ReBorn.
Recently, I ventured to Chicago for the first time. The trip was a mix of business and pleasure. I had the pleasure of exploring a new city AND hanging with Chicago peeps I don't get to see that often.
All my senses fed with deep dish pizza and thrilling architecture....but my last day there began a pivotal change in my life. It was a moment where I thought I couldn't be out-creeped, and life being the bitch that it is, proved once again- 'oh that's what you thought bitch...watch this!'
My last day in Chicago fell on a brisk Sunday. I had a few hours to kill before heading to the airport so my friends Heather and Eric were nice enough to hang with my coworker (Aline) and I, and then take us to the airport.
H&E took us to Portillo's to try their delish hot dogs and cheese fries...and then we were going to do the ULTIMATE Midwest thing- we were going to a pumpkin patch....and going to do a hayride. I was so down with this. Also, I knew I wouldn't have the cops called on me by some rando-hwhite wench just for existing because I trusted H&E to bring me to a 'safe space'.
A Midwest pumpkin patch is leaps and bounds ahead of any upstate New York one. This one was well organized, diverse and I even did a 'haunted' hay ride! It was fantastic.
As we ventured to find some cider doughnuts...because that is a patch day staple, we see a woman dressed as a devil holding a baby that was dressed as a devil too. They were posing for a picture. Upon closer observation (mostly because the baby was very still), showed that the woman was holding a real looking baby doll. We all noted that this was strange, but kept it moving because...doughnuts.
We found the warmest, most delicious cider doughnuts ever- mostly because we waited about 20-30 minutes for them to be made. I wanted to be so mad, but they were so delicious!
For entertainment, we decided to sit by the woman and her real looking baby doll, she was now standing with a group of women who appeared to be holding babies...but they too, were real looking baby dolls.
Now we were all intrigued. We were still eating our doughnuts and acting like we weren't staring.
The scene: after taking a group photo at what appears to be a children's Halloween party, the women either return to their partners or back to a bench. All are cooing or bouncing a real looking baby doll. Some place their real looking baby dolls in REAL baby carriages, swaddling them in blankets...protecting them from the cold. Their group is gathered around two festively covered tables, including one that has gift bags. Gift bags? For the real looking baby dolls?
The couples do that look that couples with children do at the end of an event...like 'hey we both survived and our child is okay too'. Then they both look down at their...real looking baby dolls...with love.
Needless to say we were all equal parts fascinated and creeped out. Heather was trying to listen to convos, I was stopping Aline from pointing- because these are the people that WILL kill you and NO ONE would find us, and Eric (being an empathetic teacher) was saying these are probably people who have had trouble conceiving or lost a child. We shouldn't judge.
My judge-y ass (as speaker for those of us judging) just said- listen, I have known a few people who have had trouble conceiving, lost a baby, etc. and NONE of them were like...you know what I need...a doll! A doll to fill this void and/or cope. My peeps didn't do this because they aren't THAT crazy. This was crazy shit.
As we made our way back to the car, we all had this feeling...our auras had shifted. We had looked a TLC show in the eye and almost could not recover. So I began my Google search to figure out what this was. I typed in something like- 'adults who care for baby dolls' and I found an article about these people who call themselves ReBorn!
The article was about a married couple who had trouble conceiving (Eric felt vindicated...short term though) and decided to buy three real looking baby dolls. The couple was from England. The wife discussed how they just came back from holiday and how people looked at her 'family' as weird. How people would go to peek at the 'baby' in her carriage and once they see its a doll a 'look' comes over their face. Probably the same face I had as I read the article 'yous a crazy bitch'. She discussed how her husband took to the middle child- Chloe, they had an instant connection!
Aline and I got on our plane back to New York still befuddled but more exhausted. I fitfully slept as I listened to a podcast. When we landed I was greeted by several messages from Heather.
Her first message: I went down a ReBorn wormhole!!
I was delighted. This was gonna provide me with entertainment in my Lyft share and reinforce the fact that 'no, I do not want to make small talk with you Tyler (the actual name of the dude in my Lyft share)!'
Heather found more articles that let us know that this originated in England, but for some reason there is a large ReBorn population in Chicago. I knew this had to begin with the Hwhites though. The Hwhites appropriate a lot of things, but something they have ON LOCK is creepiness/crazy/weird.
Now my white friends I do not consider Hwhites...they are people who HAPPEN to be white. There's a difference.
I digress.... Heather was trying to find our pumpkin patch group, so I started searching on Instagram. That's when I found this...I warned Heather not to look at this before bed (I was only in the beginning of my car ride and Tyler was still looking longingly like he had something to say. NO TYLER)
That picture reminded me of why I was judging these people in the first place. No thank you.
Heather found this next one because I had to stop looking...before I had daydreams of Tyler pulling out one of these dolls and making me talk to it.
This one REALLY disturbs me because not only does this child doll look dead, but with actual child birth you have no clue or choice in how your child will come out looking. If I were a ReBorn I would find the CUTEST brown baby doll EVER!....this is the stuff of nightmares, but because I was delirious, I am now cry laughing in the back of this Lyft share while Tyler just looks like he's going to cry.
This last one Heather found and sent with the message: READ THE CAPTION BITCH!!
Thankfully Tyler was out of the car because I was hysterically laughing- my Lyft driver wasn't too alarmed- he later mentioned that he wished he just picked me up, he was over Tyler too!
The last pic is so funny because that baby will ALWAYS be tuckered out and sleeping....and Heather has looked at the rest of this woman's IG and it seems this woman is always hoping this SLEEPING BABY DOLL will wake up. I would feel sad if this shit wasn't so crazy!!!!
In the end, I now know this exists and though I love a good prank, this one would cost too much money to keep up with so NO you will not see me popping up with a real looking baby doll....just don't let me win the lottery. My guest room will have all the sleeping baby dolls hanging from the ceiling facing you (Tom Cruise style, #MissionImpossible) watching you sleep.
MOOOOOOhahahhaha...they should never let me get too much moneyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
All my senses fed with deep dish pizza and thrilling architecture....but my last day there began a pivotal change in my life. It was a moment where I thought I couldn't be out-creeped, and life being the bitch that it is, proved once again- 'oh that's what you thought bitch...watch this!'
My last day in Chicago fell on a brisk Sunday. I had a few hours to kill before heading to the airport so my friends Heather and Eric were nice enough to hang with my coworker (Aline) and I, and then take us to the airport.
H&E took us to Portillo's to try their delish hot dogs and cheese fries...and then we were going to do the ULTIMATE Midwest thing- we were going to a pumpkin patch....and going to do a hayride. I was so down with this. Also, I knew I wouldn't have the cops called on me by some rando-hwhite wench just for existing because I trusted H&E to bring me to a 'safe space'.
A Midwest pumpkin patch is leaps and bounds ahead of any upstate New York one. This one was well organized, diverse and I even did a 'haunted' hay ride! It was fantastic.
As we ventured to find some cider doughnuts...because that is a patch day staple, we see a woman dressed as a devil holding a baby that was dressed as a devil too. They were posing for a picture. Upon closer observation (mostly because the baby was very still), showed that the woman was holding a real looking baby doll. We all noted that this was strange, but kept it moving because...doughnuts.
We found the warmest, most delicious cider doughnuts ever- mostly because we waited about 20-30 minutes for them to be made. I wanted to be so mad, but they were so delicious!
For entertainment, we decided to sit by the woman and her real looking baby doll, she was now standing with a group of women who appeared to be holding babies...but they too, were real looking baby dolls.
Now we were all intrigued. We were still eating our doughnuts and acting like we weren't staring.
The scene: after taking a group photo at what appears to be a children's Halloween party, the women either return to their partners or back to a bench. All are cooing or bouncing a real looking baby doll. Some place their real looking baby dolls in REAL baby carriages, swaddling them in blankets...protecting them from the cold. Their group is gathered around two festively covered tables, including one that has gift bags. Gift bags? For the real looking baby dolls?
The couples do that look that couples with children do at the end of an event...like 'hey we both survived and our child is okay too'. Then they both look down at their...real looking baby dolls...with love.
Needless to say we were all equal parts fascinated and creeped out. Heather was trying to listen to convos, I was stopping Aline from pointing- because these are the people that WILL kill you and NO ONE would find us, and Eric (being an empathetic teacher) was saying these are probably people who have had trouble conceiving or lost a child. We shouldn't judge.
My judge-y ass (as speaker for those of us judging) just said- listen, I have known a few people who have had trouble conceiving, lost a baby, etc. and NONE of them were like...you know what I need...a doll! A doll to fill this void and/or cope. My peeps didn't do this because they aren't THAT crazy. This was crazy shit.
As we made our way back to the car, we all had this feeling...our auras had shifted. We had looked a TLC show in the eye and almost could not recover. So I began my Google search to figure out what this was. I typed in something like- 'adults who care for baby dolls' and I found an article about these people who call themselves ReBorn!
The article was about a married couple who had trouble conceiving (Eric felt vindicated...short term though) and decided to buy three real looking baby dolls. The couple was from England. The wife discussed how they just came back from holiday and how people looked at her 'family' as weird. How people would go to peek at the 'baby' in her carriage and once they see its a doll a 'look' comes over their face. Probably the same face I had as I read the article 'yous a crazy bitch'. She discussed how her husband took to the middle child- Chloe, they had an instant connection!
Aline and I got on our plane back to New York still befuddled but more exhausted. I fitfully slept as I listened to a podcast. When we landed I was greeted by several messages from Heather.
Her first message: I went down a ReBorn wormhole!!
I was delighted. This was gonna provide me with entertainment in my Lyft share and reinforce the fact that 'no, I do not want to make small talk with you Tyler (the actual name of the dude in my Lyft share)!'
Heather found more articles that let us know that this originated in England, but for some reason there is a large ReBorn population in Chicago. I knew this had to begin with the Hwhites though. The Hwhites appropriate a lot of things, but something they have ON LOCK is creepiness/crazy/weird.
Now my white friends I do not consider Hwhites...they are people who HAPPEN to be white. There's a difference.
I digress.... Heather was trying to find our pumpkin patch group, so I started searching on Instagram. That's when I found this...I warned Heather not to look at this before bed (I was only in the beginning of my car ride and Tyler was still looking longingly like he had something to say. NO TYLER)
Heather found this next one because I had to stop looking...before I had daydreams of Tyler pulling out one of these dolls and making me talk to it.
This last one Heather found and sent with the message: READ THE CAPTION BITCH!!
The last pic is so funny because that baby will ALWAYS be tuckered out and sleeping....and Heather has looked at the rest of this woman's IG and it seems this woman is always hoping this SLEEPING BABY DOLL will wake up. I would feel sad if this shit wasn't so crazy!!!!
In the end, I now know this exists and though I love a good prank, this one would cost too much money to keep up with so NO you will not see me popping up with a real looking baby doll....just don't let me win the lottery. My guest room will have all the sleeping baby dolls hanging from the ceiling facing you (Tom Cruise style, #MissionImpossible) watching you sleep.
MOOOOOOhahahhaha...they should never let me get too much moneyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Comments
Post a Comment