The Story of We

**In 2007 I worked at a place I often refer to as HELL. Sure it was an architecture firm which one would think would be cool, but when you have Satan and her hubby Lucifer running the joint...it was all kinda 7 rings of craziness. Yes, I worked at a place where a husband and wife were partners. Just 2 crazy kids trying to build buildings. This all would've been cool if they had hearts, souls and didn't eat babies for brunch.
A few good things grew out of that job. I made 3 amazing friends. There's B- who I worked with again at a not so hellish more corporate place, Jesse and L. All three lovely ladies. All three some of the best people I know. Seeing that we were like minded in our humor and SANITY, we bonded hardcore. There was this other dude Kirk who was part of our 'work fam', but he proved to be a douche, so he was cut.
Since I write to cope with lackluster situations-keeps me from killing- one day I cleverly made B, Jesse, L, Kirk and I characters in this show called The Story of We. It's about these people who work at a Starbucks-see how I incorporate things I enjoy, also I feel that most Starbucks barista's lead interesting lives.
The alternate 'we's' work at Starbucks and have some pretty amazing adventures, and stories to tell.
I think every HUMP DAY WEDNESDAY I'll post another We episode- if (the real) we had a camera, we were THIS close to shooting these. Instead we sat in bars and read them out loud-it was as hilarious and amazing as that sounds! Goooood times.
Anyways I hope you enjoy this as much as I did writing it.**

Screenplay by Honey T
10-15-07


Setting: In NYC of course, the story takes place on a brownstone stoop, in an apartment, in a Starbucks, at a nail salon, on the set of the Sex & the City movie and at Barney's Coop. The story and characters tend to move all around the city…its boroughs and islands. The year is 2007 and the world is as it is. Reality is real.

Characters: (each character has our REAL initials. so clever, I know)
Taylor Greene- 20's, witty and aloof
Britain Sawyer- 20's, clever, cute and sturdy
Josephina Fergus- 20's, cute, sweet and rage-filled
Lorna Long- 20's, drunkard, respectable, leads a semi-charmed life
Marilyn Herringbone- 20's, hater
Kurt Sandleback- 20's, mysterious, eccentric, moody
Acorn Dillon- 20's, artist, rapper, babysitter
and guest starring:
Robert Downey Jr.- as himself
Fifty Cent- as himself
Justin Timberlake- as himself


Scene 1- 'Valerie'-not the Mark Ronson version-the OG version by The Zutons...maybe-plays in a Starbucks. We see Taylor standing behind one register, Britain is standing behind the other and Kurt is standing between them with a clipboard in his hands. Josephina is cleaning the same spot on the glass that houses all of the tasty treats. They are silent, Britain bopping her head (to the music), but they all want to laugh-except Kurt, he is VERY serious.


Kurt:
(is counting to himself) 24…25…26..27…

Britain:
(whispers to Taylor) What do you think it is now?

Taylor:
(in a hushed tone) Croissants.

Britain:My money's on frapp's.

Kurt: AHEM. I was actually counting the number of wheatgrass hummus latte's we've sold in the last week.

Taylor:
We sold THAT many?

Kurt:
I know, I am shocked myself. That shit makes me wanna drink my own skeet.

Britain:
That's an every day thing for you, Manager Sandleback.

Josephina:
(giggles with delight) It was probably Acorn, that dude is all about the wheatgrass-

Taylor:
And Britain!

Britain:
Stop it! (goes to arrange cups)

Customer:
Can I have a tall skim no sugar light foam with one pump of raspberry mocha.

Taylor:
Sure. That'll be six eighty-five.

Josephina:
(runs behind the counter to start making the drink, she is mumbling under her breath) Fucking light foam, foam is light dumb bitch…you know what isn't light…a dead body. Dead weight- RECALL!

Taylor:
(rolls eyes) Tall, skim, no sugar, light foam, one pump raspberry mocha. (someone starts clapping, Taylor looks to see Marilyn. Taylor squints her eyes) You, Marilyn Herringbone! How dare YOU show your face in MY Starbucks!

Marilyn:
Last I checked, it was a free country. That includes Starbucks, bitch. (adjusts her Dunkin' Donuts cup in her hand) Don't tell me you're still mad about that whole thing with Mr. Sandleback-hello there Kurt.

Kurt:
(blushes) Mar-Mar-Marilyn, look what the wind blew in.

Britain:
Speaking of blowing-

Marilyn:
I wouldn't continue that sentence there, Britain. Let us not forget who started their barista career as a hot dog girl at 7-11.

Britain:
Why you little- (lunges at Marilyn, but Taylor holds herback)

Taylor:
She's not worth it.

Kurt:
Marilyn, you're not here for coffee. Let's go in the back and talk.

Taylor:
If you take her in the back, I'll quit.

Kurt:
(touches Taylor's arm) We're just talking, I promise. [he then leads Marilyn to his back office, she turns and looks at a seething Taylor, Britain and Josephina, she smiles]

Britain:
Dude you have GOT to tell me what went down with you and Sandleback-

Josephina:
I hate her, hate her, hate her! Pick up your fuckin' mocha! (the customer grabs the mocha and smiles)

Britain:
Chill Jose. Taylor, start talking.

Taylor:
(sighs) Well, two years ago I was just a young chick from Tampa, Florida looking for a place to belong. I was walking around Harlem, cuz I heard you can always find a good deal there and well since I'm Black…

Britain:Dude, I'll need an expresso to get through this.

Taylor:
Anyways! I see this tall, White dude selling DVD's on 125th Street. I was intrigued. It was Kurt Sandleback-

Britain:
HOLY SHIT! Why haven't you told me this ever??

Taylor:
Because it gets even more crazy. We just looked at each other, and it was like magic [waits while Britain and Josephina both gag and gasp]. He took me to a Kennedy's Fried Chicken and I was smitten. We were inseparable. We both got jobs at Best Buy and Virgin…then at a Lemongrass Grill. That's when Marilyn came into the picture. I thought Kurt and I would be together forever, then that tramp showed up with her short skirts and willingness to get anal over bean sprouts. She seduced Kurt with power. Told him that she could get him a manager job at a Jamba Juice. I left him and the service industry moving back to Florida…working at Disney as a dancer in the Pocahontas show. Then Lorna called and said she was manager at a Starbucks and that I should come back to New York…forget about Kurt. Guess who left to become a makeup artist, that's right LORNA and guess who took her place as manager at Starbucks?!

Josephina and Britain:
KURT!

Josephina:
Wait! He took her "in the back"? Are they doing anal over yogurt parfaits? (looks disgusted)

Taylor:
Who knows? I don't care. Fuck 'em! Kurt and I have come to a good place-

Britain:
Starbucks?

Taylor:
Yes. Plus I slept with his father. So we're even steven.

Josephina and Britain:
No way!

Taylor:
Way. YouTubed it too.

Britain:
(bows down in front of Taylor) Please teach me.

Taylor:
Oh dear child, a scorned woman would fuck a grizzly bear if it meant getting back at the dick that broke her heart.

Josephina:
(practically throws a cup of cocoa at a 5 yr old) So why do you still hate Marilyn?

Britain:
Jose, you don't know? This is a doozy.

Taylor:
That ill minded skank did something that no one should do. Ever.

Josephina:
(is wide eyed) What?

Britain:
Well Lorna left, Kurt stepped in…and Marilyn applied for a job. (looks at Taylor a bit) Now that I think about it, you and Sandleback were acting really weird-

Taylor:
If you value your life, you'll NEVER mention Kurt and I again!

Britain:
Fine. So, one night Marilyn, Taylor and I were closing. The next day Kurt comes in and Marilyn changed all the tall, grande and venti's- to small, medium and large!

Josephina:
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Taylor:
She then said Brit and I did it.

Britain:
After two lie detector test and a few anal probes- the truth came out.

Josephina:
Wow! What a conniving bitch!

Taylor:
Who are you tellin'?!

Kurt and Marilyn come from his back office. Kurt looks a little bothered and Marilyn looks disappointed.

Marilyn:
Shoot. I was hoping you'd be gone by now Taylor.

Taylor:
Die. Just die.

Kurt:
Now, now Taylor…Marilyn is leaving.

Britain:
(rolls her eyes at Kurt) You're a sad sac.

Marilyn:
There, there Brit-Brit you'll have your chance-(a scone hits her on the face) What the-

Josephina:
Oh. I'm sorry. It slipped.

Kurt:
(looks uneasy) You better go Marilyn. It gets dangerous when the edibles start flying.

Marilyn:
You tramps haven't seen the last of me! (she walks out in a huff)

Taylor:
(practically growls at Kurt) Why was she here?!

Kurt:
Business.

Taylor:
Dude, you have a 'real-life' doll. Give me a better answer.

Kurt:
Dammit. Fuck you. I'm goin' for a smoke. (he walks out)

Britain:
(after she, Taylor and Josephina watch Kurt leave) Okay, you have to answer me this-

Taylor:
Medium. A good fill. Nice stroke. Bad at oral. Went a minute fifty tops. His dad was the best lover I've ever had.

Britain:
Shit, I shall put a picture of you and a candle by my bed and create a shrine.

Josephina:
I'll make Taylor t-shirts!

Britain:
Yes! Me and my boyfriend Robert Downey Jr. will wear them.

Taylor:
(she and Josephina look at each other) Dude, stop it.

Britain:
What?

Josephina:
The whole Robert Downey Jr. thing. Come on.

Britain:
He is my boyfriend! He's just busy.

Taylor:
Oooookay. I'm gonna go get more soy milk. (walks towards the back)

Josephina:
(looks at the glass encased baked goods) We need more cookies.

Britain:
Screw you guys. I'm going to grab a smoke with Kurt.

Britain walks out. Josephina and Taylor shake their heads.



Scene 2- We are inside No Claws nail salon in Park Slope, Brooklyn. Lorna and Taylor are both getting manicures. The instrumental to 'Underneath Your Clothes' by Shakira plays in the background.


Lorna:
(looks at her right hand, her left is still being painted) This pink color is dahling.

Taylor:
Why are you talking like that?

Lorna:
I'm a world traveler and work on movie sets. (takes a swig from her flask)

Taylor:
Right. That explains it.

Lorna:
So, what's up?

Taylor:
Britain. Kurt. Marilyn. I think its time for all of us to part ways.

Lorna:
Juicy. Do tell.

Taylor:
Well, Britain constantly lies about her boyfriend being Robert Downey Jr.. Kurt is a tool. Marilyn is a devil skank.

Lorna:
You know what I think. Life is just like that. You wake up one day in Borneo with a dry tongue and some wood chips in your ass and you cry cause you can't remember how you got there. Then three Chilean pool sharks start shakin' you down for a quarter-mill and you realize that you miss your mother.

Taylor:
(stares at Lorna a long while) What-the-fuck-are-you-talking-about?

Lorna:
Find another job. Sephora is hiring.

Taylor:
Yes! That's it!

Lorna:
(takes a swig from her flask) I know, I'm a fuckin' genius. I should get a wax.

Around the same Lorna and Taylor are getting their mami's, Britain and Josephina are working. Acorn comes into the Starbucks and stares dreamily at Britain.

Acorn:
[stands in front of the register Britain is behind, she curses under breath] Britain, my love, love. Angel from above, above. Swam across the pond, right into my open arms.

Britain:
Hey Acorn. Wheatgrass latte today? (gives Josephina a scornful look which stops her giggles)

Acorn:
Chyeah. With a little slice of you, my vanilla sugar cookie.

Britain:
Grande, wheatgrass hummus latte, soy.

Josephina:
Was that a vanilla sugar cookie too? (smiles)

Britain:
Fuck no.

Acorn:
Your mouth is so dirty I want to clean it up. Lap it up with my tongue. Call me Mr. Clean, clean and I'll make you scream, scream.

Britain:
(breathes heavy) Please step off the line. I have other customers.

Acorn:
I'll catch you later my heavenly barista. I wanna explore you like a tourista. Discover your islands-

Britain:
Move the fuck off the line! (a few gasps are heard, Acorn slickly walks towards the drink pick-up area)

Josephina:
What's under your bonnet?

Britain:
Just hate that kid.

Josephina:
More than usual though?

Britain:
No, it's about the same.

Kurt comes from his back office.

Kurt:
Yo, what was all the commotion?

Britain:
Five hours later…

Josephina:
Nothing. Acorn is here though.

Acorn:
Yo, yo bro.

Kurt:
Yo! (they soul brotha handshake) Haven't seen you in a minute kid.

Acorn:
Been maxin', relaxin', steady tryin' to get paper. Your girl Britain here got me feelin' like I wanna rape her. (Britain sucks her teeth)

Kurt:
Yeah, yeah. I know how you feel, man.

Acorn:
Got my drink so I gotta bounce, see ya on the flipside Big Kurt and Britain the chick I always wanna mount. [he and Kurt give each other pounds, Acorn winks at Britain and Josephina, then strolls out]

Josephina:
He's so dreamy. (starts laughing)

Britain:
I hate you both with a passion so strong it-

Kurt:
Let's go outside for a smoke. Jose, hold it down.

Josephina:
Ay, ay captain- I mean, aight son.

Kurt:
Word. (he and Britain stand in front of the Starbucks. Kurt lights a cigarette) So, what's up?

Britain:
Hard day.

Kurt:
Yeah, but there's something else.

Britain:
What, you want to have a heart to heart? No thanks.

Kurt:
I can read you like a horoscope. How about I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours?

Britain:
I already know about you and Taylor. (takes the cig from Kurt's hand)

Kurt:
I figured. I really cared about her. Messed shit up. What can I say? The pussy speaks to me, it like whispers in my ear n' shit.

Britain:
(smokes comes out of her mouth as she laughs) Wow. You are the lamest dude ever.

Kurt:
That's not what the bitches say.

Britain:
If it's not Taylor then what is it?

Kurt:
Well, its pertaining to Taylor-meaning she's gonna be pissed.

Britain:
Okay…

Kurt:
Marilyn is my baby's momma. She comes here to get child support payments. I go to her crib to check on the lil bastard. I know if I tell Taylor she'll kill the kid-even if she did sleep with my dad.

Britain:
HOLY SHIT! This just gets better!

Kurt:
Tell me yours! You must also promise to NEVER tell Taylor. I must've really put it down, bitch gets CRAZY when it comes to me.

Britain:
Somehow I think she'll be okay. Mine is probably worse.

Kurt:
This calls for another Newport. (lights another cig, lets Britain take the first drag)

Britain:
(sighs) During a moment of weakness. I mean, my boyfriend…Robert Downey Jr. was back in the can for possession, and I just felt lost. I went to this spoken word contest with a friend…ran into Acorn. I drank Absyithe and fucked Acorn. I totally fucked Acorn.

Kurt:
(is laughing) Fuck you dude! Robert Downey Jr. is NOT your boyfriend.

Britain:
(stomps the cig out) I hate you and I hope your kid breaks its arm on a seesaw. (she walks back into Starbucks)

Kurt stands alone, still smiling. He starts to light another cigarette when Taylor appears in front of him with a hateful look on her face.

Kurt:
(coughs) Oh…Taylor. Hey.

Taylor:
I heard everything. Everything. I will not kill your kid.

Kurt:
Thanks.

They both walk into the Starbucks, Kurt uneasily goes to fix up some bags of coffee. Britain and Josephina watch Taylor with some concern, they don't like the look in her eyes.

Taylor:
I'm glad everyone is here. I have an announcement to make.

Kurt:
Don't-

Taylor:
Shush. Put your sac back in your boxers this is about me, not you!

Josephina:
(whispers to Britain) She has that look in her eyes like when we sold out of the lemon loafs before her shift.

Britain:
(whispers back) Yeah she was pissed that day.

Taylor:
I am officially resigning from Starbucks.

Kurt, Josephina and Britain:
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Taylor:
Yes.

Britain:
Why?

Josephina:
What the fuck Taylor? I thought we were buying franchises?!

Kurt:
If it's me, I swear I'll keep Marilyn away-

Taylor:
Stop it. All of you. I need to break free of these green apron straps that dig into my shoulders and weigh heavy on my soul. Jose, you're great, but you're gonna fuckin' kill somebody one day. Britain, you're totally not dating Robert Downey Jr.-

Britain:
Fuck you! I am.

Kurt:
Come on, now is NOT the time to lie Brit.

Britain:
Fuck you guys! (runs towards the back crying)

Taylor:
Kurt, you know. You just know why I have to leave.

Kurt:
Yeah I do. It still sucks though. Sucks a lot.

Taylor:
I don't hate y'all…it's just what I have to do. (she gives them both a final look and leaves the Starbucks)

Josephina:
Feel like I wanna cry-

Kurt:
(tears in his eyes) I'm already there.


Scene 3- Taylor is meeting Lorna on the set of 'Sex and the City', they are filming in Central Park. Lorna was hired to do the make up. There are people everywhere. It's very lively.

Lorna:
(waves at Taylor) There you are, do you have the concealer?

Taylor:
I brought over all the Bobbi B. we have in stock! (looks around) This is so fuckin' cool.

Lorna:
Not as cool as sandstone during a rainstorm.

Taylor:
Yeah…so is Sarah J. around?

Lorna:
I don't know. I work mostly with everyone else.

Taylor:
Okay…(squints) is that Robert Downey Jr.?

Lorna:
Yeah the sperm socket is in the film. Playing a gay friend of the red headed frumpy one.

Taylor:
Awesome. Be right back. [she walks towards Robert Downey Jr. he begins smiling and then Britain jumps into his arms, they start making out heavily] Britain?

Britain:
[stops sucking face and looks at Taylor, giving her a knowing smile] Taylor? Wow. What's it been a week?

Taylor:
Yeah. Is that your…boyfriend?

Robert Downey Jr.:
Ah you are one of the cunts that didn't believe my lady. She certainly loves you though. (he squeezes Britain's ass)

Taylor:
I love her a lot too. Sorry I didn't believe you-

Britain:
It's the past. How's Sephora?

Taylor:
Boring. How's it going at Starbucks?

Britain:
Dunno. Jose and I both got jobs at Whole Foods. You should come by sometime.

Taylor:
What about Kurt?

Britain:
Transferred to the Starbucks in Harlem.

Robert Downey Jr.:
That's one crazy cracker.

Taylor:
Damn right, Robert Downey Jr.

Robert Downey Jr.:
Babe, I gotta run through some lines. Be back in 20 for some more lips and hips.

Britain:
Okay you sexy, sexy man. (watches him walk away, Taylor does too)

Taylor:
(hugs Britain) I'm so glad we're friends. I'm sorry for-

Britain:
Hush, hush- wait, have you received any gifts from Jose…maybe felt like you were being followed?

Taylor:
Yeah…now that I think about it I have felt more eyes on me than usual.

Britain:
Listen, Josephina has been stalking and plotting. She decided she wants you dead- let me call her now and tell her everything's cool. (on cell, listens for a bit) Hey, Jose…

Josephina:
Hey what's up, I'm about to hop on the train.

Britain:
Just wanted to let you know I am standing here with Taylor and everything's cool.

Josephina:
(is silent a while) Really?

Britain:
Really. So, let her live….okay?

Josephina:
(is silent a while) Fine. Tell her not to eat the cupcakes I sent.(cheerily) Gotta go!

Britain:
(they hang up) Alrighty, things are good. You can live. Oh, don't eat the cupcakes that have been sent to your house.


Taylor:
Whew. I won't.

Lorna:
(walks over to Britain and Taylor)Hey Britain, long time no see. (they hug) Heard about the strife between you and Taylor here, but I saw you guys hug it out so I figure everything's cool. I'm glad too because there comes a time when you really need a friend. You sit alone in bars talking to plumbers and wind up doing lines of coke with 16 year olds in the bathroom. Wake up three days later married to a guy with a well in his basement.

Britain:
Always great to see you Lorna. You know my boyfriend Robert Downey Jr. is in this movie.

Lorna:
He is. Good guy and a good lay. I haven't tasted, but I hear things.

Britain:
Thanks.

The same day. Marilyn walks into the Harlem Starbucks. She is wearing an orange dashiki with a matching orange head wrap. Kurt is looking solemn holding his clipboard. He starts laughing when he see's Marilyn.

Kurt:
(laughing) What the fuck are you wearing?

Marilyn:
(goes from embarrassment to anger) Clothing! I am becoming one with the environment, jackass.

Kurt:
We ain't in Kenya.

Harlem Barista 1:
Well, well, well looks like Whitey Manager likes himself some brown sugar.

Harlem Barista 2:
The Devil always likes to taste the forbidden fruits.

Kurt:
Can it guys. Jamal can you check the milk containers. Hakeem I see a customer waiting…

Harlem Barista 1:
Now Whitey showing some authority in front of his chocolate jezebel.

Marilyn:
I am more of a mocha latte, thank you. (turns to Kurt) You let these thugs talk to you like that?

Kurt:
It doesn't matter. Even if they were nice, this place would still suck balls. (he starts smiling big)

Marilyn:
(thinks its because of her) Well I'm here, a nice familiar face.

Kurt:
No, you're here for money. Josephina is a nice face to see. (he goes and hugs Josephina) It's so great to see you.

Harlem Barista 2:
Ah, see there sista. They always go back to their own.

Marilyn:
Fuck off, Malcolm X!

Josephina:
I wanted to check in on you. See if Harlem World welcomed you back.

Kurt:
They did, sorta. It's awesome to see you. How's Britain?

Josephina:
Good, good. She just called me. I guess we're friends with Taylor now. They made up.

Kurt:
Great. (notices a few big guys coming in, one bumps into Josephina)

Josephina:
Watch where the fuck you're going! (turns to look at the 'bumper')

Fifty Cent:
Look at the mouth on Little House on the Prarie here. (his boys chuckle)

Josephina:
Fuckin' say you're sorry or I'll punch your teeth out! (clenches her lil fist)

Fifty Cent:
(he and Josephina have a stare down) Sorry.

Harlem Barista 1:
Yo, she just played Fitty.

Josephina:
(unclenches fist) See, that wasn't so bad. (blushes because Fifty is still staring at her)

Fifty Cent:
I think I found my wifey for life yall. (he pulls Josephina towards him and they start making out)

Kurt:
Nice.(turns to Marilyn) Wanna go to the back office, check is in there.

Marilyn:
(is staring open mouthed) Um…sure.

While in the back office.

Marilyn:
You should assemble the old Starbucks crew. Those bitches are miserable, but they're better than the Black Isrealites you have out there.

Kurt:
Wow, you really think I should? This is big coming from you.

Marilyn:
I have only wanted what's best for you. Those baron bitches make you happy.

Kurt:
That they do. I'm gonna do it!


Britain is walking up Taylor's brownstone stoop when she hears…

Acorn:
Oh me oh my its my lover before my eyes in my pants I rise.

Britain:
Shit! (turns towards Acorn) Wow. What are you doing around here?

Acorn:
Gettin' that paper is how I live taking care of other people's kids.

Britain:
Great…well…(starts to head up the stairs again)

Acorn:
Wait, love love from above above. Now that I've got you to myself, I want to ask you why you put my heart on the shelf.

Britain:
Acorn, I'm in love with someone else. The night we had…is foggy to me…and well I used you. I am sorry for that.

Acorn:
Your words are shankin' my soul, emotions out of control, I kinda wanna put you in a choke hold-but I won't. For one night we were one and between your creamy thighs I saw the sun.

Britain:
(dry heaves) I have to go now. Good talk, Acorn. [runs into building, as she enters Taylor's apartment with her key, she is greeted with Taylor seated in front of her laptop smiling]

Taylor:
Oh! Brit, you're just in time! (pats an empty seat next to her on the couch) What's with the face?

Britain:
(sits beside Taylor) Acorn.

Taylor:
Ohhh. Yeah he babysits some brats around here. I see him, but he knows not to speak to me. I grill him…and have thrown rocks at him.

Britain:
Of course. What are we looking at?

Taylor:
Well for some reason I feel a bit down. Whenever I feel that way I like to go on YouTube and type in, "Daddy Long Stroke". I sift through docu-drama's about stroke victims and tadaaaa…(turns her laptop towards Britain)

Britain:
(horrified, yet intrigued) Is this what I think it is?

Taylor:
Only a minute-seven of some of the best fuckin' on YouTube. Let's watch. [the screen is black, then you see a chest with silver patches of hair. As the shot widens-besides the chest glistening with sweat you hear Taylor saying things like "go daddy go"-]

Britain:
I can't watch this.

Taylor:
Okay, but it's the only thing that got me through. (clutches her laptop to her chest and smiles)

Britain:
We should shop. Actually, we need to. Now.

Taylor:
Cool- (her phone rings) Hello?

Kurt:
Taylor, hey.

Taylor:
Wow. Your balls must be ringin'.

Kurt:
Not really. Is Brit with you?

Taylor:
Yep.

Kurt:
Put me on speaker phone then.

Taylor:
(presses a button and hangs up the receiver) Okay.

Britain:
What's up Kurt?

Kurt:
Come back to Starbucks.

Taylor:
Dude, I may be Black, but I don't do Harlem…anymore.

Kurt:
I know, but we're going back to our old spot. Josephina is in. You know how much we all need each other. Who else are we gonna work with? Who are we gonna have adventures with?

Britain:
Yeah, those tool's at Whole Foods smell like tofu and beet juice.

Taylor:
I'll never leave you guys again! I'm in.

Britain:
Shit, me too! (she and Taylor hi-5)

Taylor:
Okay Kurt see you on Monday. Now, we shop.

Kurt:
(sounds like he might cry) You guys just don't know how much this means to me-

Britain:
We know, Kurt. Walk it off man.

Taylor:
Go man up and get the fuck off my phone!

Kurt:
I missed you guys so much.


Britain, Taylor, Josephina and Lorna are shopping at Barney's Co-op. There seems to be a crowd in the jean section.

Taylor:
Ass-mites drooling all over the good denim.

Britain:
Word.

Lorna:
(sniffs the air) No it's bigger than a bunch of skinny-hungry bitches looking for something to make them skinny with a J-Lo ass…there's a celebrity here.

Josephina:
You can smell a celebrity? (adjusts her diamond encrusted chain that reads: CUPCAKE)

Lorna:
They have a smell of virgin olive oil and sheep's milk.

Britain:
What do common folk smell like?

Lorna:
Wet burlap and wine coolers.

Taylor:
Okay. I want everyone not to move. (they stop walking) Justin Timberlake is over there. He is fingering jeans and listening to his I-pod. I love this man.

Britain:
No way. (peeks)

Lorna:
(walks over to Justin and taps him on the shoulder, they hug, she brings him over to the ladies) Britain, Josephina and Taylor…this is Justin Timberlake.

Justin Timberlake:
Ladies. Taylor (kisses her hand).

Taylor:
(blushes) This is too much.

Lorna:
I'm going to get some jeans.

Britain and Josephina:
Me too. (they run off)

Justin Timberlake:
So…

Taylor:
So…

Justin Timberlake:
You like jeans?

Taylor:
I live 20 minutes away. I have wine and Wii. You down?

Justin Timberlake:
(takes her hand) Let's bounce boo! (they leave the Co-op)


It's Monday morning. Kurt is arranging coffee bags. Josephina is cleaning a spot on the glass encased goodies whilst wearing her CUPCAKE chain. Taylor is humming 'SexyBack' while handing a customer a drink.

Kurt:
So, me and the kid are taking karate classes. It's pretty cool.

Britain:
Great. My boyfriend Robert Downey Jr. and I are taking a pottery class with Josephina and Fitty.

Josephina:
Yeah, we'll pick you up this Friday, Curtis just got his Escalade detailed and baby wants to show it off.

Taylor:
Holla. (they all laugh)

Kurt:
I'm really diggin' the kid. Even got it a lil green apron.

Josephina:
Aww. Sounds cute. Taylor are you in L.A. this weekend?

Taylor:
Yeah. J.T. wants me to help him pick out a new house to buy.

Britain:
Hate to get cheesey, but this is pretty cool guys. Us all being here. Together.

Kurt:
With our hearts filled with love n' shit.

Josephina:
Yall gonna make a muthafucka cry! (takes out a 100 dollar bill and dabs her eyes)

Taylor:
(two tears glide down her cheek) We are family. I've got all my sisters- and brother (Kurt smiles)- with me.


The End.
Stay tuned for Episode 2!