Thursday, December 30, 2010

The Place Where I Work: Final Countdown

The place I've been working at since last week is located in the heart of Times Square-the ball drops right outside it's windows and the streets are flooded with people who lack the ability to walk or not stand in the middle of a walkway and point at a GAP.
The office environment doesn't have the 'old school corporate' steez (urban for style) of the last place I worked at-it also doesn't have a cast of fuckwits like the last place I worked at. For the first time I didn't hate anyone upon sight- then again it has been the holidays and I am mostly in a daze or recovering from some kind of alcoholic experience. There's also the pesky snow that kept me homebound for a few days. Stranded. Defenseless. Unable to quell my gingerbread loaf addiction at Starbucks because the Starbucks in my neighborhood probably has loaf of bulls loin-or whatever meat they eat in Russia.
...mostly though, I think it was all the HOT dudes in the office- now this could also be because the last place I worked at was filled with hunchbacked trolls...who were able to walk upright sometimes-OKAY all except my dear dear Clark Kent. Anyways, dudes here have been pretty easy on the eyes. There's this guy I just call Dude in my head because he's...just...a...dude. Really tall, well put together...cute and a dude. He impressed me when he complimented some email I sent where I was being my usual subtle sarcastic assy (amazing) self. Feed me or my ego- at the same time or individually- and you'll have my interest for a few moments.
My fascination though has been with the guy I call Taller Latino Prince simply because he looks like Prince...not like a twin, but he reminds me of him around the eyes and mouth.
Add looking similar to Prince to my list of things that make me like a person.
TLP has also fed me (not his wang, calm down), so even if he turned out to be the biggest asshat in history...I would ADORE him!
...because I am not alllll about chasing dick (well I leave a few hours free to do other things) I must say that the chicks here are cool as well...don't get me wrong, have come across a few people I would definitely trip onto some train tracks-but they don't illicit a deep rooted hatred in me so it's all good.
*sigh* It's tough to find a nice assignment that doesn't fill me with utter angst/dread with the thought of returning. I would totally return here.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Still Snowwwwwwwwed In!

Mind slowly getting lost.
Started looking for old eps of 'Angel' and the first season of 'True Blood' but finally settled on watching The Bourne Supremecy and a Top Model marathon.
My brief moment outside was uninspiring and uneventful since NO TRAINS ARE RUNNING (near me) and the closest train running isn't really that close at all.
No buses. No cabs...unless you jump on top of one as it slowly moves down the middle of the road you're walking down because the sidewalks are piled high with snow...but if you throw your body upon a cab and maybe put your hand through the windshield and start choking the cab driver, you JUST MIGHT have yourself a cab ride.
Outdoors, it really is like one of them zombie/end of the world movies with the silent disarray. Thankfully zombies don't do elements so I don't have to add that to the list of things that are fucked up about New York City not being able to handle some SNOW! I went to college in Buffalo where snow and cold are common like the piss smell and a crazy person sitting next to you on the train here (NYC). Isn't snow just water molecules or something? It's not like it's liquid plutonium-why is it stopping my trains from running TWO DAYS IN A ROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The closest Starbucks to me has a menu in RUSSIAN!!!!!!....if drinks involve some sort of chocolate-vodka concoction, then I'm there!
...as much as I am enjoying my insane ramblings on snow, I have to put my bitch card away n' quit whining about the snow and no trains because there were people stuck on some trains for hours. There are people probably stuck on planes now. I told my brother that if I was stuck on a train for 8 hours-someone.would.die!!!!!!!!!!!
Here is a brief summary of what would happen if I were stuck on a train for 8 hours:

-hour 1: pissed.
-hour 2: pissed and cold.
-hour 3: pissed, cold and probably would have to pee.
-hour 4: an abundance of hatred for all mankind glows like a coal within my chest, am really fuckin' cold, have to really pee, I am HUNGRY, the battery has run out on iPod and now someone has spoken to me.
-hour 5: through gritted teeth I begin cursing in various languages and have found a train car with just 5 other people who I tell to: NOT FUCKING TALK TO ME, DON'T EVEN LOOK AT ME FUCKERS!, am a little warmer from movement, am numb from hunger and having to pee.
-hour 6: someone mistakes my faraway stare because I am imagining myself driving a golf cart in Hawaii while drinking a mai tai and Prince is sitting in my passenger side-anyways they ask me about my life. The next thing I know I am covered in blood spatter and have ripped their arm from their body and proceed to beat them with it.
-hour 7: I begin running through the train waving the still bleeding arm in my hand and screaming: FML! SMH! LOL! LMFAO! (repeatedly)
-hour 8: we finally get released from the train and I am suddenly just in Ugg boots, jeggings and a ripped t-shirt waving someones bloodied arm at the newscaster. I go on a 20 minute rant about the many ways people can kiss my crazy ass and eat a bowl of dicks.

So, yeah. That is what would happen if I was stuck on a train for 8 hours. Needless to say I would much rather be stuck at home, but DAMMIT THE TRAINS NEED TO RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow, I am on a mission. By hook or by crook I will make into the city...to work...to Starbucks...to elbow tourists...*sigh*

Monday, December 27, 2010

SNOWWWWWWWWWWWED IN!!

Some people- mostly White people (hahah I kid)- enjoy this cold snowy weather. I enjoy snow myself. It's quiet, it's pretty (the first day) and it's like a down blanket covering all of the city's flaws. Can be rather poetic...snow.
Then there's the stuff that happened this weekend-a friggin' blizzard that shut.this.city.DOWN! No trains, buses, cars-everything SHUT.DOWN.
Normally, I'd be all about this. A day off to watch bad movies, read (got some amazing reads for xmas-thanks bro)and just laze about. When you have been doing this for about 4 days though-it stops being fun!
The holidays are about family and eating-plus most of your peeps are out of town...and why brave the cold to hang out alone.
So, one looks forward to Monday where they are going back to work, which is now a refuge because everyone's on vacation, and you can lick your wounds from spending 4 days with your family. Then a snowstorm happens, and you are stuck. STUCK. Wounds all unhealed. Staring out your window at the relentless winds and cars covered in that wretched snow!

The best part is all the sleep I have caught up on. Feel great, back to my ole feisty self.
...once I step into a thigh high snow drift my feisty-ness will flicker away and the cold depression will settle back in.

Another great part about today is being able to remember one of my favorite singers, Teena Marie. She died suddenly, and today I have been listening to her music while the news reports that WE WILL NEVER LEAVE THIS CITY AGAIN or...people will NEVER GET INTO THIS CITY AGAIN...or...uh, WE WILL NEVER GET AROUND THIS CITY AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Watch and Learn


I love it how now EVERYBODY loves Coco (Ice T's wife). I've been on Team Coco for the longest-and now there are articles being written about the MAD LOVE er'body has for her. Probably the same people I had to defend my precious Coco against...
We all know how I feel/imagine Ice T and I should be/are friends. I understand that with my love for Ice I must have love for Coco. They are a matching twinset made of patent leather and jersey material. Quite a pair...like Coco's ass and boobs.
Honestly, I think married couples far n' wide should look to Ice and Coco for inspiration.
Sure, upon first glance they look like a pimp and his main ho-but what they really are is a TEAM. Coco is ride or die for Ice, and Ice is ride or die for Coco.
...and really what other type of chick could you see Ice with? Coco brings A LOT to the table, stays in her lane, and has heart.
They respect each other, roll everywhere together-and just seem to genuinely dig each other. Like they are friends n' shit.
With all these fly-by-night marriages/romances, it's cool to see these two-though some would think unconventional- are tried n'true. They make it work and are having a blast-and dare I say it...Ice T and Coco are one of my relationship inspirations (added to the list with: Lorelai and Rory Gilmore, Buffy and Angel, Rick James and cocaine, Ossie and Ruby Dee, and Eric Northam and Sookie Stackhouse)!! I truly aspire to have what they have with someone...and I might not even start dressing like Coco.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Ball to the Face

The place where I am working now has an intimate view of the New Years ball in Times Square. This means I have to face the dilema of what to do for New Years (on the daily).
Do I wanna make a go of it and try to be social n' fun, or do I want bring it in sleeping? I am leaning towards the latter because people have really worked my last nerve/done a number on my jovial spirit this year. Along with meeting some amazing people and having awesome times, there have been moments when I wish I were a hermit or had an all-amenitied cabin in the woods.
No, I would not send pipe bombs from said cabin.
Am a big believer in how you bring your New Years in dictates how your year will be-so what do I want it filled with??
...I know I left the door open with the obvious answer: dick-but I am enlightened lady and need more than that.
...plus, unless 2011 brings about a change in dudes where they are no longer emotionally stunted/immature asshats- then maybe.

Decisions, decisions...

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Don't Worry About Me...

There's a certain look that people who are coupled up get...or a tone a person has in their voice when they've found that special someone and then the fact you haven't comes up. It's a tone one takes when someone is dying in your arms and you know they are going to die and they know they're going to die...but you say: you're gonna live and be alright!
A kind of weak hopefulness.
I find this very amusing especially because the people in these relationships don't realize how much I DON'T envy them. Don't get me wrong, it'll be nice to find that special person who gets me, deep dicks and doesn't mind a good zombie/vampire debate-but I am not all hemmed up about it. OKAY, only when someone I KNOW is a fuck-up and lacks anything resembling decency and EVEN THEY can find someone. I get a lil heated...but then someone places some food in front of my face and I forgot why I was upset.
When cool people are in awesome relationships, I am all like:HELLS.YEAH!
...but mostly people are just with people to have someone, or for comfort, or because all their friends have someone. Lame reasoning and mediocre relationships that make me happy to be single and sorta ready to mingle.

So really, coupled up peeps-do.not.worry.about.me or feel I am in a corner rocking and counting how many fertile eggs I have left. I am not. I am most likely making fun of you OR wondering if wrapping bacon around ANYTHING makes it better...

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The Place Where I Work: What A Difference...

...a lack of assholes makes!
Today, I worked at a non-financial/money driven therefore only privileged assholes work there who can use a few computer programs to make other people money which makes them money and makes them feel entitled and/or special.
No, today I worked with some NICE people. Wow. The place is a non-profit so that would explain it.
They are smart too because they want me back next week.
...and I have guards who love me already- sadly none are Clark Kent. Clark Kent who called me when he noticed I wasn't around anymore. Awww, true love.

In creepy news- so I pretty much passed out on the train because getting up early has that effect on me. I don't know if I was talking and/or smiling...maybe even singing in my sleep, but this chick was staring at me every time my Brooklyn eyes caused me to wake up...also my fear of riding the train back n' forth too many times- passed out- and waking up naked.
Made sure to scowl at her before I got off...

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Conversations with Ice: New Acquaintances pt deux

When we last left off, Ice T and Coco were having a holiday gathering at their cabin near Mount Airy Lodge. Since Ice is all about the holiday cheer n' shit he invited Kanye West with the hopes of having us become fast friends. Of course this didn't happen and I grow to hate Kanye more.
We arrive at the cabin, that has been decorated with various animal skins and Christmas lights. Wham's "Last Christmas" is playing. Coco has on a on a Mrs. Claus bikini and Ice is wearing santa pants with black Timbaland boots, and a 'wifebeater'. Coco is holding a tray with egg nog martini's. There are trays of food out: pigs in a blanket, shrimp cocktail, and mozzarella sticks.

Ice T: Hey! Look who made it (says to me) alive! (gives Kanye a pound and me a hug)

Kanye: Yeah, yeah. This place looks spectacular-

Coco: Egg nog martini? (Kanye and I take one) What's with the face, Sweet T?

Kanye: Oh she just mad I ain't trying to give her the Louis Vuitton dong-

Me: That is not why I'm mad, Kan-ye!!

Ice T: Woah woah. It's the time for good tidings and cheer, no hate T.

Coco: Come on. Grab an hor d'ouerve and let's watch the snow fall. (looks at me in my turtleneck and jeggings) Would you like to change into something more comfortable? I have a few candy colored chinchilla bikini's in the back...

Me: Thanks, but no thanks, Coco...Kanye may be interested though-

Kanye: Don't think that hide-can hide all I'm working with-

Ice T:
Only been here five minutes and your dick has been brought up twice. (shakes head) I need some more Henny...

Coco: Maybe we should sing Christmas songs?? (claps with glee)

Me: Kanye can't help but talk about what he likes....dick.

Kanye: Don't worry, a few more of these (holds up his martini) and you can have a taste of what YOU like....

Ice T: You two, Coco wants to sing Christmas songs and that shit is cheesy but it's better than listening you two go back n' forth like this is some sitcom and the audience is just waiting for y'all to kiss...

Me: That was quite nice and descriptive, Ice.

Ice T: Been taking this screenplay writing class down at the Y-

Coco: (clears her throat) Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way...(we are all staring at her for different reasons, mostly because she is jumping up n' down in a Mrs. Claus bikini...in thigh high black boots that have 6 inch heels)

Ice T: Sweety, let's go find that thing in the back...

Coco: What thing-oh yeah...the...song book...be right back. Don't kill each other. (the both run out holding hands)

Kanye: They are boning.

Me: No shit, Sherlock. (go to turn up the radio, Kanye is suddenly standing close behind me) Back up!

Kanye: Oh come on. Let's play nice. (holds out a lil silver dog) Let's play monopoly...you can be the bitch-I mean, the dog.

Me: (snatch the dog) I'm the car. I'm always the car, asshole!

To Be Continued....

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Superficial Debate

Recently, the body of a fashion designer/'it' girl was found floating in the bathtub of a posh downtown NYC hotel. Within a day or two, her party-boy boyfriend-with whom she had just broken up with- was arrested for her murder.
My mother turns to me and is like: this is a shame but she should've known that he wasn't worth his salt-I mean he lived off his rich parents. That doesn't show good moral fiber...
My response was: well in that scene, it's just how it is. Unfortunately, she found herself a nutjob.
My mom didn't understand what the scene had to do with no ambition having leeches, and I further explained that 'the scene' is filled with those kind of people. People who may know someone who does something, people who think they are important because they may know these people and people who do things like:DJ, studied fashion, wear designer labels, up n' coming rappers, have sung an original song in front of 2 people, etc. and because of this feel they are special. They are mostly superficial and are attracted to people who can get them into hotspots, wear hot stuff and are hot.
So, I added, being turned off by someone's 'moral fiber' is not going to happen. This is why I continuously say I am not cool and it is OKAY. The scene and I are like oil n' water- and that is OKAY too.

Overall this situation is just sad and probably would've happened 'scene' or not because dude is most likely an insane moocher.
...and my mom agreed that I am not cool and need to step my game up.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Too.Many.Thoughts.

You know when you have a lot to say but have a hard time saying it- this is what I'm going through right now. Usually I can just say it...or write it, but now I am stifled by both because- WELL EVERY TIME I am in between temp gigs I have these growing feelings of unimportance and self loathing. It's weird.
One would think I would be all happy to focus on writing and fuckery- but mostly I am sleeping and wondering what I did in a past life to have to endure some of the situations I am put in.

Since I am about change and not being a whiny bitch, I have decided to socialize myself and just be. So I did that. I socialized. I hung with people I actually enjoy and I feel good.
Then I think about the upcoming holidays and I feel slightly depressed again. Dunno what it is about this time of year that makes me bipolar. Happy yet oh so sad.
Bah happykwanzaachristmaschanakah humbug.

Then dudes. Do not get me started on dudes. Its not that I hate them, it's just that I hate that I care. When you think someone is feeling you and you wait. And wait. And wait for them to wise up and kick it to ya all Shakepearean Shaft-like aka smooth-poetic n' take charge. Instead they continue with the charade of pretending they don't want to invade your womanly regions with their swords of passion (whew).
Well I am OVER IT. Kiss my well styled and smelling ass.

In other news...I saw Burlesque (BURLESQUE!!!!!!!!!!! *does a dance move involving hands over titties* that is me basically Xtina scream singing the world 'burlesque' and dancing-I do this randomly and often now) with B. IT WAS AMAZING. Like the costume designer should win something. I wanted a lot of the clothes. Also the hot dude in the movie.
B and I decided that I was Cher- the old been there/done that dame who just wants to save her club. Who's wise and sassy. Who can sit alone and belt out an amazing tune.
While B is Stanley Tucci. Cher's confidante in the film. The one who knows. The only that can put an old dog like Cher in her place. The one who takes care of everyone. The sassy gay.
It was pretty enjoyable.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Conversations with Ice: New Acquaintances

My good ‘friend’ Ice T has invited me to his cabin near Mount Airy Lodge for a lil winter retreat. He has a car pick me up to meet he and Coco at their cabin. When I go to step into the Black Escalade (tan interior), I see Kanye West!

Me: Kanye?! (I hop into the Escalade and slam the door shut behind me)

Kanye: It's me, the finest. (he holds out a hand, there is a platinum cuff around his wrist with an emerald and ruby misteltoe embellishment, he notices me noticing his cuff) Yeah, I do this- (places the cuffed hand on his tummy) and say: kiss below the misteltoe, boo. (he smiles)

Me: (stare at him till the smile disappears) Excuse me a minute- (take out cell phone and dial Ice T) Hey...

Ice T: Hey, are you in the ride?

Me: Yep.

Ice T: Okay. Well see you soon. Coco is making egg nog martini's-

Me: Why is mutha fuckin' Kanye West here?

Kanye: You know I'm sitting right here, right?

Ice T: He's a new friend of mine and I figured you guys should be friends too.

Me: Why?!

Ice T: T, you know how it is with people-most of them aren't worth the tip of a Timb boot to the throat. Not even worth a Dixie cup of dicks- but there are some who are assholes, pure bred ones, who are worth the fight.

Me: The fight?

Ice T: The fight for balance. Be that asshole, but also be that decent person that's there waiting to shine-

Me: What. The. Fuck?

Ice T: Maybe it's the holidays or these Henny n' cokes I've been drinkin', but I think you and Kanye could have something beautiful-I'm not saying fuck that dude because y'all are too crazy to be going on backshot adventures, but I do think you can help him and he you.

Me: If he makes it to the lodge alive-then we'll see.

Kanye: (mumbling to himself) Oh now she's a gangsta. A gangsta in Emu's, not even Uggs-

Ice T: See you soon, Sweet T- don't hurt him, but if you do...break him off something proper. (he chuckles and hangs up)

Me: (hang up, and look at Kanye) So...

Kanye: So, Ice has nothing but good things to say about you...

Me: (silent a bit) Well I'm a nice person.

Kanye: We'll see.

Me: Imma be honest here Kanye, I mostly don't like you. I think you're insane but sometimes I like your brand of insanity. Sometimes. I also like that you dress like an androgynous White woman.

Kanye: I respect your honesty. I don't wanna fuck you or anything, but I can respect you.

Me: Oh Kanye, the fact that you wouldn't fuck me makes me soooo happy. Let's shake on it- (hold out hand, he see's my tiger ring)

Kanye:
(he takes my hand and kisses my ring, he smiles) Just because I wouldn't fuck you, doesn't mean you don't wanna fuck me. (I let go of his hand)

To Be continued....

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Journey Through My Mind

...like the singer Joe's sexuality-my mind is complex...questionable even. (I mention Joe because in a classic song of his he offers to take journey through ones mind)
With that said, my dreams often leave me wondering: what the fuck?
Sometimes my dreams give me insight to certain things or predict shit- which is pretty awesome and leaves me unfazed when 'shit goes down'.
My dream last night involved a variety things going on in my 'real life'. Like I've just finished reading all of the Hunger Games trilogy, and have been watching old eps of the Gilmore Girls- this will alllll make sense when I get into my dream. You will also get another glimpse into the insanity- ahem- the complexity of my mind.

My dream takes place in a large apartment complex, the place is well lit and somewhat furnished. I am carrying a gun and doing a roll-tuck-squat move in a kitchen- am aware of fear and a chase and then I recognize that I am hunting someone- I am not being hunted. Turns out I had to hunt people I knew! WTF? Once I see that my target is my friend Rosalind who lives in Spain- I put down the gun and refuse to participate with the hunting thing-which is a relief to Rosalind who has come by to help me move- woah, the dream has shifted.
I am packing to move in with my boo who happens to be the dude who played Jess on Gilmore Girls (I dug both he and Dean on the show...Luke sometimes)- he was also on Heroes. Anyways, I called him Milo-his real name by the way- and we loaded large army green canvas bags with my clothes.
It was all very romantical- I remember feeling nervous and really being into Milo.

...and that is all I can remember. The hunting part of the dream DEFINITELY had to do with the Hunger Games books, and me moving in with Milo (aka Jess aka dude from Heroes) was about me watching the Gilmore Girls- I just don't get how they both came together (especially because now I am reading The Help which is NOTHING like the Hunger Games books). Also, I did that -roll-tuck-squat thing- it was graceful and very action star-like. I'm a bit confused by that- like I was when I had a dream a few days ago involving me solving complex algebra equations. In real life, shit like that could/would not happen! Okay, the roll-tuck thing could DEFINITELY happen before the algebra thing.
Hmmm...could this be insight to me thinking I am better than I am- there's no shame in my game, I understand my delusions of grandeur...

It was good seeing my friend Ros in my dream, she looked awesome and she seemed into me dating Milo. Ha!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Place Where I Work: Dear Slutty Small Arm

I know.
I know you felt a certain way about me so you did things-you and your Minion Bitch. You lie, you screw and you suck. It's okay though, you and your Minion Bitch (which is funny because he's a DUDE and probably during one of your many smoking/sucking breaks)- who I didn't think could read- probably told you about my blog and the anonymous truth I write...and you didn't like it...because it's true and truth is like your kryptonite or like when you forget to take your antibiotics for the various itching diseases you may have.
Anyways, the really sad thing is...you and Minion Bitch still have to be you: petty, worthless, ignorant and unimportant. No one likes you and no one will. You'll have to continue on with your ....lives...doing insignificant things, and sucking.

Have fun with all that!

Thanks for being you and really helping me out, yo!

Always,

Cashmere

P.S. Choke on a vat of dicks-a vat so there's enough for Minion Bitch too!!:)

Monday, November 29, 2010

Another Reason Why I Suck….

Remember how I was all gung ho about National Novel Writing Month and how I was just gonna do it and write that novel. Yeah. I totally slacked. I blame myself mostly and this habit I have of constricting myself as a writer. I don’t allow myself to fully go there- this says a lot about me as a person. Hmmm…
It could read as I am flighty and lose interest too easily, am a lazy bum, or I wasn’t excited by what I was writing anymore…
Mostly, it was a mixture of all those things. I really tried to stick to it, but life is a tricky bitch…plus there’s that thing with second guessing myself. *sigh*
Anyways, I didn’t finish my novel but at least I have yet another idea to flesh out. Don’t worry I feel REALLY shitty about it, but if I could be paid to just write-and write with a typewriter/laptop in a tricked out cabin or house on the Amalfi Coast. *sigh*
No more excuses though, I suck.

Here is the unfinished genius that never was…(in its unfinished entirety):

Forever Kiss


-1-
The dream begins as it always does…
Cold crisp air, endless woods and the sound of muffled screams. They seem to get closer as Mya nears the small bonfire that appears out of nowhere. Suddenly he is there. A white glow surrounds him and he smiles holding out a pale hand. Mya wants to take his hand-it is an urgent feeling, she knows she’d be safe with him. The screams become more clear and louder to point that Mya wakes herself up screaming…never taking the man surrounded by white’s hand.
She is upright and looking wildly around her bedroom. She doesn’t know what she is looking for- the woods, the man, the reason for the screams. There is nothing. Her bedroom is dim and silent, suddenly her roommate appears in her doorway- Jake was annoyed, Mya could tell by his arms crossed over his bare chest …and the eye rolling.
“You had the dream again?” His voice is rough with sleep.
Mya’s erratic breathing was down to a slow pant, she trusted her voice not to give out on her, “Yes. I’m so sorry…” She really was. She wished she knew why three months ago the dream began and she wished she could stop it.
Jake sighs, “ Do you need anything?” Mya shakes her head, and he goes back into his bedroom-the door slams behind him.
Mya was once again alone and wondering how much longer before Jake kicked her out and she had to move back into her room in her parents brownstone. Jake was a great friend-her oldest friend. They grew up on the same block in Park Slope (Brooklyn) and she was the first person he came out to. They were close, but even best friends had their limits.
She lay back down letting the ceiling fan lure her back to sleep. In the morning she would call that sleep therapist Jake told her about- Jake burst back into the bedroom causing Mya to jump up.
“What?” Her brown eyes are wide.
“We have to go.” He says this as he finds a suitcase at the bottom of Mya’s organized closet. He frantically pulls clothes off hangers and throws them towards the suitcase. Mya also notices he’s dressed-a very unusual outfit for him. Jake’s usual uniform was: dark slim jeans, a t-shirt or sweater depending on the weather, a blazer and sleek leather sneakers. Now, he wore black slim cargo’s tucked into combat boots and a turtleneck. There was an ornate leather belt around his waist that held several wooden stakes.
“What? Where are we going?” Mya asks, she didn’t feel the need to move just yet. This was all overwhelming. She is startled by Jake’s usually calm slate blue eyes that were now fiery-almost glazed with intensity. He stops throwing clothes and looks at Mya, he begins to pace.
“I knew this day would come. I thought I would have time to finish my novel, but we’ve gotta save the world-“ Jake holds up an index finger as Mya is about to speak, “ it sounds crazy but that is what we have to do.”
He begins to tell the story just as his father told him when he fifteen and came out to this parents. They weren’t upset because they had a huge secret of their own…Jake was a Sacred Watcher.
As the story goes, long ago back when people died from colds, an Italian prince named Romero became gravely ill from something similar to the flu. His powerful parents sought out doctors from across the land with no one being able to cure their son. Each day he grew closer to death, his body weak and pale. Then one day an Egyptian cloaked in Chinese silks came to castle, his name was Rahkman and he spoke of various herbs that would help. Since they were so distraught and losing hope they didn’t scoff at the herbs or the fact that they would be mixed in blood. The prince drank the concoction and slept for 2 days, just as the king was about to order Rahkmans death, that very evening, the prince rose. He was more than well, he was magnificent. His skin was pale but luminescent and always cool, he seemed stronger. Though the king and queen were delighted they didn’t like that the Romero only sought council with Rahkman…and then he never rose before sun touched the Earth.
Soon the kingdom was plagued by deaths. Blood was drained from the bodies and there was no clue as to who or what would do such a thing-Rahkman knew. He was the one that made the prince what he was- an elegant blood drinking powerful monster. Rahkman thought he was helping to create stronger humans by not letting the slightest thing kill their fragile beings-instead he watched as a monster (Romero) drained the blood of men, women and children.
Rahkman soon sought advice from the Wise Ones- a group of men and women from various lands. They let him know he created an abomination and he should kill it immediately-while he was away though, Romero developed other urges. He seduced one of his mother’s maidens. He impregnated her and created a fast growing superior hybrid. Their son, Romulus, was born after 4 months of gestation, once he was born though he developed as normal human baby would- though he was stronger, mentally gifted and could communicate with his mother via her dreams. Romero was ecstatic about creating a superior race, so he spread his seed throughout the kingdom, drinking from very few. Once his mother and father caught on they joined with Rahkman to stop him, they even went as far as killing a few babies by decapitation. This caused Romero to slaughter his parents and over half the kingdom. The Wise Ones stepped in to protect Rahkman and Romero’s first born, Romulus- and then annihilated Romero and the rest of the kingdom.
Jake pauses when he notices Mya’s faraway stare. This meant she wasn’t listening and was thinking what shoes she would wear to save the world. She finally notices the silence and looks at him a bit.
“Did you fall asleep watching a movie?” She has on her hedgehog pajamas. Jake couldn’t believe she was the Chosen One- a powerful being- with hedgehogs holding apples all over her body.
“Can you not believe my story while getting dressed?” He zips her suitcase and has laid out a ‘world saving’ outfit for her.
Mya makes no attempt to get dressed, she looks at Jake a while,” This is crazy and I am going back to sleep.” With that, her blanket is over her face and she tries to block out the insane story Jake started.
“The dreams started because The Survivors are closer to finding out who you are and are going to kill you- I know it sounds crazy, and believe me –“
“He is correct, Mya. You must believe him.” Romulus says. His voice was soothing and seemed to cloak you in velvet. When Mya throws the covers back she finds Jake kneeling before the most magnificent man she had ever seen. Though he was dressed modernly he seemed not of this century. His pale peach face was chiseled which was highlighted by his shaved head. Light brown eyes bore into Mya’s and she could hardly catch her breath.
“I am Romulus, I am a Protector.” He holds out a hand to a still kneeling Jake, this movement causes Mya to jump out of bed.
“You! You’re from my dreams!” She walks backwards until she hits the wall closest to the entry to her bedroom. She wondered if she ran how far she could get before Romulus caught- no! She couldn’t leave Jake…who didn’t appear to be scared at all. In fact, he seemed to be in awe of this intense magnificent man.
“I was trying to warn you…but your Sacred Watcher, “ looks pointedly at Jake, “ hadn’t informed you about the dire situation at hand. I will tell you everything but we must leave this place.”
“Mya, trust in our friendship…please come with us.” Jake is walking towards Mya, slowly.
“There were people with a lot of R names in your story…but isn’t he- aren’t you some kind of monster- human hybrid?” This was good. She would get him to talking, grab Jake and run. Maybe throw one of the wooden stakes at him for good measure.
“I am a Protector. My blood is human, my soul is human but what has kept me alive for centuries- what makes me stronger than anyone you’ve ever known, is the vampire blood that runs through my veins. You are a descendant of Rahkman, one of the first Protectors, in your blood the Wise Ones disguised their power. You will be killed because of this-because you are the final piece to the puzzle. I have waited- we have waited centuries for you to finally rid us of the Survivors and the evil my father began…”
“Oh…” At this point Jake is holding Mya up, her reaction stemmed from this insanity sounding so true to her. It felt right. She looks up at Romulus who’s eyes haven’t left her face, “how am I supposed to do this?”
“Mate with me.” Romulus says, Mya passes out.
------------------------------

-2-
Mya’s eyes slowly open, she hears the whirring of a fan which makes her think she’s at home in her medium sized bedroom in Astoria, NY. When she looks towards the ceiling though, there is no ceiling fan. Instead there is a bare white ceiling and then the smell of salt water makes her slowly sit up and realize she was very far from Astoria.
She finally spots the fan, a standing silver one that is placed in front of two large open windows that reveal an aquamarine ocean whenever the white sheer curtains are lifted by a gentle breeze. She has on a sleeveless linen dress and is laying on the most comfortable bed she has ever laid her body upon. The white duvet surrounds her like a cloud and though the ceiling was white, the surrounding walls were a pale blue, so she felt as if she were floating in the sky. The floors are a dark wood and there’s bamboo nightstand beside the bed. A clock reads: 2:00 pm and there is a glass of water next to the clock.
Mya has no idea how she got here or why she appears to be paradise. The last thing she remembers was being in her bedroom with Jake and…Romulus…and then passing out. Suddenly, she jumps out of the bed remembering that Romulus said they would have ‘to mate’ to save the world. Almost as if she thought him up, Romulus appears in her doorway. He is wearing a white t-shirt and linen drawstring pants. He is barefoot and eating a mango. The mango didn’t cause Mya to salivate though, it was the sight of him. He was arguably the most attractive person she had ever seen. His light brown-almost copper colored eyes looked quizzically at her.
“Did you rest well?” He leans against the doorjamb content with eating his mango and taking in Mya. She wasn’t as refined as other women he found attractive, but there was something about her- besides the fact she was his soul mate and they together would produce a child that would save the world. Her skin was the color of almond milk and he felt that if he touched it, it would feel warm and soft. This is why Jake dressed and undressed her and he stayed far away fearing the temptation would be too great. Romulus was a man who prided himself on his restraint, but being around Mya made him feel careless. Like now, with her jet black tousled hair almost resting on the top of her round breasts that peeked from the top of her dress- Romulus found himself needing to lean against something because he feared he would stumble into her just to touch her.
“Where am I? Where is Jake?” She knew she should feel more worried and think of possible weapons to use in case she didn’t like any of Romulus’s answers- then Mya wondered when she became a female movie action star ready to battle against a superior human vampire hybrid.
“We are in a house on a beach in Jamaica. Jake is doing a security check around the premises. We should be safe here for the time being-“
“Safe enough for us to…mate?” She caught the flicker in his eyes, for a brief moment he appeared to lose his cool demeanor. Cool and authoritative. For a brief moment though, Mya made him lose his cool and she took that to mean that maybe she is this force that can save the world.
“You are not here for us to mate. You are here for your safety. The Survivors will have a tough time dealing with all the sunshine and the inability to blend in. I am a local here who’s been talking about the visit from his two friends from New York-“
“I don’t know what is going on, I don’t know who you are! Where is Jake, I want to see him now!” Romulus disappears within a blink of Mya’s large brown eyes. This startles her and forces her to sit at the edge of the bed. The fan, along with the ocean breeze, soothes her again.
Jake enters the room leaving Romulus standing at the doorway. He knew he should probably leave them alone, but every since he found Mya , it became difficult to leave her side. It was even more difficult to watch her except Jake’s comfort and glare at him from over his shoulder.
“Mya, I am sorry this is all happening and that I didn’t warn you about it-but I really never had the perfect opportunity to tell you without you thinking I was on drugs.” They both sit on the edge of the bed, Jake looks to Romulus for reassurance which he gets with a slight nod. “To make a long story short, this is Romulus. The love-child of a vampire and a human who started aging slower at twenty-one which then became to a halt at twenty-five, this makes him the perfect man basically-“ He smiles and nudges Mya who still has a deer caught in headlights look. “After all the bloodshed and murder, the Wise Ones kept him alive because they realized he could aid in the battle of good versus evil-“
“I thought they killed all the evil though-“ Mya says, she notices as Romulus smiles a little.
Jake continues, “ They didn’t realize how far and wide Romero spread his seed. The Survivors continued to make more of themselves- less human and more blood drinking monsters. Evil was building an army and the Wise Ones knew they needed one as well-“
“Did they bring virginal maidens to Romulus hoping to build this army?” Again, Mya notices Romulus smiling again.
“No. There was blood, there was prayer…and there were a few before you that were killed-but luckily you were hidden well this time and protected most of your life.-“
“So the only reason we’re friends is because you’re my ‘protector’?” She looks at Jake with eyes brimming with fear and disbelief. It causes him to hold her again, and made Romulus want to hold her as well.
“Of course not. We were friends way before I knew who I was and what you were-“
“What am I?” She knew she was awkward mostly, and there was that goth phase in college, but she felt she was a normal quirky person.
“You are human with powerful blood, and if trained you could be a powerful fighter,” Romulus says, Mya hated the fact that his voice comforted her. He continues, “Without …mating, we could fight off The Survivors and hopefully live to tell the tale. If we were to mate, we would create a being more powerful than all of us-and so The Wise Ones said, and so it is writ.”
“Have you ever tried mating with anyone else?”
“Why? It is written, in order to completely destroy The Survivors, The Protector and The Chosen one must come together and create The Gift-“ Romulus stops because Mya has begun laughing hysterically.

Mya sat in her cloud room and laughed for just about an hour, then she began planning her escape. She thought Romulus was an insane perv and that Jake fell under his spell because he is an insanely attractive perv. After noting that her large windows facing the beach were going to be her escape route, first she needed to see what she would be escaping to. Casually, she strolls down a short hallway that leads to the main living area of the house. There she finds Jake and Romulus standing over a drafting table looking at map. Romulus notices her first- it was almost like he smelled her. Mya shivers.
“I’m just going to take a walk outside. Alone.” She begins walking towards the front door, within a blink Romulus was beside her.
“We are surrounded by water, the only way on or off the island is by boat….or if you’re a really good swimmer.” He smirks.
Mya shrugs, “Great, will keep those pesky Survivors off my tail.” She continues walking out the door and into the warm ocean air. Her heart sinks when she see’s that Romulus is right. They were surrounded by water-beautiful aquamarine water that was only interrupted by a small motorized tugboat that would probably make a lot of noise. Defeated, Mya crumples knee first into the sand and wondered how she was going to get out of this crazy predicament.
Romulus watches Mya through a window, seeing her slumped-defeated looking-though still picturesque. White sand, a clear sky, and water that seemed to reach out for her. He’s never been so close to a Chosen One, so that had to explain how enamored he seemed to be by her. Her magical blood made him feel light-he imagined tasting the blood-he shakes the thought out of his head. Jake looks at him a bit.
“My plan is not that farfetched-“ Jake says.
“I’m sorry, I was lost in thought.” Romulus crosses his arms over his lean muscled chest, Jake notices that he was staring out at Mya and smiles.
“You were lost in Mya- wow, this bond is powerful-“ The look on Romulus’s face caused Jake to choke on anything else he had to say.
“Her blood. That is what I am drawn to. Jake, if I make any attempts at her-kill me.” Romulus grips Jake’s shoulder, his once copper eyes are a watery red. Jake stiffens, and nods slowly.
-----------
Amagyne crosses the empty street, comfortable in the dark quiet. She still looks both ways as she opens a manhole. Her lean body slips in and lands in a muddled splash. She was quiet, which was why Unro sent her and not her lover Crane. She chooses to glide back to Unro, soundless and quick-Unro turns to greet as if he heard her coming.
“What have you found?” His voice sounded weathered, yet authoritative like an old storyteller’s. Unro was the oldest of The Survivors which is why he couldn’t live above ground like the rest-well when the sun wasn’t out. His skin was leathery and his eyes were blood red. A long black braid rested on his broad shoulders, and as he anticipated some good news, he twirled the end of the braid with long claw-like nails.
“We found her apartment- her delicious smell was everywhere-“
“She wasn’t there? Will she be back?” He leans closer to Amagyne.
“Clothes were missing, she appears to have gone in a hurry.” She quickly hands him pictures of Mya and Jake.
“She knows? Who is this?”
“Her lover perhaps? How could she know-“
Unro looks at nothing in particular and squints, “He’s found her. For once our brother Romulus has found The Chosen One.”
“That means we are closer.” She looks quizzically at a photo of Mya sticking her tongue out at the camera and crossing her eyes, Amagyne wondered how anyone who looked so remarkably ‘challenged’ could be the ‘all powerful Chosen One’? Her thoughts are interrupted by Unro who’s feeding on a woman Crane met on the subway. Her screams are muffled by Unro’s clawed hand. Amagyne watches hungrily as the scent of blood fills the air.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thankful!

Things I am thankful for....

-My family- well the ones I keep in touch with and like. Of course my moms and bro fall under the category of ‘will put up with and love unconditionally no matter what/will slice a bitch for them’.

-My friends- the ones who call me a friend too and aren’t just ‘cool’ with me because of my looks, place in life, style and the fact that I fuck celebs. In fact, if anyone is friends with me for any of those reasons then they have been seriously misguided and/or heavily drugged.

-My humor…for if I didn’t have it I would either be in an insane asylum or in jail for stabbing bitches in the throat.

-My cat Mittens for loving me just as I am.

-The first sip of coffee in the morning…and my ability to buy coffee and an oatmeal or bagel. Hella thanks for having a j-o-b so that I can afford five dollar coffee.

-Living in New York City. Even when you’re not doing anything-like staying home and watching Gilmore Girls DVD’s…you’re still in BROOKLYN-another perk is actually being from here. Doesn’t make me cooler or better-just wiser, perceptive and more apt to stomp a trifling punk.

-Seeing a parent smiling/glowing while listening to their kid yammer on or when they’re just walking down the street holding hands- pretty much if my heart melts at the sight of a cute baby/animal then I know the icebox has not totally formed where my heart used to be and I can continue on with the fight…

-People actually reading my blog! Whenever anyone is like 'I read and enjoy your blog'- I am humbled and honored! Mostly I do things to keep myself entertained- was an only child for the longest time-so for others to be entertained and/or get something out of reading this- truly, I am soooo thankful.

-Kanye’s antics- sure I want to kick him on the chin, but at least he’s talented…AND entertaining…and mostly original.

-Long walks in somewhat fresh air.

-The warranty I bought when I got new headphones because I may need to get more NEW ONES!!!! Instead of paying fifty bucks, I should've bought the twenty dollar Hello Kitty ones I saw...

-Email- for reals, would have a hard time keeping in touch with my favorite people!

-…and a bunch of other things but right now I am so focused on not eating till I am sick again that I am having a hard time thinking of anything else. Hope everyone has a safe and pleasant holiday and remember it’s not ‘Thanksgiving’ it’s ‘Turkey Day’ or…’Gobblecock’. Happy Turkey Day/ Gobblecock everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Another Reason Everything Is Not For Everyone....

When one blogs, it is a given that your shit is out there. Even if you are somewhat anonymous, and even if you are a somewhat private person who enjoys that some people enjoy your nonsense because it makes them feel better about their existence, makes them laugh, makes them think or it makes them touch themselves.
I am happy with all of that.
Entertaining truth is my thing. I don’t reveal alllllllllllll my thoughts- because I don’t like putting everything out there, that’s when people who don’t know you or you don’t like THINK they know you. Also, there are the bitches.
Bitches ruin things for everybody with their need to involve themselves in your life because they lack one of their own, or think they’re gossiping by repeating stuff you’ve written on your blog. Genius, like Facebook, if it’s on there, it’s out there. It’s honest and it’s me. My thoughts, my opinions and my perceptions of people and situations. Bitches find a way though. A way to ruin the fun and make me have to pull out my (verbal) gun.
I can’t fully blame bitches though because I chose to write a blog, and one expects people to read their blog…even people they don’t want to.
Yes, I sound asshat-y and whiny, but no one is perfect, yo. Though sometimes I seem close enough…HA!

Besides, nothing can ruin this glorious week. We all know how excited I get about Turkey Day- not the raping and pillaging part, but the family time and EATING. Let us not forget the Turkey Day poem I wrote last year:

Turkey Day Poem by Me

Almost faint with hunger, close to losing all that is cool
Hunger pang to memory spark
I know why this must be done
Why I wait and suffer, hoping that the chunks of time taken by movie watching
Will quiet the growls of my stomach
It yearns to be filled and it vows revenge if I continue to fill it
With coffee’s, spiked egg nogs and water
The game is over, no more toying around not when
Wine soaked seasoned meats massage my nostrils
I can see the mac n’ cheese waiting on the table
So innocent, yet so lethal with its cheese
Fighting the urge to sacrifice prayer for one nip of stuffing
My eyes water as the turkey is sliced and the meat falls off the bone
Speaking is not an option, unless I want my Super Hardcore tee to be drenched in saliva
When the first forkful passes through my lips and into my mouth
It is like Sam Cooke is singing and there are shirtless Native American male teen-wolves
Singing and dancing around me
A warm feeling passes through me and after plate one is done
A familiar feeling, the ‘itis takes over
And there I am slumped over, food lust filled
Crumbs rest on the corners of my mouth
Eyes are like venetian blinds with slits of sight
Through the dense fog of pleasure I see that it was all worth it
Next year I will be strong though, less liquids more aching stomach PAIN!


Gobble Gobble, bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Place Where I Work: Bang Bang?

Sometimes you just have to chuckle.
So last week I was all like: Clark Kent/Midtown/Bang Bang seems okay-and to some he still is, but if you’re a decent chick who feels a certain way about messing with taken dudes, then you may not think he is okay. Laughable, but no one to walk down the immoral low road with.
I used to think I was just a prude and needed to be …I don’t know…open…think less and do more-and with some things that is okay, and with others it’s not. There are single people who can fuck married/'taken' people and feel just dandy about it, but I know me and my luck.
First, it’s not the right thing to do and second, my face has been cute and uncut (unsliced, never razor bladed) by crazed lovers/wives and I intend on keeping it that way. Have enough shit going on in my life without getting into something KNOWING that there will be…shit.
It is understandable with me being a vibrant, sexy woman that many men-taken, single, blind, impotent, etc.- want to ravage me like the chicken wings I plan on inhaling tonight. Just lick their fingers and get INvolved-so I cannot blame CK/Midtown D/Bang Bang for trying.
I’ve shut him down text-wise, though any chance I have at making him feel bad, I take…AND we’ll see how long the looks of anguish n’ ball pain last. There is also disbelief when he looks at me, like I am going to go up to him and say: just kidding, please put your lentils all up in my mouth!!

Lentils because I think that’s what Albanians eat.

In other news, it’s about that time…corporate holiday party time!! A time of drunken in-appropriateness and jazzed up twin-sets. Cannot wait. Perhaps I’ll stir up controversy and bring CK/Midtown D/Bang Bang as my ‘date’-mostly to get him tispy and push him off on the cougars in the office. Am using the term cougars loosely because these aren’t SEXY older woman…they are bitter, old, frigid women. No matter, nothing like a young loosely moral-ed buck to get their gears grindin’.
The season of giving begins!!!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I.Will.Punch.A.Kid

Not a baby. Not a toddler.
Mostly, just the junior high school aged kids I bypass in my neighborhood as I hurriedly make my way to the train station-need enough time to swipe my metrocard twice, and place myself in the area of the stairway I need when I get off the train.
These kids slow me down because they walk down sidewalks as if they are the only ones who exist-all in a line straight across, high off sugar and hormones , and looking at me like I’ve grown three heads when I attempt to walk by/push through them. I think because I am a ‘meek looking’ woman these kids think they can intimidate me with their youth and numbers but what they fail to realize is that I will punch a kid.
*waves cane* When I was younger and would walk down a sidewalk with friends, we didn’t do shit like take up the whole street and if we were oblivious and someone said excuse me OR if we saw them walking towards us we would move out of their way.
Not these kids though.
So they have been hit with my bag, my elbow and SOON to be my fist. Today as this snot nosed 11 year old boy looked me smug in the face while walking towards me and me then almost knocking him into a fence (have heels on too), I said: I will punch a kid.
He blinked a couple of times-a little stunned- and then scampered away.
I am either going to REALLY have to punch a kid or get jumped on my way to work. I look forward to both.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Continuation of Masterpiece pt 2

Check out this blog: http://chroniclesofcashmere.blogspot.com/2010/11/truestory-continuation-of-my-literary.html in case you missed the beginning of this literary masterpiece. Here's some more for that assssssssssss!
Admittedly, I am moving at a SLOW pace, but I shall be moving full speed ahead soon enough! Work keeps distracting me. Bleah.

-2-
Mya’s eyes slowly open, she hears the whirring of a fan which makes her think she’s at home in her medium sized bedroom in Astoria, NY. When she looks towards the ceiling though, there is no ceiling fan. Instead there is a bare white ceiling and then the smell of salt water makes her slowly sit up and realize she was very far from Astoria.
She finally spots the fan, a standing silver one that is placed in front of two large open windows that reveal an aquamarine ocean whenever the white sheer curtains are lifted by a gentle breeze. She has on a sleeveless linen dress and is laying on the most comfortable bed she has ever laid her body upon. The white duvet surrounds her like a cloud and though the ceiling was white, the surrounding walls were a pale blue, so she felt as if she were floating in the sky. The floors are a dark wood and there’s bamboo nightstand beside the bed. A clock reads: 2:00 pm and there is a glass of water next to the clock.
Mya has no idea how she got here or why she appears to be paradise. The last thing she remembers was being in her bedroom with Jake and…Romulus…and then passing out. Suddenly, she jumps out of the bed remembering that Romulus said they would have ‘to mate’ to save the world. Almost as if she thought him up, Romulus appears in her doorway. He is wearing a white t-shirt and linen drawstring pants. He is barefoot and eating a mango. The mango didn’t cause Mya to salivate though, it was the sight of him. He was arguably the most attractive person she had ever seen. His light brown-almost copper colored eyes looked quizzically at her.

“Did you rest well?” He leans again the door jam content with eating his mango and taking in Mya. She wasn’t as refined as other women he found attractive, but there was something about her- besides the fact she was his soul mate and they together would produce a child that would save the world. Her skin was the color of almond milk and he felt that if he touched it, it would feel warm and soft. This is why Jake dressed and undressed her and he stayed far away fearing the temptation would be too great. Romulus was a man who prided himself on his restraint, but being around Mya made him feel careless. Like now, with her jet black tousled hair and almost resting on the top of her round breasts that peeked from the top of her dress- Romulus found himself needing to lean against something because he feared he would stumble into her just to touch her.

“Where am I? Where is Jake?” She knew she should feel more worried and think of possible weapons to use in case she didn’t like any of Romulus’s answers- then Mya wondered when she became a female movie action star ready for battle against a superior human vampire hybrid.

“We are in a beach house in Jamaica. Jake is doing a security check around the premises. We should be safe here for the time being-“

“Safe enough for us to…mate?” She caught the flicker in his eyes, for a brief moment he appeared to lose his cool demeanor. Cool and authoritative. For a brief moment though, Mya made him lose his cool and she took that to mean that maybe she is this force that can save the world.

“You are not here for us to mate. You are here for your safety. The Survivors will have a tough time dealing with all the sunshine and the inability to blend in. I am a local here who’s been talking about the visit from his two friends from New York-“

“I don’t know what is going on, I don’t know who you are! Where is Jake, I want to see him now!” Romulus disappears within a blink of Mya’s large brown eyes. This startles her and forces her to sit at the edge of the bed. The fan, along with the ocean breeze, soothes her again.
Jake enters the room leaving Romulus standing at the doorway. He knew he should probably leave them alone, but every since he found Mya,it became difficult to leave her side. It was even more difficult to watch her accept Jake’s comfort and glare at him from over his shoulder.

“Mya, I am sorry this is all happening and that I didn’t warn you about it-but I really never had the perfect opportunity to tell you without you thinking I was on drugs.” They both sit on the edge of the bed, Jake looks to Romulus for reassurance which he gets with a slight nod. “To make a long story short, this is Romulus. The love-child of a vampire and a human who started aging slower at twenty-one which then became to a halt at twenty-five, this makes him the perfect man basically-“ He smiles and nudges Mya who still has a deer caught in headlights look. “After all the bloodshed and murder, the Wise Ones kept him alive because they realized he could aid in the battle of good vs evil-“

“I thought they killed all the evil though-“ Mya says, she notices Romulus smile a little.

Jake continues, “ They didn’t realize how far and wide Romero spread his seed.

The Place Where I Work: Good Finds

Sometimes when a hot dude starts losing their mystery they can still be interesting and you won't totally hate them. Such is the case with Clark Kent/Midtown D/Bang Bang- due to a lot of tequila there was a joke about him being a porn star in Albania, his name...Bang Bang. You have to say it with the accent for it to have it's full effect.
All in all, good times were had and I am left wondering HOW I was able to make it into work today...with clothes that match. Just means I am pretty impressive. I am impressed by my ability to maintain my class and lady-like capabilities by NOT being totally inappropriate with CK/Midtown D/Bang Bang...sure I was pretty much leaning on him when my second margarita was placed on the table, but nothing inappropriate. Even when he placed his hands on my person, I gulped my drink and politely told him he shouldn't do that. He wasn't offending me, he was just about to GET THOROUGHLY molested.
It was great because there was a comfort level so he and I will definitely be buddies...when I am not preoccupied with trying to straddle him. Good times.

Snacki Drew- because she is related to Nancy Drew because she has surpassed me with her investigative methods! I have spent most of the day amazed by her skillzzzzz. She has found out so much info about our new friend that I feel like we've known him FOREVER...hopefully I don't let it slip about the internet stalking that is taking place. I am known for my perma-foot-in-mouth disease....*sigh*
To return the favor I am working on getting Snacki a lil 'sutra in her life-karma sutra. There is this dude we call Bollywood that I work with who definitely wants to hand feed Snacki Drew his meat samosa (hahahhaha!), I shall make sure this happens.

I am on a roll here, I have found some very cool people in what I thought was a bleak work situation.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

The Place Where I Work: A Friggin' Whirlwind

It has truly been a whirlwind these last few days. The veil of mystery has been lifted and I have shaken hands with a coke whore.
Just all kinds of craziness...

I mentioned before how tonight I am going for drinks with Snacki, RiRi, Texas and possibly Clark Kent...plus a few others.
How did we get from occasional hello's to him jokingly saying that I dropped my iTouch (thus cracking the screen because I couldn't decide on a friggin case) because merely seeing his face caused me to orgasm and drop the Apple product that I will buy again n' again like a good minion???
Clark Kent is pervy- which is right up my ally, but still causes me to prude up because I think of him as the wholesome man of steel...so when he says things about making me moist or jokes about this other guards man junk or says I'm attractive like 5 or 6 times...I fumble my words and begin walking away. Thanks to Toronto and Snacki, I have another name for CK so that my image of him isn't totally ruined and I can get with the fierce boning- notice how I am a pervy bitch but when dudes throw it back at me I clutch the pearls!! This happens mostly because I want to straddle them due to my minute ho-like tendencies...alas I am not a ho, so I clutch the pearls and am guffawed.
ANYWAYS, due to the success of The Jersey Shore, Canada-Toronto to be exact, has come out with The LakeShore (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=t-kpzWbv2Tc). This reality show has 8 std ridden Canadian immigrants living together...and by golly I think they have the Jersey Shore beat because they not only go by ill advised porn names, they go by nationalities. For instance, this douche Downtown D is also know as The Albanian...because he's...ALBANIAN! After revealing to Snacki that CK has a large...pervy side, she called him Midtown D because he is...ALBANIAN and works in Midtown. BRILLIANT!

This will either go really well- with the alcohol and me...and CK/Midtown D...or I could wind up in a bathroom stall with CK/Midtown wondering how it came to this and how I can enter the office building without EVER running into him again.
So there's that...
Remember how I mentioned the time I spend shredding things at work relaxes me...that was until Slutty Small Arm cornered me. She started out by complimenting my shoes and OFFICIALLY introduced her self. I've been here since MAY, but she saw Snacki and I coming back from our daily 'Kit Kat break' and wanted in.
So, she introduces herself and I do the same...which leads to me shaking her good hand...and her saying that people must confuse us all the time. Two cute, light skinned Black girls....
I agree, but subconsciously become Italian and start talking A LOT with BOTH my hands!! Also, I mentally told myself not to mention how I have both my arms when she went on about people getting us confused and then asked if I was mixed like she is. I said I wasn't and that people think I am a Latina. This lead to a conversation about languages. The whole time in my head I am thinking about the Purell I'm going to use and how I can't believe this coke whore is trying to be friendly with me NOW! My BS chit chat can only go so far so the convo ends shortly. Snacki says I've made a new bestie and I say that Slutty Small Arm has never known the realness that is ME! The moment she mentions a lunch date, or grabbing coffee or snorting coke off of CK/Midotwn D's pert nutsac- I will simply say: No...
Then I'll continue typing or trolling the internet. I think it's a great plan.

Speaking of pert nutsac's, remember Drake from my last job with B?? Well he and I have been emailing because he misses me, my face and my asshole capabilities. He wants to meet for drinks...I don't know if there is some planetary alignment where cock is coming from the woodwork...but I'm down.

Hopefully my blog entry tomorrow won't be a long paragraph about the perks of waking up in CK/Midtown D's bejeweled Affliction tee and doing the walk of shame ALL DAY at work.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

True...Story-The Continuation of My Literary Masterpiece.

A few things were true about today:
-I am tired because I decided to go out last night-yes a Monday night- had a BLAST, but am paying for it now.
-My knack for finding clothes I don't need to iron when shit.is.real is pretty stellar. Today I remember I have a knit dress-all Calvin Klein n' shit, who knew I could not buy something from H&M?? The dress keeps me warm AND gives me Janet Jackson ass circa the 90's- you know when she discovered how HOT she is and did that hot dance routine in the "If' video. Her ass was BANGING and pretty shelf-like. Today I was walking by something reflective and was like HOT DAYUM-the knit dress is giving me shelf booty...
-...which would supposedly help me with my conquering of Clark Kent who is my new BUDDY. Like, he and I chat n' shit. Joke, chat, I even try to flirt when I am not doing something dumb...he is not a horrible dude and thanks to Snacki, we all may be going for drinks on Thursday! Woah. Will keep you posted.
-The best thing about my lack of sleep is my ability to dig myself out of a writing trench because I am not holding myself to any kind of confines because I can barely type! It's pretty awesome. With that said, I have added on to my NaNoWriMo story, just re-posted from the beginning since I've been slacking. Will continue from wherever I've left off from now on. Enjoy the madness!!


Forever Kiss
The dream begins as it always does…
Cold crisp air, endless woods and the sound of muffled screams. They seem to get closer as Mya nears the small bonfire that appears out of nowhere. Suddenly he is there. A white glow surrounds him and he smiles holding out a pale hand. Mya wants to take his hand-it is an urgent feeling, she knows she’d be safe with him. The screams become more clear and louder to point that Mya wakes herself up screaming…never taking the man surrounded by white’s hand.
She is upright and looking wildly around her bedroom. She doesn’t know what she is looking for- the woods, the man, the reason for the screams. There is nothing. Her bedroom is dim and silent, suddenly her roommate appears in her doorway- Jake was annoyed, Mya could tell by his arms crossed over his bare chest …and the eye rolling.

“You had the dream again?” His voice is rough with sleep.

Mya’s erratic breathing was down to a slow pant, she trusted her voice not to give out on her, “Yes. I’m so sorry…” She really was. She wished she knew why three months ago the dream began and she wished she could stop them.

Jake sighs, “ Do you need anything?” Mya shakes her head, and he goes back into his bedroom-the door slams behind him.

Mya was once again alone and wondering how much longer before Jake kicked her out and she had to move back into her room in her parents brownstone. Jake was a great friend-her oldest friend. They grew up on the same block in Park Slope (Brooklyn) and she was the first person he came out to. They were close, but even best friends had their limits.

She lay back down letting the ceiling fan lure her back to sleep. In the morning she would call that sleep therapist Jake told her about- Jake burst back into the bedroom causing Mya to jump up.

“What?” Her brown eyes are wide.

“We have to go.” He says this as he finds a suitcase at the bottom of Mya’s organized closet. He frantically pulls clothes off hangers and throws them towards the suitcase. Mya also notices he’s dressed-a very unusual outfit for him. Jake’s usual uniform was: dark slim jeans, a t-shirt or sweater depending on the weather, a blazer and sleek leather sneakers. Now, he wore black slim cargo’s tucked into combat boots and a turtleneck. There was an ornate leather belt around his waist that held several wooden stakes.

“What? Where are we going?” Mya asks, she didn’t feel the need to move just yet. This was all overwhelming. She is startled by Jake’s usually calm slate blue eyes that were now fiery-almost glazed with intensity. He stops throwing clothes and looks at Mya, he begins to pace.

“I knew this day would come. I thought I would have time to finish my novel, but we’ve gotta save the world-“ Jake holds up an index finger as Mya is about to speak, “ it sounds crazy but that is what we have to do.”
He begins to tell the story just as his father told him when he fifteen and came out to this parents. They weren’t upset because they had a huge secret of their own…Jake was a Sacred Watcher.

As the story goes, long ago back when people died from colds, an Italian prince named Romero became gravely ill from something similar to the flu. His powerful parents sought out doctors from across the land with no one being able to cure their son. Each day he grew closer to death, his body weak and pale. Then one day an Egyptian cloaked in Chinese silks came to castle, his name was Rahkman and he spoke of various herbs that would help. Since they were so distraught and losing hope they didn’t scoff at the herbs or the fact that they would be mixed in blood. The prince drank the concoction and slept for 2 days, just as the king was about to order Rahkmans death, that very evening, the prince rose. He was more then well, he was magnificent. His skin was pale but luminescent and always cool, he seemed stronger. Though the king and queen were delighted they didn’t like that the Romero only sought council with Rahkman…and then he never rose before sun touched the Earth.
Soon the kingdom was plagued by deaths. Blood was drained from the bodies and there was no clue as to who or what would do such a thing-Rahkman knew. He was the one that made the prince what he was- an elegant blood drinking powerful monster. Rahkman thought he was helping to create stronger humans by not letting the slightest thing kill their fragile beings-instead he watched as a monster (Romero) drained the blood of men, women and children.
Rahkman soon sought advice from the Wise Ones- a group of men and women from various lands. They let him know he created an abomination and he should kill it immediately-while he was away though, Romero developed other urges. He seduced one of his mother’s maidens. He impregnated her and created a fast growing superior hybrid. Their son, Romulus, was born after 4 months of gestation, once he was born though he developed as normal human baby would- though he was stronger, mentally gifted and could communicate with his mother via her dreams. Romero was ecstatic about creating a superior race, so he spread his seed throughout the kingdom, drinking from very few. Once his mother and father caught on they joined with Rahkman to stop him, they even went as far as killing a few babies by decapitation. This caused Romero to slaughter his parents and over half the kingdom. The Wise Ones stepped in to protect Rahkman and Romero’s first born, Romulus- and then annihilated Romero and the rest of the kingdom.


Jake pauses when he notices Mya’s faraway stare. This meant she wasn’t listening and was thinking what shoes she would wear to save the world. She finally notices the silence and looks at him a bit.

“Did you fall asleep watching a movie?” She has on her hedgehog pajamas. Jake couldn’t believe she was the Chosen One- a powerful being- with hedgehogs holding apples all over her body.

“Can you not believe my story while getting dressed?” He zips her suitcase and has laid out a ‘world saving’ outfit for her.
Mya makes no attempt to get dressed, she looks at Jake a while,” This is crazy and I am going back to sleep.” With that, her blanket is over her face and she tries to block out the insane story Jake started.

“The dreams started because The Survivors are closer to finding out who you are and are going to kill you- I know it sounds crazy, and believe me –“

“He is correct, Mya. You must believe him.” Romulus says. His voice was soothing and seemed to cloak you in velvet. When Mya throws the covers back she finds Jake kneeling before the most magnificent man she had ever seen. Though he was dressed modernly he seemed not of this century. His pale peach face was chiseled which was highlighted by his shaved head. Light brown eyes bore into Mya’s and she could hardly catch her breath.

“I am Romulus, I am a Protector.” He holds out a hand to a still kneeling Jake, this movement causes Mya to jump out of bed.

“You! You’re from my dreams!” She walks backwards until she hits the wall closest to the entry to her bedroom. She wondered if she ran how far she could get before Romulus caught- no! She couldn’t leave Jake…who didn’t appear to be scared at all. In fact, he seemed to be in awe of this intense magnificent man.

“I was trying to warn you…but your Sacred Watcher, “ looks pointedly at Jake, “ hadn’t informed you about the dire situation at hand. I will tell you everything but we must leave this place.”

“Mya, trust in our friendship…please come with us.” Jake is walking towards Mya, slowly.

“There were people with a lot of R names in your story…but isn’t he- aren’t you some kind of monster- human hybrid?” This was good. She would get him to talking, grab Jake and run. Maybe throw one of the wooden stakes at him for good measure.

“I am a Protector. My blood is human, my soul is human but what has kept me alive for centuries- what makes me stronger than anyone you’ve ever known, is the vampire blood that runs through my veins. You are a descendant of Rahkman, one of the first Protectors, in your blood the Wise Ones disguised their power. You will be killed because of this-because you are the final piece to the puzzle. I have waited- we have waited centuries for you to finally rid us of the Survivors and the evil my father began…”

“Oh…” At this point Jake is holding Mya up, her reaction stemmed from this insanity sounding so true to her. It felt right. She looks up at Romulus who’s eyes haven’t left her face, “how am I supposed to do this?”

“Mate with me.” Romulus says, Mya passes out.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Conversations With Ice: Road Dogs.

The weather is starting to get unpleasant, so Ice T and I decide to hang at his ‘clubhouse’ . The ‘clubhouse’ is an apartment Ice keeps in Newark, NJ- the nice section. It houses all of his good leathers, old Kangoes, a few awards, and a velvet furniture collection he tried to sell at KMART…that obviously didn’t make it. We are sitting in high back velvet chairs with ornate cup holders playing mahjong aka Chinese checkers on a table with black lacquer legs and tufted gold lame` top. We each have a goblet filled with sparkling Perrier in our cup holders. Ice has also laid out some Buffalo chicken tenders and blue cheese-which we are eating with salad forks because of the game we have going on.

Ice T: Stop trying to decipher my design style and go! Plus your tenders are getting cold.

Me: (am touching and smelling the gold lame` tufted table top)…but really, you brought these samples to KMART and were serious?

Ice T: Listen, not everybody wants that old tired Verne Yip style or that Ikea shit. Some people like furniture that’s reflective and flashy…

Me: You know who Verne Yip is?!

Ice T: I watch Holmes on Holmes…plus that black chick with the big ass that does the kitchens, oh and Genevieve can get it too!

Me: You consistently amaze me. (munches on a tender) These tenders are goooooood. (Ice nods with approval) Do you bring Coco here?

Ice T: Once in a while to change it up. We play ‘special delivery’. We act like we don’t know each other and take turns calling each other to meet here. Then we have sex everywhere and then one of us leaves and the other stays here the night- actually one of our best times was on this very table. (he wistfully smiles as I drop my chicken tender, and he catches it on his plate)

Me: (dry heave) Ugh…

Ice T: No, Coco doesn’t come here. I did that to get your last chicken tender-

Me: (shake my fist towards the sky) One day Ice! I shall avenge my chicken tender!!

Ice T: (washes down my last chicken tender with his sparkling water) It’s good for couples to have their own spaces especially when you roll as tight as she and I do.

Me: I totally agree…though I doubt I’d be down with my boo having a whole other apartment.

Ice T: Well if you guys are ballin’ like that and there’s gotta be trust. Coco knows I look but I ain’t touching-been there and done that. There’s only so much pussy a dude can have.

Me: Well, I am thinking separate vacations kinda space, not separate apartments…maybe even rooms. Like I have a room and he has one-

Ice T: First get a dude and THEN worry about that kinda shit. You can say whatever now, but you meet your road dog and that shit changes.

Me: You’re right. Can’t let this type of shit occupy my fragile brain. Need to focus on other things…like beating you at this game (do a game winning move) and working on my stories.

Ice T: I forget you write you spend so much time talking shit!

Me: Don’t be hateful because I beat you.

Ice T: You’re right. You do talk a lot shit which goes back to you not finding your road dog for life-

Me: What if I don’t want one, Ice? Dammit, can’t some people just wanna do the day to day…have some dreams n’ goals…good times in between and maybe find someone to hold hands n’ shit with, but that isn’t a priority-

Ice T: Obviously.

Me: Dammit Ice, what are you getting at?

Ice T: You sound scared and closed off. Do like Madonna and open that heart-from one playa to another- it’ll change your life.

Me: We’ll see. I can make no promises.

Ice T: I’m calling it. Once you find your road dog, you’re gonna be semi-bitch made but it’ll be for the better.

Me: You sayin’ I need to be tamed?

Ice T: Nah, just handled.

Me: Come on, let me beat you at mahjong again- handle that, bitch! (Ice chuckles knowingly)

The End.

Friday, November 5, 2010

The Place Where I Work: In Like Flynn

HOLY MOLY!
Where do I begin?????
Lemme first say: THANK HAY-SUS for Snacki and SoCo!! (She decided to have a liquid lunch) I pick her up and we head to the Starbucks we say Menudo works at- usually I call them my Angry Ethnic Barista's, but Snacki insists they are angry because they ARE/WERE Menudo and ARE NOT Ricky Martin.
On our way out we see Clark Kent. We do our usual 'hello' and both notice that he has a slight haircut. Hmmm. Snacki wonders if he's going to the club tonight...we both say: Latin Quarters or LQ's because we think he is Puerto Rican and we assume most Puerto Rican go to LQ's on a Friday night. We decide that upon returning to our office building we shall inquire about CK's evening plans! Remember, Snacki thinks we need to talk to him more to find out more info. Also note that things go BAD when I talk to him.
So once we're in, Snacki goes in. HARD!

Snacki: so, you going ot LQ's tonight- Latin Quarters?

Clark Kent: what is that?

Me: a club. i mean, you have a fresh haircut and it's friday!

Clark Kent: nope. no latin quarters for me- (he is amused and also has a shocked look on his face)

Me: hmm...well what club are you going to? you don't hang out in jersey do you?

Clark Kent: (laughs) no i don't...

Snacki: that's good. yeah where you clubbin' at?

Me: the one where he'll be in the middle of the dance floor with his shirt open (and I proceed to do some kind of move with some stiff pelvic action going on- yes I bring ALL the boys to the yard)

Clark Kent: actually I just take my shirt off (proceeds to start patting his forehead with a napkin)

Snacki: then we will be at that club! woah, why are you sweating?

Me: because he is standing here talking to two beautiful ladies...

Clark Kent: exactly...also i just came from working out.

Me: woah woah...gotta get the muscles TIGHT before you hit the club...(i demonstrate him kissing his own bicep)

Snacki: yeah! doing situps before you hit the dance floor...

Clark Kent: yep. i also do crunches...

Snacki: are you puerto rican?

Clark Kent: no. woah...

Snacki: well we have a bet going with a few ladies about your ethnicity...

Me: and how many kids you have...i thought you were italian...

Clark Kent: close...

Snacki: greek?

Clark Kent: albanian.

Snacki and Me: woah, what?!

Snacki: no one guessed that one.

Clark Kent: then nobody wins the money.

Snacki: that means you're muslim, right?

Clark Kent: yes.

Me: oh man, no bacon...

Clark Kent: they serve bacon in these clubs? (pats his forehead again)

Snacki: damn, why you sweatin' so much....(wink wink)

Me: no bacon in the club, but we couldn't eat bacon together...and as for kids...

Snacki: i'm going to say 10.

Me: i say...2-3

Clark Kent: i don't have 10 kids. what if i have one...(looks at me)

Me: then i win! (he doesn't confirm or deny)

Clark Kent: why are you guys talking to me? you usually just walk by....

Snacki: we're bored- i mean...

Me: aww not like that, you always have guys or other people around you...

Clark Kent: i'll send them away. they're boring anyways-

Me: this was probably the best conversation you've had while working here...

Clark Kent: definitely. (grabs water bottle)

Snacki: ohhh what's that?

Me: gatorade...or milk muscle?? (I then fall to the ground laughing because MILK MUSCLE??!! I am obviously thinking about his penis!)

Clark Kent: no it's not muscle milk- a lot of guys here drink that though, you'd never know though...

Me: that's for sure.

Snacki: well that no neck one...i mean- (covers mouth as she and i laugh)

Clark Kent: well let's make a habit of this.

Me and Snacki: ohhhh we will!!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!! Snacki definitely thinks he was nervous and I caught him giving me the eye a few times. PENETRATION- PARTY OF TWO! HOLLA!!!

A Day; The Beginnings of a Novel

**This was supposed to be posted yesterday (Thursday, November 4th) but I had ISSUES**

The highlight of my day so far- am having dinner with awesome peeps tonight so I know there will be MANY more highlights- was when Taye Diggs was standing n' staring at the desserts in the cafe`. There was one slice of lemon coconut cake, once slice of chocolate cake and one slice of cheesecake. I swooped in from behind and took the cheesecake, he turns to me and is like: ah, I wanted the cheesecake.
And I so cleverly replied: you snooze you lose. I didn't even PRETEND to oblige him the slice, I just kept it moving. The look on his face and hearing him go to the kitchen to see if they had anymore AND THEN having to hear me retell the tale to Snacki because I enjoyed it so- was the cherry on top of an asshole day.

Am feeling really 'meh' which would explain why I am not thrilled about my 'novel' so far. Hopefully it'll get better...and I will spin yarn out of shit!!
Holy NanNoWriMo, Batman!!- Let me say I was inspired by my inner nerd and the nerdy chick who was my cashier at Barnes & Noble. She snorted as we discussed the sci-fi book I'm reading.
Here it goes:

Forever Kiss
The dream begins as it always does…
Cold crisp air, endless woods and the sound of muffled screams. They seem to get closer as Mya nears the small bonfire that appears out of nowhere. Suddenly he is there. A white glow surrounds him and he smiles holding out a pale hand. Mya wants to take his hand-it is an urgent feeling, she knows she’d be safe with him. The screams become more clear and louder to point that Mya wakes herself up screaming…never taking the man surrounded by white’s hand.
She is upright and looking wildly around her bedroom. She doesn’t know what she is looking for- the woods, the man, the reason for the screams. There is nothing. Her bedroom is dim and silent, suddenly her roommate appears in her doorway- Jake was annoyed, Mya could tell by his arms crossed over his bare chest …and the eye rolling.
“You had the dream again?” His voice is rough with sleep.
Mya’s erratic breathing was down to a slow pant, she trusted her voice not to give out on her, “Yes. I’m so sorry…” She really was. She wished she knew why three months ago the dream began and she wished she could stop them.
Jake sighs, “ Do you need anything?” Mya shakes her head, and he goes back into his bedroom-the door slams behind him.
Mya was once again alone and wondering how much longer before Jake kicked her out and she had to move back into her room in her parents brownstone. Jake was a great friend-her oldest friend. They grew up on the same block in Park Slope (Brooklyn) and she was the first person he came out to. They were close, but even best friends had their limits.
She lay back down letting the ceiling fan lure her back to sleep. In the morning she would call that sleep therapist Jake told her about- Jake burst back into the bedroom causing Mya to jump up.
“What?” Her brown eyes are wide.
“We have to go.” He says this as he finds a suitcase at the bottom of Mya’s organized closet. He frantically pulls clothes off hangers and throws them towards the suitcase. Mya also notices he’s dressed-a very unusual outfit for him. Jake’s usual uniform was: dark slim jeans, a t-shirt or sweater depending on the weather, a blazer and sleek leather sneakers. Now, he wore black slim cargo’s tucked into combat boots and a turtleneck. There was an ornate leather belt around his waist that held several wooden stakes.
“What? Where are we going?” Mya asks, she didn’t feel the need to move just yet. This was all overwhelming. She is startled by Jake’s usually calm slate blue eyes that were now fiery-almost glazed with intensity. He stops throwing clothes and looks at Mya, he begins to pace.
“I knew this day would come. I thought I would have time to finish my novel, but we’ve gotta save the world-“ Jake holds up an index finger as Mya is about to speak, “ it sounds crazy but that is what we have to do.”
He begins to tell the story just as his father told him when he fifteen and came out to this parents. They weren’t upset because they had a huge secret of their own…Jake was a Sacred Watcher.

As the story goes, long ago back when people died from colds, an Italian prince named Romero became gravely ill from something similar to the flu. His powerful parents sought out doctors from across the land with no one being able to cure their son. Each day he grew closer to death, his body weak and pale. Then one day an Egyptian cloaked in Chinese silks came to castle, his name was Rahkman and he spoke of various herbs that would help. Since they were so distraught and losing hope they didn’t scoff at the herbs or the fact that they would be mixed in blood. The prince drank the concoction and slept for 2 days, just as the king was about to order Rahkmans death, that very evening, the prince rose. He was more then well, he was magnificent. His skin was pale but luminescent and always cool, he seemed stronger though Though the king and queen were delighted they didn’t like that the Romero only sought council with Rahkman…and then he never rose before sun touched the Earth.
Soon the kingdom was plagued by deaths. Blood was drain from the bodies and there was no clue as to who or what would do such a thing-Rahkman knew. He was the one that made the prince what he was- an elegant blood drinking powerful monster. Rahkman thought he was helping to create stronger humans by not letting the slightest thing kill their fragile beings-instead he watched as a monster (Romero) drained the blood of men, women and children.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Place Where I Work: Just the Tip In

Geez.
Snacki and I have been on a mission. A mission to discover all we can about Clark Kent- we're like 'Cagney and Lacey'...or like 'Sherlock Holmes n' Watson', only we're female and less coked out. The whole 'investigation' is moving along slowly which is good because the less mysterious a hot dude is- mysterious is when you make them interesting in your head. You make them ardent lovers and you just know he enjoys painting your toenails while watching your Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVD's.
Anyways, the less mysterious a hot dude is, the less you'll want to bone all no-name n' whore-like in the back of an empty 1 train car.
So far we've only found out his first name and that he has a personality. He can still get it- which is a good thing.
Part of our 'investigating' also involves engaging the subject- Clark Kent. Since I can barely talk to him it's nice to have Snacki there to move things along...like today. We were coming back from Starbucks when we see Clark Kent and some other guard posted up on the wall. We ask if they are enjoying holding up the walls- they both demonstrate how good they are at doing so. Very amateur/ corn-ball stuff, but at least I am building a repoire with him.
Then things could've gone BAD. Like 'me accused of sexual harassment and winding up working at the Starbucks I always go to' bad. Thankfully I had Snacki there to pull me from the dark side...but I was soooo close- so here's what happened...

Clark Kent: If you have a wall that needs holding up, lemme know...

Me: Oh I have a wall alright- (I stop myself from mentioning my 'sugar walls' needing to be held up by his metropolis [hmmm not sure about that one]. I literally stop mid sentence and walk quickly away with Snacki.)

Whew.

In other news, because we are the same person-B and I- are participating in National Novel Writing Month, I will begin posting my impromptu novel. Just a lil ditty I've had in the back of my head but couldn't quite work out. B is doing the same on her blog- really, the only way people can tell us apart is her vast vocabulary and mamms.
Be on the look out for some greatness!

Monday, November 1, 2010

Computer Love

Admittedly, I have been doing a half-assed job with the whole online dating thing. Mostly because I feel I can meet these cretins on the street. Also, I am lazy and don’t want to make the effort. Effort is what it takes to respond to emails, to read (painstakingly) over profiles and then to decide if their movie faves are enough to want them inside you (possibly).
I’m using the term ‘responding to emails’ loosely because I don’t usually respond because someone named MyCockNUrMouth has some how infiltrated my filtration's and has written me something grotesque. Actually, because I don’t have any titty pics (up on this site *wink wink*) they write me respectable emails like: hey ure kool and pretty. wanna hang out sometime??
Sometimes I get some good email back n’ forth going…and then I forget to sign back on for a bit. Me thinks no one has captured my interest…and I was sick of 50 yr old men checking me out- so I decided to just kill my profile. My friends are like NOOOOO! They say I have not given it a good try and have actually met only one person from the site- he wound up not being for me, but it was good to be lusted after by someone I found attractive AND who wasn’t a skin stealer.
Then I get a message from this one dude named Manuel. I knew from his over stylized facial hair and shirtless pics that he wasn’t going to get a response- but he boosted my ego when I read his profile and he wrote not to contact him if you’re a ‘fat girl’ which made me punch the air and say: fuck you Manuel!- then I remembered that HE wrote ME so I must not be fat. See, even anal cum can make your day!!
All in all, I’ll try to be better about making it happen for my loins- I mean, love wise and stop being so gung-ho about reading young adult sci-fi lit.

Friday, October 29, 2010

The Place Where I Work: Crackle, Pop

Today as I was about to grab lunch, I stopped and chatted with Snacki and RiRi (RiRi works with Snacki and is called RiRi because of her new haircut and awesome (less whore-like) style of dress-she reminds me of Rihanna)
Anywho, so Snacki and RiRi are pissed. I can tell because Snacki is shaking her head…slowly, and RiRi is standing and aggressively making the fist to palm hand motion. There is also bloodlust and murder in their eyes.
Snacki says: someone is going to get thrown into traffic today!
I say: Ooooo I know who it is!
It had to be Slutty Small Arm. She decided to pop some professional shit with both Snacki and RiRi-not cool. I laugh and say that people like Slutty Small Arm always do that kinda shit. Not only is she a pathological liar she is a kiss-ass. Ugh. This was enough to limit (and by limit I mean totally forfeit) any interaction with her. I barely look at her-because I know the one time she tries her bullshit with me I am throwing into traffic. Not a good look.
Slutty Small Arm was audacious enough to tap RiRi on the shoulder and inquire about her makeup hook-up. Woah. Gotta give them types props for sheer not.giving.a.fuck.

In other news- GUESS what I spent the greater part of my afternoon doing???
I spent it play-pretending I work for Hallmark or Kate’s Papiere! Sounds like fun but not when you want to sleep at your desk or read more of the book ‘The Hunger Games’ by Suzanne Collins that you stayed up into the wee hours reading which is why you want to sleep at your desk.
No, instead you are gritting your teeth because of your limited Photoshop and ‘giving a fuck’ skills. OH, I should explain that I was making the card for Mr. Burns girlfriend. Seems it's her birthday and his assistant got shitty cards so he’s like can ya make me one some how involving pics of my ADORABLE baby girl- seriously, she is adorable…like I’ve been anti OLD ASS sperm (he is older than his baby mama who is like 3 years older than ME) but if it produces these kinda results, then I’m on board.
So, there I am maneuvering pics and birthday clip art, and again wondering how I got here. The end results were pretty stellar and both Mr. Burns and I were impressed with my skills- I will NEVER be able to do this again.
All will be made better during Happy Hour tonight with Texas, Snacki and RiRi. Should be A.BLAST. I don’t expect to pick up any ‘after work delights’ because I feel my look today is ‘Betsey Johnson (designer, not model) hair sans clip-ins’ and with my blousey floral shirt, I am like a pregnant (thanks to bloat) grunge chick in the 90’s. I doubt this look will be reeling them in…but who knows-there really is enough for everyone.