The Story of We: Episode 2

**Here is episode 2 of the We series I posted last week. I remember writing this and realizing I wouldn't have to throw coffee in anyones face- which was bound to happen in that crazy office AKA HELL because peeps were assholes.**

Episode 2: This Is How We Do It
Screenplay by Honey T
October 22, 2007

Setting: In NYC, of course, the story takes place on a REAL block, in an apartment, in a Starbucks, on a yacht, in a prison yard, at St. Vincents Hospital, on Regent St. in London, and in TGI-Friday’s. The story and characters tend to move all around the city…its boroughs and islands. The year is 2007 and the world is as it is. Reality is real.

Starring:
Taylor Greene- 20’s, witty and aloof
Britain Sawyer- 20’s, clever, cute and sturdy
Josephina Fergus- 20’s, cute, sweet and rage-filled
Lorna Long- 20’s, drunkard, respectable, leads a semi-charmed life
Marilyn Herringbone (based off this chick who was our perma-frenemy)- 20’s, hater
Kurt Sandleback- 20’s, mysterious, eccentric, moody
Acorn Dillon (based off this dude who worked part time and was a rapper/poet/dancer)- 20’s, artist, rapper, babysitter
Featuring:
Spearchuck Openhide (based off this Nigerian architect we all worked with) - ageless, doctor, playboy
Robert Downey Jr.- as himself
Fifty Cent- as himself
Justin Timberlake- as himself
Dr. Phil- as himself
Brad Pitt – as himself


Scene 1: It's another day at Starbucks. We see Josephina behind a register adjusting her CUPCAKE chain and her 3 finger PIE ring. Britain is cleaning a frappacino blender and Kurt is chatting with a customer. The door swings open and in comes Taylor like a cool breeze on a hot beach. She is wearing aviator shades, has Bo Derek braids with beads on the end and is wearing a denim vest (no shirt) and matching jeans. She doesn’t seem pleased.

Josephina:
(giggles with delight) Taylor?!

Britain:
Woah- hello 1996! (she and Josephina hi-5)

Kurt:
(walks away from customer)
I am no pillow biter, but there are like 15 things wrong with this outfit. (he, Britain, and Josephina chuckle)

Taylor:
(silently squints)
Are you all done?

Britain:
(does the cabbage patch) Now I’m done.

Josephina:
Wait- (takes a camera phone pic) okay now I’m done. (smiles sweetly)

Taylor:
First, I hope all of you get molested-fucked like a drunk uncle to his 10 year old niece. Second, I know this outfit is the worst thing ever, but I had to wear it (starts to whisper) so that he wouldn’t recognize me.

Kurt:
If he’s Hammer, he’s definitely gonna see you-

Britain:
Wait are those pleats?

Taylor:
(waits a minute)
Yes, there are pleats involved in this outfit. I am incognito remember!

Josephina:
It’s a really good cover, Taylor. I wouldn’t recognize ya, and I’ve known you for two years.

Taylor:
Thanks Jose. Please delete the camera phone pic, please!

Josephina:
Wish I could, but I have to show Curtis and a few of our homies. They wouldn’t believe me if I just told them. We’re gonna laugh and laugh, then-

Britain:
Who are you running from?

Taylor:
Justin Timberlake. (Kurt, Josephina and Britain laugh) Laugh all you want, but that dude is a freak! Monday everything was great. We planned on going house hunting on Tuesday. We went to Ashton Kutcher’s club and threw olive’s at them Olsen twins. Then Wednesday comes, and shit just got fucked up.

Josephina:
(is wide eyed)
What happened?

Taylor:
Justin was all like, let’s go house hunting. We went. Then we had lunch…then dinner…then like a fortnight’s worth of sex-

Kurt:
Please get to the point, I feel my balls shriveling.

Taylor:
Then he’s all calling me n’ shit. I wanted to do my own thing in L.A.. I have friends out there. Peeps. I started ditching him at parties, even bought a new cell phone with a new number-dude still found me. Decided to pull a page from his book with the denim on denim…some braids…and some aviators. I think I lost him.

Britain:
So what you’re saying is…Justin Timberlake is stalking you?

Taylor:
Yeah. (Britain, Kurt and Josephina start laughing) Well fuck you guys. Being stalked is not a laughing matter. 1 in 9 women stalked…are also murdered! (they are all still laughing)

Marilyn enters and walks right passed Taylor. She even bumps into her. She is carrying a toddler, a baby boy. He is wearing a baby blue velour Enyce track suit, and has a pony tail.

Marilyn:
I swear if you guys work any harder-

Kurt:
Baby Boy! (takes the child from Marilyn’s arm, the kid kicks him in the stomach) Ouch, what the fu…fuc- fudge, kid?!

Marilyn:
You need to grab him gentler. What’s so funny?

Kurt:
Taylor and her outfit.

Marilyn:
Where is that cooch-rag?

Taylor:
Right here you used tampon-

Kurt:
Ugh dude. The kid is here. (the child starts crying and only stops when returned to Marilyn’s arms)

Britain:
Yeah Taylor, that insult lacked a certain Taylor-ness. It was downright disgusting.

Taylor:
I know guys. Timberlake has me all off my game! I’ve gotta go. I’ll be in tomorrow. (walks out before anyone can protest)

Josephina:
(looks at her watch)
Oops, I haveta go too. Be back in 2 hours. (leaves, again before anyone can protest)

Once outside, Josephina walks one block to the corner, there waits Taylor with her sunglasses off, she shakes the braided wig out revealing her bountiful curls, rips off the bad denim outfit revealing khaki colored short shorts and a modest white button-down.

Josephina:
I mean, I knew you were good, but I always seem to forget-

Taylor:
When it comes to leaving work with no good excuse, I’m your chick. Though Justin really is stalking me…NOTHING would make me wear denim on denim…well besides this. This is BIG though.

Josephina:
Yes it is. The others are going to be so surprised. (they start to walk and bump into a frazzled looking Lorna)

Taylor:
Well, well, well-

Lorna:
What are you doing in the streets, Taylor? Do you know Justin has Timbaland, Pharell AND Britney all looking for you??

Taylor:
I am never scared.

Lorna:
Hope you have a plan B.

Josephina:
(her cell rings) Oh, I have to take this. (steps over to the side) Hey sweety-

Fifty Cent:
Yo, hey honeydew. Wassup with your girl Taylor?

Josephina:
What do you mean?

Fifty Cent:
She clownin’ my boy Justin. I can’t have that. I know that’s your girl, but Imma need you to bring her by the crib.

Josephina:
Now?

Fifity Cent:
Soon.

Josephina:
We’re on our way to the-

Fifty Cent:
Soon!

Josephina:
Watch your fuckin’ tone chipmunk! I’ll put nine more shells in that ass, bitch.

Fifty Cent:
(whimpers) Okay…okay, I’m sorry. Bring her soon though, please.

Josephina:
Mutha fucka I’ll bring her when I fuckin’ bring her. (she ends the call and walks back over to Lorna and Taylor) Taylor we should head to the place-

Taylor:
Yeah…Lorna, thanks for lookin’ out, but I’ll be good.

Lorna:
Okay. I’ve got to hit Saks then hop on a plane to the Ivory Coast. I swear, you give one prince in Dubai a hand job and suddenly everyone is your friend.

Taylor:
True dat. (Josephina looks confused)

Lorna:
I will say this Taylor, and then I am off. A prostitute in Costa Rica once told me to watch my jugs. Always, always watch your jugs and insist on bug spray.

Taylor:
Um, thanks.


Scene 2: Taylor and Josephina enter St. Vincents hospital in the West Village. They look at the directory and then make their way to Spearchuck Openhide’s office. He opens the door, revealing himself to be a 5’2” African male. His eyes glaze over with happiness when he sees Taylor.

Spearchuck:
Ladies (he sounds like Rafiki from the Lion King). Come in, come in. Sit, sit. (Taylor and Josephina enter the office and sit in the 2 seats in front of his desk) To what do I owe this honor. (he is focused on Taylor)

Taylor:
Um…well we were inquiring about opening a Starbucks in the ICU-

Spearchuck:
You want to what?

Josephina:
(touches Taylor’s arm) I got this. Listen. People get sick, families worry…and what keeps them holding on? What gets them through? Coffee. Sweet treats. Friendly faces to weather them through the storm.

Spearchuck:
That sounds so poetic. So beautiful, but it cannot be done.

Taylor:
And why not?

Spearchuck:
Well for one, it’s insane. Two, it just can’t be done.

Taylor:
There is a CAN in can’t!

Josephina:
Damn right.

Spearchuck:
(looks at Taylor) I like your passion. Let me give this more thought, and I will call you…we can talk some more.

Taylor:
(she and Josephina stand) That sounds great. I look forward to hearing from you. (she and Josephina leave, once outside the doctors office they hi-5)

Spearchuck:
(to himself) Dear, dear Taylor, I will tame that passion in you. Contain it and focus it on me and only me. If she wants this…this…Starbucks in my ICU, she’ll have to be a good girl and earn it. (he chuckles softly)


While Josephina and Taylor are trying to franchise, Kurt is having a ‘family’ dinner at TGI-Friday’s with Marilyn and his son.

Marilyn:
I must say, if I would’ve known that a nice dinner to you was TGI-Friday’s…I would’ve said no! Hells no! (looks down at her menu)

Kurt:
(is looking at his menu)I am trying to have family time. I want my son to grow up in a world where mom and dad eat together-

Marilyn:
And that’s it! (plays with the boy a little, he giggles) You just make sure he’s well fed and dressed, and everything else will be okay.

Kurt:
I want more for him than just nice clothes and the finest eats. (goes to caress the boy’s cheek and the boy growls at him) Woah-

Marilyn:
Let’s just order. Oh- someone is going to join us.

Kurt:
Who? (goes to caress the kids cheek again and he bites at it) I don’t think Baby Boy likes me.

Marilyn:
Don’t be crazy. (shifts uncomfortably)

Kurt:
I don’t know. I think I need to spend more time with him-anyways, who’s interrupting our family time?

Marilyn:
Now, just because we’re playing family doesn’t mean we’re together. You and me.

Kurt:
I know. So, you have a boyfriend or something? I respect that you want me to meet him seeing as he is hanging around my son.

Marilyn:
Yeah…exactly. You already know the guy too, so it’s even better.

Kurt:
I do? (suddenly turns a deep shade of red as Acorn approaches their table, whispers) No way…

Marilyn:
I know it seems crazy, but we met one night at a dance club. The music moved my body and his words moved my soul. (looks nostalgic)

Kurt:
No shit- (looks at his son) I mean, wow!

Acorn:
(sits next to Marilyn, he and Kurt’s son hi-5, and then he and Kurt exchange knowing looks)Hello, hello its me Acorn the lucky fellow, fellow. Kurt I know this is a surprise, but in your baby momma’s eyes I see a life time. (hold his hand out for a soul brotha hand shake, Kurt doesn’t take it)

Kurt:
What happened to Britain? You’ve been about her for years now.

Acorn:
Britain is my angel, but in me she found no halo so I had to be on my way yo.

Kurt:
Um, she has never been about you…so what’s changed?

Acorn:
(looks uncomfortable) I like her challenge, she kept my balls on balance but now she’s got me stressed cuz she’s been wearing wedding dresses.

Kurt:
What?

Marilyn:
Where have you been Kurt? She’s been wearing a different wedding dress everyday for the last two weeks. I know she’s a crazy b-word, and I can understand her wanting to marry Acorn (looks at him adoring, he touches her chin, Kurt throws up a lil bit in his mouth), but that is just plain insane.

Kurt:
I’ll find out what’s going on with Britain, but more importantly I just don’t like the two of you together.

Marilyn:
I don’t give a hoot what you like. I am going to be with Acorn. Your son even likes him (says under breath) possibly more than you.

Kurt:
What? (his voices cracks as he notices the kid smiling at Acorn) I-I…still don’t like it.

Acorn:
Man it’s cool I understand, I’m not tryin’ to take your place fam, but best believe imma look out for the lil man and my wo-man. (Kurt hangs his head.)


Scene 3: Taylor and Josephina are walking up a very REAL block. There are thugs on every corner, crackheads chasing stray cats and rats biting the ankles of homeless people. Taylor is visibly uncomfortable, Josephina is fine…this is HER block. They walk up the steps of a rundown looking brownstone.

Taylor:
(clutches her purse)
You guys live here? I thought he had money!

Josephina:
He’s so hood. We have to keep it real. [once they go through 2 heavy wood doors, then a line of body guards, they enter the foyer which is all marble and trimmed in gol]

Taylor:
Holy shit, this is like the bat cave! (is looking around open mouthed)

Josephina:
I’d like to call it a hidden gem. [they walk for what seems like a mile until they enter what looks like a living room, there are two bearskin rugs, a portrait of Biggie Smalls, Tupac and Fifty Cent, and other treasures. Fifty is sitting in a large armchair that seems to be covered with chinchilla fur, Britain sits opposite him on a large leather sectional…in a wedding dress and Justin Timberlake is standing by a roaring fireplace. It is a truly weird scene.] Babe- Britain? Justin?

Fifty Cent:
Justin is my homey and Britain just rolled up. I can’t figure out why she’s here and why she has on a wedding dress-

Britain:
Fitty, I told you why.

Fifty Cent:
Fuck it. I forgot. (sips from his goblet)

Justin:
(turns to look at Taylor, his eyes are moist with almost tears)
Taylor, funny running into you…

Taylor:
(a tad bothered) Justin, hi. Britain, what the fuck? Fifty, always a pleasure. (whispers to Josephina) I thought we were homies! How could you do this to me?

Josephina:
(whispers back) Fifty just thinks you guys should talk. It’s okay to be happy, Taylor.

Fifty Cent:
Why are yall whispering and standing? Come sit down and stay a while. (gulps from his goblet when he catches Josephina’s rage filled glance) Or do what you like…

Taylor:
I’m going to sit with my girl Britain here and figure out what the heck is going on. (goes to sit next to Britain)

Josephina:
I am going to go into the library and look for that book, Curtis I need your help. (Britain, Taylor and Justin have an uh-oh face, Josephina and Fifty Cent leave the room)

Justin Timberlake:
So, Taylor, why are you avoiding me?

Taylor:
You’re crowdin’ me man. I need space.

Justin Timberlake:
If space is what you want, I’ll give it to you [walks over to her and caresses her cheek). I want to write songs about you and me…wait- I have one right now (Britain sits up, her dress makes a lot of noise. Taylor sighs heavily. Timbaland appears with a keyboard, he starts playing beats and then makes the ‘wikka wikka’ sound he always does. Justin closes his eyes and bops his head, feeling the beat] Babyyyyyyy, you got me hangin’ on string, hurtin’ my feelings. Babyyyyyyy, why you gotta play me like that, I’m like a mouse and you’re the meanest cat. Babyyyyy-

Taylor:
Shut the fuck up, Justin! (she gives the quit it sign to Timbaland)

Britain:
Awkward.

Justin:
(is close to tears)Why are you treating me this way?? Why? Huh? Why?-

Taylor:
Because you’re a bitch, alright! An okay lay, but look at you, you’re crying man! Buck the fuck up! Go holla at them Hollywood bitches and leave me be- I mean really Justin, you can’t handle all this. (Timbaland nods in agreement, takes his keyboard and disappears)

Justin:
(hangs his head)I’ll never forget you- (they are interrupted by Fifty Cent and Josephina arguing, they both enter the room oblivious to everyone else)

Fifty Cent:
You have to be more understanding boo-

Josephina:
Fuck understanding! You understand this: kiss my ass!

Fifty Cent:
Why do you haveta say such hurtful things?

Josephina:
When are you start listening to me?! (Taylor’s cell phone rings, the ring tone is: Jay Z’s Big Pimpin’)

Britain:
Awkward.

Taylor:
(stands) I’m just gonna take this in the other wing. Be right back. (she exits, Justin sulks behind her)

Josephina:
Britain, is there any reason why you’re wearing a wedding dress?

Fifty Cent:
Let her be, we have some unfinished business here.

Josephina:
I’m finished. Go talk to the wall for all I care! (Fifty Cent punches the air and leaves the room) So…

Britain:
Are you guys alright?

Josephina:
We’re fine, he just going to go cool off and play some paint ball. I’m going to go in our amazing kitchen and bake a red velvet cake…and all will be right with the world. So, the dress…

Britain:
It’s Taylor’s fault. You remember the other day when she had on that amazing denim outfit to keep Justin off her scent?

Josephina:
(smiles wistfully) How could I forget it?

Britain:
I figure, if I start wearing wedding dresses it’ll do the opposite. I want my boyfriend, Robert Downey Jr. to marry me.

Josephina:
Hmmm, so you’re not being incognito…you’re being quite obvious!

Britain:
Yes! (they hi-5)

Taylor:
(enters the room in a rushed manner) Guys I haveta roll outta town a few days. I’ll tell you all about it when I get back. Tell Kurt.

Josephina:
Take one of Curtis’s jets.

Taylor:
Sweet! (they all hi-5, though Britain finds it hard in her dress)


The next day Kurt enters Starbucks looking a little distraught. He see’s Josephina restocking the waters in the fridge and Britain-in a wedding dress, standing behind a register.

Kurt:
Where’s Taylor?

Britain:
Had to go out of town-business.

Kurt:
Why are you wearing a wedding dress?

Britain:
Trying to get my boyfriend Robert Downey Jr. to marry me.

Kurt:
Cool. I’m going in the back. (he nods at Josephina, she nods back. Just as Kurt goes to his office, Marilyn and Acorn enter the Starbucks, they are holding hands)

Britain:
Holy fuck.

Josephina:
No, it can’t be!

Marilyn:
Hello heifers.

Acorn:
Ladies, ladies yall used to make me crazy, now I’ve got my fine foxy baby.

Britain:
(chuckles) Marilyn, I knew you were into hand-me-downs, but this is even low for you.

Josephina:
Seriously, who would willingly fuck Acorn? (Marilyn and Acorn look at Britain, Britain looks uncomfortable)

Acorn:
Latte lady, please don’t hate me, by the look in your eyes you wanna taste me. (Josephina lunges at Acorn, but Britain holds her back)

Britain:
I think y'all should go. Now!

Josephina:
You don’t know me mutha fucka! You think I wanna taste you son. You gonna be tasting bullets bitch-

Kurt:
(comes from the back) Woah, woah. What’s going on- oh. (looks at Marilyn and Acorn) Carry on. (goes back to his office)

Marilyn:
Animals. All of you. Come on Acorn. (she and Acorn leave)

Josephina:
That chew stick mutha fucka better watch his back!

Britain:
(looks concerned) Maybe you should take a ten.

Josephina:
Fine. I’ll be back.

While the drama is going down in the Starbucks in New York City, Taylor enters a Starbucks on Regent Street in London, England. She re-reads a text on her phone and sits at the table by the window. After ordering a tea and scone, her phone rings.

Taylor:
Hello?

Spearchuck:
Madam Taylor. It is I, Dr. Openhide.

Taylor:
Oh hello. Have you made the right decision?

Spearchuck:
Well, I am leaning towards a yes, but I really need that push…in the right direction.

Taylor:
Are you implying that we fuck or something?

Spearchuck:
Oh dear. I am a gentleman. I’d like to put you in handcuffs, then make love to you over and over again…and again. Then I’d like to cum all over your body. Leaving you sticky with my love juice-

Taylor:
(dry heaves)Dude, if we were in the same country I would get all jungle specific on that ass! (ends the call, then starts dialing numbers furiously)

Josephina:
Hey, wassup.

Taylor:
That Dr. Africa called me back…and homey is a FREAK. He was talking about putting me in handcuffs and cummin’ all over me-

Josephina:
What the fuck?!

Taylor:
I know. Listen I have some serious business to attend to out here. Handle that for me, but do it so we still get our Starbucks in that hospital!!

Josephina:
I won’t let you down. Or Kurt, or Britain…or myself. (they hang up, Josephina angrily squints and crushes a cupcake in her hand)

Taylor:
(relaxes a little, she then see’s him as he enters the Starbucks. He smiles and nods at Taylor) Well, well, well. We meet again, Brad Pitt.

Brad Pitt:
Taylor you sexy bitch stand up and show B-man some love. (they hug)

Taylor:
Ah, the Pittster! Hope I didn’t interrupt you and wifey’s quest for another child the world doesn’t want.

Brad Pitt:
Nope. I am shooting a movie in Surrey. Let me get a latte’ so we can get down to business. (he goes to order and comes back, looks out the window towards the busy London street) Wait a minute…is that?

Taylor:
(looks out the window, rolls her eyes)Yes, its Justin Fuckin’ Timberlake. [Justin stands outside the window with puppy dog eyes. He points to Taylor and then his heart] Ugh. Fuckin’ ass tissue!

Brad Pitt:
You heartbreaker you. I can say I knew you when…way before the whole album was written about you. (they laugh, Brad leans close to get serious) So, what’s our Lorna gotten herself into now?

Taylor:
On her way to the Ivory Coast, she had a layover in Heathrow. Somehow 3 bags of coke were found in her bag and now she is being detained at a prison near Heathrow.

Brad Pitt:
Wow. That’s pretty simple to get out of. Let’s roll. (they stand) Is your boyfriend going to follow us? (smiles)

Taylor:
He’s not my boyfriend. Fuck that dude. Fuck him raw.

Brad Pitt:
(shakes his head) Heartbreaker. I know who would do you in though?

Taylor:
Who?

Brad Pitt:
Clooney (the name alone sent shivers through Taylor).

Taylor:
We all know I have a thing for White chocolate, but a White older gentleman makes me wetter than a soaked sponge. (shakes a lil) You have to introduce me one of these days.

Brad Pitt:
I will when the time is right.

Taylor:
I’ll make him cry though. Cry AND wish he were dead. (she and Brad chuckle as they walk towards Taylor’s chauffeured Bentley, Justin follows behind them on his Vespa)


Josephina and Britain are blindfolded and sitting in the back of a limousine. The car stops and Fifty Cent’s body guards lead them onto a parked yacht. They are placed in seats on the ships deck and the blindfolds are removed.

Josephina:
When I get done with Curtis he is going to wish he was born a woman!

Britain:
Calm down, we are on a yacht. That’s pretty awesome. I don’t know or care why I’m here…I’m just happy I opted for the strapless wedding dress today. Get some sun on these shoulders.

Josephina:
(watches as Fifty Cent approaches, with Dr. Phil and Robert Downey Jr.) What is-

Britain:
What the hell is going on?!

Fifty Cent:
Ladies. All your questions will be answered. (he, Dr. Phil and Robert Downey Jr. sit on some deck chairs) Baby, we’ve been going through some serious shit. I don’t wanna lose you so I called up my man Dr. Phil and schooled him on you and me…he just wants to help. (looks at Britain) I brought you and your man along because its crazy to wear wedding dresses all the time, just tell him how you feel.

Britain:
I wish I could’ve seen your expression when Fitty came to get you-

Robert Downey Jr.:
It was priceless. (they smile)

Dr. Phil:
Okay folks. As yall can see, my friend Fifty is a caring man. He loves you Josephina. Why do you insist on hurting his feelings?

Josephina:
(is silent a bit, Fifty places a hand on her leg)
Y’all can go fuck yourselves. I cannot believe you have this corny mutha fucka up here tryin’ to tell me about how I treat you. Fuck you Curtis. I am going down to the cabin to go sip on some Alize and lay on the waterbed. No one bother me. (she gets up and goes to down into the cabin)

Fifty Cent:
See what I mean? When she gets all like that I can’t talk to her.

Dr. Phil:
Fifty, you’re a successful, wonderful guy. I say find a new Mrs. Cent.

Fifty Cent:
(stands up)What? Fuck you Dr. Phil. You better watch yourself. (mushes Dr. Phil, Dr. Phil’s head snaps to the side and then bounces back upright) I am going to go skeet shooting on the back of the boat. Yall let yourselves off. (he walks off)


Dr. Phil:
Well then. Maybe I can help you two.

Robert Downey Jr.:
We don’t need any help. Britain, of course we’re going to get married- (they’re interrupted by the sounds of helicopters and speed boats)

Police Officer On Megaphone:
Robert Downey Jr. put your hands up!!

Britain:
Again?!

Robert Downey Jr.:
Cocaine is a hell of a drug babe, I won’t be long.


Taylor and Brad Pitt are standing by a closed barbed wire gate. Suddenly an alarm goes off and the gate slides open. Lorna steps out with shades on and sipping her flask.

Brad Pitt:
Lorna Long, always a pleasure. (they hug)

Lorna:
Brad, Taylor…thanks. (she hugs Taylor) Fuckin’ cesspool London is.

Taylor:
Come now, it’s not like Mexico or something…

Brad Pitt:
You know I’ve seen worse…and you did have 3 bags of cocaine.

Lorna:
Good shit too. Oh well. I’m free. (squints) Is that Justin-

Brad Pitt:
Yes. Taylor broke ole boy’s heart. I made him dance for me while we waited.

Lorna:
(shakes her head) Taylor, Taylor. One day love isn’t gonna come knockin’. The door will be gone and the knockin’ fist cut off. Then your left in a hotel lobby in San Juan sipping a Pina Colada talking to J-Lo about anal bleaching. You feel lonely and clueless…but mostly you feel cold.

Brad Pitt:
(has tears in his eyes)Truer words have never been spoken. Come on. Let’s have a steak and sip some Merlot.


Scene 4: Taylor goes to enter the Starbucks and stops dead in her tracks. She sees Acorn and Marilyn behind the registers.


Taylor:
What the fuck is going on here??

Marilyn:
We work here, bitch.

Acorn:
Your friends have peaced out and now we’re in the house.

Taylor:
No fuckin’ way! (takes out her cell phone and dials furiously) Britain, where the fuck are you?

Britain:
Um, at work.

Taylor:
I am at work and that cum dumpster Marilyn and that asshat Acorn are here-

Britain:
Oh shit. We don’t work there anymore. Dude, we have our franchise! Thanks to you and Jose!

Taylor:
Word?! (begins jumping up and down) Are you making what we said we’d make if we had our own Starbucks??

Britain:
Yes! Making frappacino Mudslides as we speak!!

Taylor:
Holla. I’ll be there in a sec. (ends call) Well fuckers, I’m out. Oh and do realize that this Starbucks is going down because the Starbucks at St. Vincents ICU is the new jumpoff! (leaves the Starbucks)

Acorn:
Boo, boo what are we gonna do, do?

Marilyn:
We’re gonna make those foul mouthed whores wish they were dead!

Kurt, Josephina and Britain all have on green lab coats. They are making drinks and talking with the customers. Taylor enters and Josephina tosses her a green lab coat. Taylor catches it and puts it on. They all hi-5.

Taylor:
Jose, you secretive cunt! Can’t believe you did it-

Josephina:
We did it!

Kurt:
We’re rolling with the big dogs now, guys!

Britain:
Dude, I’m making Mudslide frapps and warm Long Island iced tea’s!

Josephina:
I’m about to go bake come weed brownies…and make a ginger tart I’ve always wanted to make. How’s Lorna by the way?

Taylor:
Good, good. Me and Brad just went there, took care of business and left. Oh, and lost I Justin somewhere in Notting Hill. Brit, Robert Downey Jr. was arrested again…and you’re not wearing wedding dresses-

Britain:
We’re good, but we’re on a hiatus. He needs to get his shit together.

Kurt:
The best part of all this…is when we take down Marilyn and Acorn. Take them DOWN.

Britain:
Hello, left field.

Kurt:
Well, besides owning our own Starbucks…its just that part makes me especially gleeful.

Taylor:
Let me go restock the milk-

Josephina:
Oh no, no, you don’t have to do it. (yells out) Spearchuck! (Spearchuck comes from the back area)

Taylor:
(is laughing) Oh my shit…the doctor is our barback?!

Josephina:
Damn right.

Spearchuck:
I am no longer a doctor, Miss Taylor. (doesn’t look at Taylor)

Taylor:
Why won’t he look at me?

Josephina:
He was told to never look at you. (Spearchuck goes to refill the milk)

Taylor:
Nice job, Jose!

Josephina:
I don’t fuck around. Gotta get to baking. (they hi-5) See ya in a bit…partner.

Taylor:
Back at ya… partner.

Kurt:
What about me…partner?

Britain:
Check yall in a bit…partner.

Spearchuck:
(mumbles to himself) Oh dear. I cannot believe this. I have made a grave mistake making eyes at the luscious honey colored woman.

Kurt, Josephina, Britain and Taylor:
Shut the fuck up, Spearhead! (they all hi-5 and laugh)


Stay tuned for next weeks ep!!