Monday, August 27, 2012

New Vocab: You Stevie J!

Unfortunately, I have watched a few episodes of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta.  Yes, I hate myself too.
It is a show chockful of lowlifes and fuckery.  The epitome of this being Stevie J.  Stevie J does that face above A LOT.  It is his go to face for everything: telling bitches he loves them, closing deals, telling bitches he ain't messing with nobody else, telling his bros that he is fuckin' all the chicks, etc.

When I call a dude a Stevie J, it just means he's crazy.  Not skin stealer crazy, but just narcissistic-ally psychotic! OR slightly off his rocker.  It won't result in murder, but may result in drama and some juicy stories to tell your friends.

For instance, you meet a guy and immediately he is like you're amazing, let's be exclusive!  You think: woah.  You go along with it though because times are tough.  Two weeks later you bump into your guy making out with another chick and when you confront him, he makes the above face and says he was just answering a question her teeth were asking.
Just laugh and say: you're such a Stevie J.

Your life will be much easier, believe me.  Easier and funnier!

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

As The (Online) Dating World Turns: I Can't...

So I received this message:


Hello what is The deal? You are too funny im.also a tad bit shy but once u get to know me u wont be Able to shut me up anyways read My pro And if u feel me hit me up your definitly My type pretty, funny And from what i can tell from one of your pics swollen all around your hurry up And buy

I sat and stared at it for a bit.  Then tried to re-read it without a sense of grammar or world spelling...and just opened my mind.  To the point where a few bats flew out.
I STILL don't understand what dude was trying to say-but I do like and will use that swollen around the colon line because it is kinda genius.

Though I am not a total snobby bitch, I did not write him back mostly because I value my time and didn't wanna spend many more hours trying to decipher WHAT THE FUCK HE IS WRITING!

I want the NEXT person who looks at me and thinks: why is that fantastic woman single??
Just think back to the latinobear and then look back me with my 15 cats and nod n' smile and pass the bucket of nutella. 

Monday, August 13, 2012

My Thoughts On Olympics 2012

Granted, I didn't get to see a lot of the Olympics, but what I saw left a LASTING impression.
Here are my thoughts on Olympics 2012:

  • I was excited the games were in London- mostly because I would be able to see me old haunts. Ha.
  • The opening ceremony left me confused, sad and mystified.  The only thing I was okay with was checking out the dudes from all the countries and noting who was doable!  Then there was David Beckham in a suit.  Not speaking.
  • Male gymnasts became my new thing!  Sure they are mostly short and possibly gay, but damn are they flexible n' FINE.  
  • Male swimmers are just as delightful!  That lil hip movement when they first leap in the water...the shoulders...them speedos!  
  • Male divers....the showers after they dive.  Yes, please!
  • Male track n' field hurdlers, runners, anything to do with tight shorts and thigh muscles...
  • Then the male rowing team got on my radar when that pic of one of the rowers (still don't know his name only the shape of his penis) propped up penis caused a major stir!  Was it erect or at rest?!  Many a sleepless night this caused...
  • Oh women won a lot of gold medals...volleyball...Gabby Douglas- the fact that her hair was ridiculed made me so angry and want to punch things.
  • I got into wrestling, though the dudes were hairy, but that one dude from India was my favorite!
  • Rhythmic gymnastics!!!!!! All.Day!!!
  • The closing ceremony was SAVED by George Michael, Spice Girls and BRAZIL!  When they brought Pele out I fell off the couch- 2016 is going to be CRAY!!  If Amy Winehouse were still alive and 'off the stuff' she would've been another great addition to that lackluster closing ceremony.  #Russel Brand came out of an orgy van of ugly to sing!
So, overall...I cared mostly about the men in very little clothing getting all sweaty or wet.  I am deep.