Monday, April 30, 2012

The Killing So Far: I Really Really Love Holder

Okay, I am going to be real honest and say I don't know what the FUCK is going on with The Killing so far. I just know I was okay with the Mayor being the killer...then I was okay with him not being the killer...and now I am just scared.
There are all these secrets and Stan is not Rosie's father...and Midge ran away to have sleepovers with a Rosie stand-in- OH and that awkward kiss with Stan and Midge's sister! That was almost too too much- but then there's Holder.  He always keeps me coming back.

I mean I was worried when Holder got back on the wagon and listlessly boned that chick in his car, but now he is back on it-and by it I don't mean meth, I mean on being awesome at life.
Back to making wise crackin' remarks ...and making sushi.
On a Tuesday night he unwinds by listening to a lil  E-40 and making homemade sushi.  In his hoodie.
Okay, I made up the E-40 part, but I seriously love this man.  LOVE.

As for how the show is going- I am not giving it the side eye as much as I am giving that amused smirk Holder gave that kid that asked him this question: do you know you're White?

This better be good The Killing.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

As The (Online) Dating World Turns: Again.

Okay, before you go and call me a fickle, cray cray beatch- let me explain myself.
A week or so ago I went to a friends surprise birthday brunch where there was another surprise- a psychic.  Though I am not all into these types of things, I do find them interesting.
A curiosity always gets me.  Not that I feel they will tell me something true and don't read my facial cues or read into questions I ask.
Then there's consistency.
So, I of course chat with the psychic who tells me that I am in rut-which was true.  I didn't even ask her anything, I just sat down.  She then mentioned me needing to buck the fuck up and pull myself out of this funk- which wasn't her wording but it is something I can do.
She said I tend to be aloof and keep people at a distance and am slowly becoming a a spectator of my own life.  WOW.
I was stunned and stung by the truth.  My whole reclusive thing is not good for me or  the 1 marriage and 2 kids I am supposed to have.  What?
She was the second psychic to tell me that.  I'll believe it when lil Idris Jr. is getting pushed out of my tender loin caves.

Now, I didn't sign back on to online dating because I feel this will get me married and working on them kids. That would be cray cray.
I am back on because I have been a recluse and just bleah socially, so it is a way for me to get out there a little and try not to become the angry women living with 15 cats who tries to feed the neighborhood children poisoned foods.

Alright I have said this before, I know.  It is 2012 though and it is time to be about shit!....and by shit I mean the shitty dudes I am bound to meet on the internet.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Conversations With Ice: 50 Shades of Lame

My good friend (in my head), Ice T, is reading the much talked about book 50 Shades of Grey. Wait, let me set the scene- I walk into a steakhouse on Park Avenue to find Ice reading 50 Shades of Grey while sipping on a single malt whiskey.
It was fantastic.

Me: (my mouth is agape for a bit) Ice...

Ice T: T! Wassup? Have a seat...

Me: Um...what are you reading?

Ice T: Oh that fucking book everyone's talking about..

Me: Yes...I see...

Ice T: Imma get me a steak. Porter house. Get you something-have you read this?

 Me: I read the whole trilogy in one weekend.

Ice T: No wonder you been all hostile. This book makes you wanna do things- to me and Coco, this is a Dr. Seuss book.

Me: I bet. I just can't believe you're reading this-and sure it made me angst-y, but no more than usual.

 Ice T: You read all 3 of these books in one weekend. Either you need to get laid or the books double as a cock piece...

Me: Why can't you just call it a dildo?

 Ice T: Cuz cock piece sounds manlier.

Me: Did you read Twilight?

Ice T: Fuck no! Once I read the first chapter and that vampire dude didn't take that young, warm, girl and make her a vampire and then fuck her....I lost interest. 

 Me: It was more for women, we like that whole chaste shit sometimes...and then we like this. Tie-me-up-fuck-me-down books.

 Ice T: Complex sexy beasts you are...

Me: What about the Hunger Games?

Ice T: A book about some hungry children having to kill each other to eat? Shit, I lived that!

Me: Ugh, you're right Ice. Reading these sexy books made me realize that perhaps I do need someone...

Ice T: Oh you think! You just need to keep your mind right and and keep yourself open. Stop closing yourself off.

 Me: Preach.

 Ice T: Don't placate to me, ass. Hurry and eat your crab cake so I can finish this book!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Thank You SVU!

Am probably really late with this, but I wanna say a big THANK YOU to Law & Order: SVU for bringing on Harry Connick Jr.. We all know I loves me some Ice, but without Chris Meloni aka Stabler, I felt like a lost kitten led ashtray from its milk.
Now with HARRRRY Connick Jr., I feel I can breathe again!!! We all know I have a weird obsession with Mr. Connick Jr. so pleased am I.

Life is good.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Good Things I Have Put In My Mouth Lately: Thai Grilled Beef Salad

Once in a while I am a Lady Who Lunches. All leisurely-like, carefree, lunching. I tend to wear flats and have glorious hair- mostly because I've slept in a lil and am not rushing to work. A Lady Who Lunches usually does this during the week while everyone else is working.
Well one Friday I met up with my friend Marci and took her for a Lady Who Lunches birthday lunch at Kittichai (60 Thompson Hotel,Soho, New York).
The lunch scene at Kittichai is VERY Ladies Who Lunch and Really Rich Peeps Discussing How They Are Going To Buy Buildings n Shit Lunch- a very serene and classy scene.
A mixologist comes over to take our cocktail orders- it was in the afternoon. Then we decided on an appetizer and entree. I told Marci to go wild because she is my friend and I love her....and it's what Ladies Who Lunch a subtle way.

We chose a grilled beef with long bean salad aka one of the finest things I have put into my mouth lately!
It was a perfect blend of warm and cool...crisp...refreshing...a hint of spice- just flavorful. I could literally eat that salad all day or every other day. This could be the summer look for help with my summer look of straight bikini tops and denim pannie shorts!

Sunday, April 8, 2012

'The Killing' So Far....AKA Oh, How I've Missed You Holder!!

I realized as I watched the season 2 premiere of the The Killing last weekend that I missed me some Stephen Holder (played by the very hot Joel Kinnaman)- sure I like the show as a whole- but Detective Stephen Holder is one of my favorite characters. He's funny, complex and a tender piece of 'white chocolate'....we all know how I feel about some 'white chocolate'.

Holder always looks as if he's 2 steps from taking a hit off a crack pipe-and after tonight's episode he is no steps close and even has sex in his hoodies!
He warms my heart.

Holder is not totally a good guy, but he's not a bad guy either and his knack for amazing one liners make him my favorite!

I'm so glad to have you back Mr. Stephen somebody better figure out who killed Rosie Larson or imma get VIOLENT!

Monday, April 2, 2012

The New Layout!-Have You Checked It??

I mean it's kinda hard to miss- my animated self laying on a tiger-Nigress (the name I have already chosen for the pet tiger I will eventually get)- with her: bitch please face.
My friend Maria Danalakis drew this and truly captured all that is me...and what I could possibly be if I had cute pin-up feet and wore timbs. I don't wear Timberland boots in 'real life' because with a size 10 foot I fear it would come off a tad butch.

To say I love my pic is an understatement, it truly excites me and I may stop being a schlub and start writing more blog entries!

...and hey, if you ever need a lil afternoon pick-me-up/put down, check me out on Twitter: @ChronOfCashmere

Live it up, bitches!

Sunday, April 1, 2012

I Live My Lifetime.

Sometimes I measure whether I am going to do something against past experience...and other times(most) against things I've seen on Lifetime and Law and Order: SVU.
By do something, I mean walk into certain seemingly rape-y, skin stealing, dark room situations. Or anytime I am down South and it's nighttime. There is no dark of night like that of that of the South.
One of my goals besides becoming a best selling author and sipping from a champagne bottle whilst walking along a street in Paris wearing on a chinchilla shawl and heels- is not having my life become one of those tragic Lifetime movies or an episode of SVU.
...though if they were to make a Lifetime movie about my tragic end, it would star Rosario Dawson and be called: Luck of the Draw. It will be the tragic tale of a girl so enraptured in her world of music (via headphones) and Drawsomething, that she doesn't notice the swarmy skinstealer who gets on the train and eventually kills her and takes her lovely skin. The final scene will be of my epic Drawsomething of a sandwich that will go up at MoMa.

We already know I tend to over think things, but it is who I am- the crazy part is that I truly believe that avoiding certain situations by thinking up scenes I remember from Lifetime and SVU- and dealing with the reality that there are no real Stabler, Benson or Finn's who will care enough to make sure my assailant will PAYYYYYYYYYYY for my injustice-is valid.

It's not all death and mayhem though, I plan on learning a lot from the movie turned series: The Client List. Jennifer Love Hewitt returns to give her small town friends hubby's hand jobs in the back of a nail salon! YES! I plan to learn lessons about how to keep my man SATISFIED (said with a snap in a Z formation).

This can also be added to the Reasons Why I'm Single list.