Monday, March 26, 2012

Good Things I Have Put In My Mouth Lately: Iced. Aztec.

Between this post and the one before about delectable eats- people might think that I am gaining a lot of weight and actually reaching my 800lb goal. Not yet.
Balance, it's called once in a while treating yo'self. Sometimes you just gotta have a slightly spicey iced hot cocoa the one the one I had at MarieBelle (Soho, NYC).
This is a game changer! It will not change my game though. I have enough will power to not have another till May...but damn will I think about this drink everyday. Everyday! until it touches my lips again.
It is so good. Good is not enough to describe how delicious this drink is.

....please just go and have one and then tell me all about it so I can live vicariously. Picture me in a tankini rocking back n' forth reliving your story while sipping on a yogurtless smoothie.


Saturday, March 17, 2012

Good Things I Have Put In My Mouth Lately: Decadence

We have all gathered I enjoy eating. I also love trying new things especially when I think they are going to be delicious- or am told they are going to be delish.
This is what happened when I ventured to Queens with my food club for Bolivian food. I was told: YOU NEED TO HAVE THE SALTENAS!
Notice it was pluralized, because like dick, you can't have just one!

So, I made sure we ordered the Saltenas-which are Bolivia's answer to empanadas...but on some next level shit. I cannot begin to describe how I dream of these things and just how good they are.
Where can you get them? Go to Queens- which is the ONLY place you will find Bolivian spots. I am not reccommending the spot we tried because it was a bit sketchy, though the food was delicious, it is NOT guaranteed the place is still open.

Look at them all waiting to be eaten....they fill my dreams now...

There is like a stew inside of them! A delicious stew that never leaks from that corn based casing. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....

Where am I?
Ahh, I am thinking back to the Sunday my book club (yes, I am the supremest of nerds with my clubs) met up to discuss the book New York. It is a fictional tale of the history of New York. Pretty cool...
We commemorated the book by going to Fraunces Tavern (Lower Manhattan, NYC)- which is pretty historical, it is the place where Washington (as in our first president George) met with his peeps. It felt mad old in there, but it was very nice!

There were endless mimosa's, bellini's and blood mary's...and then these!

Sure, they may look like some regular ole challah french toast, but DAYUM they were just so delightful!! I don't know if Martha Washington was up in there making a batter-all I know is that you should go there (Fraunces Tavern) for brunch and get them.
You'll thank me.

Friday, March 16, 2012

As The Online Dating World Turn: What Part of the Game Is This?

Again, I find myself THIS close to sewing up my vagina and living atop a mountain where I spin silks from the fur of goats and make butter from peaceful cows.
Perhaps I should quit my whimpering and take it as life experience, but COME ON REALLY?!
It would help if I told you about the recent fella's who have been trying to make it to Round 3 with me.
Round 1 being that I actually respond.
Round 2 is actually hanging out.
Round 3 happens after actually meeting and I still am in contact with dude.

So after a rough date where I was thankful the food was good- I get a text from another dude 'wanting to hang out'. Every time we were going to hang out 'something came up'. The guy hadn't even met me, so why is he throwin' shade? aka playing these wicked games (oh, Chris Issak).
I mean, if he met me, I would totally understand. I have asshole tendencies and can be know FUN, SEXY qualities.
So, I take the dudes number out of my phone because it was obvious this wasn't going to happen.
A week later, the dude texts again. It went like this:

Him: hey, what are you up to?

Me: who is this?

Him: wow. is my number not in your phone?

Me: who is this and why would it be?

He then tells me who he is.

Him: i cannot believe you took me out of your phone.

Me: i am efficient. it wasn't happening.

Him: but i really want to meet you, my schedule is just crazy right now...

Me: okay.

The End- because I took him out of my phone again. Okay, WHY am I supposed to care about his schedule. I know something about dudes sometimes, when they wanna do something...i.e. someone, they make it happen. This was some bullshit and I have no time for it...there are bad movies to watch!

Then came a series of emails from various creepers and dudes I wouldn't sit next to on the Q train.

The final straw came from a dude who had heavily sculpted eyebrows and beard lines. He looked real 'GTL'. That dude emailed me 5 times in a row. As if we were having a conversation. As if I was responding. Finally I wrote a simple and elegant: wow.
This made him right 5 more emails!!
All the emails after the first one had the same theme: I'm awesome, he wants to become part of my world, he really wants to hang with me, I'm fantastic, am I not getting the emails because the system is effed up?????????????????.
Nine effin' emails allllllll about that!

I was walking the other day...or drinking, and I realized that I need to close the account (again) because this dude may really, actually tie me to a radiator and take my skin, eat my skin,and then makes stew out of the rest of me.
With that, I have closed my account.
Back to not meeting dudes the old fashioned way!