My Oscar Weekend by Me

First, I’d like to shout out Mother Nature for really providing an amazing weekend weather-wise. Also, shout out to genetics/moms for making my hips truth tellers-for they cannot lie.
After settling in a cocoon last weekend, decided to emerge and fill this one with fun activities, fun folks, fun…food and just a lot of FUN!

Started on Friday- after work- with drinks at the ACE Hotel. That place was jumping with tools and bitchinista’s. Great drinks though and I met a friendly Belgium dude during the long wait at the bar. Because I am NOT as cool as I seem- I figured dude being from Belgium, we would talk Jean Claude Van Damme. He found this amusing and it helped to make the long wait for libations bearable.
I must add that there are times when I must remind people-i.e. myself, that I am not just fun loving wearing jeans and some sort of flat shoe chick. The chick that seems oblivious to her womanly attributes. Sometimes I must remember that a lot people are not ready for this jelly, but I am willing to prepare them. So, I wore this great dress that was both work appropriate and appropriately showed what I was working with.
My friends and I could only handle one cocktail at ACE because it was just too crowded, so a few of us headed to Bar Breton for a delicious dinner. I had the burger because I heard it was a ‘must try’ there- definitely a great burger. I didn’t really get to fully appreciate it because ‘the dress’ wasn’t forgiving and I like being able to breathe.
After some deli hijinks we headed to the Gershwin Hotel where the good Rebbi AKA The Darkness was spinning an Armory Week party. Talk about excellent people watching!!
Great character development…like the guy who after saying something equally off-putting to m’girl Naomi, says to me: you should dance with me, it burns calories.
I say: get away from me, old man.
He left me alone after that. Just because I have on a dress n’ heels, doesn’t mean I won’t kick an old man in the sac.
There was also this dude that tried playing the sax to the beats that The Darkness spun. I say ‘tried’ because he was more into ‘trying to impregnate chicks on the dance floor’. His moves were phenomenal, and his grace as he moved from woman to woman was enviable. He definitely provided endless entertainment throughout the evening. Most importantly I was able to shake my arse, but watch myself thanks to The Darkness playing songs like Janet Jackson’s ‘Go Deep’ and Rick Astely’s ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’-both songs I’ve been remixing in my head all week. The piece` de resistance was ‘I Can’t Go For That (No Can Do)' by Hall & Oates AKA one of my all time favorite groups!!!!
Saturday I was set to knock another Oscar nominated movie off the list- Thursday I watched Up in the Air. I enjoyed the movie, but didn’t think Clooney deserved the Oscar nod. I mean, it was classic Clooney- this doesn’t take away from the fact thatif he called me at 2AM and was like ‘I’m coming over and you better be on you’re A-game’, that I wouldn’t do some stretching and prepare myself for some weathered…yet ‘sexiest man alive’ balls. Like most of the Oscar nominated movies, Up in the Air was a ‘punch you in the gut with movie reality’ kind of film- it also fell into the ‘similar movie title so imma be confused’ category.
For instance, my friends La, T and I went to see A Single Man…which I kept calling A Simple Man and got confused with A Serious Man. Whew. The movie was visually STUNNING! Colin Firth was a dream-and I can say that because this may be the most GAY MOVIE EVER! Julianne Moore’s British accent was exquisite. Gotta love Tom Ford for making a world where everyone is attractive-yet still provocative. Again, didn’t think it was Oscar-worthy for Firth…but what do I know?
After the movie we had some Thai food and hit up Target First Night at the Brooklyn Museum. As always it was a scene. Ran into Victoria and Naomi- which is always a treat. We shook our well proportioned asses and sang along n’ out loud as if we were LaBelle and Mary J. Blige.
Will not be attending First Night for another few months- most likely summer. Only so much bougie ART-TISTE’s I can take.

Sunday was about Korean fried chicken, lo mein, pizza, cupcakes, red velvet cake and The Oscars AKA Kat & Wilson’s Oscar Partayyyyyy.
It was pretty stellar, filled with amazing food, commentary…just plain hilarity.
We started with the red carpet pre-show. Definitely wasn’t wowed by any dresses- though Rachel McAdams, Meryl Streep, Kristen Stewart and Queen Latifah all looked lovely. I liked the midnight blues of OOOOOOOOprah’s, Gabby Sidibe and MC’s (Mariah Carey) dresses. Sarah Jessica Parker definitely disappointed me with her look. Maggie Gyllenhaal underwhelmed me-as usual…though her brother AKA Jakie-Boo, was so handsome! There was discussion about how much Ryan Seacrest wanted to tear Jake’s tux off of his trembling body and reenact scenes from BrokeBack Mountain. I think Zoe Saldana is gorgeous (though she could stand to eat a few burgers)…her dress, not so much. Her shoes were FIERCE though. Her co-star in Avatar AKA the hot Aussie dude…was HOT. Don’t know his name and think he has the thinnest lips ever, but he can get it. Who was stylist that definitely got razor sliced by Jenny from Block for putting her in a similar dress as the chick from Mean Girls who put her fist in her mouth!!! Oh man…George Clooney and his gf of the moment looked straight homely. They looked snarly and haggard-was not impressed. May have said that Miley Cyrus and her moms (who has angel wings tattooed on her back) spent most of the pre-show giving side-by-side bj’s to a lineup of dudes ( including Morgan Freeman with his weird fake arm/hand). Miley’s mom would stop her sometimes when she felt she was getting too teeth-y with it, and she would show her the proper way to fondle balls without chipping a mani.
Hey listen, Mr. Jay (we watched E! first) agreed with all my style highlights and lowlights-so I know what I’m talking about.
We turned to ABC’s red carpet coverage which was pretty horrific. Who thought it was a good idea to dig Kathy Ireland out of her crypt covered in scrunchies and smelling of Prell shampoo?? Why can’t Sherry Shepard find good undergarments?? These questions were never answered, but alas the show began.
I knew anything involving Alec Baldwin would be more awkward than anything- if awkward had an award show, this years Oscars would be it!!!
From every time Precious was mentioned the camera panning to anyone resembling a Black person-may have landed on Demi Moore once, but realized she was just tanned and had lip injections to Alec Baldwin sweating profusely and then disappearing halfway through the show to the Ciara-styled dancing to movie scores to lady parts tingling when I saw Eli Roth in a tux to me saying that Tyler Perry has ‘cock lips’ to Sandra Bullock WINNING A FRIGGIN’ OSCAR! Really?!!
Oh well, at least Avatar won nothing of importance! Yay for the small things.

Overall pretty fantastic weekend…and now to make it to the end of this week-which ends with a happy hour! Woot, woot.