Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Dear Bobby Flay,

It was a warm Friday eve when our spiritual and physical bodies made contact- okay not in that WAY, but in the way where we were pretty much sitting next to each other.  You were dressed like the pic above.  Me looking fly in whatever I was wearing.  I was there with a friend who was treating me to birthday dranks and a meal.  A fine meal.  We had been to Gato before and knew immediately we had to go back.  She figured a summer Friday before my birthday was the way to go.
I spent most of the meal making lewd comments (the usual) about us (you and me Bobby)- about how you are not my type but I would definitely have BRUNCH AT BOBBY'S post a long night of playing UNO and love making.  I mentioned how you would keep me well fed during my visits to your apartment.  I also mentioned that the food we were eating was so good that you must've put dick shavings in it...
I may have said a lot more but...dranks.
Suddenly the check arrived and then you did.  I made a comment about 'my boyfriend showing up to pay the bill' and our lovely waitress laughed...and you did a squinty thing where you realized I was 'no one' and proceeded to sit at the table next to us.
I have made it NO SECRET that you can get it!...I mean I didn't make it obvious in person because I AM A LADDDDY and also...look at me.  I am fine as hell!  I am not thirsty for dudes...even you Bobby Flay- BUT there was a heat betweenst us.  You felt it.  I felt it.  So stop fronting and be the grown man you are and hit me up.
I like bloody mary's as a brunch drink and am allergic to oranges so they can't be a part of any meals you make for me.  Please include that egg dish you make at Gato though because that dish is so simple yet so amazing!
I see you like to use social media, but please no pics of us together...respect my privacy please and thank you.

Speak soon.



Monday, June 20, 2016

You Like Me, You Really Really Like Me

Some people don't realize what they have until it's gone- luckily am constantly reminded of how lucky I am and all that I have.
Me, a wretched goddess of love, joy and hate, who is cared for and by people.  Amazing people.
Last week I sort of celebrated my birthday- like I didn't make it a thing, just told people I was on a staycation so they could have their way with me if they were around.  Now we all know I am a person who values her time...ESPECIALLY alone time, so for me to want to hang out with ANYONE means I really really like you, and because I know people who value their time and have THINGS going on, for these people to put aside time to share a meal, a drink, a laugh...any or all of that with me...whew I am truly blessed.
Each and every day was occupied by someone I love who loves me back...and my bro even hooked me up with a sleek new alarm so that I would always be ON TIME.

Thank you to all who sent love, showed love or just thought about me and kicked someone- I truly appreciate it!!

Friday, June 10, 2016

Recent Surreal Moments in the Life of Cashmere

This could also be the time I realized that Cashmere's (me) been evolving n' shit.

I'll start with the worst of it....
Well the week already involved a crazy lady at Trader Joe's who I refrained from punching as she attempted to remove my headphones- I KNOW- I remembered that she was CRAZY and used my 'I am talking to a grown ass person like child' tone of voice.  There was no bloodshed and I had the respect of TJ's employees and other customers alike.  Though they all admitted they would've supported me punching this woman.
Then...then...I am riding the train with a new coworker and we were coming from happy hour.  Out of nowhere she mentions this group chat she has with friends and family called, "McNiggaz".
A few things...she is white, I am assuming her family is white too, and because of how South Brooklyn is set and just my initial assessment of her...all her friends are white too.
Again, I refrained from punching her as she laughed HEARTILY at this group chat name because I figured she had been drinking...and the whole coworker thing.  Can't come back from me beating your ass- BUT as she told me WHY the group chat is called this....basically her 'dumb ass cousin' was drunkenly ordering McDonalds one night and instead of asking for mcnuggets, he asked for McNiggaz.
As she continued to laugh I repeatedly asked if anyone beat his ass- I wasn't smiling, smirking, chuckling ...I think I was even speaking through my teeth.
His ass wasn't beaten.
Of course I had the Black existential crisis of trying to figure WHY this chick thought this would be okay to say to me?!  My mom clued me in that she probably figured I was a self hating corporate Black person because I don't appear to be bitter, standoffish or act like 'them'.  Moms, coming through with that knowledge.  She was also proud I didn't punch her....
I have decided to keep my distance so there will be no other instance where McNiggaz chick can drink a little too much and say something where the punching WILL happen because once is me being EVOLVED and twice..well...

So the other day after work I head into the ring of hell I call Grand Central.  I am heading towards the 6 train (aka the long steal path to Lucifers taint) and see it waiting (for me) in the station.  As I put a lil more pep in my step I notice this guy walking a lil ahead of me.  I notice his pale grey suit and then the cut of the suit...and then the cut of the BODY in the suit.  I nod with approval.
Finally I get up to dudes face and see that it is Dwyane (the fuck) Wade!
I shake my racist white ancestors out of head and say this handsome Black gentleman heading toward the 6 train with me COULDN'T possibly be DWade!  All Blacks DO NOT look alike.
It was him.  We head down the stairs together.  Side by side.  I literally look at him and ask: why the fuck are you riding the 6 train?
I also have spent DAYS scouring the internets looking for candid shots of us. NOTHING.  I did find out that he and Gabby Union posted an after sex Snapchat.  No thanks.

That happened...since I am on some magical time I need to be heading into an elevator that gets stuck with Idris Elba!!...and I will only punch him if he is into that.