Yes, Chef.

**So yeah...I watched The Bear and like everyone, I was parched when it came to Carmy aka Lip from Shameless.  Now I could only get through a few seasons of Shameless before I stopped caring, but I do remember caring...well finding that Lip kid attractive.  I just kept it to myself because I don't need ANOTHER white boy on the roster and his looks are....unconventional (to me).  In any case, him playing a problematic, semi-tatt covered chef made me moist.  Also his brother was JON BERENTHAL aka SHANE from Walking Dead (always and forever) who is a man I'd like to rearrange my cervical chakras.  After watching the last episode twice, I decided I needed to write a fanfic involving me and these fine tormented mens.  Enjoy!**

1-

    The bar was semi-crowded and an old Smashing Pumpkins song played low on the radio.  Tamara wasn't skeeved out by the scene, but she also knew Carmen wouldn't think it was too swanky.  It was a bar with some top shelf liquor.  She knew with Carmen she had to keep it simple because otherwise he would lean towards over analyzing everything instead of just being in the moment.  Unlike his brother who didn't care where they met as long as he could hold court and become the mayor of the bar.

She sighed.

Tamara just knew that bars worked for her when it came to having important conversations.  No matter how things went...there were drinks.

Her skin tingled and she looked up to see Carmen's sad blue eyes find her brown ones and make his way over to her at the bar.

"T."  He said as they half hugged.  The air around him was cold because Chicago is cold.  He just opens his jacket but keeps it on as he sits on the stool beside her.  He runs a tatted hand through his wild hair.  She waves the bartender over.

"I'll have Casamigos and soda....and my friend here..."  Tamara does a hand flourish in Carmen's direction.  He shakes his head with little amusement.

"Your best glass of red." 

"Woah fancy pants..."

"I just want to be able to sleep tonight."  He says, then does his usual stare off and goes to a place that Tamara wouldn't want to visit in a daydream.  "Casamigos and soda- you tryin' to fight someone tonight?"  The intensely sad blue eyes are on her, she almost jumps.  When Carmen focused on her it was intense and it made her feel more seen than she liked.

"I've had a day so it should actually mellow me out...not cause a fight."  She forces a smile though she wanted to hide her face because she knew she was blushing.

The bartender places their drinks in front of them.  They tap the glasses then take thoughtful sips.

"So..." He says after a few beats.  The intense eyes are back on her.

"Well you know towards- well recently I was helping your brother keep things at The Beef afloat." She paused.  Carmen doesn't use the 'social cues' thing of having her go on.  He just stares.  Tamara clears her throat. "I wanted to know if you wanted me to continue...consulting, just sitting in the back office three days a week to get things on some kind of track.  It will be one less thing for you to worry about."

The eyes move on from her face, he smirks as he turns to sip his wine. "So the rumors were true about you and my brother...."

Tamara clenched and unclenched her fist. "No.  Like all the Berzatto men, your brother wanted to fuck me but never did." The Casamigos did help in dealing with Carmen being an asshole.

He raises his eyebrows, "Nice one. You're just doing this to be... nice?"

"Since I take that as meaning you don't want to pay me then I can come in one day a week and that is me being nice."  She rolls her eyes and sips.

"Why? Pity because of what Mikey did?  Guilt?"

"Guilt?  Did you not hear me say I was helping him?!"

"Guilt because maybe if you gave him a chance..." He flinches as he realizes what he is saying.

"If I fucked your brother he wouldn't have killed himself.  Wow.  You give me and my vagina a lot of credit."  She stands. "Like I knew dealing with you would be hard because you are an ass, but you have out done yourself.  Fuck off."  Tamara grabs her coat and storms out the door.  Once outside, the wind sobering her up quickly, she didn't know what made her more mad.  The fact that Carmen was an asshole or the fact she had been in love with him regardless of that fact.

--

    Tamara lay under her weighted blanket on the couch still mad.  Beat Bobby Flay was on low in the background as she stared at her ceiling.  Her phone buzzes.  She picks it up and rolls her eyes when she sees who the text is from.

Carmen:

Two days a week and get paid with meals until everything gets sorted.  I would appreciate it.

Tamara:

Fuck. Off.

Carmen:

It went from no payment to food...

Tamara:

You think a beef sandwich will make everything better? You're a smart Michelin starred chef.  You can figure it all out.

Carmen:

I didn't say it would be beef sandwiches.  I will make you meals. Five star...

He knew that would be her weakness.  As much she hated mostly everything about him, the way he cooked....it made her dreamy eyed.  She notices three dots appear again as she was not responding.

Carmen:

I'm sorry, T. Please help...

He clutched his phone because her response would determine if he could do this.  He knew he fucked up and only acted out because of the power she had over him.  Always just out of his reach.  He remembers when she walked into Le Modin, the place where he earned his two Michelin stars.  She came alone because she did that.  Air of mystery and elegance around her as she ate.  This time she walked in with a dress that made Carmen forget where he was and remember that she wasn't his.  That thing between them was always there...looks that  lasted a second too long, small touches here and there...that time they kissed when he told her he was moving to New York City.  He would've stayed in Chicago if she could've been his but...Mikey always said he saw her first and had been just as in love with her.  The thing with Mikey was that as he much as he loved who she was, he was so selfish that he wanted her to dull her shine and build him up.  He didn't want her to do anything but be like the rest of his 'fans' and idolize him and she wouldn't do it.

Carmen had to keep his hands from noticeably shaking as he personally explained the tasting menu to her.  Her eyes and smile were warm and glowed by the candlelight.  He wanted to pull her face to his and just devour her lips.  Instead, he fed her the best meal of her life.  The dishes were his kisses.  As she closed her eyes and licked the spoon while eating dessert he imagined holding her after making love and watching her fall asleep.  The feeling of being sated and her warmth would give him the best sleep of his life.

Tamara:

Ok.

He smiles and places his phone on his coffee table.  He went back to staring at the ceiling and thought he would get at least two good hours of sleep tonight.

2-

  

  Tamara took a deep breath that chilled her lungs before stepping into The Beef.  Carmen must've told someone to keep the door unlocked.  She had text him earlier saying she had thrown her keys at Mike two weeks before he...killed himself.   She shakes the thought out of her head.  Gently, she pushes in the swinging back door leading to the kitchen and office.  The kitchen was...clean....and there were low voices in the distance.  Everything seemed muddled as she watched Carmen's back muscles as he chopped. His shoulders were wide and then his back went into a 'v' shape.  Her mouth felt dry.  Suddenly, Tina popped into her view...with someone else.

"Mami!"  Tina comes in for a hug, and Tamera relaxes into her familiar smell of Michael Kors perfume and savory food.

"Tina...." She does a quick look up to the tall young woman behind her who is also smiling at her, her eyes quickly meet Carmen's though which causes her heart to thud.  He stops chopping to watch her.

"Tamara, Sydney.  Sydney, Tamara."  Tina says. Tamara and Sydney shake hands. "She works here now, she used to be fancy like Carmy too..."

"Decided I would risk it all if I could work with him." Sydney motions to Carmen.  His eyes still haven't left Tamara.

"Well from the looks of things, you are doing great work.  I will do my best to stay out of the way-"  Tamara says, but Tina cuts her off.

"She stays in that office working her magic because now I have healthcare so...."  Tina shrugs and heads to her station at the kitchen.

"Sydney welcome and nice meeting you."  Tamara smiles and heads towards the office.  Once inside she shrugs off her coat.  Her skin tingles but she still jumps when Carmen squeezes her shoulder.

"Get settled, we're prepping.  Syd is making family and I am making your meal. I picked up scallops ... that's all I'm sayin.' "  He does that half smile that makes Tamara blush.  When he sees her cheeks turn that pink that makes his hands shake.  He shoves them in his pockets.

"Okay."  He was standing too close to her.  The office was small, but he was standing too close to her.  She could smell his aftershave, and the eyes were up close. "Just open the door and let me know it's ready...I listen to music while I'm working."

He nods, "About an hour and half."  He says that and steps back out into the kitchen.  Tamara closes the office door gently behind him.

Carmen thought about staying in the office with her and asking questions about what she was finding and how she was putting it all back together.  She said she would summarize everything for him before she left so he knew what was going on and could eventually take it on himself.  He never intended on taking it on because he wanted her there....there until he finally built up the courage to kiss her again and never stop.

--

    Tamara thought she heard 'sweet tits' but didn't think that was part of I Wanna C U by Blood Orange.  She turns off her AirPods and turns to see the office door open and Richie standing in the doorway smirking at her the way he did.  

"Were you calling me sweet tits, little dick?" Tamara asks as she takes the AirPods out.  She stands and stretches.

Richie doesn't try to hide that he is checking her out, "They look pretty sweet.  Like caramel globes."  He laughs when she punches him on the shoulder.  He steps aside and lets her out the office.  "Carmy explained why he is making the fancy food for you....hopefully he built up enough courage to put his dick in it so you can finally taste that."  Tamara stops short causing him to bump into her.  She tried to hold in the laugh but couldn't.  She elbowed him in the stomach.

"You are a piece of shit."  She says as they make their way to the dining area.

"You love it though. "  He squeezes both her shoulders, "Thanks for doing this, T."

They both chuckle as they take seats at the multiple tables set up to be one long one.  

"Uh, T...you sit here."  Carmen stands behind a chair at the other end of the tables.  She stands and hits Richie on the shoulder again and makes her way over to Carmen.  She sits and he pushes the chair in.  

He bends so he is speaking in her ear, everyone around them is talking, laughing and eating.  "Please enjoy tarragon butter scallops with a side of pea puree risotto."  She smelled spicy  and sweet, he notices her eyes close.

His breath by her ear, his deep voice.  Tamara was clenching her thighs closed. "Thanks...chef."  She says as she collects herself and grabs her fork.  He still doesn't stand back up, but he does lean away a little so he can watch her taste the food.

Tamara uses her fork to cut into a piece of scallop....they were like butter.  She scoops up some risotto so she had the perfect bite.  She places the fork in her mouth and wanted to close her eyes again but remembered she was being watched by Carmen and noticed that occasionally the crew would glance over at she and Carmen.

The way the food tasted was unbelievable.  Sweet, savory, buttery....she sagged against the back of the chair.

"Good?" Carmen asks.  Tamara could only nod slowly.

"Oh they over there fuckin', fuckin'..." Richie says as he points his fork in their direction.  The crew laughs.  Sydney looks over and smirks.

"Richie you're just jealous I only put my dick in your plate of food...." Carmen says as he makes his way back to the kitchen.

Tamara tried to joke and laugh with the crew as she normally would, but the dish Carmen made her was just so good.  She wanted to savor it.  She wanted to get into a warm bath and have Carmen bring her a glass of wine....and then when she got out...

"Earth to T."  Marcus is smiling at her, "Wanna try this caramel doughnut I am trying out?"  She nods and he practically runs into the kitchen.

After devouring Marcus's delicious doughnut, Tamara makes her way back to the office.  She told Carmen she would be there for another hour or so and then she would go to a paying consultation- a Thai restaurant that needed better organization as they were getting popular thanks to a TV segment on the local morning news show.

Carmen is in the office looking up at the filing system she was starting.  His hands on his narrow hips.

"This looks amazing."  He seemed almost awed.

"Thanks."  Tamara stayed closer to the doorway because she was afraid if she stepped in she would close the door behind her and just smell his neck...and then maybe have him throw her on the desk...

"Was the meal worthy of all you're doing?"  He looks at her knowing it was.  

"It was great...Marcus's doughnut really was the cherry on top."  She couldn't let him think he won.  She chances moving closer to the office chair.  He smirks at her and walks out of the office. Unfortunately, he didn't take the tension that was building up inside of her with him.

--

    Tamara could hear the noises of a smoothly run, yet busy kitchen.  She figured she could slip out without having to interact with Carmen.  Amazingly she was able to do that- until she ran into Richie smoking outside.

"Oh you just leaving like that?"  

"Carmen knows I have to go...to a job...you know work Richie-wait you don't know."  She smiles and sees her Uber would be there in two minutes.

"You know with Carmy it's different...." He says, eyeing her in that way he does.  When he was being serious and saying something profound.

"Yeah, the place seems to be running well....Mike just hit a wall."  She shrugs and tries not to let her voice quiver.

"Nah, Mikey wanted you for the wrong reasons.  Carmy loves you.  Always has.  You can't turn him down like you did Mikey...this shit is real."  He throws his cigarette on the ground and steps on it.

Thankfully, her Uber pulled up.  "Richie...I....it was their thing, it wasn't real."  Tamara got into the Uber knowing that wasn't true.  The car drives off and she knows Carmen came out just as it did because her skin tingled.

3-

    It had been two days since Tamara was last at The Beef.  She made the excuse of being busy with work, but she knew it was because of Richie calling her out and her being unable to even be around Carmen.  She steps out of her steamy bathroom into her warm bedroom.  Towel wrapped around her lotioned skin.  She sees her phone is buzzing- Carmen has sent her three texts in a row.

Carmen:

Are you coming in tomorrow?

Carmen:

Need to know, I saw some swiss chard I want to do something with

Carmen:

What's going on?

Tamara plopped on her bed.  She would make herself go in tomorrow and she would be determined and aloof.

Tamara:

I'll be in tomorrow.

Carmen:

You good.

Tamara:

Yeah.

Carmen:

You home?

Tamara:

Yeah.

Carmen:

Good.  I have Pequod's- let me in.

Her downstairs buzzer goes off as soon as he sends that last text.  Tamara was frozen for a moment. He was here.  He had delicious pizza.  He was here.  She was in a towel.  Her curls were wet and bounced as she finally ran to buzz him in downstairs.  She ran back to her bedroom- he would hopefully wait for the slow elevator that would slowly take him up to the fourth floor.  He would then try to remember where her apartment was....

She had enough time to throw on a t-shirt and a pair of Buffalo plaid shorts, just as she slid her feet into her Ugg slippers...there were rapid knocks on her door.  Of course Carmen would remember exactly where she lived.  She puts her curls up as she makes her way to the door.

When the door opens, Carmen almost drops the box of pizza and a bag that held wine.  He talked himself up to do this motivated by the feeling that Tamara was avoiding him and he didn't like that feeling.  Then she opens the door in his favorite way to see her.  Looking relaxed, her hair up so he could think about kissing her neck...and in what looked to be pajamas.  When he steps in- he was almost woozy she smelled so good.

She steps aside and closes the door as he makes his way to her kitchen island to put the food down.  She notices he doesn't turn around and is gripping the counter, she could almost see his back muscles through his jacket...or at least how she memorized them.  Almost afraid to step closer...

"Hey..." She whispers.  He turns and steps towards her.  His eyes are focused on her lips.  He pulls her close to him, hands on her waist.  Her warm body flushed against his.  He runs his nose along her neck.  Wordlessly, he was begging her to touch him...and finally her hands were in his hair, then his lips found her full soft ones.  They both moaned, his hands caressed her back and then one slid down to her full ass and he pulled her even more into him so she could feel how much he didn't want the pizza. She sighs softly and slides his jacket off.

"Couch..." He whispers in her ear.  Without separating from each other, they move to her couch.  Once there, she pushes him down on it.  She straddles him, he he grabs her hips and he feels how warm she is through his jeans.  They kiss and he bites her bottom lip.  They tug at each others shirts and when her hand grazes the button of his jeans, Carmen prayed the years of wanting this didn't ruin what was happening.  He took a deep breath and held her face, he looked in her eyes which felt like a mirror.  She was there with him, and then he kissed her slowly.

--

    Tamara opened her eyes and then squeezed them shut again.  She didn't remember when or how they got to her bed, but she was in her bed...alone.  Flashes of Carmen on top of her, his eyes never leaving hers as he enters her slowly, then him underneath her with his eyes closed as she began riding him faster...she shivers.  Her eyes open.  She smells food and hears sounds coming from her kitchen.  Suddenly Carmen appears in her doorway, he has on his boxers and t-shirt.

"How do you feel about eating in bed?"  He asks.

"Not good."  Tamara didn't want to leave her bed, but she was very hungry.

"Then get up and meet me at the kitchen bar."  He smiles, a full glorious smile and taps the doorway twice and goes back to the kitchen.

After a few moments, Tamara sits on one of her barstools as Carmen's slides a pepperoni covered pizza slice from a cast iron skillet onto her plate.  Water and a glass of wine were already placed beside her plate.  She wanted to shove the amazing looking pizza into her mouth, but she watched and waited as he placed a slice on his plate which was next to hers at the bar.

"Remember that party in high school when Mikey snuck everyone into The Beef ... and invited me but only to make sandwiches for everyone...." Carmen turns to look at Tamara and leans back on a kitchen counter.  His eyes were still sad but softer when they looked at her.

Tamara took a thoughtful bite of her pizza and nodded, "I came in to help you because I barely liked anyone at the party and would rather eat a sandwich in the kitchen with you."

He smiles again, Tamara noted how easily they seemed to appear on his face now.  He squeezes her thigh when he sits beside her at the bar. "That's when I knew I was in trouble.  I thought you were cute...but then we had these conversations..."

"Trouble?"  She looks at him.

He doesn't look away from the pizza he is eating, "You were Mikey's-"

"I was never Mikey's."  She sips wine.  They are both quiet and let that hang in the air.

"One day he caught me watching you at one of your soccer games and he told me you were out of my league and that I should focus on girls I was smarter than..."  He sips his wine and looks at her.

"You two had this thing about me and I never took any of it seriously...just brother shit.  If I was smart I would've left Chicago and removed myself from all of it..."

"Why didn't you?"  He still seemed relaxed but the intensity was growing in his gaze.

"You know why..."She tore her crust into bite sized pieces.

"Say it..." He says low, and she can feel him looking at her.  She turns to him.

"I was unfortunately and painfully in love with you."  Saying it out loud almost felt like a relief. Almost.  Carmen didn't seem phased.  In fact he stood and took their plates to the sink.  Tamara slowly follows behind him with their glasses.  "Say something..."  She says in a low voice.

"Why didn't you come with me to New York?"  He scrubbed a dish.

"I wasn't going to move anywhere for...someone....and was building my career here."

"But it made me and Mikey believe you chose him." Though his voice was even she could feel the emotion behind it.

"Again, that was your shit.  Had nothing to do with me..."

He turns off the water and turns to look at her, "It had everything to do with you."

That felt like a punch in the gut to Tamara.  She let him slide with making her the reason Mike killed himself.  She knew it was grief...but to see that he truly blamed her.  She throws herself onto him, wrapping her arms around his neck.  His arms are at his sides.  She grabs his face and kisses him.  He kisses her back, his lips salty with tears.  She stops kissing him and slides her cheek up his to his ear.

"I will finish with The Beef and then you will never see me again."  She feels his fists open and close against her thighs.  "Please leave."  She let's go of him and he seems to crumple, and she walks into her bedroom and slams the door behind her.

4-

    Carmen sat in the office, head in hands, elbows on desk.  His eyes shut.  The flashes of her begin again.  Her smiling looking down at her cleats, wind catching stray curls around her face.  The kiss they shared outside of The Beef that warm summer night, the next day he was leaving for New York and it was his last ditch effort to be happy.  Her eyes when their faces parted...he knew she loved him then, but he still left.  Her eyes again as he slid into her warmth, her hands clutching his back...the feeling was so exquisite, she raised her hips and met his strokes and they moved together like he knew they would ... perfectly.  Sounds of the last person leaving the kitchen shake him from his reverie...at least it was before he saw the hurt on her face the last time she walked away from him.

"Night, chef!" Marcus shouts. Carmen hears the doors.  Then its only him and the buzz of the lights.

It had been two weeks since the best night of his life turned into the worst.  Richie gave Tamara keys so she worked during off hours or when she knew she wouldn't run into Carmen.  He looks at the unmoved post-it he left on the desk letting her know he left her meals in the fridge.  Every time he opened the fridge hopeful the meals would be missing.  Every time he felt a chill as he saw them untouched.

He lifts his head when he hears the kitchen doors swing open.  His heart thuds when he sees Tamara walking towards the office absently looking in her tote bag.  He stands ready to follow her if she turns to leave.  She makes it to the doorway of the office when she finally notices him.  

"Oh..." She says, but she finds herself frozen.  It felt like she blinked and Carmen pulled her towards him.  His forehead on hers.

"I'm sorry, T.  I don't blame you....I love you."  He kisses her frantically, he slows down only when he feels her kissing him back.  He pushes off her jacket, and it and her tote fall to the ground.  He lifts her and places her on the desk.  She gasps, and he begins kissing her again...this time deeper...slower.  She pulls at his apron...

Her legs are wrapped tightly around his waist, she gripped his shoulders as he thrust into her.  His rhythm making her breathless and causing the shelves behind her to shake.  His breath on her neck, a tattooed hand gripped her ass and the other gripped a shelf behind her. 

"Car...car..." She says breathlessly. He moves a little faster and kisses her...and then starts biting her bottom lip when he feels her gripping him, knowing she was almost there.

As Tamara put her top back on she smiled to herself thinking that this had been better than any fantasy she had.  She notices Carmen is smiling at her.

"What?" She says.

"I am not saying shit.  I did that before and you left me."  

"Well...I am leaving because there is no way I can work now....but you can come with me."  She smiles.  "We can stop at the store and you can make me something to eat...I worked up an appetite."

"Did you?"  He steps closer to her, they kiss.

--

    A few months later, it was Spring in Chicago.  Carmen sat at the half empty bar checking the door every now and then to see if he saw her.  She wanted to talk and he suggested the spot, a lowkey bar that attracted a professional after work crowd.  He wasn't sure if he was nervous.  Things were going well with them- even with The Beef becoming The Bear- being with the love of his life helped him to handle the obstacles...and Richie.

He looks towards the door and sees her, then her eyes meet his and he feels the butterflies in his stomach and the smile forms on his face.  As soon as she reaches him, her arms are around his shoulders and he places tiny pecks around her face.

"Hey chef..." She says and kisses his temple before sitting in the barstool next to him. 

"What are you drinking?"  He waves the bartender over.  

"Ginger ale." She says.  The bartender nods and walks away.  She avoids making eye contact with Carmen.  He taps her arm.

"Ginger ale?  You making me drink alone?  You okay?"  He leans in closer and rests a hand on her thigh.

"Yeah....yeah..."  She turns to him, intense blue eyes search her brown ones.  "Just a lot going on..."

"Wouldn't a drink help...or we can leave and I can help..." He squeezes her thigh when she lets her eyes fall to his lips and then bites her bottom lip.

"That's the problem....Carmen, I'm pregnant."  Her eyes look hopeful.  Carmen appeared to be frozen.  He did blink a few times and then he felt like he was going to explode.  He wanted to scream like he was at a Cubs game.

"Our baby..."  He stands because the energy was getting harder to contain.  He stroked her back and nuzzled her temple.

"Our baby.  I'm having it...and I won't be drinking for a while."  She leans into him.

"We got this."  He says.

5-

    The construction crews were working in the kitchen area, Tamara could see through the front window Carmen in a hard hat looking over plans with one of the crew members.

Tamara:

I'm out front.

She turns just as Richie, Tina and Sydney are walking up to the construction site that is The Bear.  Their smiles get a bit wider when they see her.

"Que linda!"  Tina says as she makes it to her first.  They hug and Tina caresses Tamara's small belly bump.  The summer dress she had on seemed to emphasize it.

"Fuck me! You're even hot pregnant!"  He kisses Tamara's cheek and goes inside, "Yo cousin, I think I want the baby to be mine." He says before the door closes.

Tamara and Sydney both shake their heads and hug.  "I don't care if Richie goes in there, but is it safe for you guys?"  Tamara asks.

"Chef wanted us to come in and check with the new kitchen layout." Sydney says.

Carmen pokes his head out, "Chefs.  T, I'll be right out."  He smiles at her and then his eyes go to her small bump.  They go soft and he steps back to let Tina and Sydney in.  They both say 'later' to Tamara as they collect hard hats and go inside.

Tamara enjoys the stillness even with the dulled construction sounds.  A breeze ruffled her dress and she thought she heard Mike's laugh.  Her hand goes to her belly and she smiles to herself.

Carmen comes out and puts an arm around her, "I am leaving them to it for today."  He kisses her cheek.

"Good.  You promised me lunch and I want a 'wolf burger'."   She wraps an arm around his waist as they walk to his car.

"I think I might gain pregnancy weight too."

"Ew no...I like my chef's lean...coked out even, might have to take Richie up on his offer." She chuckles when he nips at her bare shoulder, then kisses the same spot.

"If you left me for Richie I would just give this all up and move to an island and sell seashells.  Grow a beard...."

"Two minutes after being with Richie I am on a plane right behind you ready to sell the shells."  She kisses his chin.  They smile at each other.

Carmen hugs her to him knowing that he would hopefully never had to suffer a life without her again.  A breeze shakes him from his thoughts and he swore he heard Mikey laugh.

**The End**