Thursday, June 22, 2017

Surprisingly Deep

Last week I took a WHOLE vacation because it was my birthday.  I wanted to be on chill.
It was a staycation because I didn't feel like traveling AND it wasn't like I needed to be on some beach far and away to reflect on this journey around the sun.  I just had to be taken to dinner by the homie Margobot.  She sat across from me and asked: what is the most important thing you have learned in all your years on this planet so far?
(she probably worded it better, but there were drinks involved)
She assumed I would sprinkle my usual humor with something poignant (maybe).  We were both surprised how the question struck me.  It tugged at something in me and I started getting teary eyed (maybe I needed a lil cry, who knows?)
I said there are many things, so many things, but the most important for me has been just going on.  Moving forward.  Waking up everyday and saying ' I can do this.  I will go on.'
Do you truly know how hard that is?
I mean, for the most part WE ALL DO IT, but when you take a moment to really think about all the shit that has happened to you, that may be happening to you now...that will happen to you, and know that the seemingly minute act of moving forward...continuing on when it would just be so easy to not.
Whew.
Just thinking about that.  Sitting a lil bit in that room that has the projector that plays all of our life moments- and thinking about ALL OF IT.
Realizing that I am thankful for my somewhat stable mind, humor and people in my life who don't suck.  Realizing how none of the bullshit matters because the sheer strength it takes to move forward and not suck....shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

Needless to say I'm coming out with a trap-emo-mariachi-r&b album this fall.  Look out for it!

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

I Am A Horrible Person




Admittedly, when I heard Jesse Williams and his wife were getting a divorce I got excited because I feel there is a real chance for he and I to make it happen.
Truly, I am not happy at the demise of their relationship....but because I follow a certain moral code, I know that if he is single I am definitely HOPPING ALL UP ON THAT.

I immediately started making plans for the summer of our chance encounter that will lead to about a 4-10 yr relationship.
First, I have to reflect on my wokeness. 'Am I at my FULL wokeness?'  'Is there a way to up my wokeness?'  Then I would start reading more than I already do.  I would also have to get back into sports- back in the day I was a sportshead...but with all the rapists, abusers, blatant racism...I became over it.  Now, I only watch games for hot dudes- in case I decide to date one before my last few 'moist' years run out and I want to be on Basketball Wives or something.
Jesse is WAY into sports (I think he has a podcast), so I would have to at least learn to watch the games and not just look for dick swangin' in basketball shorts.
We would have a relationship where people would see us out and wanna be part of it...cuz we're cool, but then I would be doing my own thing while he was giving speeches and hanging with Maxine Waters- actually, I wanna hang with Maxine too!  What I am saying is, you wouldn't be sick of us...but you would want to hang out with us all the time.
I have also taken into account that I will have to get along with his ex-wife/ mother of his children, luckily I am an adult and not a trifling Instagram/reality TV ho.
We will be bi-coastal though we won't live together.  Though we'll have a 'Kurt Russell/ Goldie Hawn' love thing happening, I don't see us living together.  I like my space...and it will keep the 'ship FRESH.
This natural hair journey has been HECTIC for me, so I understand that I will have to shell out extra dollars to have my hair professionally done every week.  The photo ops will be endless- I mean he is FOINE, I am FOINE...we are both lightskinned with freckles, we both have style...but the hair definitely has to be on point.  (Black) Twitter will have me on my '13 Reasons Why' and I cannot have that.

So as you can see I have put some serious thought into this. THEN I hear he has already been hanging around this trick Minka Kelly...
I let that distract me for a moment, but she is no match for my plans!


Friday, April 14, 2017

Random Thoughts: Ruth Negga's Eyes

Unfortunately, I have only recently become acquainted with actress Ruth Negga.  She was nominated for an Oscar and I was digging her award season style.
Then I started watching Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D on Netflix and fell in love with her face...but mostly her eyes.


There is something so alluring...so mysterious...just so damn beautiful about her eyes.  I feel like if I had her eyes I would use the power for evil!  They would get me whatever I wanted WHENEVER and at the cost of BLOOD!
I also will need to see her work more because she is a great actress...and those damn eyes!! (they almost do half the acting for her)

Monday, March 27, 2017

Creeper Sober Saturday Night

While enjoying a pleasant Saturday night buzz, I became extra elated because I was on the train at about 10:30PM.  Being a long standing member of Team Granny Pannies, making it home by 11PM (at least) is a beautiful thing!
Then I was forced to sober up and spend the rest of the weekend thinking of all the horrible things that could've happened to me....
Anyone who knows me knows that 'buzzed me' is just a jollier yet still quiet, hateful and
'you would never know I even had a drink' version of me.  So I am still aware of everything going on around me and know that I am in the 'danger zone' because I am woman outside... doing pretty much anything.
I found a door (on the train) to lean on and was chuckling to the "Bodega Boys' podcast when a dude gets on and proceeds to pace- from the doors I was standing near, to the doors he occupied with his shopping cart.
So I move away from him because....nah.
The new set of doors I leaned on seemed cool until I locked eyes with this dude who seemed to be watching me.  He then stood and hovered near me.  I looked him in eyes and said 'back up'.  He did but stayed close and was always watching.
As I got off at my stop, he hopped up and was right behind me.  Mumbling something.  As I went down the subway stairs, he was one person behind me, but I knew once I exited the train station and he was right behind me....that walking home was NOT an option.
Luckily, there was a cab there so I hopped in.
Once home and angry- I see a News 12 Brooklyn story about a rise in women be followed home, pushed into their apartments and assaulted.
It was all coming together.

This is not the first time this has happened to me...and unfortunately it won't be the last.  Creepy ass dudes consistently ruin a perfect Saturday night- like I had a great time with the homies, but it all went to shit...sober and unable to sleep because I was so upset.
The only silver lining is that I am a lucky one and perhaps it's a reminder for me to STAY WOKE.  Also, to let my girls know...be aware.  We are entering the season of dick imprints in basketball shorts and I need you to not be so wrapped up in the bulges...and to keep yourselves safe!

Friday, March 24, 2017

I Said What I Said

...and I said I was going to write more...and obviously I LIED.
Okay...maybe it was an alternative fact or a white lie.
I have really been trying but...I am overwhelmed by so much bullshit!  From the every day...and I mean EVERY DAY with dump and his bullshit, white nonsense in general, black girls going missing in DC (things that make you go hmmm) and NO ONE is saying anything...to my boss basically being a piece of shit.  Ugh.
I still have to take the subway too.
I am going to try to get over myself and let my natural humor and delusional capabilities take over so that I can produce.  Plus writing HELPS.  I have to remember that.
One of my delusions...*ahem* summer projects will be finding a sugar daddy.  I realize that I either need to:

  • work for myself
  • get paid for either sleeping, eating, traveling, creepily hitting on FOINE young mens, styling people, styling places, WRITING, hating....
  • finding a sexy yet appropriately rich sugar daddy that will finance a lifestyle I will grow accustomed to and who will not ask me many questions! #LetMeLiveBish
I plan on acquiring this sugar daddy with my wit and thighmeats.  Wish me luck.

Friday, February 24, 2017

Oh Nooooooooo *pause* ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo *pause* oooooooooooooooooooooo

I am sorry I haven't been posting....but I felt once there was a lull in the constant screaming of "Oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" in my mind, I could write something about the state of what's going on.
To put it quite simply- what's going on is some fuckshit, but not surprising in the least.

Here are just a few of the random thoughts I have had during this horrendous time:


  • 'Er'body Black'!  While people were all in a 'post racial' world, most of us woke Black peeps were like 'ummmmm....nah, shit is still mad racial'.  People were all caught up in being PC, but the underlying intentions were ALWAYS there- now PC is out the window because being HORRIBLE is accepted.  These monsters have been empowered by this new administration.  So now everyone who is in the crosshairs of these intolerant beasts are FEELING IT.  That feeling of not being seen as human- you know having to justify your mere existence by giving examples of how THEY are all not that bad. ' I mean, Steve Jobs is a child of immigrants and look at him.' Immigrants who move to the states and treat Black people like shit because that is what is instilled in American society, so the world acts accordingly.  You know how many times I have had some Russian try me and I had to tell them how they JUST stopped waiting three hours in line for toilet paper so they should get the fuck out my face- but even they come here and collect WIC and think they are better than ALL the Black people.  In these times though, Russians don't have to worry, it is the brown immigrants who have to.  They are starting to feel the strife and understand what it feels like to be treated a certain way.  Or they are just plain getting deported so....
  • When I am on the 6 train and see a dude in full pique Whiteness- he has on a highwater pant, loafers, socks with reptiles on them AND is carrying a golf club?!  This really happens.  My face...definitely in full judgement mode and I just KNOW he voted for the fuckface in the white house now.
  • I watched 'Paris Is Burning'  again recently and it still makes me so sad...but I LIVE!- for the most part I have been looking to escape the daily fuckery via TV...mostly Netflix.  A while ago I tried to get into Terrace House- a Japanese reality tv show, but it's like REALLY GOOD and funny.  I couldn't get into to ( I forgot to turn on my subtitles).  I tried re-watching and love it.  From seeing Toyko and surrounding areas, the FOOD (they are always eating and that makes me so HAPPY), some of the dudes are HOT AF (Blasian babies), the style (for some), THE FOOD, etc.
  • Even in these times of intolerance, it doesn't make me hate people on sight any less.
  • I ALWAYS knew about Steve Harvey.  He is a big tooth buffoon who tries to tell women how to behave and thinks he influences the 'Black community'.  Fuck outta here.  You (Steve) fucked over Bernie Mac because you KNEW he was better than you...ever since I learned that, I wish for your suits, teeth or mustache to catch on fire.
I am just trying to get by and not go into a depression k hole.
Wish me luck...and I wish you well.  I am going to stay on top of bloggin because writing brings me joy and I know it does for a few of you too...and that's all we need now...is just lil sprinkles of joy, yo!


Monday, November 28, 2016

Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life of Nah



Admittedly I was way too excited about the proposed Gilmore Girl's ...reunion...reboot... year in the life...well...tying up loose ends of sorts.
The gentler, quirky side of me became so attached to them characters and I can watch whole seasons over and over...plus there's Jess- and I have already proclaimed my love for Milo Ventimiglia.  I was excited to revisit these characters and kinda forget what had happened during season 7 aka the season that shall not be spoken of.
Then the Gilmore Girls reboot thing happened...and here are my thoughts.  Needless to say...I don't feel all warm and fuzzy, and wonder if I coulda just continued to live with the season we shan't speak of or just wrote a really dope fanfic....


  • I mean a good ten years have gone by and people age...but some age like fine wine (or most Black people) and some age like a grilled cheese sandwich left on the hood of a car for a week- during the summer.  I am shallow enough to admit I judge how actors age mostly because I am petty (at times).  For the most part, a lot of the actors should've stayed in my season 7 minds eye...because sweet hay-sus it has been a LONG ten years.  Not all though- I know the actress that plays Miss Patty is sick so she is not thrown in my petty mix, and Suki looks great...of course Michele looked EXACTLY the same...because Black Don't Crack.  Even Taylor looked the same...Kirk looks better with age....Babette looks the same too.  Now Lorelei looked like she had been through ish and really couldn't pull off the 'cute, quirky' style she is known for.  I mean Emily looked better than she.  I was alarmed by Lorelei's face.  I was alarmed by Rory's too.  They were trying to use camera techniques when a new haircut and better clothing was needed.
  • Luke's new hairline....this deserves it's own paragraph though he is thrown in with that ALARMING aging group.  I was distracted from dialogue due to Luke's new hair plugs...I think there was some coloring spray involved too.  As you can see I analyzed the hell out of his new hair- and it was okay looking when he didn't wear the cap...but it was BRUTAL when he wore the cap.  You just saw this patch of 'plug hair' and some possible spray coloring.  I was good with season 6 Luke.
  • Though I have never given one white privileged fuck about Logan, I have to say that time has done him well.  He looked damn good...and dare I say it...FINE!  I still gave no fux about him or that dreadful storyline/love thing with he and Rory....
  • SPEAKING OF THAT- Rory having an affair with ANOTHER taken man I could've really done without.  I thought we were DONE with Logan once Rory turned down the engagement...okay, perhaps they would remain friends...but him being engaged to someone else...them still fucking and NOW...NOW Rory continues the cycle by being pregnant with his child?!! Ugh.  Thank goodness Richard Gilmore (one of my faves) wasn't here to see this...
  • Oh man.  I will say they did my Richard justice- am so sad the actor died in real life (Edward Hermann).  Most of my tears were from missing his character and watching the amazing Emily go through it!  I loved the Emily storyline...and will go on record to say that it was well done and the BEST thing about the reboot.  Emily is another fave and they did right by her- I loved how her year came to a close.
  • I like where Paris is at too...and that she remains...Paris.  She looked good too, but then we have seen the actress on How To Get Away With Murder as Bonnie and know she is fly!  She and Doyle are where I thought they would be- not together- and I like that they incorporated him being a screenwriter now like the actor who portrays him in real life.
  • Finally, they delve into Michele's life!  Not like his sexuality mattered...we did get the hint that he was possibly gay...and it turns out he is.  He is married and was interested in adopting...in typical GG fashion though, he was kinda an after thought  and I feel he got as much screen time as he did because Suki wasn't around...
  • Ugh seeing Rachel Ray in Suki's kitchen made me kick a pillow!  I understand there was a scheduling conflict with Melissa McCarthy, but girl did we need some Suki.  I know Lorelei thinks she's the shit, but the beauty of Gilmore Girls are all the characters...especially Suki!  I LOVE me some Suki and really hoped Melissa saw everyone...read the script and that was THE REAL reason she had 'scheduling conflicts'.  #shade
  • Like why couldn't Rory have bumped into Jess and be carrying his brunette (sexy ass) child!  Jess is IT girl.  He stay inspiring...and being smart...yet cool...and you can really talk to him. PLUS LOOK AT HIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!  Jess's arms (aka Milo's gun show) are phenomenal and had me wanting to be the book he slides into his back pocket.  Woulda loved to have seen more of Jess with Luke...or Luke's daughter...or Jess with Rory but NOOOOO I had to deal with insufferable ass Logan and his 'Life and Death' brigade white privileged ass buddies doing some type of tango dance sequence.  Jess made due though...and I got to see his arms, chest and ass that won't quit in some slacks...yummmm
  • Rory and Lorelei can be sooooo basic and insufferable...but I did like the ongoing joke with Rory dating Pete...Paul...something with a P and forgetting about him.  That was cute.

Overall I was underwhelmed and really could've done without this revisit- I mean, they obviously did this for the fans and I appreciate it, but it just made me mad mostly.  I think all the musical and dance numbers were HIGHLY unnecessary- then again I am not into musicals ...and it depends ON the dance sequence.  I still believe that most of life's troubles can be solved with a proper dance-off.  
Both Lorelei and Rory were annoying for no FUCKING reason.  People, especially clever people, evolve.  Not totally change who they are, but you see growth from where they've been.  These two basic bitches showed no growth and it annoyed the hell out of me.  If I was Luke, I would've taken my hair plugs and wiggetry (wig magic) and left Stars Hallow- moved to Philly with Jess and met a level headed dame who appreciates home cooking and a grumpy yet kind soul.  
Ugh maybe Rory is preggers by that Wookie- one- night-stand...but I think the timing is off so they are definitely pushing for it to be Logan's baby.  Such a disappointment. 

It was a nice IDEA to do this whole revamp...but sometimes it's okay to leave well enough alone.