Friday, January 23, 2015

Befuddled, Bothered, Bewildered, Bigoted...

I am really trying not to become racist, y'all.
I am strugglin'.  #StruggleLife
I mean I like joking around with my intelligently funny friends about racial absurdities...that's always fun, but the culmination of recent events has made me just about reach my LIMIT!

Besides the day to days- the hair questions/statements, assuming I am NOT (full) African- American because I am not like 'them', assuming I give a solitary fuck about Tyler Perry, hearing shit about being 'light skinned', men assuming I am a certain way because I am a curvy woman of color, etc.

Besides all that, there have been an influx of police killing unarmed Black people, basic ass White people killing unarmed Black people, Black girl actresses being called out their names for playing parts perceived to be for White girls, Iggy Azalea, men/society/fashion making it clear that they don't find Black women attractive or to be worthy of love, 12 (white) French people who worked for a basically racist/bigoted magazine being killed (which was WRONG) causing a 'war on Muslims' aka brown people with turbans (any of them), NAACP building being bombed and you hear NOTHING about it being a terrorist act because a White man bombed it, same week everyone was all 'Je Suis Charlie' 2,000 Nigerians were killed by a terrorist group but it didn't appear on the news ONCE and George Clooney did NOT have a button made, people are mad that the SELMA movie told the truth and did NOT have a White savior, All White Er'Thang Oscars, All White Er'Thang Grammy's, All White Er'thang Golden Globes, All White Er'Thang....Er'Thang, FUCK #AllLivesMatter...because they don't!, directors still casting White people as Egyptians, Native Americans, any group of historical Black/Brown people who made an impact and don't fit into a 'savage mold', etc.

As you can see there is A LOT.  Hence my struggle not to become a racist and a Black feminist- can't be a feminist because we realize that only pertains to WHITE women.
Whew.
Maybe I am leaning towards becoming a Black Panther...I dunno.  I just know I am just fed up.  Fed the fuck up and not here for a lot of shit.
Am trying not to be a walking ball of anger and aggression, but it's hard!..then I think about the wrinkles this may cause so I am trying to zen out. Maintaining awareness, doing what I can...and releasing it.

It is tough getting older and being more aware...my far away stare is less about deep thoughts about chicken, #EggplantFridays and shoes...now I am deeply contemplating so much more. *le sigh*

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

You Don't Know My Name...and It Feels Like Oooooooo

I have established that I enjoy getting a smoothie every now and then...an afternoon pick-me-up if you will.  I tried one as a meal and I get so violently hungry that I can't see straight!
Have since learned I am not built for that shit and need to stick to smoothies as snacks.  Anyways, a while back I went to my usual spot- Dishes (Midtown pocket raper with foods n' shit)- and as I ordered my usual smoothie, the guy behind the counter was staring at me open mouthed.
I looked behind me and saw no one.  That's when he let me know he thought I was gorgeous and that I looked like the love of his life...Alicia Keys.
Dammit!  All I wanted was a smoothie!  I thanked him and wondered if he could function enough to make my smoothie.  He said he was fine and then asked if I could play the piano.
I said 'yes'.  I lied...but not really because my parents got me a keyboard when I was younger and I could play the SHIT out of that.  I was the Sheila E. of keyboarding!- cuz I would stand and dance while I played it.  It's all about style, yo.
Anywho...I make a mental note to go to the more aggressively expensive 'Juice Generation' on days my 'admirer' is working.  As my 'admirer' is making my smoothie he is telling me how he knew I was the one when I said could play the piano...and cuz I look like Alicia...and because like all celebrities I change my hair all the time.
Woah.
So he's been watching me.  This is the FIRST time I have ever seen this dude.
I am just nodding and smiling because he is handling my smoothie.  Once he is done, I bid him adieu and am saddened at all this extra money imma have to spend just to avoid this dude (see what we have to go through!).
Then I taste that smoothie.  It was THE BEST SMOOTHIE I had ever sipped!
SHIT!
You make something delicious and it wins over creepy stalker ANY DAY!

So today I went back for my smoothie and there was my 'admirer' smiling and calling me his 'queen'. 
I do my Wednesday Addams and get me that amazing smoothie.  He is harmless and just wants to compliment me and feed me.
...plus I kinda do look like Alicia Keys, and sing like her as well. #Lies

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Summary

What best describes me are not words (like: glorious, tantalizing, effortless, etc.), there would be far too many.
 I like summarizing things and the best way (well one of) to summarize myself is when I stick my hand in my bag while looking elsewhere, feel something furry, jump (heart attack styles with a gasp), look in bag and see/remember my hat has a furry pom pom on it.
Just unnecessary comedy.
It could also play into my rodent fear, but that is neither here nor there...
I had a deep thought while riding the train not sober one night: wonder if people ever think about their 'summaries'?
Do people consider the instance or instances that others would use to describe them.  Mine would mostly be comedic with a whole lotta shade- because I am not good with hiding my reactions to fuckery.
I often wonder when people are being jerks/asshats/shit turds or just plain unreal with their selfishness- do they know this is going into their summary?  Perhaps not the one in their head, but it's in someones.  So on that cold, cold day when you look around and you're surrounded by douchebags/fuckers/the worst, it may be because someone 'summarized' ya and was like: meh.
I seem to be doing okay because I am surrounded good, funny, shade-y mutha fuckers!

Note to self: stop drinking a lot and having thoughts.

Friday, January 2, 2015

HoneyCashmere's Songs of 2014!!!

At the end of the year, I usually like to reflect on what I've learned and where I am going- blah, blah, blah.
2014 has taught me that shit can be REAL (horrible), but you must stay strong and move ahead.  You must LOVE yourself (take care of yourself, live with yourself, BE yourself) and it will allow you to give the best of yourself to people.  Not everyone because not everyone deserves your best when they are the worst.
The songs of my year reflect where my mind was at (or wasn't)...and maybe even shows glimpses into the year ahead.
  I am so here and so ready for 2015!!

These songs are not in any sort of order....

1. 'i' - Kendrick Lamarr
2. 'Be Easy' - Alice Smith
5. 'Man of the Year' - Schoolboy Q
6. 'Good Kisser' - Usher
7. 'Lemonade' - DanityKane
8. 'Sing' - Ed Sheeran
11. 'Bank Head' - Kelela
12. 'Darkest' - Tokimonsta
13. 'Latch'/ 'White Noise'/ 'You & Me' - Disclosure
14. 'I Don't Fuck With You' - Big Sean & E40
15. 'Two Weeks'/ 'Lights On'/ 'Video Girl'/ 'Papi Pacify'- FKA Twigs
16. 'Warm Water'/ 'And I Drove You Crazy' - Banks
17. 'Rather Be' - Clean Bandit & Jess Glynne
18. 'Uptown Funk' - Mark Ronson & Bruno Mars
19. 'Really Love' - D'Angelo
20. 'New Flame' - Chris Brown & Usher & Rick Ross
21. 'Q.U.E.E.N.'/ 'Primetime'/'Electric Lady'/'Give Em What They Love' - Janelle Monae
22. 'BBD' - Azelia Banks
23. 'Nakamarra' - Hiatus Kaiyote
24. 'The Worst' - Jhene Aiko
25. 'Retrograde'/ 'Life Around Here'/ 'I Am Sold' - James Blake


P.S.S- I hope I attached all the right vids!  If not, GOOGLE that shit!