Monday, November 28, 2016

Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life of Nah

Admittedly I was way too excited about the proposed Gilmore Girl's ...reunion...reboot... year in the life...well...tying up loose ends of sorts.
The gentler, quirky side of me became so attached to them characters and I can watch whole seasons over and there's Jess- and I have already proclaimed my love for Milo Ventimiglia.  I was excited to revisit these characters and kinda forget what had happened during season 7 aka the season that shall not be spoken of.
Then the Gilmore Girls reboot thing happened...and here are my thoughts.  Needless to say...I don't feel all warm and fuzzy, and wonder if I coulda just continued to live with the season we shan't speak of or just wrote a really dope fanfic....

  • I mean a good ten years have gone by and people age...but some age like fine wine (or most Black people) and some age like a grilled cheese sandwich left on the hood of a car for a week- during the summer.  I am shallow enough to admit I judge how actors age mostly because I am petty (at times).  For the most part, a lot of the actors should've stayed in my season 7 minds eye...because sweet hay-sus it has been a LONG ten years.  Not all though- I know the actress that plays Miss Patty is sick so she is not thrown in my petty mix, and Suki looks great...of course Michele looked EXACTLY the same...because Black Don't Crack.  Even Taylor looked the same...Kirk looks better with age....Babette looks the same too.  Now Lorelei looked like she had been through ish and really couldn't pull off the 'cute, quirky' style she is known for.  I mean Emily looked better than she.  I was alarmed by Lorelei's face.  I was alarmed by Rory's too.  They were trying to use camera techniques when a new haircut and better clothing was needed.
  • Luke's new hairline....this deserves it's own paragraph though he is thrown in with that ALARMING aging group.  I was distracted from dialogue due to Luke's new hair plugs...I think there was some coloring spray involved too.  As you can see I analyzed the hell out of his new hair- and it was okay looking when he didn't wear the cap...but it was BRUTAL when he wore the cap.  You just saw this patch of 'plug hair' and some possible spray coloring.  I was good with season 6 Luke.
  • Though I have never given one white privileged fuck about Logan, I have to say that time has done him well.  He looked damn good...and dare I say it...FINE!  I still gave no fux about him or that dreadful storyline/love thing with he and Rory....
  • SPEAKING OF THAT- Rory having an affair with ANOTHER taken man I could've really done without.  I thought we were DONE with Logan once Rory turned down the engagement...okay, perhaps they would remain friends...but him being engaged to someone else...them still fucking and NOW...NOW Rory continues the cycle by being pregnant with his child?!! Ugh.  Thank goodness Richard Gilmore (one of my faves) wasn't here to see this...
  • Oh man.  I will say they did my Richard justice- am so sad the actor died in real life (Edward Hermann).  Most of my tears were from missing his character and watching the amazing Emily go through it!  I loved the Emily storyline...and will go on record to say that it was well done and the BEST thing about the reboot.  Emily is another fave and they did right by her- I loved how her year came to a close.
  • I like where Paris is at too...and that she remains...Paris.  She looked good too, but then we have seen the actress on How To Get Away With Murder as Bonnie and know she is fly!  She and Doyle are where I thought they would be- not together- and I like that they incorporated him being a screenwriter now like the actor who portrays him in real life.
  • Finally, they delve into Michele's life!  Not like his sexuality mattered...we did get the hint that he was possibly gay...and it turns out he is.  He is married and was interested in typical GG fashion though, he was kinda an after thought  and I feel he got as much screen time as he did because Suki wasn't around...
  • Ugh seeing Rachel Ray in Suki's kitchen made me kick a pillow!  I understand there was a scheduling conflict with Melissa McCarthy, but girl did we need some Suki.  I know Lorelei thinks she's the shit, but the beauty of Gilmore Girls are all the characters...especially Suki!  I LOVE me some Suki and really hoped Melissa saw the script and that was THE REAL reason she had 'scheduling conflicts'.  #shade
  • Like why couldn't Rory have bumped into Jess and be carrying his brunette (sexy ass) child!  Jess is IT girl.  He stay inspiring...and being smart...yet cool...and you can really talk to him. PLUS LOOK AT HIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!  Jess's arms (aka Milo's gun show) are phenomenal and had me wanting to be the book he slides into his back pocket.  Woulda loved to have seen more of Jess with Luke...or Luke's daughter...or Jess with Rory but NOOOOO I had to deal with insufferable ass Logan and his 'Life and Death' brigade white privileged ass buddies doing some type of tango dance sequence.  Jess made due though...and I got to see his arms, chest and ass that won't quit in some slacks...yummmm
  • Rory and Lorelei can be sooooo basic and insufferable...but I did like the ongoing joke with Rory dating Pete...Paul...something with a P and forgetting about him.  That was cute.

Overall I was underwhelmed and really could've done without this revisit- I mean, they obviously did this for the fans and I appreciate it, but it just made me mad mostly.  I think all the musical and dance numbers were HIGHLY unnecessary- then again I am not into musicals ...and it depends ON the dance sequence.  I still believe that most of life's troubles can be solved with a proper dance-off.  
Both Lorelei and Rory were annoying for no FUCKING reason.  People, especially clever people, evolve.  Not totally change who they are, but you see growth from where they've been.  These two basic bitches showed no growth and it annoyed the hell out of me.  If I was Luke, I would've taken my hair plugs and wiggetry (wig magic) and left Stars Hallow- moved to Philly with Jess and met a level headed dame who appreciates home cooking and a grumpy yet kind soul.  
Ugh maybe Rory is preggers by that Wookie- one- night-stand...but I think the timing is off so they are definitely pushing for it to be Logan's baby.  Such a disappointment. 

It was a nice IDEA to do this whole revamp...but sometimes it's okay to leave well enough alone.

Friday, November 18, 2016

On A Different Note...My Loins

In these trifling times, I must find ways to distract myself from the impending end of the world or the ultimate civil war where the X-Men join in the fight against trump and his minions- one of my distractions is Netflix.  I think most people who are trying to cope use Netflix to keep from setting things and people on fire.
Anyways, as I was catching up on Gotham, I noticed one of my faves...Milo Ventimiglia aka Jess from Gilmore Girls (always and forever) was on a couple of episodes.

Ever since I first saw his side smirk on the Gilmore Girls I have been enamored.  Sure he's a fine actor, but he is also FINE AS HELL!!!!

I feel like I could go grab a pizza with him and then hit up a museum...or he would teach me about wines as we played scrabble or xbox.  I feel like he's knowledgeable but not a dick about it.  I also feel like he can unselfishly slang the dick.
These are tough times for me and white men (white people in general...except for my homies), but I feel Milo would give me hope.  Hope and that DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

That's all.

Friday, November 11, 2016

New Vocab: trump

Got some new vocab for you folks!

The word is: trump

Definition: Anything that is hateful, tacky, gross, evil, the worst, no bueno, not legit, bad, cancelled, over, wack, meh,  fraudulent, etc.

Used in a sentence(s):

Can't wait until I get paid next week because my bank account is looking real trump right now.

I know he looks like Jesse Williams but he is mad trump.

The fact that her eyebrows are reaching her non-existent edges is real trump.

Ugh, Mondays are sooooo trump.

Kitten heels are trump.

Thursday, November 10, 2016

The Players of Themselves

This is really happening.
Besides the anger, sadness, hurt, despair- there is this disbelief that donald trump (lowercase because he has not one iota of my respect) is the president of the United States of America aka land of worst and home of the lame.
This horrible turn of events has really brought out the worst in the worst...and the worst in the people that we didn't know were the worst.  So many people that are in the same boat as me, are having to remove people (family and friends) from their social media and real lives because they are coming out trying to defend their trump support.  Of course they are saying nothing of intelligence or value.  Their reasoning lacks any sustenance.  If you support/voted for that man, you are a loud and wrong racist, xenophobe, bigoted piece of shit.
It is really that simple.
There is nothing amusing or cute or OKAY about trump winning the White House.  It is just telling of what a lot of people of color have BEEN saying, this 'post-racial' society we like to think America is, is BULLSHIT.  trump's win is a blaring view of what America is outside of your bubble of cool, diverse people.
I know and have known people who are aware, but have made excuses for their racist ass friends and family- fuck you!
You haven't stood up to these people before, well you sure as hell better do it now or you'll be lumped in with them- not saying anything and not challenging them is what got us into this mess.
I have called people out and you can too!  A simple phrase I utilize that keeps the feelings of confrontation low is: You are not allowed to speak to me anymore.
You say it calm and firm and RIGHT AFTER someone says something fucked up.  You then excuse yourself and that is that.
I don't exert any energy towards these people because with the way the world is, I have to use this energy for bigger fish to fry and keeping my ass off a slave ship.

Now is NOT the time to stay quiet, the loud and wrong are out here feeling quite empowered now that they have deplorable president representing them.  We must stand tall and firm in our being right, smart and decent.  We cannot let them overshadow the good.
These people have played themselves by electing this buffoon and WE are ALL going to pay the price.

Friday, October 28, 2016

A Chronicles of Cashmere Series: Things Change

**I am going into this only knowing that Jeffrey Dean Morgan is playing Negan on The Walking Dead and that he carries a barbed wire bat named Lucille.  I never read the comics and only care about Negan because sexy ass Jeffrey Dean Morgan is playing him hence this fanfic.  Just know this is coming from an ignorantly imaginative sexy place.**

       Negan sat in the clearing tapping 'Lucille', his bat, against the tip of his boot.  He did this lightly as his favorite toy, this bat, was wrapped in barbed wire.  If one were observing Negan, one would think he was pensive or brooding, it wasn't that deep though.  He just enjoyed the silence.  One of the best things about the zombie apocalypse, besides having the power he had in this life and not the loser garbage truck driver life he led pre-apocalypse- he enjoyed the silence of this world.  You could really sit and think about nothing because there were no sounds.
This quiet also made it easier to hear everything.  To see everything.  He saw her peek from behind a tree twice.  He listened to see if there were more with her, she was alone.
Honay knew the moment he saw her.  She felt it on her skin.  Prickles of danger.  She uses the tree to shield herself again, she did a mental count of the weapons on her...and then she hears the crunch of dead leaves and knows he is close.
She takes in a short breath and comes from behind the tree and almost goes right into Negan's broad chest.  They both take a step back, weapons drawn.  Her machete and his barbed wire bat.  Negan smirks as he eyes Honay up and down, he counted at least three other weapons on her.  Now that he counted her weapons he took in her body.  How she was able to remain firm yet soft in the era of scrawny led him to believe she was a survivor.

"Well, well, well missy, now that ain't polite..."  A smirk never leaves Negan's face.  He likes that she doesn't waver.

"Put yours down first and then maybe I'll be more cordial."  Her voice low and clear.  Honay would cut him in half before he would even swing on her.

"I think we're doing just fine speaking like this.  Now what's a pretty woman like you doing all alone?  You should be nicer and join my team." He wanted her to join just him though, and not just for breeding.  He would take pleasure in her.

"I am not alone and would never join your team."  In a blink of the eye, she slices off Negan's arm that held the bat, then decapitates him.  She shakes the blood off her machete and continues on her way.

The End

**This was GOING to be a normal fanfic where a character that was basically me was going to bone the lead dude I want to bone (on the show), but after watching the season premiere of The Walking Dead and seeing what Negan did to my BELOVED Glen?!!!
Negan does not even deserve my fantasy vag!!!! None of it!  Sure there have been other beloved character deaths- not BETH, sorry, was over her.  'Everybody Hates Chris' and Glen stood out because they just died horribly...they couldn't get bitten and die slowly....or die peacefully in their sleep from food that went bad...
No they had to go in the WORST WAYS!  For that, Negan gets NONE of this 'nani.  Even though actor Jeffrey Dean Morgan can get it EVERY DAY OF THE may dwindle down to every OTHER day because ... Glen!**

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

(Throwin' Up) On Trends

I mean I like trends and am smart enough to know what works and what doesn't work...for me.  Being a sometimes judg-y, petty schmuck- I also know what doesn't work for you.
I know, I know.
You are still stuck on me calling myself 'petty' and 'judg-y', me this often highly evolved being....but I am aware enough to know I have my moments (meaning I have listened to the #Solange album).
For instance, last week I was nauseous because two people in my office were wearing kitten heels!

The kitten heel...

Is certainly a thing I will judge you on.  I don't care what age you are...religion, race, trans...there is NEVER A NEED to wear a kitten heel.  You either wear a fucking heel or you don't!  Heels come in various sizes that are acceptable to wear and EVEN be comfortable in.  The 1 inch or 2 inch heel is NOT acceptable.  Nothing 1 inch or 2 inches is ACCEPTABLE! (#Cheeky)
Kitten heels say to me that YOU want to be comfortable BY ANY MEANS (#MalcomX)...but you also want to not be sexually desired nor do you want other women to envy your style!
Its says you give no fux about life, liberty or the pursuit of happiness.
It says you want to make ME sick!

Kitten heels....

They seem to be on trend now...which will make those less inclined to style or care think it is okay to wear them.  IT IS NOT OKAY!  Everything is not for everyone!

Just please...PLEASE don't do it.

Monday, August 22, 2016

A Chronicles of Cashmere Series: Z is for Zayn

** Gotta keep it light for the summa with a little Zayn Malik fanfic! Holla!  Nope, I did not go back in a time machine and make myself 16 again.**


  The library seemed like the safest place to be especially when he found a dark corner among 'the stacks'.  "The stacks' where tall bookcases dwelled- as high as the ceiling- filled with books as far as the eye could see.  'No one would find him here' he thought.  Then he trips over a leg, a leg topped off with a nice sneaker.
"Ouch...the fuck..."  A rather melodic female voice says.  She sits up and what he noticed first were her eyes and second, that they lacked any recognition of who he was.

"Sorry."  His voice low and raspy with a British accent.  This caused one delicate eyebrow to raise on her face.  Mikaela was a sophomore at Buffalo State College, and had only heard the hard 'r' of the Buffalonean accent.  This vaguely brown Brit with tattoos that appeared to cover most of his body- or what she could see in his t-shirt- intrigued her.  She wondered why he appeared to be frazzled and hiding out in the stacks of the library.

"As long as you're not here to harm me, then I accept your apology."  She tried to remember a few self defensive moves she learned from the free classes given on campus.
He chuckles causing his already sparkling brown eyes to almost shoot out glitter- Mikaela shook her head, who is this twinkly eyed Brit who has her sounding like a teen romcom.

"No, I am not here to harm you.  I am just trying to hide- and not because I harmed someone."  He smirks.  There were very few people who didn't know who Zayn Malik was so when he came upon this person who seemed to have no clue, he decided that 'hiding' with her would suit him just fine.  He sits cross legged in front of her and almost laughed when he sees her eyes roll.
"I may be overstepping the line, but I think you found the best spot to hide so I'd like to join you. I promise to be quiet."  He does the zipper over his lips thing.  Besides, he wouldn't mind just watching her read.
"I'm Zayn by the way..."  He holds out a tatted hand.

She takes his hand though she still wasn't into him 'hiding' with her, "I'm Mikaela.  Don't speak or creepily stare and you can stay." She thought the name Zayn sounded vaguely familiar but she focused on trying to ignore him and the fact that she wanted to hear his voice.  Maybe look into those sparkling eyes again- she dry heaved a little because she thought she was going to make herself sick.
Her focus fought hard to remain on the book in her hands, but she looked up and saw Zayn's handsome face smiling at nothing in particular.
"Why are you hiding anyways?"  She asks.  She closes her book because she knew it was never getting read, well not until this Zayn fellow was ready to 'un-hide' himself.

"I am doin' a concert here on campus-"

"Please don't tell me you're a rapper..."  There was the eye roll again.

He chuckles, "No, I sing."

"Sorry I don't know who you are...I study a lot."  She shrugs.

"It's great you don't know who I am...believe me-"

"So you're one of those...'oh, fame is too much...all this money, hoes and people caring about my every move' celebrities."

Zayn thought about that for second and realized he did come off like a privileged bloke at times.  "I just need a break once in a while- I won't complain too much, but try having swarms of girls screaming and crying whenever they are in your presence.  Every single time."

"Would this be before or after I counted all my money?"

"Touche`."  He smiles.  "So, all you do is study?  This is college you should be having fun."

"I have my fun...and now I can tell everyone I was hiding in the stacks with Zayn..."

"Malik.  That should add some intrigue...maybe we should find a secret door out and explore...Buffalo."  As he said it, he almost wanted to take it back- but then he realized he really wouldn't mind spending time with this Mikaela and hearing her thoughts on things.  A person who would give it to him straight and not 'yes, Zayn' him to death.  He notices the air becomes a bit cooler and sees Mikaela doesn't appear too happy.

"I can't leave." She practically whispers.  She almost hated how much the thought of walking through Delaware Park with him seemed perfect.  They would talk about nothing and everything.

Zayn stands and holds out a hand to Mikaela- "Come, let's find a side door- I have a feeling you're good at avoiding people."
Mikaela looks at his hand and smiles weakly.  He looked so earnest, she almost stood up...

"I can't...I thought you were hiding out anyways."

He shrugs and sits back down, " You're right.  Let me relish this moment.  I even turned my phone off...I'm afraid to look at it..."

"So don't..."  With that, they proceeded to talk about nothing and everything.  Zayn revealed things he only told close friends and he would stop laughing just to hear her throaty chuckle.  It felt like one of those moments that would be fleeting but neither would forget.  He didn't understand why, but the longer they chatted, the more he felt like he would never see her again.

"Give me your number- so when I am finished performing we or something."  He takes out his phone and squints his eyes shut, the mere thought of all the messages that would appear made him tense.  He didn't wanna leave this space...or Mikaela, but he had to be responsible
He is surprised when he opens his eyes and Mikaela is standing and smiling down at him, her hand held out.

"I'll find you." She leaned in enjoying his warmth...and she went for it, she kissed his cheek.  Zayn felt a tingle where her soft lips touched his face.  He often felt jaded but at that moment he felt himself blush with the flutter of butterflies in his toned belly.

"Okay."  Something told him to say more.  To hold her, but when he opened his eyes, which he didn't realize he was still holding closed, she was gone.  The air still smelled like her.  It smelled like vanilla and ginger.  He sighs heavily and vows to come back here and wait until she appeared again...if she didn't find him as promised.


Zayn was so distracted by trying to get out of his well hidden spot and then out of the library, he almost walked into a wall.  What shook him out of his reverie and thoughts of Mikaela...was Mikaela.  A beautiful portrait of the face he just spent an hour staring at.  He then notices the dates underneath the photo: June 9, 1995- April 10, 2013. Her name was Mikaela Jones.
He feels like he's been punched in the gut.  A librarian appears pushing a cart full of books.

"Are you okay?"  He asks.

Zayn tries speaking several times, but no words come out.  He is just able to point at Mikaela's picture.

"Oh yeah...Mikaela Jones.  Sweet girl.  She worked here at the night some sicko got in and killed her...right in the stacks.  Didn't find her until the next morning...they caught the guy- since then we upped security around here...and named this area 'MJ Stacks'.  Mikaela loved the stacks." The librarian looks at something that isn't there and smiles.  Then he slowly makes his way towards the elevators.