks since the audition and Tiana was now at a sushi bar with one of her best friends Marlo Lane. She and Marlo went to college together except while Tiana ditched her psychology degree for 'fame'. Marlo went on to be a doctor and is a practicing psychologist in Los Angeles! Needless to say, though Tiana had some TV success and could pay for dinner, Marlo was rolling in it and always paid for dinner.</span></p><p><span>They were sipping sake and excitedly talking about everything but the audition because Tiana had not heard anything and really thought she did a great job. I mean Chris Evans had no reaction but he asked her a lot of questions about why she is an actress and why this film...and just seemed to generally not want the audition to end in a real subtle way. Perhaps Tiana read that all wrong but one of the things she prided herself on was her lack of delusion which was tough in L.A..</span></p><p><span>She feels her phone vibrate because one of she and Marlo's dinner rules: no phones out. Her eyes pleaded with Marlo. </span></p><p>"Can I answer this? Or at least look to see who it is?"</p><p>"Yes!" Marlo seemed to almost want to reach across the table into Tiana's pocket. When Tiana see's it's from a random number she felt cautiously optimistic- at least it wasn't her mom again.</p><p>"Hello?" She tried to sound like she wasn't on her second bottle of sake.</p><p>"Ms. Jordan, hello..." His voice almost caused her to drop her phone and run home from the restaurant...which would've been impossible. Chris Evans was calling her. Not his assistant who loved her character on a TV show. He was calling her. She shuts her eyes to really concentrate on not sounding drunk- then Marlo hits her hand. She opens her eyes to see her mouth 'go outside'.</p><p>"Yes, let me step outside. Is this Mr. Evans?" She tries to mask her buzzed-ness with cute humor. There was silence. "...uh hello?" She asks once she is outside.</p><p>"Yes this is Chris. I was giving you time to step outside so you could hear what I am about to say." </p><p>Tiana hoped he didn't hear her gulp, "I can hear you clearly."</p><p>"Good. I want to give you the lead in the movie. I know you auditioned for a smaller role, but you are perfect for the lead- I just hope this won't conflict with your schedule since you thought you would only be shooting for a week and now it will be two months." </p><p>Tiana is shaking, now it was her turn to be silent. <i><b>Was this really happening?</b></i></p><p>"Ms. Jordan?"</p><p>"Yes! Sorry. Thank you! I'll make my schedule work." Everything came out in spurts, but she knew to limit herself or she would say the wrong thing and somehow ruin this 'reality dream'.</p><p>"Great. My assistant will be in touch. Another thing Ms. Jordan...."</p><p>"Uh, yes..."</p><p>"When we are done filming I would like to take you to dinner...I don't want to start anything while filming as to cause rumors and possibly make people think you don't deserve this role-"</p><p>"Oh shit..." Tiana says breathlessly. Now she really needed to determine if she was having a sake open eyed dream!</p><p>"Are you okay?" She could hear the smile in his voice.</p><p>"I just thought I heard you say you wanted to take me to dinner....and I've been drinking a lot of sake tonight."</p><p>"You did hear that correctly, and perhaps when I do ask you out to dinner you will be sober. For now, we'll be professionals..."</p><p>"Of course." She could feel her heartbeat through her entire body. She felt this energy between them- and he was obviously attractive- but she knew it was more than that. There wasn't much known about Chris personally so Tiana wasn't sure what his type was. Man, woman...robot. </p><p>"Thank you for this opportunity and I look forward to working with you." Tiana almost jumped in the air to celebrate her moment of sake clarity and ability to put together a rather decent sentence.</p><p>"I look forward to you." He says and she hears the line <i>click</i>. She stands outside a while still holding the phone to her ear. </p><p>When she was able to pull herself together, Tiana sat back down with Marlo. She proceeded to tell her friend about getting the role- which caused them to order more sake- and then how Chris intended on asking her out after the movie to which Marlo felt the need to exclaim <i>'Oh shit!'</i> several times. They agreed that the main thing was getting the lead role and that the Chris Evans wanting to take Tiana out was a whole other thing they couldn't comprehend at the moment. Marlo did say she respected him wanting to wait and that may mean he sees her as a potential partner. Tiana felt that maybe he tried the whole fucking a starlet thing and didn't want the mess. </p><p><br /></p><p>-----</p><p><span> Chris held her headshot in his hand, looked at it a bit longer then placed it with the rest of his notes and pictures for the upcoming movie shoot. He felt the excitement of prepping a new film, but more so the anticipation of having her. He knew he was getting ahead of himself because he simply asked her out for dinner...but he knew where he wanted it to lead. </span><br /></p><p><span>He remembered when he first laid eyes on Tiana, he was having dinner at Chateau Marmot and she walked in with her agent. L.A. was filled with beautiful women, that was not why Chris noticed her, he noticed how she walked, an innate confidence. That, mixed with an amused look as if she didn't take herself seriously. He only noticed because it was so rare in this town. He was intrigued.</span></p><p><span>"Ah, that's Tiana Jordan. Definitely hot, does sitcom work....seems she worked to get it haven't heard about anyone she's fucked-" Sebastian Stan, Chris's production assistant stops speaking when he see's Chris is glaring at him now.</span></p><p><span>"So crass, Seb. What show is she on?" His eyes go back to Tiana, who is laughing at something. He smiles in response. She has an inviting face, but there was something behind her eyes...also the way her hair bounced made him shift in his seat a little.</span></p><p><span>"She's done a few bit parts but is on that 'We Were Never Friends' show." Sebastian goes back to his burger because he knew how this would play out. Chris would quietly 'stalk his prey', then acquire this prey, and then grow bored when the prey develops feelings for him and quietly steps back into the shadows almost as if he was never there. The women are left heartbroken because he's such 'a catch'; they know there is no other feeling like having Chris's full attention.</span></p><p><span>Chris watched Tiana a bit longer before he decided he was verging on being creepy. He seemed to have logged her face and luscious body into his memory. Once he was home he would binge the show she was on. He hoped it wouldn't be too horrible to watch.</span></p><p><br /></p><p>3-</p><p><span> The movie was being shot in Toronto one Tiana's favorite cities. The weather was mild and when she wasn't shooting she would explore the city by herself finding a new place to eat or have a chat with a local about the art scene. Mostly she was avoiding being around Chris any longer than she needed. He was an amazing director and was so helpful and straight forward, but this made it harder for her not to want to have that dinner with him so she should stare into his sparkling greenish blue eyes more. When he thought she wouldn't notice she would catch him studying her. It was rare, but when they were alone in a space she could feel currents...waves of energy between them. He almost seemed strained not to move closer to her. It was all very subtle though, no one would ever guess he was counting down the days until production was over and he could...have her.</span><br /></p><p><span>The only time he would almost slip is when her film husband Hasan Minaj would flirt with her between takes. Tiana and Hasan had known each other for years since they were always at the same sitcom auditions. Hasan was handsome and fun-loving, but he was also very L.A. and Tiana was more lowkey. She didn't mind the attention from him especially when she would see fireballs appear briefly in Chris's eyes before he put his veil of indifference back on.</span></p><p><span>"Earth to Tiana!" Hasan says, a smile on his face as he strides up to her as she sat outside her trailer preparing to leave the set for the day.</span></p><p><span>"Hey, wassup?" She stands and stretches. When she goes to grab her duffle bag, Hasan's hand swats it away as he picks it up. "Ah, such a gentleman." They begin walking in the direction of the Lyft/Uber pick-up area.</span></p><p><span>"So a few of us are going to grab drinks and since you don't have to be on set until tomorrow night I figured you had no excuse but to join." He wiggles his eyebrows. Tiana wanted nothing but a shower, ordering room service and falling asleep with her TV on as a lullaby...but she knew part of the filming experience was going out a few times with the cast and crew. She wanted to do more films she had to establish herself as a gracious leading lady.</span></p><p><span>"Sure, can I go change?" </span></p><p><span>"Giving you an hour. I'll come scoop you up." He smiles and hands her the duffle bag. She winks at him- then almost falls over as she sees Chris Evans walking towards them. There were the brief fireballs again...and then the veil.</span></p><p><span>"Oh hey Chris..." Hasan says.</span></p><p><span>"Hasan, Tiana. Good work today." He smiles and then continues on. Tiana and Hasan both nod and smile.</span></p><p><span>"Hey Chris..." Hasan says, Tiana's eyes go wide. "We are going for drinks later at The Roundaboot if you wanted to join." Tiana almost started shaking her head <i>no</i>. It was one thing to see him on set, they were professionals....but what would happen when there were drinks and casual conversations?</span></p><p><span>Chris stops and looks at Hasan, indifference still on his face. "Sure." He looks at Tiana and smiles almost wickedly, and then walks away.</span></p><p><span><br /></span></p><p><span>----</span></p><p><span><span> Tiana sat in the back of her Uber going over the days events and how she would get through these cast drinks now with Chris Evans being there. That smile he gave her made her tingle. Suddenly her pocket was vibrating, it was a text. A text from Chris Evans or as he appeared on her phone: <b>CE</b></span><br /></span></p><p><span><span><b>CE: I'm sorry if I am intruding on your time with Hasan but I need to ensure that we have our dinner...that's if you're still interested.</b></span></span></p><p><span>She almost drops her phone. Her heart thuds. <i>Still interested? </i></span></p><p><span><span><b>Tiana: I was just invited before you to this group event. I'm slightly disturbed that you aren't into healthy competition. I hear it maintains interest.</b></span></span></p><p><span><span>Tiana could never shy away from banter. She felt Chris would be smart enough to keep up.</span></span></p><p><span><span><b>CE: Competition? Just don't want you distracted by the shiny object.</b></span></span></p><p><span><span><b>Tiana: Lol- Hasan is far from shiny, but I am a single lady who won't have to worry about career climbing if I go to dinner with him....</b></span></span></p><p><span><span>She smiles as she typed and then she waited for the three dots to appear. She waited some more. She had arrived back at her hotel with no response from Chris. </span></span></p><p>While in the shower, Tiana decided she wasn't going to freak out. If Chris did come to drinks he would most likely stay away from her...she did like that he was little jealous of Hasan. Made her feel like she was in control, like he didn't know how she tried not to obsess over him. She fought against becoming a puddle of mess when he was around. How she anticipated seeing him. Two light knocks on her door.</p><p>She tightens her bathrobe around her. Luckily, she had just finished putting product in and fluffing her hair. She opens the door to Chris Evans. He filled her doorway, and without saying a word, with his eyes never leaving her face...he makes her walk backwards into her room and closes her door behind him.</p><p>Chris in his fitted cashmere sweater and dark jeans; he smelled like a dream. He stops her from walking by pulling her close to him. He runs his nose up and down her neck, then along her jawline. Suddenly his lips are on hers. His kisses start softly, then progress with more passion. A hand is tangled in her curls. Tiana could almost guarantee she had never been kissed like this before. She could barely remember her name much less the reasons he should not be opening her robe and caressing her breast. This was about to go to the point of no return. She pushes back from him breathless.</p><p>"Wait..." She says, he almost seemed dazed, but then immediately begins closing her robe.</p><p>"I'm sorry...I...I was coming to talk to you in person but when I saw you and smelled you...I just." He still has an arm around her waist. The raspiness in his voice made her want to rip his sweater off.</p><p>"I just think we should stick to our dinner plan. It's quite obvious we both want this and we have been doing so well..." He starts to pull away from her, but she wraps her arms around his neck. He smirks.</p><p>"Okay," He then leans close to her and whispers, "I don't want you fucking anyone until we have our dinner."</p><p>She holds his head close to her face, "As long as you don't." </p><p>He kisses her again, and bites her bottom lip before he leaves her standing in the middle of her hotel room with her robe slightly open. Tiana was savvy enough to know that whatever was happening with Chris was going to either ruin her or be the best thing she had ever done...either way her life would be changed.</p><p><br /></p><p>4-</p><p><span> The Roundaboot bar was dimly lit yet still seemed bright with its mix of subway tiled white walls and cream colored couches. Some of the cast and crew had taken over a small corner with a couch and a few wooden barstools. Tiana was at the bar with one of her costars awaiting their drinks. Everyone was buzzing and feeling good because production was going well and that's the kind of environment Chris liked to work in. Tiana tried to avoid staring at Chris and then stop having flashes of their encounter in her hotel room. She needed to be more like him. He stood casually holding a beer and chatting with a mix of cast and crew. He laughed, he smiled...and never made eye contact with Tiana. If they were near each other, he would do the nod and smile thing, but then move on to give his full attention to someone else.</span><br /></p><p><span>She wondered if he knew how this drove her crazy, but again she respected it. This is why these 'professional interludes' never work because everyone knows who's having sex and things get awkward. Tiana decided she needed to be more like Chris and just enjoy herself and act as if nothing happened.</span></p><p><span>Once she had her fill of conversations, flirting with Hasan and cocktails, she did her usual 'Irish exit' and simply faded away...towards the door then outside where she would order a car. </span></p><p><span>As she was about to open the Uber app a text from Chris appears....</span></p><p><span><b>CE: Leaving so soon....meet me at my hotel in 10 mins. Room 11D</b></span></p><p><span>Tiana's almond shaped brown eyes goes a little wide. She knew if she went to his hotel they would not be having dinner...or talking. Then she has a flash of him kissing her. Perhaps they could show some restraint...and it had been too long...and his lips.</span></p><p><span><b>Tiana: Okay.</b></span></p><p><span> As Tiana walked through the hotel lobby she tried to keep from briskly walking to the elevator, she didn't need to be breathing heavy when she arrived at his room, she needed to play it cool. She took a deep breath as she hit the up arrow. Once on his floor she felt herself sauntering to his door. She knocks.</span><br /></p><p><span>Chris opens the door after little bit. He has on a white t-shirt and drawstring pajama pants that Tiana tried not to stare at too long. She smelled food- he steps aside allowing her to walk in. She sees a table set up with poutine fries, salads and lobsters. A bottle of wine is chilling. The sound of the door closing behind her shakes her our of the deep thoughts. She realized she was hungry.</span></p><p><span>"I figured we did all that drinking, we would need to eat something. It will at least keep us from making some questionable decisions." He stands a little too close to her.</span></p><p><span>"I am hungry..." Tiana says, the look in Chris's eyes let her know that that came out a little risque`. She steps back and goes to grab a French fry. </span></p><p><span>With that they eat and talk about various things...how they both grew up on the East coast which is why they never got into the 'L.A.thing'...what brought them to Hollywood....who were worse sports fans- Boston people or New Yorkers....</span></p><p><span>The conversation flowed and admittedly Tiana knew her gut was right there was more to this...attraction, but she also knew she had to be cautious. She didn't believe in fairytales. She knew to someone like Chris she would just be another conquest. Since she was a grown woman who knew how to protect her heart, she would enjoy their time together and pick up what ever pieces of her were left to rebuild and move on.</span></p><p>They were sipping wine on his couch silently. It felt nice. Chris knew he was going against everything he usually did, what protected him but he couldn't help himself with Tiana. He felt safe. The connection was undeniable and haven't ever had these feelings for a woman he was attracted to, he was ready to explore. Silently, he put his wine glass on the table in front of the couch and then took hers and did the same. He stood and held out a hand to her. Fear flashed in her eyes and then she placed her soft honey colored hand in his. He pulls her to stand in front of him.</p><p>"If at any point you want to stop...just say stop." He says breathlessly as he pulls her off her soft v-neck tee.</p><p>Tiana can't recall how, but her hands were tied together to Chris's headboard. There was a lot of massaging and kissing and him taking both his and her clothes off...and now her hands were tied. Though she had never done anything like this, she had always been interested and with Chris whispering both naughty and reassuring things in her ears she felt like she could go there.</p><p>She notices he has stopped touching her and is standing at the foot of the bed staring at her. He is completely nude, her mouths drops.</p><p>"Tiana, I need you here with me at all times. No zoning out." His eyes never leave hers as he crawls over her. His dick grazing her thighs as he kisses her chin. "The only time I want your eyes to leave mine is when they close because I am inside you and you cannot help it."</p><p>Tiana swallows hard. She was both nervous and wanting. She bites at his chin. He chuckles.</p><p>"You are very beautiful and I am sure men probably couldn't help but finish too soon. I am going to go too slow...I want you to remember this...I want you to feel me even when I am across the room. We will not be doing this again until production is over....I just cannot wait...I have to have you. Do you want me?"</p><p>"Yes..." She had never wanted anything more.</p><p>"Good." With that he kisses her, pulls her legs around him and enters her fully causing her to gasp for air and her eyes to close.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>To be continued.....</b></p><p><span><span><br /></span></span></p>Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-85162219778285807582021-07-27T16:43:00.000-04:002021-07-27T16:43:02.704-04:00Dealer's Choice<p> <span style="font-family: arial;">It always 'delights' me to see what music is chosen for me upon entering my Lyft. My favorite choice is silence because I usually have my headphones and make my own soundtrack. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">With an ethnically Black American first name, a hip hop station is usually the go to- but my picture is paired with this name. I have the face of an ethnically ambiguous biracial woman. So the TOP Choice of music is usually a pop/dance station. Something young and vibrant. Most of the time I even know the songs and a lot of the time I am like 'what is this shit?'....but mostly I am pleased that I am thought to be young and possibly cool.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Then on Thursday, July 22nd I treated myself to a Lyft from work to the pharmacy where I was getting my 2nd dose of the 'pretty people' Pfizer shot. As I got into the Surbuban, Ardi my driver animatedly tells me the tales of trying to get away from the Holland Tunnel. Ardi was also cute and had a lil swag so I didn't mind listening. He had some beats playing in the background...and then....and then....he changed the station to a smooth jazz/elevator music station and made quick eye contact with me in the rearview mirror.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">What he saw in my eyes made him get quiet and focus on driving. He saw shock, horror, disgust... This was the station my DAD would play because all the new fangled music was shit.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">I leaned back in my seat defeated. At least I was a little less nervous about getting my second dose. Now I was in a full on downward narcissistic spiral of thinking my blacketh hath cracketh...and I look OLD AF now. Or like a woman who listens to smooth jazz *shudders*.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Mainly I was hurt because Ardi was cute and he was lowkey letting me know that I wouldn't fit into his 'lifestyle' as I am old and stale. So I put on my headphones to prove this gramma has wireless BEATS and could possibly be listening to some underground trance folk hip hop and NOT Nelly Furtado's debut album Whoa Nelly! (great album)....</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">When we reached my destination, I took off my headphones and was prepared to say peace and just run to get my death shot...but Ardi held me back and was letting me know he lived in Brooklyn and was tempted to just go home...and we chatted a little before parting ways. I realized that perhaps Ardi saw a HOT INDEPENDENT CAREER WOMAN who needed some chill at the end of her day. I keep forgetting that between these cheekbones, freckles and mysterious brown eyes...there's no way he would not want to stylize the inner walls of my vagina with his couture meat stick. I needed to chill and accept that people not wanting to fuck me is just not in the cards.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p>Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-24178827867080491792021-03-10T17:01:00.001-05:002021-03-10T17:01:36.030-05:00Remembering Happiness<p> <span style="font-family: arial;">Remember happiness?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">You know you are in your feels- whether it be seasonal depression....this poppy seed bagel (pandemic) we're in...just being a living/breathing Black woman....etc.- and you start tearing up while watching a TV family perform one of them music videos at Universal Studios.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Suddenly I remember being a kid and being on a family trip to Universal Studios and recording one of those vids. My mom loved pulling it out...well she used to because thanks to SMART TV's and no one having a VCR....can't really watch it. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Technological Advancement-1/ Stone Age- 0</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Though I had other 'issues' in my world at the time- being chubby, not wearing the right clothes by New York public school standards (the judgement starts YOUNG), the way the Orlando humidity did awful things to my hair....- but I remember being so happy. Happy to be on vacation with my family and happy to be doing the video because I got to 'play' the keytar.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">So the tears were me just relishing in that joy because as we get older and have to adult...and live through what we are living through now...ahhh to be a kid on vacation with my family where my biggest worries were my frizzy bangs. Also, my dad was still here and I didn't have to deal with my family's mortality (unlike today where I think about it EVERY SINGLE DAY) because we were gonna live forever.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p>Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-85372424881744107762020-11-02T20:34:00.003-05:002020-11-02T20:34:53.845-05:00Obessed.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vhX8J7SOTMA/X6Cy1PA0pMI/AAAAAAAAItY/f25XjpE4XTI4dRfukjq4Y3dRQfw579KnACLcBGAsYHQ/s800/chris%2Be.webp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vhX8J7SOTMA/X6Cy1PA0pMI/AAAAAAAAItY/f25XjpE4XTI4dRfukjq4Y3dRQfw579KnACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/chris%2Be.webp" width="320" /></a></div><br /> <span> </span><p></p><p><span> "You know why I'm here." She says. Her voice low, she avoided eye contact but he was still nervous.</span></p><p><span>She settles next to him on the couch. Her smell intoxicates him, his cheeks burn and his hands shake slightly. He places them on his knees not knowing what to do with them.</span></p><p><span>"I thought when we spoke before that would be it. That was the end." He managed to keep his voice from shaking.</span></p><p><span>"Well I wanted that to be the end but...," she closes her eyes and moistens her lips, "I cannot help myself." She runs a through his crew cut. </span></p><p><span>This was it, this was what he wanted. To have her come back to him. Her hands, her voice, the way her eyes would warm his. A deep brown that held all the secrets he yearned to know. </span></p><p><span>Soon she is kissing him. Soft pecks that grow into bites. "You accidentally posted that pic knowing what it would do to me." She whispers in his ear.</span></p><p><span>"It was an accident." He says breathlessly. He tried to convince himself.</span></p><p><span>It wasn't an accident. He knew she would see it and have to come back to him. As much as he knew he wasn't in control, he knew what buttons to push when it came to her.</span></p><p><span><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">*bows*</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">And that is my short moment of what happened between Chris Evans and I when he 'accidentally' posted a dick pic. In light of this week, it is something I still think about fondly and gets me through- helps me unclench my anxiety jaw. He claims it was a happy accident that will hopefully get people to vote. Okay Chris. WE KNOW this was about me.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><span><br /></span></p>Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-87621787062170594212020-04-15T23:22:00.001-04:002020-04-15T23:22:03.236-04:00A Friendly Neighborhood Murderer: A Chronicles of Cashmere Mystery * Yep, some fan fic involving me and Jake Gyllenfuck. He is my pandemic boo. I hope that unlike my past writings (well some of them) I actually continue this if it becomes a series....I am thinking of making it a rather random detective series. Let's see what happens....I mean I have no excuses because what the hell else am I doing????*<br />
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It was a Spring day. The air was crisp, birds were chirping. I did that thing where you look around and think 'life is good'- except you are saying it in your head to no one.<br />
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"She does smile...." A familiar voice says. It was a nice voice, throaty and thoughtful. I turn to look into the blue soulful eyes of Jake Gyllenhaal. Jake is a chef who owns a neighborhood restaurant and speakeasy, both in Brooklyn. Jake has all the ingredients to be a douche-right down to a tousled man bun but he isn't which is why I let him meet me most mornings to grab iced coffee and talk about life. I don't remember when this started or why, I just know we do this...and are just 'neighborhood friends'. This means that Jake has not made a hint of a move towards me. If he did, I would be beside myself with all kinds of emotions but I would want to have a lot of sex with him. Jake Gyllenhaal is the perfect blend of smart, funny and sexy. Also, weird. Weird in the best way. Weird in a way where his weird and my weird mesh...<br />
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"Jake, what's up?" I hope all the sunlight hides my blush- it is hard to hide my blush as I am caramel colored Black woman who tends to blush a lot.<br />
<br />
"Tiana, you know what...it is a beautiful day in the neighborhood-" just as he says this, five police cars zoom past us. We both stop walking to see where they are going and notice they all turn onto my block. "The fuck is going on?" My thoughts exactly Jake.<br />
<br />
"Coffee then we go figure this out." My need for and iced coffee superseded being nosy. So we walked to Bagel World on Dekalb Avenue, our favorite spot. It was always that easy with Jake.<br />
<br />
Once we were armed with our coffee's we head back towards my block. Jake slides his Ray-Ban's onto his nose, "What are we expecting? Dope deal gone wrong..."<br />
<br />
"I am thinking more of sex position gone wrong and its Mrs. Lampis!" We both chuckle. Mrs. Lampis is the neighborhood 'mama'. She looks out for everyone and we look out for her because her children lived out of state, and her sister lived in the Bronx which was like another state. <br />
As we turned onto my block we see all the frenzy is happening in my building. I gulp down some iced coffee. Instinctually, we slow down as we neared my building. Suddenly a person is in front of us, it is my neighbor Allison.<br />
<br />
"T! Oh thank goodness." She is out of breath, not from running most likely from the drama she is about to hit me with.<br />
<br />
"What's going on Allison?" I asked and watch as she eyed Jake. I let her eye. I understand. The hair, the scruff, the Ray-Bans, light grey tee, denim jacket and dark grey sweatpants. It wasn't a 'look', but it was something on him. <br />
<br />
Allison clears her throat, "It's Mrs. Lampis!-" Jake nudges me, Allison continues "she was found dead in her apartment." Jake and I audibly groan.<br />
<br />
Allison goes on to tell us that when Mrs. Lampis didn't make it down to the animal shelter which was part of her usual Saturday morning routine. Mrs. Lampis volunteers at the shelter and then she usually stops by Jake's restaurant for lunch. <br />
Instead, she was found in her apartment apparently strangled. <br />
<br />
I sigh, "That is sad....and this neighborhood is peak gentrified..."<br />
"Well white people do enjoy serial killing..." Jake adds. Allison and I nod.<br />
<br />
A detective Cardona walks over us, "You live in this building?" He looks over all three of us.<br />
Allison and I raise our hands like idiots.<br />
"We live in this building." I say.<br />
"Did you know the victim?" Detective Cardona pulls out notepad. We both nod.<br />
"When was the last time you seen her?" He scribbles on his pad.<br />
"I think yesterday..." I look at Allison.<br />
"Yeah, I saw her yesterday too and helped her carry some groceries in." Allison looks down at the ground realizing that would be the last time she ever saw Mrs. Lampis.<br />
"Everything normal then..." Someone calls out to him. "Listen, we'll be in touch." He walks over to the voice that was calling out to him.<br />
<br />
We all stand in silence for a bit. The sounds of Jake and I's straws squeaking in our cups as we sipped.<br />
"I say we walk to DUMBO to stare at the water." Jake suggests. Allison and I nod slowly and we all begin walking towards DUMBO to look at the water.<br />
<br />
------------------<br />
<br />
The lobby of the Standard Hotel is buzzing with people and low playing music. I tap my pen on my thigh as I wait for the general manager. When I am not strolling about and finding out my neighbors have been strangled, I am event planner for a small company in Tribeca. Right now, I am planning a graduation party at the Standard's indoor pool. Waiting for the general manager who is now five minutes late has allowed me to ponder things. <br />
After our walk to look at the water, all in silence, Jake texts me once I am back upstairs in my apartment.<br />
<br />
J: <i>if its weird up there come to my speakeasy- drinks on me.</i><br />
<br />
Me: <i>I just may take you up on that. Thanks!</i><br />
<br />
Jake gets me which is weird that he hasn't hit on me. The universe can be a truth revealing bitch because when I do make it Jake's speakeasy he is there looking amazing. Laughing so that his eyes do that crinkle thing that gives me butterflies. His sculpted arms bare in his t shirt are around this lanky blonde. Her face was pretty, but punch-able. She leans back against him trying to act amused at what Jake and the person he was talking to were saying. <br />
"Tiana!" Jake waved me over. Every part of me wanted to go back to my 'murder building' but I walked over to Jake and his...friends. I am introduced to Taylor...'a friend' Jake says with a pause before. His other friend is Curtis. They were talking about who would win in a rap battle- Eminem versus Vanilla Ice. I hated to admit it, but I was just as disinterested as Taylor.<br />
I only stayed for two drinks and don't remember when Jake and I wound up in one of his booths huddled together drawing on napkins. We were trying to drunkenly figure out who would harm Mrs. Lampis. We finally stopped when Taylor came over pouting and talking about how bored she was.<br />
<br />
I take out my phone to look at the pictures I took of our napkin drawings. The Standard general manager is now eight minutes late. No conclusions could be drawn from our napkins, but the 'WHY????' which took up one whole napkin stood out to me. Mrs. Lampis wasn't robbed, but her apartment was rummaged through. <br />
My phone vibrates in my hand, it's a text from Jake: <i>hey, seems Mrs. Lampis was killed some time friday night/early saturday morning.</i><br />
<br />
Me: <i>This still doesn't determine if she knew the person or they were waiting for her in her apartment...</i><br />
<br />
Three dots show that Jake has some things to say, but I see The Standard general manager coming towards me. Of course.<br />
After deciding on the music, the sushi and the cocktails, I head onto the Highline to walk it before heading back to my office. I decide to read Jake's text.<br />
<br />
J: <i>i think she knew the person. like stabbing, strangling is intimate...you have to be strong and determined.</i><br />
<br />
J: <i>speakeasy tonight?</i><br />
<br />
I reread his texts. Were we really doing this? Trying to solve this? I think we like how each other thinks...honestly since meeting Taylor, I think Jake is just fascinated by my weird.<br />
This doesn't stop me from planning my mystery solving outfit right down to my coconut conditioner- so that when Jake leans close I smell like a dream.<br />
After dinner and biding time watching Youtube vids, I head to Jake's speakeasy. When I step out of my apartment I feel alert. Just felt a sense of danger. I hear the stairway door close. I head back into my apartment and lock my door.<br />
I pull an Allison and lean on the door, breathing heavy, extra dramatic.<br />
<br />
Me: <i>A, are you home?</i><br />
<br />
A: <i>Yes. Doors locked- you wanna come up?</i><br />
<br />
Me: <i>Uh...no thanks. Stay inside.</i><br />
<br />
Me: <i>Jake, I can't come through someone weird in building. Just a feeling I have.</i><br />
<br />
I don't get a text back from Jake, so I throw on some sweats and see what kind of sword situation Amazon has that I can order. Two knocks at my door. <br />
I walk towards my kitchen to grab a knife, then my phone vibrates. It's Jake.<br />
<br />
J:<i>hey its me. let me in.</i><br />
<br />
I look through the peephole and see his worried face. I open the door forgetting I have a knife in my hand. Jake smiles at the knife as I close and lock the door.<br />
<br />
"Ah...sorry." I go to put the knife away. A few things I realize: Jake is in my apartment, I have on raggedy ass sweats and I pulled a knife on Jake in my apartment that he is in for the first time.<br />
<br />
"No worries...that's smart. So what happened?" He is looking at my wall art, checking out my books and smiles at a few comic figurines I have. As he openly snoops he makes sure to maintain eye contact with me. The sexiest thing about it was that I truly didn't mind. I am not one to have just anybody in my space. Jake seemed to fit.<br />
<br />
"I went out my door and just got this feeling. Then heard stairway door close...I know, I am just paranoid cuz someone was killed here the other day..." I sit on my couch giving Jake a silent go ahead to continue 'snooping around'. I am an interesting person.<br />
<br />
"Nah instincts are a good thing to follow. You're just hyper aware....there was no forced entry which is really backing my 'she knew the person' theory." He picks up a picture of me and my family- a photo of us at Harry Potter World. Four grown ass Black people in cloaks and shorts. Jake smiles and gently places the picture back. He then joins me on my couch.<br />
<br />
"That really sucks then...a betrayal. " I cross my arms. I then sit up and look at him-<br />
"I am not here to kill you. Stop." He rolls his eyes and absently taps my knee. "I am just being...weird because I am in your apartment and it feels nice."<br />
<br />
I literally gulp. "Well it doesn't feel weird for you to be here. It feels nice. I don't like people."<br />
<br />
He smiles, "I know." We sit in silence a while. Jake is here feeling these vibes and we are just sitting here feeling them together...but also trying to solve a murder. My life seems to be on one so I am going to play along. I turn to Jake and lean close to him. I kiss him on the cheek like were Mormon teens about to get married.<br />
Thankfully, he takes my face with one hand and kisses me like an adult. Slow like he had been wanting to do this and wanted to savor the moment. His lips softly kiss my chin and down my throat. I am tugging at his man bun- and then we hear the scream.<br />
We both jump up and run to my door. Jake steps in front of me in a protective way, I have to admit I was scared but very turned on.<br />
My neighbor Ana Ortiz is holding a bat and is pacing the hallway.<br />
<br />
"Ana what's up?" I ask.<br />
"Some asshole prick trying to get into my apartment...just turning the knob. He took off for the stairs when I screamed."<br />
Jake pulls out his phone, "I'm going to call the police- is that cool?" Ana nods. As Jake dials and begins speaking he has an arm around me and I know he can feel me shaking. Shaking because my gut feeling was correct and whoever killed Mrs. Lampis was on my floor.<br />
<br />
....Will Jake and I find this person? Will the police? Will Jake and I continue on the makeout journey we were on? <br />
Stay tuned!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-84948457852402311992020-04-14T20:56:00.001-04:002020-04-14T20:56:32.790-04:00Pandemic PoemInside.<br />
We are inside<br />
Outside is stress<br />
Inside is less<br />
Nail and hair are a mess<br />
I digress<br />
Sadness and death<br />
Psyches wrecked<br />
Coping is the way<br />
To deal with the day to day<br />
Lay-ing down is the struggle I fight<br />
With all my might<br />
Can't lose sight that one day<br />
I can be free to roam<br />
and then go back home.Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-60234558590028486572020-02-07T11:00:00.000-05:002020-02-07T11:00:56.855-05:00I Know It's Black History Month.....BUT...<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
Penn Badgely has been added to my 'hit list' and not for reasons you think. <br />
Of course he has been in my peripheral since 'Gossip Girl'- I am a sucker for a great speaking voice. Then some years passed and now he's on 'You' which has thrusted his voice back into my life. Oh, there was 'Easy A' in between all that- and the voice. The timbre and tone make me happy. My feelings for Penn are complex because I am attracted to his persona that comes across in interviews...and that voice, but I am not physically attracted to him. The scrawny hipster chic vibe is not one I am into.<br />
<br />
....then I stumbled upon this-<br />
<br />
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<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/wUvdJwPw0G0/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/wUvdJwPw0G0?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
<br />
Yes, that is Penn Badgley singing D'Angelo's 'Brown Sugar'!!!!!!!!<br />
A few things...<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>I read that Penn sings and is part of a musical group and I thought that meant folksy gentrification ish (I am using gentrification instead of hwhite because...growth).</li>
<li>I also learned that Penn Badgely is a HUGE D'Angelo fan. HUGE.</li>
<li>D'Angelo is not an artist I pictured HIM being into like that...so INTO that he is hitting his inflections, and dare I say has a lil soul with it. He is genuinely FEELING it...which is attractive to ME!</li>
</ul>
<div>
All in all, Penn made me moist and want him in a very physical way....even if my thighs smother him like gravy....even if- okay...where am I?</div>
<div>
I know Penn would be pleased that I am not one of these hoes feeling him because of the murderous character he plays- no, I am way deeper than that. Deeper.</div>
Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-12705955087687588912020-01-15T10:35:00.002-05:002020-01-15T10:35:41.961-05:00Wash. Your. Ass. <i>**LIFE...I know it has been a minute and I come back with this....but it has been weighing heavy on my heart. I will try to be more consistent but try making the world a lil less sucky**</i><br />
<br />
There have been a few too many 'Twitter thread think pieces' where people defend not washing themselves. It started with the legs...then they disclosed how only certain body parts really needed to be washed regularly. <br />
Recently, a brave soul proclaimed to not wash their hair- at all. They simply do not use shampoo. They just use conditioner every couple of days.<br />
People exclaim 'not all (white) people'!! ...and that is true because there are a number of black people who adhere to this 'non washing ass' thing that is happening.<br />
Imma just say that A LOT of people adhere to this disgusting habit because I SMELL YOU. I smell your funky covered in layers of dead skin cells ass body. I smell your greasy ass scalp with its buildup. I fuckin' smell you.<br />
I have a list of reasons for my innate hatred of people ( I don't just pull it from my washed ass)- on the list is they are: disgusting and they smell.<br />
<br />
I don't give a frizzy fuck about water conservation or saving energy- WASH YOUR ASS. Wash the entirety of your body. All the parts should be cleaned. People literally have proclaimed that because CLOTHING is covering your body that it is not getting dirty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What toddler logic is this???? I will never understand why people are resistant to washing themselves and I wouldn't be so passionate about it if it didn't affect me...because remember...I CAN SMELL YOU.<br />
<br />
Let me end it on this....about a year and a half ago I was deathly sick...weak...swollen...practically the walking dead....and you know what I did on a daily basis....<br />
Just guess....<br />
I WASHED MY ASS!!!<br />
In conclusion, fuck you and get a WASH CLOTH, some type of soap/shampoo and CLEANSE YOURSELF...or never leave your house.<br />
<br />Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-71973156309982616962019-07-11T16:33:00.000-04:002019-07-11T16:33:40.513-04:00I Hear The Meatballs Are Good....<br />
So there is this rapper named A$AP Rocky- good looking, fashionable, hates Black women (and is Black)...the usual.<br />
Recently he was being harassed by some dudes in Sweden. A$AP and his bodyguards repeatedly told the dudes to back off and then it got to the point where there was some scrapping and A$AP threw one of the dudes 'to the left, to the left'. Now Sweden is detaining A$AP in their 'poorly conditioned' prison and celebrities (along with 'normal' folk) are telling me I need to care. I need to go to Change.Org and get him out...blah blah blah.<br />
<br />
A few things...<br />
<br />
<br />
<ol>
<li>I don't care about A$AP Rocky.</li>
<li>Though this punishment is a bit extreme for the circumstances- but a few things come into play here...celebrity, race, etc. So while I agree that this is fucked up that they are detaining him...I still don't care.</li>
<li>A$AP Rocky has spoken publicly about not giving a fuck about Black lives or them mattering. I think he feels his tax bracket makes him 'above all that ish'.</li>
<li>A$AP Rocky said that Black/darker skinned women shouldn't wear red lipstick because their coloring and lips.</li>
<li>Judging from A$AP's style, I can tell that he is one 'those Negroes'. Just part of this 'I don't see color' but only fuck with women who aren't Black because they are not 'exotic' and Black women are 'too much' and have 'bad hair'. The type that is into fashion and raps about dumb shit but gets pseudo deep when it is convenient. The type that forgets they are actually Black...until they are kindly reminded.</li>
<li>Admittedly, I cackled when I heard this story. Shrugged and went about my day. When celebs started trying to get me to care is when I drew the line. Fuck A$AP Rocky and may he choke on all the designer dicks.</li>
</ol>
<div>
Because I have little faith in human beings going through shit and having reformative thoughts, I am sure he is not using this time to reflect on past statements and how fucked up they were. Not one Kardashian has flown out to Sweden to save him. Not one 'exotic' IG model is standing in front of the prison picketing. Nobody really cares.</div>
<div>
All I can hope is that he lays so low that he begins a new career folding clothes at an H&M.</div>
Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-25363949655200441752019-07-03T13:18:00.001-04:002019-07-05T09:43:20.035-04:00Yeah...So...<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know I have been missing in action. I am still here just lacking.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I will continue my fanfic love story featuring Big Nasty- a friend put me on to this podcast called Thirst Aid Kit. These women pretty much follow my guidelines on liking dudes and creating fantasies about this, also they are British and Southern- which are my two fave accents to try to to do (badly).</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Summer is upon us- time for suns out, thighs out.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The world is a turd basket and it's hard caring about my insignificant peeves or mustering the joy that writing provides. With that said, FUCK IT, I am doing me and going to continue doing my best.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">More so than usual people (people I know know) have been on some fuckshit as of late which has added to my disdain and distrust of them, but has also fine tuned the actions I need to take to better myself. When things like this happen I don't blame everyone but myself, I know I am to blame too...I just have to determine how much of a fuck I give.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Another turn around the sun has passed (my birthday) and I feel present. It was all a blur of alcohol and laughter. I haven't laughed so much and so heartily in a long time. I love my people. I was hoping this year would get me over my interest in much younger dudes....but alas...when you look how I do...</span></li>
</ul>
Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-58298743439513245942019-02-18T14:38:00.000-05:002019-02-18T14:38:59.247-05:00This Whole Jussie Smollet Thing....Ugh.<br />
When I heard about the attack I was devastated. Upset. Another level down in this worlds downward spiral. It all seemed plausible...<br />
Then the internets were whispering...people I knew from Chicago were like, this doesn't seem likely. "Going for a Subway sandwich..." "Being in that area of Chicago at that time of night..."<br />
I didn't really pay attention to the murmurs because the world is shitty enough and WHO would lie about that...and as much as I like Jussie Smollet, I hate his singing. That doesn't mean anything, but it shows I wasn't completely sold on him. Any other things that irked me didn't matter because I didn't know him personally so his 'actorly tendencies' really had nothing to do with me.<br />
I wanted to watch his Good Morning America interview, but only saw clips. I felt a way when I saw these clips....like acting.<br />
This couldn't be fake though. No one would use their platform...to do something like this. No one could think they were this clever or would stoop so low.<br />
I'll wait for more evidence...I don't trust cops or their narrative.<br />
....but this is looking bad. <br />
MY GAWD why the hell would someone do something like this???! Something that has happened to people. That will continue to happen. I am a staunch believer in people being the worst but the romantic in me is always hurt when proven right.<br />
Fuck you Jussie...<br />
......I still really hope its not all true.Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-28363343199612294862019-01-22T12:14:00.000-05:002019-01-22T12:14:00.900-05:00No. Matt. Richards.<br />
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<br />
<br />
In these trying and woke times, I try not to be anti- Black anything, but I cannot abide by Matt Richards (HQ).<br />
I frequently play HQ trivia (and now HQ words) and when the usual host Scott Rogowsky isn't there I say silent prayers for the British chick...for anyone BUT Matt Richards. <br />
It is always Matt Richards.<br />
He irks the living hell outta me. I cannot put my finger on it because all the host are annoying, talkative, cornballs (except for Anna Roisman (sp) who hosts HQ words, she gets to the point)...but Matt has an extra layer of 'I wanna punch you in the face on SITE' that I can't shake. <br />
It's gotten to the point where if I see he is hosting, I just don't play. The final straw was the other day Anna wasn't able to host HQ Words and GUESS WHO WAS HOSTING IN HER PLACE...<br />
I almost threw my phone.<br />
<br />
Believe me, as I typed out this blog I realize how utterly nerdy and ridiculous I am- but my feelings are valid nonetheless.<br />
<br />
I don't want Matt to not have a job...because being a comedian doesn't seem to work for him so he would have nothing to fall back on, but I also enjoy playing HQ and don't enjoy himmmm.<br />
What is one to do?<br />
<br />
<br />Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-34639907358953698262019-01-15T16:19:00.001-05:002019-01-15T16:19:13.533-05:00The Art of Love & Sweat: We Meet<br />
<img alt="Image result for florian munteanu" height="312" src="https://i.redd.it/9lrehzbnr3h11.jpg" width="320" /><br />
<br />
<b><i>I am now delving into fanfic about my new obsession- 'ahem' crush, Big Nasty who I literally slid off my chair for during the film Creed II. With both he and Michael B. (Bae)Jordan in the film, I was very parched.</i></b><br />
<b><i>This will be a three-part series filled with muscle, moisture and art. Enjoy!!</i></b><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It was my first day working at the Tate Modern and my second day in London. Being from New York City has helped me navigate this new metropolis, but I feel the the beginnings of becoming overwhelmed as I walk into the massive museum. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Madam, I believe you would like to use these elevators." An older gentleman in a magnificently tailored suit gestures to the black elevator doors behind him. His name tag read: Dolph L.. Though tall with a powerful presence, his kind eyes made me less nervous. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I begin to walk in the direction he is leading me, " Thank You. Will these take me to the offices?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Yes. Your first day?" He smiles already knowing the answer.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Yes. I think I need to head to HR before I meet with Emma and Naomi." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"HR is on the 8th floor, they should be able to take it from there-" as the elevator doors open a larger gentleman in another finely tailored suit steps out. He is younger than Dolph L. and doesn't have a name tag. His short buzzcut hair was perfectly lined up, which intrigued me as he appeared to be white...perhaps he has 'hood tendencies'. It was hard to focus on anything other than his eyes though. The greenish-copper orbs seemed to never leave my face.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Boss, I was just escorting this young lady to the office elevators." Dolph says because his 'Boss' and I were just staring at each other.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He shakes his head a little before speaking, "Good work Dolph, I will take her from here." If a voice could take your clothes off, I bet money his could. It was heavily accented, but not a British accent, I couldn't quite place it yet.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">More importantly, I needed to focus on getting to HR and not concentrate on how great he smelled, and how his large bicep fought against his suit jacket.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He let's me step in first and then let's the doors close behind him, he taps the 8 button and then turns to look at me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"I'm Florian. I am head of security here at the Tate Modern." He smiles revealing a dimple.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My mouth felt dry and my heart raced. I knew eventually I would have to say something-</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Thanks." That was all I could manage. I immediately feel myself blush. I could've said 'hey I'm Nala King the new culture curator and you're very cute.'. That didn't happen.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I am usually not this flustered around a good looking man, but Florian made me feel a little weak. The moment the elevator doors open I step off and give him a half-assed wave goodbye.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">That was not the best impression to make, but I had to get through an hour long HR on-boarding so I had to save my 'swagger' for other things.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The morning is a blur of paperwork and being shown around by my awesome bosses Emma and Naomi- I am the new Culture Curator at the Tate Modern. It appears to be almost as cool as it sounds. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We happened to bump into Florian a few times and they both comment that is the most they have ever seen the "Burly Brooder" and when he smiled at me they practically gasped. I guess he is not known for smiling much. Maybe with being head of security, you need to keep a tough demeanor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I am feeling mighty good about my first day as I review slides for a possible installation. Then I remember that I still need to find a permanent apartment- I am now living in corporate housing...and I keep having flashes of Florian's dimpled smile. One thing at a time, let me tackle this new job and finding a place to live before I worry about how soft Florian's full lips are...wait- where am I?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I will just lust from afar.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Thank you for your help today, and I'll see you tomorrow." I say to Dolph L. as I head toward the museum exit.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"A pleasure. You are walking to the tube?" He asks with a look of concern.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Yeah, it's a quick walk." Dolph L. seems as though he wants to stop me, so I start waving and walking away. Of course I am not looking where I am going- when BAM!- I walk into what feels like a human wall.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It is Florian. I look up into amused (now) greener eyes. The dimple appears, and the suit is missing. He has on a sweatshirt and I am refusing to check him out to see if he has joggers on.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"I am so sorry-"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"It's okay.." He almost purrs, I realize I am still leaning on him. I quickly adjust myself, shake my head and run out of the museum.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Tomorrow will be a new day to not look like an idiot in front of this massive man I am obviously too attracted to function around.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">----------------------------</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The next day, I decided I would approach it with positive confidence. I had a casual conversation with Dolph L. by the elevators, and thought of all the ways I would show Florian how I am not that big of a dork. Tan, a coworker-friend in the modern collections department, joined me for coffee at the museum cafe. While discussing the importance of Banksy and man buns, we notice Florian grabbing an orange juice and causing the cashier to blush with his smile.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When he turns and notices me, he nods hello and walks by briskly letting his cologne linger. It smelled spicy, warm...rich. It made me want to follow him and tell him all my fantasies including the ones where he falls in love with me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"That man is a...man." Tan says while he decides between a scone or a croissant.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Profound, Tan." I was still a little miffed that Florian only greeted me with a head nod. I wasn't expecting a hug, but yesterday he seemed friendlier...or maybe I was so weird and he was just being normal.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Nala, we just met yesterday and though you seem great, I can't just say that man is a walking sex god, to you." He decides on a scone and pays for my iced hazelnut latte, "Everyone just becomes sexually fluid when it comes to him-"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Fluid..." I chuckle. We nudge each other at our raunch. Tan was right, we just met yesterday and just seemed to click. Sometimes I can be normal and people like me. Also, in the museum world it's rare to see people of color. Tan is Pakistani and I am Black. The Tate seemed to be making an effort to be diverse in their hiring, but we're also in England. The land of OG colonizers.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Yeah I met him yesterday- he introduced himself and I could barely put together sentences."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Tan gives me a look, "Yeah, he is otherworldly with that build and voice...you will have to get in line, I think he is doing a slow rundown of all the women here."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Yay! can't wait for my chance." we laugh and continue back to our offices. Tan helped me to keep perspective. I don't even know Florian, though he was handsome as hell he's just a man. A man who has his pick of women. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I was feeling pretty good about today, and then Naomi came into my office...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Hey Nala...I need you to work on a surprise installation." She sits in a chair in front of my desk and appears to be holding photos. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Okay...why is it a surprise?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Well I have been in talks with this photographer for years and he has finally decided to work with us," she lays the photos out on my desk and I almost choke on my coffee, "Milo Ventimiglia. Isn't he fantastic?" She says almost dreamily.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He is fantastic and also my ex. I am trying not to just stare at the photos open mouthed and figure out how do I quit this job that I love and still be able to live in London? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It is not that things ended badly with me and Milo, it's just that it took me six months and moving to another country to get over him. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We were together for six years. I was working at a gallery in Soho, New York City and he worked at the Starbucks I went to every morning. He found all the ways to start a conversation with me, and then on our first date we ate Grays Papaya in Washington Square Park.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Milo is a soulful, kind artist...the man that truly poured love into me and allowed me to blossom into whatever this evolution of myself is. I'd like to think I did the same for him...but in fact I know I did. Once I got my boss at the time to hang some of Milo's photos...and he started getting accolades and making money...Milo felt we were suddenly growing apart.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Sigh.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It was so typical. Now I would have to deal with appreciating his talent, but hating that he broke my heart.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"I want you to work with Milo since you have worked with each other in the past- and to be honest, when I mentioned you are our culture curator, it seemed that is what made him decide to display his latest series with us." She smiles, her eyes search my face and this makes me realize I need to put on the mask again. The mask I wore my last year in NYC, a protective serene look. Sometimes its content but mostly is shields the world from seeing the underlying turmoil.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Naomi and I discuss how I would handle this exhibit and Milo, mostly it was me doing everything in my power to make his working with the Tate the best experience. I had two days to build up my armor and prepare for throwing a huge monkey wrench in this new chapter of life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I decide to email my friend July Jackson, if anyone could will all planes to London to not be able to take for off for a few months...it would be July.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">After sending my email, I see a chat pop up from Tan-</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Tan</b>:I can't do lunch today, Voldermort called me into a meeting. we're having salads and he'll tell me how much i suck at my job</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Me</b>: sorry babe. i'll just grab a sandwich from the cafe`</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Tan</b>:let's grab drinks later- a few of us are going to the Raged Hen.come with.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I would definitely need a drink later, but for now a sandwich before I measure out spaces on the third floor for Milo's exhibit. the name of the exhibit will have something to do with whomever he is currently infatuated with.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The elevators doors open and I smell Florian before I see him, either way I was full on blushing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Hello..." He says, his dimple appears with the smile. Before I begin my 'fool' swoon which leads to me being unable to speak, I remember what Tan said and what I witnessed with the cashier. That and remembering how foolish I was with Milo has me feeling very able.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Hi Florian. How's the day going?" He seemed taken aback, but then goes back to the amused way he looks at me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"It is going well. What floor are you going to?" Ugh, of course my newfound confidence caused me to forget which floor to hit. I squint at the buttons hoping for a clue, "where are you trying to go?" He asks, his dimple in full display. He is almost holding back laughter.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"I want to go to the cafe, for lunch." I roll my eyes at him and vow to never forget this floor again.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Then we're going to the second floor. Do you mind if I join you for lunch?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"What if someone steals a painting or something?" I ask, just miffed because he was laughing at me...and yet I was still so attracted to him.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"This is why I have a staff that works for me. We all have schedules...so that we enjoy bathroom breaks and lunch. So far it has worked as none of the paintings have been stolen yet." He holds the door for me as I step off the elevator. I try to walk in the direction of the cafe quick enough to lose him, but he catches up.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"They have the best quiche here- you know you still haven't introduced yourself to me. I was kind to you on your first day and you walk into me and then I have to invite myself to lunch." He smiles and stands a little to close to me, but I didn't mind. Florian had a powerful, sleek presence, but he was warm. He seemed like someone who when he hugged you and asked how you were, he meant it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"So rude of me- I wasn't raised by hyenas...my name is Nala. Nala King." I hold out a hand, he takes it and instead of shaking it, kisses it. His lips are indeed soft. My face feels hot- he is good. I wonder if I am moving up in his museum conquests list.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Did your parents name you after Simba's mate in The Lion King?" He asks, he looks almost excited. My parents owe me so much for the mocking of my name and the therapy I still need because of it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Yes. Especially since our last name is King. I have a strained relationship with my parents." I look at the variety of quiche's and try to ignore the nasty looks I am getting from the ladies and gentlemen behind the counter.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Florian places a hand on my shoulder, it large and warm- like him, "Thank you for that much needed laugh. I am sorry it is at your expense- pick any quiche you would like. It is on me." He smiles, and even dabs the corners of his eyes- I caused him to cry with laughter. He will never want to have sex with me. Thanks again, mom and dad!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We order our quiche's and find a table away from most of the tourists and sour stares of the cafe` staff.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Because we are friendly and you are the museum cassanova, will I need to find another place to get my eats?" I ask, tasting the really good spinach quiche.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"I am the museum cassnova? Me? How?" He seems really perplexed, but is devouring his quiche in a very gentlemanly way. I have to stop myself from watching him.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"It's just something I've heard and seen..."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"You've seen this?" He raises an eyebrow, "In a day and a half you have witnessed my cassanova skills?" His accent made everything sound like he was a disapproving parent.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Being a cassanova is a full time thing- so yes." I lie and avoid his coppery green eyes. I really shouldn't be flirting with him but it just felt natural. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He leans closer, "If I were to be a cassanova with you...would you mind?" There's a sparkle in his eyes that causes my heart to beat a little faster. Then he starts laughing heartily and I know he is just mocking me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I look at my watch and start gathering my things to throw away, "You were right the quiche was good." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Are you mad at me?" He stands when I stand, he stretches though, which almost throws me off. He takes the trash from my hands to throw away with his own.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Why would I be mad? Of course I am not mad, I just have to prepare for a new exhibit that Naomi is excited about." Again, I lie. I don't know why I was miffed, but I was. Mostly because I was developing a crush on the 'office' Don Juan which will not go well for me...and will go even worse when Milo comes to town.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Florian walks with me to the elevators and we chat about the tube, he mentions he loves being able to drive in and that he does pass through where my corporate housing is. I do not take the hint and continue on about the tube characters I have encountered.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Once back at my desk I see an email from July:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>Nala-</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>I cannot believe you have been in London for two weeks and are only writing me because that punk ass trick, Milo, is returning to your life. Please do not go back to him. We all don't need to go through that again.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>Michael and I will be there in TWO WEEKS! I moved our trip up in case I have to harm Milo.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>I DO like the sound of this large and in charge ...guard, Florian. Tell me more about him.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">July is my best friend because she pulls no punches, and loves me. The epitome of tough love, and I need that mostly. I decide to quickly let her know about my lunch...date, yes I will step out on that limb, with Florian. That should cool her heels about the Milo situation- though I am happy she and her beau Michael are coming sooner rather than later.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Tan and I decide to walk to the Raged Hen because the night air was cool and we didn't want to arrive too early. I told him about my lunch with Florian and he squealed. He said he will miss lunch with me for the rest of the week so that I can be in his bed by Saturday, mostly because he wants all of the details. It has been decided that Florian may not be that sexually fluid so Tan may not have a chance.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The Raged Hen was a typical pub. There was Duran Duran playing, a football game on and Florian sipping a Guiness and watching me as we neared the Tate group. He appeared to be chatting with Amanda from HR, the organizer of this drinking event.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Tan squeezes my arm-</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Girl! He never comes to these things. You have put a spell on him with only one lunch?!" He tries to lead me right over to him, but I steer him towards the bar.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"I am going to need you to chill. Let's get drinks and figure out why he's here..." Tan's sideeye almost causes me to crawl under the bar. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"We already know why he is here. I agree we need drinks, and then we are getting you two together before one of these museum hags gets him!" With that, we order two pints and turn to Florian who is now standing directly behind us. Tan immediately smiles and says 'hey'. My eyes go wide wondering if he has heard everything we said. His normal amused look gives nothing away.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Hello...Florian..." He holds a large hand out to Tan, who seems to melt.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Hi, I'm Tan...and tan." He winks. Florian chuckles. I roll my eyes and slowly sip my beer, hoping they keep up a banter until I feel ready to speak. I know my face is red because Florian is standing too close to me again. He smells so good and his arm is about the size of my thigh (on a good day). I am feeling overwhelmed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The coppery green eyes meet mine and every few moments, but he is engaged in a conversation about Rocky films with Tan. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Nala...did you say that boxers made you wet or sweat? I can't remember which one..." Tan smirks as Florian almost chokes on his beer. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I hold my eyes closed for a few moments, "I said they make me sweat. I enjoy the sport." I shrug.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Boxing is one of my hobbies." Florian says, only to me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I literally gulp, "Oh. Heavyweight?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Yes. You should check out a match with me, they are fun."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Do you have name like...Fighting Flo?" I ask, he chuckles and takes a sip of his Guiness.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"No, it's Big Nasty." Tan and I both lean back on the bar, look at each other and sip...gulp our beers. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"That's a...name...a good one....yep." I am nodding and trying not to let all the perverse things Tan and I are thinking come out of my mouth.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Since the conversation could only go up from there, we ordered more drinks and discussed work, life and dating in the city. I had very little input on that topic and Florian tried to lie and tell us he didn't date much because he worked too hard. We mostly listened to Tan's lovelorn tales, and Florian gave him good advice. Florian explained how he took over running his security company from his uncle, Dolph L.. Dolph loved working at the museum but didn't want to deal with the hassle of running the business- they provide security for the Tate and the National Museum of London. I didn't want to say that a broken heart made me leave the states, so I just said I got the opportunity of a lifetime and decided it was now or never. Typical cliche` things people like to hear.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">After a while Tan gets a Uber and leaves, and I am still talking to Florian at the bar. I don't remember meeting anyone else because we just never ran out of things to talk about, and now he wasn't just a great looking boxer...he was funny, smart and thoughtful as well. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He says he shouldn't drive and that we should take an Uber together. We would drop me off and then him. This sounded fantastic. I wasn't drunk, and I didn't want the night to end, but I had to be at work in the morning and it was my first week.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">While in the Uber Florian picked up my hand and kissed the back of it..then I suggested he come up to check out my 'corporate digs'. Then I remember getting bottles of water and us talking on the couch. Then I believe I....threw myself onto his lap and we began making out. It was intense and fantastic.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Now I am in my bed and Florian is shirtless and sleeping soundly beside me. I am too afraid to lift the covers and see if he is' topless' all the way down. It would be just my luck that I would have this glorious man in my bed and not remember one detail!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">To Be Continued...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Look out for part II: The Art of Love & Sweat: We Dance</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-35338221578058736052018-12-30T22:48:00.000-05:002018-12-30T22:48:03.946-05:00Short And Sweet. I kept trying to write something profound, but then I kept erasing it.<br />
Soooooo 2018. I mean a prime example of its fuckery.<br />
There were some highlights- not dying and my boss who is a recreational racist and piece of shit leaving the job and no longer being my boss.<br />
Everything is a to be continued and I am ghosting on peeps in a real incognito way. I haven't become a punk, I just am very conscious of the energy I am surrounding myself with.<br />
For 2019 I want there to be bigger and better things and so it shall be.<br />
<br />
I want for everyone I love and care about to have a fantastic new year. I want you to overcome. I want you to be still and be present. I want you to know that I have your back.<br />
<br />Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-49162222717526535872018-12-24T22:39:00.003-05:002018-12-24T22:41:54.468-05:00Birdbox aka I Need Therapy<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="Image result for birdbox" src="https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/images/bird-box-007-1545390973.jpg?crop=1xw:1xh;center,top&resize=480:*" /></div>
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I wasn't going to watch Birdbox (Netflix) because too many people were discussing it on the internet. I am adverse to 'what's poppin'', but I recalled watching the trailer a few months ago and being into it...mostly because of Trevante Rhodes, Lil Rel, Sarah Paulson and John Malkovich being in the film. Sandra Bullock and Machine Gun Kelly ( a hwhite rapper) weren't going to deter me but they certainly didn't make me WANT to watch it.<br />
No, my anti- Christmas feelings led to me the film.<br />
Then I saw it was two hours- I checked to see if the new 'visual art' (Desus & Mero podcast on Youtube) was up. It wasn't.<br />
So there I was watching Birdbox.<br />
Mallory (Sandra B.), I connected with her 'realistic' treatment of the children and being pregnant. Her disinterest in leaving her home and interacting with people she didn't already know- like wow. Relatable.<br />
Then shit starts going on down. Peeps who aren't crazy see some shit and kill themselves. Pretty freaky. You never truly know what or why these 'creatures' started doing this, just that you cannot look at them. This of course leads us to a bunch of different types of people hunkering down and what happens when human start interacting. You see the best of humanity and the worst...and those that fall in between. People like a John Malkovich character who consider themselves assholes but have the wherewithal to 'not open the door' and help every one. Not everyone can be saved- or should be.<br />
Where Tom (Trevante Rhodes) had heart and brawn, and wanted to save everyone, he gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. He was so selfless, he gave his own life so that those he loved could live.<br />
Then you had Mallory- the one I most related with- a survivor, a person who walked the fine line between the two. She could connect with people but just thought for the most part they were trash, but she had heart and was able to love...just in her own way.<br />
There comes a point when Mallory must travel and survive with two small children. This is where my lack of character would show (but who will ever know because I am never having kids, so ha ha)- children are a liability mostly because they do not listen!<br />
I am not saying I would let some kids die, but I am also not saying I wouldn't be like 'I told you so' to the sky if something did happen to them.<br />
Birdbox can be considered horror, but I find it to be more suspenseful. You never actual see what these 'creatures' are...only through the eyes of a crazy person, and can you really trust that? So then the question becomes are these 'creatures' a symbol of something we should fight against in society? And its like, have you lived in this world? We're fucked and people are trash, and it is going to take extra levels of not being a total asshole and being so above it all that you're blind to the bullshit.<br />
See what I did there.<br />
If/when you watch the film you might think that was cool.<br />
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Having hollered at death for a couple 2-3 minutes this year, I totally get the living life and not just surviving thing. You have to find something that makes you happy. YOU, not something to post on line that will make people think you're good. You really have to be good or you've already lost half the battle.<br />
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Watch Birdbox, it's a frightful think piece.Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5067685591258390965.post-51673240885705794682018-11-06T15:51:00.000-05:002018-11-06T15:51:05.093-05:00ReBorn pt deuxSince mostly every one I know has been DRAGGED into the world of ReBorns- I say dragged because you don't wanna know about this world, but then I tell you and you STILL don't wanna know about this world. <br />
All my peeps in the know will randomly send me ReBorn pics or find out even more disturbing information. I love when I am going about my day...almost forgetting these people exist and then a friend sends a pic and I am back to being freaked out.<br />
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<img alt="Image result for reborn" src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRrg1X_H5bLlZeNo1KmQSMxRJWvB5KQwxbF32WGM-GzRJASkTpvwg" /><br />
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Or I go into my own wormholes because I need to know if there are toddler sized ReBorns...<br />
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<img alt="Image result for reborn" src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSQXpNvCBw3kMWuBXw4kyIPVp2wnk-mM_7YatgSBdYJJ-vs8Qjfgg" /><br />
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There are.<br />
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We also found a woman who appears to breastfeed hers.<br />
Just last night a friend found a guy who is a single ReBorn dad of three!<br />
....he buys dolls that look like him.<br />
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I am glad I have created this community of people who are both fascinated yet terrified of this new world of creepy!Honey Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17145787627916840203noreply@blogger.com0