Thursday, July 26, 2012

My Thoughts on The Dark Knight Rises


EPIC!
That is the word that comes to mind when I think of Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy.  Admittedly, it took me a minute to jump on the bandwagon.  My brother had to FORCE me to watch Batman Begins before I even thought about seeing The Dark Knight.
I don't know why I had to be forced because I mean... Liam Neeson, some sword fighting...bats- SOLD.
....actually I blame Joel Schulmacher (sp) for ruining Batman for me.  I'll throw Val Kilmer in that vat of dicks too.  The OG Batman with the Prince soundtrack and Micheal Keaton is my favorite!
Now Nolan's Batman series is added to the 'favorite' pile.
OH, my Batman love runs deep-way back to Adam West and Eartha Kitt as Catwoman to the 'art deco-y' cartoon- I think I even had a crush on that animated Bruce Wayne.  I was young and freaky.

So, my journey to this stage of Batman had it's many highs and lows.  Batman Begins got me open.  The Dark Knight just took it the next level.  The Dark Knight Rises tied it all together in a gritty bow and almost made me want to become an actor again or bone an actor again.
The thought of Anne Hathaway as Catwoman did make me hesitate, but dayum, she killed it!  No, she wasn't Michelle Pfeiffer who SLAYED that shit, but she didn't make me wanna punch her...which is really all you can ask.
I also didn't expect to want to bone Joseph Gordon Levitt!...but I did!  Truly didn't give 1/8 of a fuck about that dude prior to this movie, now I am all like 'hayyyyyyyyyyyyy J Lev'.
One would think the 'loin slayer' would've be Tom Hardy aka Bane, but he creeped me out with that voice he used-which I can do very well!

The shooting that took place in Colorado made seeing the movie an unnerving experience.  Bags were checked, cops were all around, and then when the scene in the movie occurred where that crazy asshole shot up those people-it made me numb.
That along with the strong themes of 'sometimes asshole will win a little but mostly they won't'.  That had special meaning to me, especially after a trying week at work.

This was the worst review ever (I know), but know that the movie was EPIC and 'hayyyyyyyyyyyyyy J Lev'!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

New Vocab: Ho Stroll

2012.
Wow, it has been a bitch wearing spiked heels and kicking you in the vagina-which would hurt if you have a vag.  Sure, there have been amazing moments, but then there are moments that I've needed to cope using varying degrees of alcohol consumption.  Alcohol, laughter with a friend(s) and fresh air...

Ho Stroll.

A Ho Stroll is basically me and my peeps stopping at our new jumpoff...that I am going to be very icognito about because I love this place and if I see a bunch of assholes wasting my flava, imma go 2012 on dat ass!
...okay, so the jumpoff is this amazingly cheap Mexican hole in a wall that allows you to take your frozen margarita TO GO!  Flavored frozen magaritas.  Plastic cup. Straw.  TO GO!

We grab our dranks, choose a direction and begin our stroll!  It almost always involves us stopping and saying to each other: I am so drunk right now.
Sometimes we make passes at sexy people, and most of the time we just have deep talks about life.

Ho Stroll's are a great way to enjoy a summers day...and I am going to try to make a winter Ho Stroll with some hot cocoa...and nips of Bailey's or somethin' because the KEY to a Ho Stroll is alcohol.  I mean, you need people and legs to walk with, but alcohol is needed.  All the elements to a Ho Stroll are pretty key and much needed.
People, drank and walking.

Ho Stroll, make it happen!

Sunday, July 8, 2012

As The (Online) Dating World Turns: Fuck I Look Like...





So this dude wrote me and was all like: you don't look your age.

Did I:

A) write him back: you don't look tall, dark or handsome so cheers, bitch!

B) throw shit and then write him back: fuck you!

C) go whoopee! and then write him back: oh thank you! please place yourself inside of meeeee!!!!

D) shrug my shoulders and say to myself: and I know this bitch, I am fly!

If you said D, then you were CORRECT!

I could really give a fuck, but I know now that I am in my spinster years, dudes will treat me accordingly.  Thinking I am desperate or seek some type of approval.  Little do they know, that is not the case and I am still the same ole G who looks 24/25 and acts like an old gay dude who lives on Marthas Vineyard in a BIG house....bitch.
I am mad uppity and have no time for the bullshit.

Monday, July 2, 2012

When In Rome...

....or in Buffalo and you have a hotel room with HBO- so you watch TrueBlood.  Now that I am all caught up-I still feel it sucks- but I kinda wanna see what happens.  Plus, Alcide aka Big Dick (Magic Mike) aka Joe Magniello is on the show and he just delights my loins.

Yeah, I saw Magic Mike.  I knew it would be pointless, but I expected/hoped for some literal dick swingin'.  There was none.  Just an attempt at a deep plot and MATTHEW EFFIN' MCONAGHEY being fucking greasy and annoying.  Channing Scrotum is still beady eyed and gross to me, but HE CAN GET IT.  Put a burlap sac over his face and masking tape his mouth shut, and then enjoy the RIDE! 
Giddy up.
It is was not the worst movie ever....but it was a close second or third.