Amy. Amy. Amy.

Like Janet Jackson and Cyndi Lauper (and many others) spoke to the girl in me, Amy Winehouse spoke to the woman in me. I think it was the time in my life, or the tone of her voice or just her brand of crazy-but I just loved her unconditionally and she holds a special place in my heart. Though cold and dark like an underground cave, my heart is big and intense.

It had to be around 2004 or 2005 when I was in the middle of a conversation at the bar at 60 Thompson (Soho, New York) when my friend Mo who was DJing at the time, put on "Fuck Me Pumps". I literally stopped mid-sentence after hearing the first verse and walked over to him and was like WHO IS THIS??
He handed me her LP telling me how huge she was in England and how the States wasn't ready for her (true, until her second album).
It was love at first listen.
That voice...and the lyrics-that SHE wrote. The youth with the old soul. I immediately bought her CD (this was before mp3's, bitches) and played it over and over. That chick spoke to my soul and made me believe in music again. Sure she had a weed/drinking problem, but you can't write and sing like that without going through some shit-so she had her demons.

At the time I was in my mid 20's and was discovering who I was-which in hand means coming to terms with who I wasn't.
I wasn't a big partier, or drinker, or slut, or into superficial bullshit, or air kisses, or chatting with people just so I could say I knew them, etc.
I had to be cool with that...and as I sat alone in my apartment sippin' ice tea's and cooking dinner...and listening to Amy, I was okay with that.

My friend Margo text me today and said: you introduced me to Amy- this shows how annoying I can be when I am into something or someone. I want my peeps to understand how GREAT they are. Sharing is caring.
Though I also felt good about Amy not being too popular because it could ruin her. Once the BUSINESS sees $$$ all that talent and creativity become ass in leotards and bullshit lyrics. Also producers sitting around being greasy and killing the moment.
It was selfish on my part, but I never claimed not to be a selfish bitch.

Amy of course got big because that kind of talent shouldn't be denied and THANKFULLY a producer I respected, Mark Ronson, worked with her on her second album. So she was entering the mainstream waters but still keeping with who she was. The Back to Black album was an instant/another classic.
Who she was had a lot of issues and unfortunately in the game (even in life) you're not always surrounded by people who have your best interest and truly care about YOU.

With success-though well deserved- it put Amy's issues under a microscope. With no good people around her and the camera lenses, we were front and center for her downfall. I rooted for her and just hoped she would find it within herself to come out of the 'black'. She didn't.

Brooklyn Kat texts me this afternoon: Amy Winehouse is dead!
My heart dropped, I just knew it was true and...you know...I was hoping for her, but this wasn't a surprise-I was...I am sad. Like defeated.
Then I put on a few of her songs and had a cry?!
Now it could be PMS or Satan's Heat NYC 2011...because thugs don't cry, but I think it's because Amy touched something in me and I enjoyed her crazy, her voice and originality. There will be no other, you stand alone boo (and I mean we all saw that asshole Duffy!).

The pic I used is how I'll always remember her. Beautiful, sassy and with eyes filled with an amazing future.

May you rest in peace Amy Winehouse.