Allow Me This One Racist Thing

Maybe it’s the change in seasons or becoming racist with old age, but I find myself saying ‘I hate White people’ out loud or in my head a lot lately. I do realize that as woman of color I CAN say that and peeps have to deal as opposed to a White person saying ‘I hate Black people’-where that’s just racist. Ha. Like P!nk says: sometimes it be’s like that.
Also see: he who has the most power, slavery, signs that read: coloreds only-that usually meant it was shittier, Mad Men, etc. as to why it is okay for me to say it- besides the fact that some of my closest friends are White, along with the fact that most of my family members/people that ‘know’ me believe I am destined to marry a White man. I have no idea what this means, but if he can cook and deep dick-I’m in!

Anyways, I usually keep racist acts/thoughts/words in perspective- but I have moments when I’ve had.it.up.to.here. When confronted with any kind of blatant racism I usually say something or remove myself from the situation mostly because I know my limits as a person and I know that jail time won’t do me any good.
First, I hate confined spaces and second, the one piece jumpsuit won’t bode well on my body. I mention jail time because if I don’t remove myself I will get to killing. Slaying. Blood-shed.
I also tend to keep my mental/emotional game from going haywire with humor. You have to laugh at a lot of the things to keep from hating/killing people.

Sometimes ignorance can be misconstrued as blatant racism, and when that happens I see if it’s worth correcting the person- like a boss who asked if I was ‘mulatto’. Yes, she allowed herself to let that escape her lips- this was AFTER she compared my skin tone to another coworker who was Brazilian and was out in the sun a bit. At the time, I hadn’t been able to get my sun on so he was a tad darker- she told me I should be ashamed. Oh, and yes she was White. Anyways, so when she asked about the whole ‘mulatto’ thing, after gripping my desk for about two minutes fighting the urge to punch her in the throat, I was able to let the pleasant thoughts of miniature horses carrying milkshakes comfort me as I explained how that was a derogatory term…and so on. She said she didn’t know that and I let her know that she did now. Of course this didn’t change anything about her disgustingly racist ass, but it stopped her from using the term ‘mulatto’-just in case there’s that one day the miniature horses aren’t enough or I’m pms’ing and I just started choking her.

There are many ignorance levels when it comes to race and I’ve been encountering or hearing about encounters that seem to be the norm lately. For instance when people of other races approach me in a hood-like/ebonified/’down’ way.
Example: hey girrrrl!
This mostly happens at work, but it has happened at numerous places and events. It is usually greeted by my silent stare. Sometimes if I am feeling chipper I just say ‘hi’ and then walk away. I find (along with a few other people of color) that whole ‘hey girl’/ ‘what up dawg’ (for men) really offensive because it is not how I greet ANYONE. Not even my close friends- and if I do it's because I am joking. So when people assume that because I am Black, naturally, this is how one should greet me…it pisses me off! Now, there are people of all colors that just greet everyone this way and that’s fine, but when you say ‘what up girl’ to me and ‘hello so n’ so’ to say a White coworker standing near- and you don’t know either of us well- I’m going to assume you’re a dumbass and only speak with you if it’s job related- and even then sparingly because of the whole killing thing.
Another example would be the time I was out dancing with my friends Ang and La. Ang is Italian and La is Black. This girl bypasses Ang and I and heads straight for La with: heyyyy girrrl, you’ve got some moves, you gotta show me your moves.
Yes, this girl was White. Now, Ang and I are great dancers as well but Ang is White and I am…what am I really? Usually I just get Dominican…so we’ll say Dominican, so I figured the girl thought I couldn’t speak American. La happens to have skin the color of a dark chocolate truffle- or as she says: there’s no second guessin’ I’m Black, now you…(she usually shrugs at this point, and then we laugh and fight off dudes with sticks)
La is also a lot nicer than Ang and I who had no time for this girl. The girl even noticed how much I didn’t care for her, she says to La: she doesn’t like me, does she? La responds: no she doesn’t.
Then the girl goes on to let La know she wants her (La) to dance with her boyfriend. La is one of my favorite people because she kept her cheery demeanor and responded with: oh no, I am not dancing with your boyfriend because then I would also be taking him home and boning him.
Though I loved La’s response because it was true and it made the girl walk away, I got so pissed I thought I was going to tackle the girl. Perhaps it was the vodka but I got all 'Malcolm X philosophical' with it when I explained I was angry because that girl felt it was okay to offer her boyfriend because Black women aren’t seen as a threat sexually because we’ll never be as attractive as White women. This girl thought it was okay to let her boyfriend dance with La, this beautiful Black woman, because it would mean nothing- I mean why would it,’it’s not like she’s on ‘our’ level’. I then went on about the psychology of beauty and blah blah blah. When I was done, I swear I sweat the perm out of my hair and had on a knit vest with matching pants all in kente cloth!!
I eventually calmed down and just muttered as I looked through my Instyle or Marie Claire magazine.

Those were just a few examples but think about the many years I’ve been on this planet and all the people I’ve met and places I’ve been and multiply that by 100 and sort of understand why I would even think/ say out loud: I hate White people…except for my friends of course.
It doesn’t help in the big picture, but in the smaller vignette that is my life, a little venting keeps me from stabbing/punching/kicking people and then going to jail...and then being unable to marry the White man that is in my destiny.