Friday, September 15, 2017

No, I Will Not Be Seeing 'It' and You Can Burn In Hell!!



Yes, I do enjoy a good horror film.  Yes, I have seen the original 'It' film- I even read the book, but there is no way in hog hell that I'll be seeing the new revised version in this age of people doing too much.
The original movie scared the shit out of me and reinforced my unease with clowns- I am not afraid of clowns, I just think grown men with emotion filled makeup on their faces who constantly want to interact with children and give everyone balloons...are creepy!  It...THEY fill me with an unease.
Being one who likes to face my fears, I saw the original movie and was SCARRED.
So...NO I will not be seeing this new version.  Plus, like everything in life they gave the one Black character a lesser role- changing the original story.
Whatever.

I am just gonna live my life and try to be as great as Serena William's baby...

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Moral of the Story: Don't Be Trash

I have hated Usher on sight- since he was like 12 yrs old or whenever he first came on the scene.  Something about that beady stare never sat right with me.  I was okay about his music- still am- but something about him just makes me angry squint.
Then all this shit comes out about him giving girls his openly dripping, sore filled peen and not telling them that they too would have the HERPS!
Ugh...disgusting behavior.
That is not what makes him the beady eye beast I have always had no love for...when a larger...big...fat girl says that Usher exposed his dirty dick to her he immediately comes out and is like- NOPE! cuz I would never bone a fat girl.
Well GOD loves fat women because who the fuck wants an STD, dickhead?!
He couldn't come out and deny the other TRUE claims because he had to pay them bitches off...but when a big girl comes out (who is obviously lying because she seems cray)- Usher is like I WOULD NEVERRRRRR because...she's a big girl.
Ugh.
It's like all my years of hatred haven't been for naught.  He has proven he is a low life piece of excrement.  I mean, first you wanna bone chicks raw knowing full well you got that dirty D and then you wanna come out like you're better than boning a fat person because you're...Usher.  Fuck outta here.

On the reverse there is my new hatred for Jesse Williams.  *sigh*
So he is dating that Minka Kelly and his wife is suing for FULL ass custody because he has been ho-ing in front of their children possibly during their marriage.  Ugh.
My beef with the whole Minka Kelly thing isn't because she is White.  Who cares...it is because she is meaningless.  She just looks good.  Her acting is questionable and, she is  just known for looking good and dating Derek Jeter.
So Mr. Williams who fancies himself this activist...instead of finding a 'Michelle' (there are White Michelle's too...am sure...somewhere), proves he is just a typical dude who can articulate well but is morally corrupt.  You can't project this image of having your shit together and be the 'face of activism' and roll among the trash.  Or be trash yourself.
It's like the ole proverb says- never EVER trust a light skinned Black dude with light eyes.

Lastly, so the 'GREAT AMERICAN ECLIPSE' happened.  Of course NASA, scientists, various other smart people tell everyone: DO NOT LOOK AT THE ECLIPSE WITHOUT GLASSES, IT CAN CAUSE PERMANENT EYE DAMAGE.
People, of course, look at the eclipse without glasses.  These people started calling hospitals, doctors, doing their googles to figure out what to do with this eye damage.
Some were asked why (did they look in the first place)...and their answer: I thought if I looked at the eclipse I could get powers like the show Heroes.
The better answer would've been: I looked cuz I thought fine ass Milo Ventimiglia would appear and take care of this eye damage with his........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... dick.

Along with everything else going on in the world...I am ready for the meteor to take us out.


Thursday, June 22, 2017

Surprisingly Deep

Last week I took a WHOLE vacation because it was my birthday.  I wanted to be on chill.
It was a staycation because I didn't feel like traveling AND it wasn't like I needed to be on some beach far and away to reflect on this journey around the sun.  I just had to be taken to dinner by the homie Margobot.  She sat across from me and asked: what is the most important thing you have learned in all your years on this planet so far?
(she probably worded it better, but there were drinks involved)
She assumed I would sprinkle my usual humor with something poignant (maybe).  We were both surprised how the question struck me.  It tugged at something in me and I started getting teary eyed (maybe I needed a lil cry, who knows?)
I said there are many things, so many things, but the most important for me has been just going on.  Moving forward.  Waking up everyday and saying ' I can do this.  I will go on.'
Do you truly know how hard that is?
I mean, for the most part WE ALL DO IT, but when you take a moment to really think about all the shit that has happened to you, that may be happening to you now...that will happen to you, and know that the seemingly minute act of moving forward...continuing on when it would just be so easy to not.
Whew.
Just thinking about that.  Sitting a lil bit in that room that has the projector that plays all of our life moments- and thinking about ALL OF IT.
Realizing that I am thankful for my somewhat stable mind, humor and people in my life who don't suck.  Realizing how none of the bullshit matters because the sheer strength it takes to move forward and not suck....shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

Needless to say I'm coming out with a trap-emo-mariachi-r&b album this fall.  Look out for it!

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

I Am A Horrible Person




Admittedly, when I heard Jesse Williams and his wife were getting a divorce I got excited because I feel there is a real chance for he and I to make it happen.
Truly, I am not happy at the demise of their relationship....but because I follow a certain moral code, I know that if he is single I am definitely HOPPING ALL UP ON THAT.

I immediately started making plans for the summer of our chance encounter that will lead to about a 4-10 yr relationship.
First, I have to reflect on my wokeness. 'Am I at my FULL wokeness?'  'Is there a way to up my wokeness?'  Then I would start reading more than I already do.  I would also have to get back into sports- back in the day I was a sportshead...but with all the rapists, abusers, blatant racism...I became over it.  Now, I only watch games for hot dudes- in case I decide to date one before my last few 'moist' years run out and I want to be on Basketball Wives or something.
Jesse is WAY into sports (I think he has a podcast), so I would have to at least learn to watch the games and not just look for dick swangin' in basketball shorts.
We would have a relationship where people would see us out and wanna be part of it...cuz we're cool, but then I would be doing my own thing while he was giving speeches and hanging with Maxine Waters- actually, I wanna hang with Maxine too!  What I am saying is, you wouldn't be sick of us...but you would want to hang out with us all the time.
I have also taken into account that I will have to get along with his ex-wife/ mother of his children, luckily I am an adult and not a trifling Instagram/reality TV ho.
We will be bi-coastal though we won't live together.  Though we'll have a 'Kurt Russell/ Goldie Hawn' love thing happening, I don't see us living together.  I like my space...and it will keep the 'ship FRESH.
This natural hair journey has been HECTIC for me, so I understand that I will have to shell out extra dollars to have my hair professionally done every week.  The photo ops will be endless- I mean he is FOINE, I am FOINE...we are both lightskinned with freckles, we both have style...but the hair definitely has to be on point.  (Black) Twitter will have me on my '13 Reasons Why' and I cannot have that.

So as you can see I have put some serious thought into this. THEN I hear he has already been hanging around this trick Minka Kelly...
I let that distract me for a moment, but she is no match for my plans!


Friday, April 14, 2017

Random Thoughts: Ruth Negga's Eyes

Unfortunately, I have only recently become acquainted with actress Ruth Negga.  She was nominated for an Oscar and I was digging her award season style.
Then I started watching Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D on Netflix and fell in love with her face...but mostly her eyes.


There is something so alluring...so mysterious...just so damn beautiful about her eyes.  I feel like if I had her eyes I would use the power for evil!  They would get me whatever I wanted WHENEVER and at the cost of BLOOD!
I also will need to see her work more because she is a great actress...and those damn eyes!! (they almost do half the acting for her)

Monday, March 27, 2017

Creeper Sober Saturday Night

While enjoying a pleasant Saturday night buzz, I became extra elated because I was on the train at about 10:30PM.  Being a long standing member of Team Granny Pannies, making it home by 11PM (at least) is a beautiful thing!
Then I was forced to sober up and spend the rest of the weekend thinking of all the horrible things that could've happened to me....
Anyone who knows me knows that 'buzzed me' is just a jollier yet still quiet, hateful and
'you would never know I even had a drink' version of me.  So I am still aware of everything going on around me and know that I am in the 'danger zone' because I am woman outside... doing pretty much anything.
I found a door (on the train) to lean on and was chuckling to the "Bodega Boys' podcast when a dude gets on and proceeds to pace- from the doors I was standing near, to the doors he occupied with his shopping cart.
So I move away from him because....nah.
The new set of doors I leaned on seemed cool until I locked eyes with this dude who seemed to be watching me.  He then stood and hovered near me.  I looked him in eyes and said 'back up'.  He did but stayed close and was always watching.
As I got off at my stop, he hopped up and was right behind me.  Mumbling something.  As I went down the subway stairs, he was one person behind me, but I knew once I exited the train station and he was right behind me....that walking home was NOT an option.
Luckily, there was a cab there so I hopped in.
Once home and angry- I see a News 12 Brooklyn story about a rise in women be followed home, pushed into their apartments and assaulted.
It was all coming together.

This is not the first time this has happened to me...and unfortunately it won't be the last.  Creepy ass dudes consistently ruin a perfect Saturday night- like I had a great time with the homies, but it all went to shit...sober and unable to sleep because I was so upset.
The only silver lining is that I am a lucky one and perhaps it's a reminder for me to STAY WOKE.  Also, to let my girls know...be aware.  We are entering the season of dick imprints in basketball shorts and I need you to not be so wrapped up in the bulges...and to keep yourselves safe!

Friday, March 24, 2017

I Said What I Said

...and I said I was going to write more...and obviously I LIED.
Okay...maybe it was an alternative fact or a white lie.
I have really been trying but...I am overwhelmed by so much bullshit!  From the every day...and I mean EVERY DAY with dump and his bullshit, white nonsense in general, black girls going missing in DC (things that make you go hmmm) and NO ONE is saying anything...to my boss basically being a piece of shit.  Ugh.
I still have to take the subway too.
I am going to try to get over myself and let my natural humor and delusional capabilities take over so that I can produce.  Plus writing HELPS.  I have to remember that.
One of my delusions...*ahem* summer projects will be finding a sugar daddy.  I realize that I either need to:

  • work for myself
  • get paid for either sleeping, eating, traveling, creepily hitting on FOINE young mens, styling people, styling places, WRITING, hating....
  • finding a sexy yet appropriately rich sugar daddy that will finance a lifestyle I will grow accustomed to and who will not ask me many questions! #LetMeLiveBish
I plan on acquiring this sugar daddy with my wit and thighmeats.  Wish me luck.