Friday, June 28, 2013

The Place Where I Work: The Thing About Being Right....

Man, when I get notions- watch out!  Maybe it is just a high dose of perception or psychic abilities but I know things!
So this new dude started last week.  He feels extra cozy with me for some reason- I did arrange his interview like 2 months ago and went through the process with him so there is that.
Now one would believe he is taken by my elegant sexiness and awesome vibes, and therefore wants to get up in my sugar walls...I could sense that wasn't the case though.  Dude is White, which is relevant because this instant comfort with me was off putting at first.  When I say 'chummy', I do mean friend-like, but mostly I mean there is a respect.  He doesn't treat me like I am here to serve him (which I am not) or that I am not on his level (he is a supervisor, but not mine).  It is very rare for a White male to be so...cool...because I see he treats everyone like this.  With me though, he is like my bestie.  Well in his eyes, because we know me, I am no ones bestie (especially at work)!
The conclusion I come to about the New Guy is that he is married to a Black woman.  I could sense it.  He doesn't wear dashiki's  or try 'urban speak', but I 'smell what he was cookin''.  I know he has been trying to find a way to let me know because: Hey, my wife is Black! is not the way to go.
So the other day we are chatting he was able to throw in a pic of his family....which included his wife who is *drumroll* BLACK.
I showed no emotion and was just like: you have a beautiful family!  Didn't know if he expected me to say: oh snap! you divin' deep in some chocolate box.
That wouldn't be appropriate.

In other news, I am back on thee ole online dating roller coaster so expect some posts of pain, loss and butt clenching turmoil.  Imma give it the 'college try' and in a month or so I will delete my account and be angry and talk about all the cats I'm going to have! 

Monday, June 24, 2013

Falling Off The Cliff

You know how you get up on a Monday and think: this will be a BETTER week.
You're all positive attitude AND you have on a cute outfit.  Your sun must be in Mercury because you're even running on TIME.
...then you get on the express train.  You're in your second game of Candy Crush...about to beat the level when the train stalls.  An announcement: there is a sick passenger on the train ahead of us.
You think: well they'll roll the sicko off and keep it moving. it is RUSH HOUR!!
That doesn't happen.
Another local train comes across the platform, so you leave your lovely seat and rush with about 25 other people to the local train- which is 'standing room only'.
You stand and using your agitation as fuel, you beat that level of Candy Crush.
Then the train gets even more crowded which means a piece of someones body is touching you.  You are surrounded by people and their body parts.
You wish you could explode like a Candy Crush bomb and just clear the area...but that would seem like a terrorist thought so you hold on to the 'positivity cliff' you are now dangling from- then you feel some bitches hair on your hand and you FALL!
FUCK MONDAY.  FUCK THE MTA. FUCK IT ALL.  FUCK RUNNING OUT LIVES ON CANDY CRUSH AND NOW I CAN'T PLAY FOR LIKE 30 MORE MINUTES WHICH IS FINE BECAUSE I WILL PROBABLY STILL BE ON THE TRAIN!!!!!
You realize that instead of being early/on time, you will now be late to work.  You also realize this is the week you decide to go off muffins and just have an iced coffee.
You hate when you get healthy notions and promise yourself a smoothie if you make it through the day and can then walk to the smoothie/juice spot that is in another area of Brooklyn....but it is HELLA HOT out there.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Cake Cake Cake- Birthday Week Horoscope!

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Long after the artist Amedeo Clemente Modigliani died, his paintings sold for millions of dollars. But while alive, he never got rich from doing what he loved to do. He expressed frustration about the gap between his ambitions and his rewards. "I do at least three paintings a day in my head," he said. "What's the use of spoiling canvas when nobody will buy anything?" I hope you don't arrive at a comparable conclusion, Gemini. It's crucial that you NOT keep your good ideas bottled up in your imagination. You need to translate them into practical actions, even if there's no immediate or obvious benefit in doing so. Expressing yourself concretely has rarely been more important than it is right now. 


That is my horoscope for this week (MY BIRTHDAY WEEK), which is fitting for many reasons.  I have been feeling real imaginative lately, so much so, I am going to start posting short stories  I have been working on-including a few written many years ago.  Am tweaking those as they are inconsolably wack!!!

In other news....
As I reflect upon getting older this year-yet still maintaining a youthful look n' demeanor- I think about just being alive.  Alive and FREE.  Free from clouding my greatness with other peoples BS, misconceptions, unauthorized commentary, etc.
Just feel real 'fuck off' like or 'they can choke on several uncut dicks' or 'may Drake beat them to a pulp with his emo penis'.

Older n' better and NO looking back...well only with a wink and a smile.

Celebrate me in your own way by not being a self involved fuckwad and by eating something DELICIOUS!
#CelebrationBitches





Thursday, June 6, 2013

The Place Where I Work: It's All In The Stars

It came up one day that Telemundo's astrological sign is Cancer.  I told him I figured that out a while ago because with moodiness and slight look of murder in his eyes.  I can also tell he is a sensitive thug.  He was quite intrigued about my 'killa Cancer' theories.  I informed him that they are NOT theories, they are FACT.
My brother is a Cancer as are a few of my friends, so I know things.

Now like any thing, astrology included, things are different for men and women.  For instance, I am a Gemini woman and we are AWESOME...well most of us.  Gemini men though...they are on some shady levels of mind fuckery to the 10th power!  You know how Gems are represented by twins, well that accounts for my moodiness and for the men (for the most part) it accounts for their DOUBLE lives.  Their the types to have a girlfriend in NYC where he works as a Starbucks barista and then a wife in Ohio where he is a car salesman.  Shit is real...but I digress.....
Telemundo is a Cancer man and Cancer men might just kill you if you push the wrong button at the wrong time.  There are times when I enjoy spending an entire Sunday afternoon watching murder mysteries and on one particular afternoon there were stories about men murdering the women they were either married to or dating.  Upon further investingating (i.e. my own) I found that most of these men were Cancers which led to me finding many things like this.  Which led to the term 'killa Cancer' (all me) ...and I mean, O.J. (Simpson) is a Cancer, so....

I believe the male Cancer kills because they can get emotionally constipated.  They have all these emotions/turmoil and then something clicks...and then they just start stabbing bitches.  Anywho, Telemundo found my explanation/description of a 'killa Cancer' to ring true.  Awww.  He then wondered why I continuously messed with him and I informed him that I know when to say when and when to soothe the sensitive thug Cancer-man.  Remember, my bro is one...which made sense why I felt all bro-like towards Telemundo. 
He then tells me his wife is a Gemini and says: that explains a lot!
I am still trying to figure out what 'a lot' is, but he does agree that I am AWESOME and that I'm okay with him...well until he suddenly murders me.
Awwwww.

Monday, June 3, 2013

You Don't Know My Life: The Killing Season 2 Premiere



I'll admit that I THINK I know what's going on with this season of The Killing, but I really don't.  I was just so taken aback last night by my love for Detective Holder and how visually stunning the show is!  Muted and dark...pretty much the shows theme.
Since I am no dunce, I can gather that the case will involve a serial murderer/rapist of prostitutes...mainly children...runaways specifically.  They (possibly) have the wrong guy in prison, Peter Sarsgaard aka the creepiest dude EVER.  His character is complex because he may be innocent but he is still guilty...OR he isn't innocent and just has help on the outside.
It all circles back to Linden because she has had this pic of trees drawn by the creepy possible murderers son on her fridge.  Now Linden is no longer a cop.  She is working a ferry or something, I don't know, but she is banging this young dude and just being plain CRAZY.  Oh Linden.  Love your face, love your crazy.  Then when she and Holder get together...it's like old times.  Except now he wears suit- and looks SO FINE!  Have I really really broken down how much I LOVE this character.  He is...just...the blueprint for all White men for my White Boy Summer.
*le sigh*
Anyways, Holder involves Linden who will now drag her pony tailed, sweater wearing ass out of her personal facade of happiness and back into doing what she loves...being a detective! She loves not giving a fuck about her son, or lovers or anything else that isn't case related.
Speaking of fucking, I have also gathered that Linden has banged a few of her past partners EXCEPT Holder.  Hmmmmmm.
SPEAKING of banging and Holder- who the hell is this wench that is supposedly his girlfriend???? Why wasn't my agent called? ( I don't have one)  I would try to incorporate so many conversations in bed.  Him shirtless and telling me about his case.  Then we would sip on almond milk and talk about our future.  Then more sex scenes.  Would definitely add a lil something to the show...I'm just saying.

I am SO glad this show wasn't canceled AND I get to settle in like I am reading the best book every week!