Wednesday, February 22, 2012


B and Jesse, being true friends, staged a mini-intervention today. I guess I have mentioned one too many times that I may have a thing for Bruno Mars. They would have NONE of that and pretty much said that Prince would hate the idea of me even glancing at Bruno Mars.
They boiled it down to 'lil person' swag! Prince has more swag in his boot heel-like the man wears heels because he is short and would TAKE my 5'7" ass. TAKE IT. Jesse even called Bruno dainty...which is true. Bruno Mars would be real tentative about taking my ass.

They really drove home this crush needing to end with a series of Prince gifs.
Like these:

I no longer have any need to put Bruno Mars in my pocket...a pocket of my ass hugging jeggings- Prince and friendship wins!!

Monday, February 20, 2012

Conversations with Ice: Birthday Lunch!!!

It's my friend (in my head) Ice T's birthday (or it was on February 16th) today so I decide to provide a birthday worthy spread at his 'man cave' aka his apartment that he keeps on the side filled with leather, velvet and mirrored statues of doberman pinchers. The wonderous spread that includes: Popeyes biscuits, Bonchon boneless chicken, kimchee, chicken pad see ew, devil dogs and champagne!
Ice T comes and we get to chatting and eating...the usual...

Me: So, the Grammy's...woah.

Ice T: That was some sad bullshit- this spread is not bullshit though! Thanks, T. (we high-5)

Me: Ice, Happy Birthday! So, tell me, how were you and Coco invited to the Grammy's? Can't be off that song about her shoes?

Ice T: Even on my birthday you bring the hate- I am an established musical artist, asshole.

Me: I guess. The Grammy's shoulda been cancelled over Whitney...shiiiit. Pass me a biscuit...

Ice T: That wasn't gonna happen, and I think it was respectful...

Me: Except when they let all them talentless fucks perform- shoulda just been Adele, Jennifer Hudson, Paul McCartney and Bruno Mars-

Ice T: You wanna do Bruno Mars- look at you blushing!


Ice T: You just dropped some devil dog in your champagne. That dude is a little person, you need to get over that...

Me: Whatever, Ice. What about Chris Brown?

Ice T: What about him? That kids a bitch.

Me: True- maybe they shouldn't have cancelled the Grammy's, it was good not having to see Beyonce and Gaga didn't win anything.

Ice T: ...but Lil Wayne showed up, yeah why were there DJ's there?? Especially that ugly one, he shoulda had a mask on.

Me: It's because music sucks, that's why we don't even need to discuss Nikki MiTwat. She is just an example of why I don't give a fuck anymore.

Ice T: Then Whitney died, and now we really don't give a fuck.

Me: Seriously. Ugh. They need to leave Bobby alone. He is that child's father! They let that child pisser-on'er R. Kelly attend AND sing!!

Ice T: It's sweet when you drink too much champagne and start caring n' shit...

Me: ...and IIIIIIIIIII will always, love youuuuuuu, ahhhhhhhhh

Ice T:
Stop. Are you watching that new show 'Smash'?

Me: Are you fuckin' kidding me??!!

Ice T: I know you're not watching 'Ice Loves Coco'.

Me: ...I wanna runnnnn to youuuuu, oooooooo-

Ice T: Quit it. You know, you and Kanye are a lot alike.

Me: Listen, I might try to watch your show again...but I refuse to watch 'Smash'.

Ice T: Why?

Me: Do YOU watch that show?

Ice T: Fuck no.

Me: You guys having an Oscar Party?

Ice T: Nope. Am I supposed to be all excited because they're nominating two Negros who played slaves?

Me: They played maids. Also, if they were light skinned you'd be 'bout it.

Ice T: Don't make me Chris Brown this champagne flute upside your head...

Me: I get it though....I mean, I don't give a good damn about the Oscars, but a party involves some socializing and food. Also, live action shit talking..

Ice T: Yeah....but do I seem like the type- it's up to Coco...let's put on some Whitney and slow-eat some devil dogs and pour some champagne. Don't worry about the carpet, I'm getting a new one.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Some Thoughts On....Whitney, Breezy, Dudes and Electrical Fires

I am planning a serious blog revamp, but feel the need to share my thoughts on things.
Really, I have been uber busy and not able to dazzle all with my writings. So, I have decided to share thoughts I have had while going for a walk or sitting on the train and then thought: I should blog about that shit!

Here I am...bloggin' about that shit...

- Let me start off by saying electrical fires are no.fuckin'.joke. Unlike Destiny's Child though...I am a SURVIVOR. I survived smoke inhalation, evacuation and a few days in agony, but I am alive and realize the force is strong with me. I am MAY have a strong connection to Whitney Houston because she dies and the SAME day I have an electrical fire??!! AHHHHHH!

- Whitney Houston, the icon...the mutha effin' LEGEND is gone! GONE. I am still in disbelief and just sad that like MJ she leaves us on a low note, but I KNOW she had more high notes than anything, so take that assholes! That voice and her legacy I hope lives on....but she did exemplify something that really irks me about fame now.
People are just intermingling at every level and there was a time when that didn't happen. You had your icons, stars...and then you had everyone else. Like there is NO WAY in a hotdog hell she should've been within 10 feet of Ray J! Sure she and Brandy connected when they made Cinderella, but Ray J??? He should ask to be able to breathe in the same room as a Whitney Houston.
...but what do I know...I am but a mere hater with a new pair of HISPSTER GLASSES!!

- Look, I broke my old glasses. Literally stepped on them after YEARS. YEARS. Then I found these glasses and liked the way they looked- a nice dark tortishell- and then as soon as I did my hair and put on some makeup and I looked at the gallery working/ladies fashion writing/salesperson at TopShop,Uniqlo,H&M,etc. chick looking back at me. A chick who looked smart, but like she cared about the WRONG things.
AHHHHHHHHHH I realized they were hipster specs and thankfully everyone I know is pleased to tell me how hipster they are.
Soon I'll have a meth head boyfriend who lives in an abandoned Japanese hot spring located in Willy B. He'll be an artist who specializes in spray painting roaches and attaching them to canvases in the pattern of constellations.
I will love him for about 3 months.

- At one point this week, possibly due to exhaustion (um, electrical fire), I found myself defending that asshat Chris Brown. People were giving him shit for winning a Grammy and being able to perform. I was all like, that wench Rihanna has forgiven him and he's young and dumb...blah blah....then he goes and just continues being the arrogant asshat that he has always been. Ugh.
I feel like punching myself in the face.

-No seriously, RIP Whitney.

-Dudes. I have gone out on a couple of dates-and am still online though I AM THIS CLOSE to closing my account. Overall I have to say a resounding...meh.
I am so unimpressed by what is going on out there...and though I am not putting myself fully out there, shit I am about to join a convent. Would save money on clothing and at least peeps would treat me nice if I was a nun.
I am giving dudes the sideye. A long one. I am pretty much keeping my distance because y'all are on some bullshit.

-Guys, like I like my job...but sometimes, well most of the time I just think of how nice it would be to not have to deal. We all have work woes, and things are better...but fuuuuuck...
I am THIS close to a new laptop though....onwards and upwards from there.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Gemini Valentine

Yeah, yeah...that DAY is coming up. We all know I could give a fuck!
Anywho, if I were to send a Valentine to a potential boo, it would totally be this one!!!

...if you are male and of sound mind and connect to this...then maybe there is a chance for you to warm my cold, cold black heart.

Courtesy of Freewill Astrology
"I've ghostwritten a personal ad for you to give to your Valentine or potential Valentine: "I'm looking for a free yet disciplined spirit I can roll down hills with on sunny days and solve thorny puzzles with when the skies are cloudy. Can you see the absurd in the serious and the serious in the absurd? Are you a curious chameleon always working to sharpen your communication skills? Might you be attracted to a sweet-talking wise-ass who's evolving into a holy goofball? Emotional baggage is expected, of course, but please make sure yours is organized and well-packed. Let's create the most unpredictably intriguing versions of beauty and truth that anyone ever imagined."