Well.
For the last few months I have not felt like myself.
Sure... due to LIFE and the incredibly fucked world we live in I have been stressed and fighting off depression. Then I realized not feeling 'well' was making me depressed.
It started as fatigue- which me being in my bed more was not so bad. Then my appetite was gone- like I ate to keep myself going but I didn't enjoy food like I usually do.
More fatigue to the point where I just couldn't do much besides go to work, commute and go home.
Then my legs became so swollen that walking became difficult. They were these heavy foreign masses that made me uncomfortable, more unlike myself, more depressed.
Through all this I put off going to the doctor and was able to fend off my moms threat of dragging me to an emergency room. I put this off because above everything- even my health- I do not enjoy doctors or hospitals or any establishments with doctors.
A trusted friend recommended a doctor to me so I had no excuse not to go to her.
Thank all the gods I did.
This doctor my friend rec'd was amazing. I liked her. She ran all the tests trying to figure out why I was retaining so much fluid- i.e. the swollen legs. She said I was young and healthy...so why was this happening?
She called me two days later with a reason and a direct order 'go to emergency care now.'
Now I have always 'ran' kind of anemic, but usually I eat well and take my vitamins so I function and move on.....but remember I haven't been taking care of myself fully. So I went from slightly anemic to severely. Normal blood count= 12. Anemic blood count= 6-7. My blood count was a 2.
A 2.
I was told I needed to go to emergency care to receive blood transfusions. Yes, that is blood transfusions with an 's'.
More importantly my mom warned me that this would mean I would need to stay at the hospital. That's when I freaked out.
Once I arrived at the hospital, I just went numb. Here I am this person who hates hospitals, doesn't trust doctors, hates needles, and hates people in general....and this had it ALL!
Did I mention I have veins that are hard to find so sometimes they have to poke a few times till they get a BLEEDER?!!
So I am numb. Numb through my first 2 blood transfusions ( I had a total of 5). Through the blood tests. The sonograms. The cat scans with iodine injections. The heart monitor I had to wear for a few days because my poor heart was over working hence the fluid build up....my heart needed the blood it wasn't getting.
I came out of my numbness when the first of many doctors- who all looked at me with awe- was like "how are you alive?" This then turned into "you should not be alive and are only here because you are an otherwise healthy person"- meaning all my other organs are intact and joyous.
The docs and nurses didn't understand how I 'walked' around with my legs so swollen....with such low blood...and I let them know I barely did. Barely.
I was still called strong though. Strong...but stupid which I made them change to fearful. My fear was understood but I was still a 'House' episode to them. An anomaly.
After much observation and poking...and just no sleep- you cannot sleep in hospitals. Besides being awakened almost every hour, I had a roommate who was a little off and would cry out in pain whenever her legs were touched. She would also leave her tv on all night. Then there was just my mind going from a 'House' episode to 'Law & Order: SVU'. I lay in wait with a shiv of my toothbrush in case some orderly or random came into my room for raping.
Yeah, it doesn't pay to have an overactive imagination.
Then this hot doctor named Alex was the first to say that I would be going home on Sunday. I wanted to leap into his arms.
My blood fluctuated a little from the 9.2 it got to which made them take MORE BLOOD and scare me that I wouldn't be leaving like they said- this was Sunday morning. Thankfully my blood regulated itself and I was out of the hospital at 11:30AM on Sunday, June 10. Five days before my birthday.
Many years ago I told a then friend that I didn't see myself living to 40 or past 40. I turned 40 last year- when I was in the hospital laying in bed staring out to the East River, I realized how that prediction almost happened. I guess fate can be changed if someone/something is like 'nah, not her time'
I guess I have more lives to ruin. More tricks to bark on on crowded trains who choose to flip their hair and it touches me. More dudes hearts to break. More arepas to eat!
Yeah, I got my appetite back.
I will say this. This is me saying this. If you do not feel well or like yourself...GO TO THE DOCTOR!
Sure... due to LIFE and the incredibly fucked world we live in I have been stressed and fighting off depression. Then I realized not feeling 'well' was making me depressed.
It started as fatigue- which me being in my bed more was not so bad. Then my appetite was gone- like I ate to keep myself going but I didn't enjoy food like I usually do.
More fatigue to the point where I just couldn't do much besides go to work, commute and go home.
Then my legs became so swollen that walking became difficult. They were these heavy foreign masses that made me uncomfortable, more unlike myself, more depressed.
Through all this I put off going to the doctor and was able to fend off my moms threat of dragging me to an emergency room. I put this off because above everything- even my health- I do not enjoy doctors or hospitals or any establishments with doctors.
A trusted friend recommended a doctor to me so I had no excuse not to go to her.
Thank all the gods I did.
This doctor my friend rec'd was amazing. I liked her. She ran all the tests trying to figure out why I was retaining so much fluid- i.e. the swollen legs. She said I was young and healthy...so why was this happening?
She called me two days later with a reason and a direct order 'go to emergency care now.'
Now I have always 'ran' kind of anemic, but usually I eat well and take my vitamins so I function and move on.....but remember I haven't been taking care of myself fully. So I went from slightly anemic to severely. Normal blood count= 12. Anemic blood count= 6-7. My blood count was a 2.
A 2.
I was told I needed to go to emergency care to receive blood transfusions. Yes, that is blood transfusions with an 's'.
More importantly my mom warned me that this would mean I would need to stay at the hospital. That's when I freaked out.
Once I arrived at the hospital, I just went numb. Here I am this person who hates hospitals, doesn't trust doctors, hates needles, and hates people in general....and this had it ALL!
Did I mention I have veins that are hard to find so sometimes they have to poke a few times till they get a BLEEDER?!!
So I am numb. Numb through my first 2 blood transfusions ( I had a total of 5). Through the blood tests. The sonograms. The cat scans with iodine injections. The heart monitor I had to wear for a few days because my poor heart was over working hence the fluid build up....my heart needed the blood it wasn't getting.
I came out of my numbness when the first of many doctors- who all looked at me with awe- was like "how are you alive?" This then turned into "you should not be alive and are only here because you are an otherwise healthy person"- meaning all my other organs are intact and joyous.
The docs and nurses didn't understand how I 'walked' around with my legs so swollen....with such low blood...and I let them know I barely did. Barely.
I was still called strong though. Strong...but stupid which I made them change to fearful. My fear was understood but I was still a 'House' episode to them. An anomaly.
After much observation and poking...and just no sleep- you cannot sleep in hospitals. Besides being awakened almost every hour, I had a roommate who was a little off and would cry out in pain whenever her legs were touched. She would also leave her tv on all night. Then there was just my mind going from a 'House' episode to 'Law & Order: SVU'. I lay in wait with a shiv of my toothbrush in case some orderly or random came into my room for raping.
Yeah, it doesn't pay to have an overactive imagination.
Then this hot doctor named Alex was the first to say that I would be going home on Sunday. I wanted to leap into his arms.
My blood fluctuated a little from the 9.2 it got to which made them take MORE BLOOD and scare me that I wouldn't be leaving like they said- this was Sunday morning. Thankfully my blood regulated itself and I was out of the hospital at 11:30AM on Sunday, June 10. Five days before my birthday.
Many years ago I told a then friend that I didn't see myself living to 40 or past 40. I turned 40 last year- when I was in the hospital laying in bed staring out to the East River, I realized how that prediction almost happened. I guess fate can be changed if someone/something is like 'nah, not her time'
I guess I have more lives to ruin. More tricks to bark on on crowded trains who choose to flip their hair and it touches me. More dudes hearts to break. More arepas to eat!
Yeah, I got my appetite back.
I will say this. This is me saying this. If you do not feel well or like yourself...GO TO THE DOCTOR!
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