Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Pssst....Over Here....Yeah...

Okay, so I feel like a flightless bird- or a bird with no wings-all having to briefly blog at work. *sigh* My computer monitor BLEW and instead of getting a new laptop-like I should've done a minute ago, instead I spend my money on various flights of fancy and have nothing but cool shoes and a softer tummy to show for it.

Anyways, there's been so much I've been wanting to tell you about...I hope I remember everything...not like I finally finshed the book and have an agent and Idris Elba has come to his senses and is breakin' my back on the regs!-just interesting little vittles.

I didn't want my loyal 3 readers to feel neglected or be under the impression that I have gotten a life or something.
Will have NONE of that.

Be back shortly, the new monitor is up, the insanity will continue!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Good Things I Have Put In My Mouth Lately- Di Fara's Square Pizza Pie

I grew up in Brooklyn (NY) so great pizza is important to me. I can't explain what makes a great pizza...it's one of those things you just know.
Now my card may pulled when I say I have never heard of nor had I been to Di Fara Pizza (Midwood, Brooklyn (NY)). This spot is only a few train stops away from home, yet I NEVER KNEW ABOUT IT- and now that I do, the chances of me making my 600lb goal is great.
I learned of Di Fara's from my friend LBee-of course we were eating something else when she asked what my favorite pizza spots were, then she mentioned Di Fara's and their delish square pizza pie that is both crunchy AND chewy and just effin' delicious. She went on about how Old Man Di Fara (this may not be his name, but that is what I am calling him) puts fresh slices of mozzarella (actually every pie is freshly made, no pies just laying about) on it along with cloves of garlic and then RIGHT before he serves ya the pie- no use in getting just a slice- he cuts some fresh basil on it and you become a believer.
I wiped the drool off my chest and lap and asked: WHEN ARE WE GOING???

It took a bit but we made it one Friday. We beat the long line and the crowds...but not the full on smoke inhalation. It is ALL WORTH IT THOUGH.
And being a true natural beauty, I make it all look soooo good...

Do you even believe that cheese?! It's all so real. My mouth is watering as I type this...Like, usually one would be consumed by my beauty, but that cheese is like the nude Halle Berry/The Rock of cheese!!!
Okay, first things first, this place is very Brooklyn. The Brooklyn I grew up in. This is a pizza shop, not some fancy pizzeria with a bullshit waitstaff and garlic bread. They just serve pizza. Old Man Di Fara and his kids serve you YUMMY pizza.

There's a wall of accolades...I just took a pic of one wall though:

There's a pic of Old Man Di Fara doing his thing....

Here is my pic of Old Man Di Fara doing his thing AKA puttin' that fresh basil on it...mmmmmmm

Okay, these next few pics are like straight pornography!


Yeah, LBee and I ate our slices right off the tray! Were weren't playing around...and I really thought we would finish it, but when you HAVE to eat the crust because it's so friggin' good...*sigh*...one (even a greedy wench like myself) cannot finish it. LBee took the slices home to her boo-even mine because I was all gallant like: I live so close to this wondrous place!

Oh here is LBee going in...love how her nails look with all that cheese and 2 sauces (yes, for the square pie, Old Man Di Fara uses 2 different sauces!!!) goodness...mmmmm

There are points when your mouth is full of fresh garlic pieces and cheese! I didn't need to put anything on this...like oregano, crumbled parmesan, red pepper flakes, etc.. This pizza was just so delicious LBee and I both grew quiet and went into a zone before we continued with our awesome chats.

If you like pizza and life, go to Di Fara's...it will change your life. I have to go back soon to try the round pie-this excites me.
Anyways, go there...you'll wait a bit but anything worth having is ALWAYS worth the wait.
Mangia, bitches!

Oh Hells No!: All My Children




Soap opera's are a peek into the lives we'd like to live.
Good n' bad drama. Great clothes. Waking up in full makeup with hair perfectly coiffed AND no morning breath. Mostly hot people-including doctors, cops, bartenders, maintenance peeps, teachers, etc.. Having a job but not always having to go there because you have drama to deal with yet you still get paid and live in a fat crib. You can bang pretty much anyone (few times). If you do bad shit you can always redeem yourself and be a good person- also a ho can be made into a housewife-or she can just marry a shitload of people. If you do some really twisted non-redeemable shit, you can just blame your twin who will suddenly appear with blood on their hands. Even if you appear in a coffin, are seen boiling in a vat of car drove in the river stew, or have been shot 20 times- YOU CAN STILL BE ALIVE!!!!

Soaps are great!

All My Children became my soap because it's what my mom and babysitter watched. It is my favorite soap-though I dabbled with Sunset Beach (short lived NBC soap) in college-I always came back to AMC.
I mean, Erica Kane is an ICON! Angie and Jesse! Adam Chandler...Palmer Cortlandt! Tad Martin! Hayley and Mateo! Then there's Zack and Kendall- I loved me some Zack!
These characters are like a second fam- we grew up together...and no matter how many episodes I missed, I could always fall right back in!
AMC has always been with the times with gay relationships, a transgender story line, Black peeps who were more than just sidekicks and actually had lives, old people boning, Asians!!, Latinos who aren't just maids, etc.

Now, I am hearing it is being canceled and there are 2 reality shows in the works to replace it. FUCK THAT NOISE, I never thought I'd say this especially after Hoarders and Top Chef, but I HATE REALITY TV!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

We must save All My Children. Save the characters I grew up with and the hot dudes I can fantasize about because I'd mostly live in fantasy and not reality.
Call this number: 818-460-7477.
Save AMC, for you, for me...for everybody!!!

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Gemini Horoscope Week of April 14th: I shall weildeth my sword-eth....



Freewill Astrology
Gemini (May 21-June 20)

I was reading about how fantasy writer Terry Pratchett made his own sword using "thunderbolt iron" from a meteorite. It made me think how that would be an excellent thing for you to do. Not that you will need it to fight off dragons or literal bad guys. Rather, I suspect that creating your own sword from a meteorite would strengthen and tone your mental toughness. It would inspire you to cut away trivial wishes and soul-sucking influences that may seem interesting but aren't really. It might even lead you to rouse in yourself the zeal of a knight on a noble quest -- just in time for the arrival of an invitation to go on a noble quest.


OMG!!! First, I love swords and second I think I'd be pretty awesome riding a horse and straight cutting bitches!! Would do so in a full dress made of black buttery leather and metal grommets. My riding boots will be Gucci.

Totally get what the 'scope is saying though. Gotta focus and get my quest on!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Place Where I Work: Some Things I've Learned or Relearned This Week

- If you let them, the MTA or a Starbucks will ruin your day.
We already know the amount of dicks I'd like to saute for the MTA so I don't even need to go there. As for Starbucks-so shocking to see me wanting to kick them and perhaps prepare them a frapp of semen- one of the ones I like going to in the morning also has a large tourist clientele. Tourists who take hours to order one cappuccino. Tourists who don't understand the concept of a line and like to gather in various clumps on the outskirts of the line and when you make moves getting you closer to a scone or a nutty loaf, they suddenly appear all accented and enraged! All this makes you damn near late and ANGRY. AN-GRY.

- I can really survive on just soup for lunch.
Soup and a book. I finished reading The Namesake-truly delightful book! Now back to finishing Christopher Moore's You Suck because I don't remember what book my Book Club is on now. Anyways, who knew my greedy ass would be fine with just soup.

- Seriously, kids effin' love me!
For real! A patient brought in a kid the age of 1 (almost 2)who immediately wanted to feed me his cheddar bunnies and tell me about his life. I think me and kids are cool because they have no angles and have the inability to bs.

- Sometimes your ego lies to you. LIES!
Seems I was right about The Doctor being the reason I can't pay someone to kick me to the curb! The love is strong, which I can't feel bad about because I am awesome AND getting paid.
As for me developing a crush on Johnny Blue Eyes based on laughter, the promise of Italian love poems and thinking that he maybe wanted to do this 'Bronx Tale style'. Think about it (take a second).
I was wrong, which is fine because crushes are a nice way to spend the day-a way to remember you're ALIVE!
Why did this sudden dose of reality hit this cautious romantic aka me? Well, we all know how these crushes go for me. Either all lighthearted and fine- which how most go or I get all intense and clouded with idea's that things are more than they seem. Sometimes people just think you're cool and funny and DON'T wanna put it in you. Shocking, but oh so true.
Yay, for reality!

- When you look around the room that is your life and feel a certain way about it-you just remember you know some great people and I know some GREAT people.
This has nothing to do with work, but helps me in those low moments.

Good Things I Have Put In My Mouth Lately- Doughnuts and Chicken

There are days and then there ARE DAYS. This was one of those in between days...where things were fine, but I was feeling mad emo, yo. Was just filled with all these feelings...and though I pride myself on not being an emotional eater- I JUST LIKE EATING- eating delectable freshly made doughnuts did help with the well of emotions rising inside of me-well before I shaved one side of my head, began wearing only black and started writing poetry involving birds n' cock without really saying cock.
No, instead I ate doughnuts at the Donut Plant NYC (Chelsea).

Yup that's me and not Jeannine Garafalo!


The ambiance was real relaxing and conducive to doughnut eating enjoyment. It was perfect because there was Radiohead playing and Planet Earth being shown on the big screen. Nothing makes a punk like me weep into her chocolate doughnut like having "Creep" playing while seagulls are picking off baby sea turtles. WEEP!!!


The decor was even doughnut themed! Quite nice.

More importantly...the DOUGHNUTS!!
I had the jelly and the chocolate. Decided to keep it real simple!

...not really a jelly as much as it was a preserve and SO DELISH!!!! I shared with m'girl Jesse who in turn, shared her pistachio and strawberry doughnuts with me! So fresh and so clean (clean)!

Of course after eating doughnuts Jesse and I grew hungry! So we strolled- okay briskly walked because it grew effin' cold out and we both had on our Spring fineries- to Country Hill Kitchen (Flatiron District). We briefly stopped in Eataly but couldn't deal with the douchebags though the smell of olive oil was intoxicating!
...CHK was inviting and homey. Well lit, the better for to see all the biscuits. I knew I was going to have biscuits. So I did. I had Grandma El's buttermilk fried chicken, a spicey corn salad and biscuits. MMMMMM!


Jesse opted for the chicken sandwich and the cherry lemonade.



Altogether, great night of emotional eating. I highly recommend both during those emo times we all can have.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Rob Lowe & Latex.

Mostly my face is all like this:

...then I saw Rob Lowe on the cover of Vanity Fair and I briefly looked like this:

...because I look like Kelis and would do this in front of Mr. Lowe. HE.CAN.GET.IT!!!!
80's Rob Lowe...all young and full of dreams=no thanks. 2011 Rob Lowe...all older and full of wisdom n' maneuvers=oh hell yes!!!

AND THEN I listed my top 3 fears today and they REALLY are my fears.

1. Bed Bugs
2. Vampires (though I find them sexy, remember women of color never get to have sexy vampiric relations so my ass would just end up drained...and a bitch is ANEMIC)
3. Zombies
...a close 4. would be peeps who randomly put on latex gloves. This happened to me on a train once. You think being a germaphobe I would understand not wanting to touch ANYTHING on a train-but dude was sitting down. He creepily stared at me a while then unzipped his knapsack...and then pulled out a pair of latex gloves. I had been reading a book, which I then closed it and then texted m'girl Jesse (because we had just had dinner and I didn't want people to think SHE murdered me).

my text: um, a dude just SAT across from me and put on latex gloves.
jesse: AHHHHHHHH! GET OFF THE TRAIN NOW!!!
my text: dude, but i am like 2 stops from home! you know how long it takes for me to get home!
jesse: HE IS GOING TO KILL YOU!!!
my text: i know, but i will try my best not to be killed. if i don't text you in 20 minutes from home, he has killed me and tell my fam i love them.
jesse: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Eventually, I avert death by psyching dude out and taking a cab home- though it is a 5 minute walk from the train station to my home.
Anyways, anyone who randomly puts on latex gloves is.going.to.kill.you.

...though if Rob Lowe is into kinky latex sex play then that may be the ONLY time where murder may not be on the menu, though death by dick seems like a good way to go.
Woah.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Conversations with Ice: Oh No!




Ice T (my imaginary friend who really should be my friend/mentor) and I are Skyping again. Ice is in California for Nate Doggs's (RIP) funeral and I am still in New York City-cold, alone, but mostly sad. Skyping with Ice is a sure way to feel A LOT better!

Ice T: Sweet T!

Me: Ice!

Ice T: You look like someone took your lunch money-

Me: Well, am surprised you even remember who I am-

Ice T: Ah, I see what this is. You know who I am and the obligations that entails, sometimes it means less time solving your problems....

Me: You don't just solve my problems...we chat. I thought we were homies. Sorry i am not big enough to be roasted like Trump...or

Ice T: Or be dead like Nate Dogg...

Me: Ah damn...(we both pull out 40's and pour a lil out)Well, I'll let you go back to your life...

Ice T: Oh stop. So tell me, besides being your usual asshole self, what's going on?

Me: Oh Ice...I thought you thought I was misunderstood...

Ice T: Listen, I have to go make sure I am not wearing opposing colors and then oil Coco's ass.

Me: Fine. I am okay. The usual. Less talk, more do- oh but I've been hearing that I cannot be taken seriously!

Ice T: Who wouldn't take your ass seriously?! You are sometimes too intense.

Me: This is what I thought!

Ice T: I wouldn't worry too much T, a lot of people talk shit because they can't handle shit or they are just trying to throw shade on your shine.

Me: Who knows? I think I am pretty straight forward-almost to a fault.

Ice T: Definitely to a fault sometimes.

Me: Uh hunh...

Ice T: T, you can't please everyone. If Nate Dogg taught us anything it's that even smoov muthafuckas have rough moments.

Me: Regulate!

Ice T stares at me a long while and then nods. We then Skype out.

Lesson learned: I don't have the capabilities to play games or lie, but I do have the ability to kick in throats.

I think that's what the lesson was.

The Place Where I Work: Sad sac

Another week and I am still here. I feel a mix of shame and 'it figures'. Shame because of my ego and 'it figures' because I must always remember this is ME and my luck is funny, ironic and mostly non-existent.
My ego can be a beast-sometimes I envision choking it to a near death, like when Ruddy Kors pretty much explains they don't want me to leave. Then The Doctor explains that she doesn't want me to leave because I am phenomenal at what I do.
What I do a trained chimp in excellent wedge heels could do-the chimp would also have to enjoy cock humor and cupcakes.
So, upon hearing how great and needed I am, I kinda shrugged my shoulders and was like: alright. Ruddy Kors has also stopped being a total wanker and pulling his (work)weight.
Then they asked me to do this diet thing-normally any woman who is asked to be a before and after...the face of a diet, would jump at the chance mostly from being mortified.
I am secure enough to know I should/could shed like 15-20 lbs, but I am not into diets or dieting...then my ego crept in and I was like: ooo the face of something because my face is FABULOUS!
Honestly though, even after I research and see the proclamations of how great the diet is-I won't do it.

Even after all that, still don't know how much longer I'll be here...without kicking a lot of shit.

Then there are the matters of the heart...or lack thereof. I think I had a brief convo with that mostly dumb but hot football guy who is a patient and I thought of Johnny Blue Eyes again and realized I missed my chance. *sigh*
Now I shall long for what never was and become the fabulous woman with a lot of gay male friends...companions even, like Liza Minelli and he husband...or ex-hubby.