Thursday, February 28, 2013

The Time I Went To See Kendrick Lamar by Me

There are times in life when things just fall into place. Tuesday February 26th was one of those days....or nights...or times.

I had my 'Kendrick Lamar' AHA moment when I heard his verse on the song "Fuckin' Problems"-granted I ignored when my friend MBot told me I NEEDED to know about this guy because I was too busy downloading PussyCat Dolls and Childish Gambino songs (I am a believer in there is music for every moment and mood).  That verse made me raise my eyebrows and then I consumed ALL his music
In this time of Young Money and ratchet-ness,  Kendrick Lamar is a breath of fresh air

Naturally, I have become a person who doesn't do live shows- mostly because I hate people, crowds and unless Amy Winehouse comes back from the then she may be a zombie which would make for an interesting show.
I did want to see KLamar live though, of course the show was sold out. THEN they opened up 2 more shows including one at 6PM.  The 'Golden Girl' in me was elated, as were my friends MBot and NJ Doom.  The thought of not being out till 1am in a crowd of youth...and then getting up the next day for just made me feel grown yet cool, you know?

Then I got on a LONG ASS LINE that went alllll the way around the block from the venue.  A line filled with...youth.  Listen, I am young and like Prince I believe we need youth around us to keep us current...but mostly they are useless and all think they are entertainers or something.  Or they are dudes and want to hit on me but their balls haven't fully descended so they stare.  Stare and stand too close.
Thankfully MBot n' NJ Doom joined me on the line and were able to share in not being...youth.  We were surrounded though.  They were nice enough and helped us fight against line cutters.
They also taught us new lame terms like: swaggy.

Because we are no longer youth, there was rushing to get closer to the stage, we rushed to the bar to start drinking.  Then we found a perch in the back-close to the exits which is always important to me- where we could see everything and everyone.
Besides the show, we mostly saw underage girls dressed like 90's prostitutes, thugs from Long Island, hipsters-a-dancing, other elders who seemed lost and creepers/cruisers.  I think the creepers/cruisers were on that 'molly' which enhanced their unsocial behavior.
I was just happy to have room to DANCE, and dance I did...along with rap-a-long.  I even did hand motions.  It was a great time.  KLamar was great!  His energy and flow were on point and he kept the audience engaged!
...there was that one moment when he was hitting on a chick in the audience and he found that she wasn't so responsive so he said if she didn't like him, she could fuck his friend.
It was more disrespectful than offering a lady options.

I had a feeling KLamar wouldn't need to worry about that chick though because during a visit to the ladies room I overheard this chick inquiring about how to get backstage.  She was asking the bathroom attendant which led me to believe she was new to this game of ho.
One thing was for certain, I was going to have meat in my mouth-not Kendrick's, we were all going to Shake Shack after the show because 'Golden Girls' roll to shows early and get to have custard, burgers and cheese fries after!  It was so great seeing a show, having dinner and getting home with enough time to read before going to sleep.  Living that granny pannies lifestyle is what's up, eff what ya heard!

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Bitches Be Crazy.

AKA be careful what you wish for.

Let me preface what's about to happen by saying (something I've said before), just because I know you, have spoken to you, have looked at you, have heard about you- doesn't mean I am going to blog about you.

So this dude I don't know, but by the grace of Facebook have spoken to a handful of times...he may have been trying to charm me as well, in any case he texts me out of the blue and says he's 'chillin' on me because he doesn't want to become fodder for my blog'.
This presumptuous fuckshit assumed I would write about him?
First, I have to give a fuck.  Second, boo boo, I don't KNOW you.  Thirdly, you have been more annoying than blog worthy.
It's been a clusterfuck of nothingness, superficial technological bullshit and high school antics like when he asked if I was thinking about him?  This person I have NEVER met asks if I am thinking about him.
Let's see...when I am thinking about zombies, shoes, books, hot dudes who aren't crazy, the Knicks, baked goods, my family, my friends, jeans, rap lyrics, etc.- I am supposed to interrupt ALL OF THAT to think about some dude I have never met- okay, who ISN'T Idris Elba or Jon Hamm.  I am suddenly OBSESSED with Jon Hamm.  He is manly.
Anyways, I let him know that I had not been thinking about him.
Now you're slowing your roll...he who initiates/d everything because you're afraid I'm going to write about you- well, 2013 is about making dreams come true.
Here's me writing about your wack ass.
Now after that last stroke n' grunt, clean yourself off and bask in the afterglow of me blogging about you.
It will be the first and last time I think about you.

One may say I have my panties in a bunch, but I am just sick to death of dudes assuming that just because they have a penis I am going to get all bent out of shape.  Also, one of my gel manicured nails is chipped! It's only been one week!  I blame the gym.

Monday, February 25, 2013

As The (Online) Dating World Turns: Enough!

No, this is not 'ENOUGH' like the horrific yet wonderful J.Lo movie (omg! that wig, that lil girl-ahhhh everything!), it is enough with the whole online dating thing.  I have FINALLY had my fill. 
Also, the lack of fucks I give are astronomical.  Online dudes as well as...'real life' dudes are just...I don't think unimpressive is the correct word as much as lame is.  Mostly crazy though.
Then again it could also be me.  This interesting dude and I were writing each other and he set up a plan to meet- a man with a plan- and I totally forgot to contact him.  I dunno if he was there waiting.
That was completely rude of me...but I didn't lose any sleep, which allowed me to recognize how much I just don't care.

2013 is about decluttering the bullshit and if its not working, get rid of it.  So I am out that online bitch.  Done.  Finito.
I will have less anxiety about being killed too.
I mean, I just think there is some dude out there wearing ill fitting 'dockers' looking at my pictures petting the ferret he plans to invade' my lady space' with because he doesn't want to dirty his penis.  Mostly though, he yearns to make a vest out of my skin.
I feel this dude will see me on the train one day.  He will follow me until the wind is right, and then he will release his blowdart filled with tranquilizer.  He will drag me into moms basement and begin my nightmare.

Wish me luck on the OTHER side- meaning just meeting dudes or not.  Also enjoy my musings about the dudes at work who think they are in relationships with me.  It's wonderful.

Friday, February 8, 2013

The Place Where I Work: Self Help Love

Awwww, I was all set to write Tatts off- for numerous reasons but mostly because he is into this chick that works at the cafe` I frequent.  She is nice enough, but comparing us would be like comparing apples to zombies.  I know I sound like an asshole...and that is because I can be sometimes.
We know this.
Anyways, that really turned me off.  Then today, I catch Tatts hiding out in a corner with some glasses on (he normally doesn't wear them) reading a self help book about living your life right.
I had many feelings about this though I tried to contain them because he was already reluctant to show me because he knows what a dick I can be.  All I said was: awwwwwww
Then I walked away and felt a certain endearment for Tatts.  It could've also been that someone bought me tostones....

We'll see how long that lasts.

More importantly, I am leaving early today because the snow is supposed to KILL US ALLLLLLLLLLL!
Read this and this if you all you care about is snow.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Loose Leggings

File under: Most Will Give Zero Fucks About This
...but this is a a BIG issue for me.  After my weight loss, I am in this perpetual in between.  I still have curves, but I can't just buy straight Larges like I used to because then I look shapeless and like I need a gay style fairy to sprinkle glamour dust on me.
I am that fine line from smedium to melarge depending on the cut and store- you know how certain stores just run smaller (Uniqlo) or bigger (Old Navy).
Bitches be broke so no Nordstroms or Bloomingdale's for me.

When it comes to my leggings though, I can't find the right size.  Small =yeast, Medium=slightly baggy to the point of not cool looking or I have to pull them up to my boobs OR Large= not even an option.
Maybe I should stop getting H&M leggings and spend actual money on them, but that makes no sense to me when leggings come n' go and cost only 5-10 bucks at H&M.
Bitches be cold so I can't just not wear leggings under pants or in lieu of stockings.  I have got to figure this out OR workout till I get to a full smedium, I doubt I'll be small because my legs have a video vixen thickness that will not go away (I mostly wrote that in case Idris Elba ever found himself reading my blog).