Wednesday, December 30, 2015

My Year In Music: 2015

Music is a big deal to me.  It calms, it ignites and it makes me pop my ass.  2015 was another year of growth and change,  a year of figuring shit out...and continuing the practice of the art of letting go.  The world is shitty with minor glimmers of magic and I realized that Drake is alright with me.
My year in music may not read like the COOLEST THING EVER, but these songs got me through.  The list may not be on trend because I listen to a lot of old shit because it is BETTER.

Anyways, here is my year in music- I decided not to post all the videos because you can find that ish on your own, except for one VERY SPECIAL song...because that song is very special.

  • "And I Drove You Crazy"- Banks: this song because it is sexy as hell and I could relate to Banks lyrics.  I drive dudes crazy all the is just how I do.
  • "Rewind"- Kelela: I LOVE KELELA.  the beat just makes you wanna dance and be cute.  it's sexy af!
  • "Fantasy"- Alina Baraz & Galimatias: woah...again this song is sexy af (I am a sensual creature) and oh so chill.  it helps to ease my train rides which mean no one has to DIE!
  • "Hotline Bling"- Drake: '...started wearing less and going out more; hanging with some girls i've never seen before...'. also, the videos and the memes!!  sad, stalker Drake makes for a great song.
  • "Yoga"-Janelle Monae featuring Jidenna: this song was all about sexy Black girl MAGIC!  it's fun and makes me just wanna twerk slowly while Michael BAE Jordan is watching and nodding slowly.
  • "Omen"-Sam Smith/Disclosure: I love Sam Smith.  I love Disclosure.  this song makes we wanna dance and get sweaty in a club-like I used to.  back in my 20's when I was more carefree and willing to be among people.
  • "Here"-Alessia Cara: the girl who sings this is a teenager and I FEEL HER.  I have been out of my teenage years for a minute and I STILL feel this way!  like all the time.  this song is just me...and I think there is a Portishead sample which speaks to my 90's teen angst.
  • "Planes"-Jeremih featuring JCole: this song! I LOVE IT! the JCole part is 'meh', but the song is SO GOOD that I barely notice enough to hate.
  • "No Sleep"-Janet Jackson featuring JCole: Janet is QUEEN. she is legend.  she is everything.  if you want a smooth jammy jam she is your WOMAN!  JCole is excellent on this too!
  • "Truffle Butter"-Nicki Minaj/Drake/Lil Wayne:there is not much that needs to be said. this song is just the shit.
  • "Feelin' Myself"- Nicki Minaj featuring Beyonce`: I KNOW.  I know.  the song is dope tho...
  • "Bitch Better Have My Money"-Rihanna: I mean...#NoExplanations
  • "WTF"-Missy Elliot: Missy is LEGEND.  she is an ICON.  this song makes me feel like I am a professional.  I think I popped so hard to it that I hurt my back for a week...*le sigh*
  • "Can't Let the Head Go"-Khia: there is not much to say... so watch this.
  • OH-I posted this and forgot "Earned It"- The Weekend: I give no fucks about The Weekend but this song is legit as hell!

Cheers to 2016!  May it be tremendous!  

Monday, December 28, 2015

Life Tracks

I meant to comment on this WEEKS ago...but you know the whole life thing.

So Oprah and Shonda Rhimes came out and were like- nah I'm good and don't EVER want to get married.  They both continued to be my heroes.  Just to do what you love and to be able to buy and sell people.  Whew.  Okay, I don't need all the wealth...just not to have to worry about money.  Also, to arrive on the backs of unicorns that look like Phil Donahue- which is what I imagine Oprah does.
We (women) are made to feel that if we aren't married by a certain age that something is WRONG with us or if we don't care to have children then we are less than.
I am by no means as accomplished as Oprah and Shonda, but have always felt I could give or take marriage and kids.  Not ruling it out, but not really caring if it happens.
...and if you REALLY wanna make my blood boil try to make me feel like I am some fugly spinster who can't find a man, that my aloofness and lack of fucks somehow make me less 'man friendly'.
Fuck that shit.
ANYONE.  I mean ANYONE can get married.  This gets proven everyday day.
ANYONE. I mean ANYONE...barring medical issues, can have a baby!
This doesn't make you special.  Doesn't make you part of some down ass club.  You just made a choice (or had one made for ya) and went with it.
I don't explain myself to people anymore...cuz I don't care, but for the most part I am around people who don't involve themselves with my vagina and what it chooses to do.

The world in it's current state is both scary and fascinating.  Here we are telling women- seriously, do what you feel with your life and don't feel accountable to peoples feelings about SHIT.  Like a man would.
I have always had these feelings...and I get that face people make when they feel like they should feel sorry for me, but I just shrug and get real quiet.  That's when I start thinking about my next meal or if animals shade other animals on a regular basis- I mean, cats definitely shade the fuck out of everyone, but if there are a pack of wolves chillin' and this new wolf comes through and his fur is not on fleek will they just howl and roll out...or howl and beat that ass?

My wedding and seed dropping would only be for my ego.  I want a great party with cake...and a pretty dress, but I don't like ANYONE enough to marry them.  With a kid, I mean these cheekbones need to be carried I would raise a kick ass kid, but that shit is HARD AS FUCK.  Plus without a dude I would actually like long enough to have a kid would be TOO hard.  I don't pretend to be 'single mother do everything for her children who gets a song written about her' type of woman.  I am selfish as fuck and don't let me catch a sale at H&M- lil so and so has to EAT?  Today?
...that's when people try the 'oh having a kid will change you...blah blah blah'
What if I like who I am now, huh?!
I am fucking awesome.

All this to say that Oprah and Shonda are awesome.  You don't have to be as successful as they are (on their OWN with no dude) to feel that marriage and/or kids are not for you.  Live your life- I would say like a dude, but we are far more advanced so...
Also, do not question or assume shit about people who don't seem to be 'on track'.  Just fuck off and focus on the track you chose.

Monday, November 16, 2015

Don't take this the wrong way- perhaps the better way to explain how I feel is that I lack empathy- but I am bored by all the bullshit.
I am bored by these GOP candidates and their BS.  Speaking in the dialect of pure ignorance and OF COURSE having people support them.  People who want AMERICA to go back to being 'great'...let's be real bitches, America has never been great especially if you're ANY type of color.  Or a woman.  Now that things have reached strata-spherically shitty levels and have effected a certain type of white man, now we need to make America 'great again'.  The America that was founded on violence and discrimination...and on the backs of the very people that are dehumanized yet are expected to fight for this 'great' country.
I am bored by allllllllllllll of the #BlackLivesMatter backlash- like really?  People really don't understand the significance?  Nothing you've seen on the news has made you say ' shit, THEY may have a point'?  #AllLivesMatter is pointless and dumb because it gets proven time and time again that NOTHING matters unless your skin is pale/peachy/WHITE.
Like this whole #PrayForParis, I know my 'boredom' has reached levels because it was hard for me to muster feelings- like of course what happened was HORRIBLE, but I knew it would just give ignorant assholes more fuel for their hate of Muslims and the 'brown' man.  Excuses to do and say horrific things even though these types of terroristic acts have taken place in the brown and black man's countries recently with more casualties.
No hashtags.  No profile filters. Nada.
...because guess what- ALL LIVES DON'T FUCKIN' MATTER.  Which makes it harder for me to care and not be 'bored' by all of it!

All of it!  All of the people who just don't 'get it'!  Why when you gentrify neighborhoods the people you are pushing out don't greet you with a hearty 'good morning' and do NOT want to hear about how you make a mean empanada.  Fuck off.
I am bored with the 'keyboard thugs' who make me hate technology. HATE IT.  Who sit behind the 'safety' and in their cowardice and tweet/facebook/instagram/etc. dumb, ignorant, hateful shit!

Ugh, fucking underwhelmed with people who are all like 'well if you act or dress this way'-your natural hair is offensive BUT why can't non- black women be part of the natural hair movement??  Dark skin, big lips, big asses are all unattractive on women who naturally have them, but are seen as HOT on women who have them augmented to have such things.
In general I am DONE with hearing about how unattractive black women are.  How we are too this or that and need to be more like this or that...
Choke on all of the dicks. ALL OF THEM.

I am beyond outraged by almost everything going on now- mostly how our 'respected news' is just one big Twitter feed.  Full of nonsense and shit.  ALL SHIT.
To cope keep from being angry every single second of the day...My emotions are set on numb and I am just bored by it all.


Wednesday, November 4, 2015

No, No, Nooooo Rihanna

This is tough because I love Rihanna.  I love the way she looks, the way she dresses, her 'no fucks given' attitude...she is cool as hell.  When I think 'singer',  Rihanna is not the first person who comes to mind...she is not the second or even fifth person that comes to mind.
Rihanna can carry a tune, but let's be real, she is in that J-Lo school of ' I can do a pop or dance track but don't look to me for some notes and SANGIN'.
They try....they always try with a ballad- and I applaud RiRi for getting some vocal training so when she sang songs like 'Stay' and 'Diamonds' she sounded decent.  Even live!

Then this happened...
I guess Rihanna appeared on The Voice as a vocal coach (I don't watch that which is wrong for MANY reasons- and I GUESS she was aiding the contestant with singing Amy Winehouses's 'Back to Black'.  Do you see how the contestant goes into automatic nod n' smile mode because she knows deep down this is some BULLSHIT. At least she was raised right because my face would've been all-

....... WE ALL know how I feel about Amy.  I have established that I am cool with Rihanna- but NO.  RiRi find yourself an Alexander Wang and SIT DOWN.  You DO NOT try to sing notes...or the song of REAL singers .  There will be no Aretha Franklin or Adele covers in your future. NO!  That wench Beyonce` had to learn the hard way too- you leave Amy the eff alone!  Her voice was distinctive and amazing and VERY FEW people in the industry can cover her.  Or should attempt to cover her.  I say this because there are very few SINGERS in the industry.
I was offended by that Rihanna clip...and then Pharrell adding his negative 3cent notes.  STOP IT!

Do not let anything like this happen again! someone explain why Rihanna was anyones vocal coach!

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

On The 6

This is a tale of horror and despair- I am feeling festive since Halloween is only a few days away.  As a Native New Yorker I am pretty well versed in "Fuck da MTA!"  Sure it can be efficient when it is running, but for the most part trains and buses are just somewhat moving pissy encasement's of disease and dudes who REALLY want to show you their penises.  Gross dudes though, no one like this-

is trying to show you his dick.
...but if he is, please send me the train line you ride!

So my experiences growing up in this city and riding the subway allow for me to frankly say- I know this bitch.  I will add on that the MTA is a sour bitch and the 6 train IS THE WORST.
I often take the 6 train to work because it is the quickest route and I am a slow moving bear in the winter so I need every minute of travel time.  I do have other options but they take a little longer.  So I take the 6 train.  The worst train.  The train that raises my blood pressure and starts my day off like a dirty dick to the face.
It is a mix of it NEVER running on time, stopping for no reason, being filled with the worst of corporate assholes and being dirty as hell!  It is like ALL the dude-bros with their gym bags, chicks with their yoga mats in totes and school children with book bags take this train and feel the need to get to first base with my vagina or ass.  Countless times I have been hit with a bag...and have had to mush a kid (but that is beside the point) or check to see if my uterus fell out from being hit so hard by a person who doesn't understand that crowded trains- CUZ THE 6 IS ALWAYS FUCKING CROWDED- call for taking the bag off or holding it in a way where you are not stimulating someones clit or dicktip with it!
The morning commute on the 6 train- well the evening commute as well- is crowded with people who don't understand that when the train gets a lil emptier that means EASE UP OFF ME.  I like my space and crowded trains make me uneasy, but I power through...but there is NOTHING worse than someone not moving away from you when there is more space!  Like I have been breathing your air and skin flakes AND I AM OVER IT!!!
Some will say this doesn't only happen on the 6 train- and I know this- but it's the train I ride frequently and it is the train that always finds a way to STALL right before my stop.  Like we'll zoom through all these stops and I start thinking 'oh shit, I will make it to work early or on time!'...and the train stalls.  Right before my stop.  The 6 train is like ' nah boo boo lemme slap you with this big dirty dick! let me snatch your dreams of grabbing a muffin before you get in the office.  i want you to sniff this dudes morning breath and cringe at his chest hair some more (cuz this was me the other morning looking at this dude in a plaid button-down who forgot to button a few buttons, he kept looking at me like 'WHAT?' cuz my frown was obvious and permanent)..take that, take that, eh eh'
The 6 train is on one.

Surprisingly, I haven't gotten into any screaming matching or knife fights- YET because I think I have mastered the 'fuck outta here' stare and will ask 'will you kindly fucking move?' or ' what the fuck are you doing?'- people are so confounded by the words coming out of my mouth because THEY ARE THE WORDS COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH.  I think 'my look' throws them off.  I look too 'kittenish' to ask you to 'stop being a dickstain and move your fucking bag!' or if a bitch has her legs crossed on a crowded train and is seconds from me roundhouse kicking her and breaking her ankles- I just give her 'the look'.  People usually comply.  I still mostly think it's shock...
...but if you do hear about a bloodbath on the 6 and you see a 'Carrie-like' blood soaked light skinned (trap) queen with glasses slowly emerging from the train was most likely me and I have reached my limit or something.

Fuck the 6 train.

Friday, September 25, 2015

You Never Know Who You're Impressing

Everyone (well most) can appreciate a compliment.  I am always humbled by the ones I receive especially when they are random and not about how AMAZING I look ( I mean.... #facts).
Today while at work someone came over to my desk- this is a person I enjoy chatting with so they were greeted with a smile. know I just wanted to say, when I saw you walking into the building yesterday I thought to myself how graceful and sophisticated you looked.

I stare- not really a blank stare- just kinda like 'woah'.

Me: Thank you...

Person: I am not talking about clothing-wise, but how you carry yourself.  I noticed how you just carry yourself well...

Me: Wow, that is just a great thing to hear.  A supreme compliment.  Thank you.

Person: You're very welcome- it's just a rare and great thing to see with people.  An innate confidence.

The person walks away.
I am sitting there like- wow.  You never know what people notice about you or how you affect them.  There I am just walking into work thinking I am waving hello to a coworker not knowing that I was making a profound impression.

It's funny because I have been having conversations lately about confidence and comfort in ones skin.  A lot people overcompensate for their lack of self love AND humility (it's a clever mix) by being annoying assholes.  They are not funny, they are not endearing, they don't have a certain charisma that makes people want to be around them.  They just find meaning in selfies and in whomever they can convince to be their 'friends'.  People who look at myself standing alone- cuz I'd rather be alone than among dumbasses- and think I am lonely or seek what they have.
If you're reading my blog, you know that is not the case.

Anyways, that unexpected and profound compliment has me feeling mighty fine.  My wish for you, my 2 to 3 readers- is that you find some comfort in being yourself.
Unless you're a Kardashian.  Then kill yourself.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

The Dilemma

It's not really that deep- in fact my fucks given is on low.  
You see I want to check out Dancing With The Stars occasionally because the LEGEND Chaka Khan is on it and Bindi Irwin- who I think is just the cutest thing! (I know, I am FULL of surprises)  The thing is, I don't watch DWTS in general because...why?  But then this year they have Kim Zolziak (sp) and Paula Deen on the show.  I don't think I need to explain why either of these hoes are problematic for me.
So there I am wanting to see Chaka but have to endure that 'monkey with a wig' (a Nene Leakes quote) (FUCK I just quoted Nene Leakes) and Ms. I Wish I Could Get Married Again So I Can Have A Slavery Themed Reception!
I love how easily forgiven SOME people are while others just aren't.  Like people are staging protest against Michael Vick joining the Pittsburgh Steelers when they have a known rapist, Ben Rapistberger, on their team...who they celebrate!

I dunno.  After watching the first episode, I don't think Chaka will be on there long.  Bindi looks like she'll be a star- it won't be enough for me to make an effort to watch this though.

Oh well.

**Filed Under Pointless Post**

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

A Guide To Cashmere: Why? Pt. 1

Why is Cashmere's face like that/ why is she 'crabby'?

  1. I am not here for it.  This is broad and could mean anything/everything.  Mostly it means your bullshit.  If your tone is on a fuck level, I will not entertain it because I cannot just punch you in the face.  Being grown means not punching everyone in the face....but wanting to.
  2. It can all be a lot.  Sure everyone is going through their own shit at different times and we all handle it differently.  I definitely meditate, walk, drink, laugh, hang with homies, etc. to keep me sane and the stress levels on low.  Sometimes it can all be too too much- for instance, I have the normal paying bills and being broke thing....but then I had/have the being entirely too busy at my job, death in family, normal 'being my feelings like Drake' ish, the MTA commute, people are pieces of shit, etc.
  3. The MTA Commute.  I don't think I need to elaborate.  If you live in New York City and have to take the subway on a daily basis, you know how much it all SUCKS.  We spend all this money on pissy smells and guys leering at you stroking themselves through their pants. Ugh.
  4. People are pieces of shit.  Again, I shouldn't have to elaborate...but...yeah, for the most part, people are the worst.  Once in a while you can meet incredible beings or you know them already....but mostly...MOSTLY, people are the fucking worst.  
  5. #BlackLivesMatter. With all the recent shit going with black people getting killed by police/random white people, etc., which has caused white people to become uncomfortable with all this talk of race n' shit and therefore reflecting on their privilege-whew- it weighs heavy on my head and heart.  Especially when I have to see this privilege every day or hear coworkers discuss their shitty conservative views.  It is getting harder to have hope and not HATE THE WORLD.  Why would I want to have children?  Why would I want to believe in anything good????
  6. Lack of sleep.  Sleep is my homie and when I lose it for too many days in a row, then it makes for a crabby Cashmere.
  7. I need a vacation.  Ugh, but it takes planning and shit....BUT I will be going somewhere this fall, just have to figure out WHERE.
  8. Because....fuck you and choke on a dick.

Monday, August 10, 2015

Team Lightskin for the Win!

With all that is going on in the world and my daily battle with my limitations with white people (corporate america), I am choosing to write about my new found respect for Drizzle Drake!
Important shit.
You see during these times of police brutality and people saying dumb shit via social media- I have been allowing the frivolous feud between Drake and Meek Mills (Is Dead) to sort of consume me- because I still mostly don't give a fuck!
Usually I give less than a 10th of a fuck about things like this, but when I saw what Drake was doing with 'Charged Up', I became interested.  He was basically like 'yawn, rap beef.'
Then when Meek Mills (Is Dead) never responded and just sent tweets n' shit- like a hormonal teen and then Drake- who has muscles and a beard now, therefore making him a MAN- puts out 'Back to Back'.  He dropped the mic and unfurled his dick on Meek Mills (Is Dead)'s shoulder and says 'kiss it'.
I was shocked at how slightly turned on I was.
THEN...THEN...Drake has some Ovary Fest where he uses memes on a large screen behind him while he performs- memes that 'the common man' created to go at Meek Mills (Is Dead)!!! To say: you started this beef about me having a ghostwriter...and look at who's writing for me now BITCH?
It was perfection.  Meek Mills (Is Dead) TRIED...and failed to even tap Drake on his beige (now beard covered) chin!
It is OVER for Meek because he let a dude as soft as a baby's thighmeats SLAY HIM (and FINISH HIM, Mortal Kombat style).  There's no coming back from that.  It is over.
I now follow Drake on Instagram- that's how LIFE CHANGING this shit has been.  Drake is added to the Light Skinned Icon list along with Jesse Williams, Barack Obama, Dorthy Dandridge, Lisa Bonet, etc.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Just Go With It

There is this consultant I.T. dude at my job who comes in occasionally.  I call him Darryl (Walking Dead) because of his bad hipster/ zombie-apocalypse haircut.  He didn't offend me initially because he replaced this other dude that looked like Cleveland Jr.  - and it wasn't a looks thing cuz that shit was amusing, it was the fact that HE COULDN'T DO ANYTHING I.T. RELATED!
So Darryl is here now...occasionally.  I barely noticed Darryl until he LEERED at me and a coworker (separately).  Like we were a craft beer or something.
I still gave nil o' fucks about Darryl...THEN I hear him telling my coworker how he is going to gallivant around Europe next week.  Go back HOME to LONDON and then see D'Angelo in Belgium because D'Angelo is his FAVE.
The D'Angelo thing is whatever..because D'Angelo is amazing.
...but homeboy grew up in LONDON?!  He obviously does NOT have an accent or I woulda began and ended this post about how much I wanna bone Darryl.  #HateBone2015
Darryl is not atrocious looking BUT he would look so much better with an accent...or at least he would amuse me with the accent.  He has the face and tatts of someone needing an accent to really ensure he always has a bird bouncing on his banger!
I am awesome, I know.
Instead he has incensed me by not having an accent and therefore annoying me with his existence.  He also wears too tight a slack and gives me attitude.
May he choke on a vat of un-organic dicks!

Summer Movies Pt 2

Ugh, I am SUCH a Gemini sometimes.  I do that thing where I start something and then get so caught up in LIFE I leave my 3 readers HANGING!
If you have been anywhere near the internets or a TV, you know that shit has been REAL...add that to life things and it has left me more in my head and unable to express ALL the thoughts.  I am just trying to process things while taking care of myself so that I don't become bitter n' hateful in a non-conducive to life kinda way...
In any case, here are more summer movies that are coming out and my reviews/thoughts on them- since I do NOT have time for that (and lost my list of movies), I will not have the trailers n' shit.
Just go with it...

I wanted to see Dope and by chance I DID!  It was fantastic!  Go see this movie!  I thought it was going to be some long Pharrell-esque commercial about the right way for black dudes to wear cropped skinny jeans...but it wasn't that!  It was a great story with an even better soundtrack.  **SPOILER ALERT** Plus Tyga gets shot so it was all win win for me!!!

Terminator Genisys:
I am never seeing this movie.  Fuck this movie.  How is Arnold Schwarzenegger in it?!  Robots don't age- and I don't even wanna KNOW how they explain that shit.  My Terminator movies involve a young Eddie Furlong and a stacked Linda Hamilton.
This new crap is nonsense.

Jurassic World:
Like I want to see this...but I keep hearing things.  Bad things. Movies cost about the same as a good H&M outfit sooooooo....
Initially, I was down to see a bunch white people get eaten by dinosaurs because they would be the ONLY ones going to some island that boasted their attraction was LIVE dinosaurs!  INCLUDING some genetically designed one that seems like it will eat you then find your moms and eat her too!
....but I heard that black peeps are on the island as well, and yes I know a few of 'us' get caught up in having diverse friends and wearing Toms n' shit, but COME ON!
So now I highly doubt I'll be going to see this...or at least paying to go see this #SummerDatingSchemes

Magic Mike XXL:
Listen, I saw the first Magic Mike and was surprised by how much I enjoyed it.  Also, a miracle happened- I found Channing Scrotum attractive...well not his face, but his bod and the way that bod MOVES!
I don't have enough fucks to muster to see this sequel.  The commercial did NOTHING for me.  Even with Donald Glover being in it....I still...nope...can't muster a fuck.

The rest of the summer movies I just can't...but I do wanna see Trainwreck and I am going to see Amy aka the Amy Winehouse doc because AMY! 
 Will try to spend the summer out of the darkness...and in my low lit apartment watching Netflix or Lifetime movies instead. Ha!

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Summer Movies Pt 1

The best ideas come from being constantly shady...which I am!  I came across an article about Emma Stone playing a character that is supposed to be part-Asian.  Utter fucking nonsense- but that is beside the point.  It was suggested that after my concise, cutting and cunty review of the film TRAILER (only) for 'Aloha'- it was suggested that I should write trailer reviews.
To go that extra mile I'll even let you know if I have seen the pic, am going to see the pic, or if I have no intention of seeing the pic.
Enjoy!...and maybe I can save you a few bucks.

Let's start with the movie that started all this... Aloha:

Here's my review: ...but really...this movie looks like a shit stain! B Cooper looking smug and confused with Rachel McAdams and the VERY Asian Emma Stone chasing after him???!!!  Then you throw Bill Murray in there doing whatever he surprised Wes Anderson didn't direct this so I could hate it more!

Did I see the movie: Nope.

Will I see the movie: Not even on a rainy afternoon on TBS.  There's Netflix for that shit.


Here's my review: did they fix Jude Law's hairline?  CG, definitely CG.  Okay, typical 'fat girl' comedy.   She's unnoticeable...blah blah blah...why is Jason Statham not even appealing to me?!  Allison Janney is great...but I just feel like I've been here before *yawn*.

Did I see the movie: Nope.

Will I see the movie: Maybe on NetFlix because I love Suki St. James aka Melissa McCarthy but I am certainly not paying cash money to see this.

Avengers-Age of Ultron:

Here's my review:...classic summer movie.  It's a definite must see to keep up with this MARVEL Thor's hammer.  It's like a brain massage- no thoughts, no stress and Thor's hammer.

Did I see the movie: Yep!  It was JUST as I expected...and more with Elizabeth Olsen's Eastern Euro accent...also the dude who played her twin brother could possibly get it.  I thought I would see Hulk SMASH Black Widow, but their love could never be.  Thor's hammer was what's up!

That's it for now- STAY TUNED for more reviews!

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Not Mad

When I heard about The Mindy Project being canceled I #KanyeShrugged and was like 'it figures'.  I was off n'on with the show- I never felt that Mindy handled (specifically) Black people well.    Like Seinfeld and Friends before it, Mindy's New York City involved lot's of White people and stereotypes of people of color.
It made the show almost un-watchable to me, then Danny Castellano grew on me along with Mindy's fashion choices.
...then Mindy's real -life bro conducted this racist ass experiment where he shaved his head and 'went through life as a black man'.  A life that involved applying to all the medical schools with his mediocre real life grades and then once he got into sucky ass medical schools, he comes out and says 'this is why affirmative action sucks'.
Really bitch?
He didn't even send in applications as his real-life Indian self to make this a real experiment!!- even so, WHY did we need his brown ass conducting this experiment in the first place?  What is the purpose?  Did he want someone to blame for lame ass life or not being his sister?
The fuck.

Needless to say, I was NOT surprised that her bro would be a dumb ass racist because I always got the "I'm a brown girl who needs to be accepted by white people' vibe from her.- Though she did NOT condone her bro's 'experiment', it still all left me feeling a certain way.

Sure, I thought the The Mindy Project had its funny moments but I won't go looking for it on Hulu or anything if it gets picked up cuz I realize I give no fux.  Oh well.

Monday, April 27, 2015

You Don't Know My Life: Morgan Came Back and Jake's Not Dead

The season finale of The Walking Dead happened, and one must always prepare themselves for a character you enjoy (or don't) meeting a gruesome DEATH.  Fortunately, this didn't happen.  In fact, they brought an awesome character BACK.
The beloved Morgan!
He and Rick have finally reunited (and it feels sooooo good)...though they may be on different wavelengths.  Morgan is on this spiritual 'I don't have to kill people' plane and Rick is on 'the people need killin'....especially if they stand in the way of the nani I am fittin' to get into.
Basically Morgan walked in on Rick killing a dude who needed killing.  Perhaps once Morgan understands the scenario he'll be aight with it.
I thought Glenn was going to be killed, and then I would be so SAD...but he's alive.
Another person who I thought was going to die but wouldn't be sad about was the preacher dude AKA Mr. Cries & Sweats.  Somehow he's still alive and sitting in a prayer circle with Maggie and Sasha.
I guess in the zombie apocalypse hipsters are going to do well because we have two more- them wolves guys- who have set massive traps using zombies and EDM.  Totally annoying, but I guess they will be the major story line next season...that and MORGAN BEING BACK. Also, will Rick bone the chick who's husband he killed?  Most likely.  It's not Michonne so I have no interest. what if Michonne and MORGAN get together?!! Ahhhhhhhh  #BlackLoveInTheApocalypse

Speaking of Black Love- Olivia Pope has decided to take on a black LOVAHHHH!  Though he is a Papa Pope minion so it's not gonna work- I told her to go SAMOAN.  Just totally change the game.  Anyways, this season has been INTENSE and A LOT. I was out of my seat (and mind) when I thought Jake had been killed off.  Thankfully he's still alive.  I have stopped calling him Noel so you KNOW that his near death has affected me!
I don't understand what's going to happen to end this season- we have two eps left- but I know I won't see it coming and I will be upset.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

It's Weird...

Okay, I think I have told a few people this, but I weirdly have a crush on Bobby Flay.  When you look up 'my type', you would NEVER see him.  He is pale, freckly (though I have freckles too, but I am CUTE n' golden), a red head....the list goes on.
...but something about the way that man holds a spatula.  Or the devilish gleam in his beady eyes...or that Long Island accent (which normally makes me SO dry)...
Bobby Flay is an anomaly wrapped in skirt steak infused with bacon.
I'm not saying I'd love him, but I'd definitely let him marinate in my sugar walls.  Let him GRILL and CHILL all up in my feminine quarters.  Would definitely BEAT Bobby Flay!!
...ok, I'll stop.
I don't know when my love for him will stop though.... le sigh.

The above pic is perfection because he is holdin' meat! AHHHHHHH...alright, I'll stop.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

You Don't Know My Life: Woah

With warmer weather on the horizon (HOPEFULLY), one knows that TV seasons are coming to end and one hopes that their Netflix addiction will cease!
It won't.
Orange Is The New Black is starting up again ANNNNND I have to finish all the Gossip Girl seasons, Parks & Recs seasons, Boondocks seasons and then re-watch The Walking Dead seasons!!  I am also re-watching Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt ALREADY (love that show, Tituss is basically me at times without hair).
I hope I am able to maintain some sort of social life.  Here's to hoping!  The way the world is though...highly doubt it.  Netflix doesn't piss me off.  Netflix doesn't say stupid shit. Netflix is perfect...
Where was I?  So yeah, we are getting closer to season finale's with both Scandal and The Walking Dead.  We also have characters on both shows who need to CALM THE FUCK DOWN!

Let's start with Rick from TWD.  I love Rick. I have stated how I want to bone Rick.  Rick is awesome!  Now that he is in Alexandria though, he is in dickmode.  By dickmode I mean now that things are seemingly calm- though peeps be dying- Rick is allowing his dick to lead him into breaking up marriages and NOT to Michonne!  I wanted my 'Park Slope/Fort Greene interracial love' thing to happen.  But nooooooooooooo, Rick fell for the first woman who touched him that he didn't know!  A woman who has an abusive husband who Rick feels needs some dying.  I am fine with that, but I just don't care.
I do care about how Noah aka Chris died!!! AHHHHHH!  Poor Glen- though you know who else needed some dying, that Nicholas dude!  What a punk bitch!  OH and the sweaty ass priest- he needs to go too!  If that bitch isn't crying, he is sweating...or trying to sell out Rick and the gang.  Fuck that dude.  They saved his life and dealt with his crying/sweating issues and he goes to DEANNA n' basically says Rick is the devil!
Carol and Glen are proving to be my favorite characters.  Both their evolution's have made them kick ass and people I would want to apocalypse with!
I hope this season ender does not involve either of them dying.  I can't take any more traumatic deaths!!!  UNLESS it's the priest and Nicholas.

Now on Scandal, Huck needs to calm down.  I live for a crazy-eyed Huck.  When he burned Ellen's wife's back, I was all for it.  Then he just slit Lena Dunham neck like he was flicking lint off his jeans and I thought: the fuck Huck?!
This was big for many reasons because I really didn't mind Lena's throat getting slit, just that I knew it symbolized his character is taking a turn for the worst.  Totally get that Huck wants his fam back, but dude...calm down.  Take it down several notches and let's all figure out if Liv is gonna start sexin' only black men to get back to WINNING!  Her hair and gear are still winning...but Liv has been a loser for a season or so.
The biggest LOSERS are really Fitz and Noel though.  They sit around sipping scotch and gossiping about Liv- or Fitz is keeping tabs on that vag.  They both need to get over it.  DC is 'chocolate city', there's enough of it for er'body!

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Hole In My Heart

I feel lost.  I feel emotionally stunted.  A tad sad too.
You see I had a routine.  If I found myself walking by the Dough (doughnuts) in the city and the cutey I call 'Darnell'- as in Darnell the character on the amazing show Girlfriends; the second Darnell though- if 'Darnell' was there, then I went in to have a doughnut.  It was a way to be economical, and not gain a shitton of weight.
'Darnell' glowed!  His aura on golden, smile on fleek (yeah I used that term)!  He laughed at my jokes.  I felt he could sense that I was slowly building myself up to awkwardly mentioning how I taste like a doughnut or how he should feed me doughnuts in BED or I'd like him to tell my vagina  a bedtime story.
I was slowly building to any one of those things...but 'DARNELL' HAS DISAPPEARED!
Sure this means I have not had a Dough doughnut in a long while which is great for the upcoming summertime looks of 'RiRi' and 'Amber Rose'- BUT this means I haven't seen 'Darnell'.  Please don't let my slow build be too slow and he has moved on to other holes...or bakeries.
PLEASE don't let me be too late!  I will cry like Usher in the rain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will cry and I will slow grind the rain drops!

Monday, March 23, 2015

The Time I Went To Punta Cana aka Escape From New York

There comes a time when you have had ENOUGH.  Enough of the day-to-days.  You need to escape the shit show that may have been your last couple of years.  A time when you wanna say 'fuck it' and wonder 'what would Rihanna do?'
It seems she would take herself on a long weekend to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.

M'girl Maria and I had been discussing a warm getaway since we felt the first winter chills.  We remembered last years Polar MUTHA FUCKIN Vortex and decided this year would be different.  We wouldn't stand for that shit.  We wouldn't stand for the feel of Mother Nature's taint on our chins.
We were OVER IT.
So we discussed a few spots...Puerto Rico, Curacao, and the Dominican Republic.  All warm.  All with a palm tree.  All with the drinks.
Since we are broke with expensive tastes, we needed the best deal.  Punta Cana, DR had the best airfare/resort deal.  DONE.

Once the tickets and everything were purchased it became the waiting game.  Anticipating, packing weeks in advance, crying through 7 degree weather and then crying some more during blizzards hoping that one doesn't stop you from warmth and wearing short shorts in February.
Thankfully the bad weather held off and we were off without a hitch.  I had a carry-on that was mostly filled with bikinis- I WAS RIRI READY.
Our JetBlue flight was filled mostly with families, couples, dude-bros and chicks on a girls weekend.  I don't know where Maria n' I fit in- we were two New Yawkers who needed warm weather, a fruity cocktail and to lay around and do not a thing.  No clubbin', no tours, no activities that didn't involve a drink or laying about.  This wasn't a trip about exploring n' shit, it was about choosing when we wanted to switch from the pool to the beach.
Sometimes you need to explore a new country, city, island, etc....and sometimes you need to just lay back and sip on a drink.

So we land at the Punta Cana International Airport- where we see our first palm tree and feel WARMTH.  Coats were off.  My lil almondy eyes were blinking rapidly at all the sunlight- the above pic shows our palm tree and the cute thatch roofed airport!
It felt unbelievable!  Almost like I didn't have a summer a few months ago!
Thanks to our seat buddy, Maria and I learned that you have to pay 10 bucks to enter DR. Who knew?!  Our new buddy knew!  He had a wad of cash ready 'because he and his wife always travel here and cash is the way to go'.  I kind gathered that, so I was about that cash life too.

A quick cab ride and we were at the Punta Cana Westin Resort!  The open airy lobby lent itself to breezes that caused you to sway along.  All the NYC tension released from my shoulders and my brain went into chill vacation mode.  It felt splendid!

As we walked to our room, we counted the steps from the pool to the beach.  Literal STEPS!
THEN...THEN...we get to the room and there are two perfect beds and a RAIN shower. Sigh.  After settling in a little we decided to make our way to the beach.  Just to feel the WARMTH.  I put on a TANK TOP, it was exciting.
As I put on my flip flops I thought to myself: it is so on.

The rest of the trip consisted of hanging in the hotel lobby for free wifi, and deciding whether to go to the beach or the pool.  BIG decisions.
A funny random was when I ran into this guy I sorta know from New York.  He was there with a group of dudes which seems like the prequel to train runs and the time I got pregnant in Punta Cana- BUT this is me and I was there for the sun and dranks.
Let me tell you- from the little I saw of the Dominican Republic (actually I saw NOTHING because I kept it resort styles), I will say the fresh fruit juices just about changed my life.  It certainly changed my appreciation for a simple pina colada!  Maria and I enjoyed a numerous amount of rum drinks because everything was just SO GOOD!
Also, while eating breakfast one morning and enjoying a mix of fresh squeezed passion, watermelon and papaya juices, I declared that I wanted to just stay on at the resort and work as a yoga instructor.
THAT'S how good them juices were.
I don't even DO yoga!!!!

I explained to Maria that prostitution was BIG in DR and that we may see some action on the resort, like most of my peeps she paid me no never mind- I mean I was the same person saying that the hot tub was filled with a mean stew of semen and STD's.  Then one night as we enjoyed some hotel bar lobby entertainment-an actual singer- AND free wifi, we saw these OLD ass white dudes with young beautiful Dominican women.  It was QUITE obvious what was (who was) going down.
Maria and I both felt gross after seeing I Blanch Devereaux'd outta there.  Meaning I said something shady, did a twirl (allowing my flowy shawl to flow) and did her storm out of a room walk.
Old Ass White Dudes were definitely a trip theme.  They were EVERYWHERE!  One night while enjoying drinks at the lobby bar, we ran into that dude I randomly know.  Whilst chatting with him a crew of Old White Dudes interjected themselves.  I was annoyed because...NO.  Plus they started with: do you know who you look like?
They ask this of the random dude I know who happens to be black.  When a group of/ any white person/people start out a convo with 'do you know who you look like?' We know it going to either end in a fist punch because of racism or just be chock-full of racism leaving the black person full of disdain and the need to punch something/someone.
Fortunately the random dude I know DID look like who they thought- also random dude I know was gracious and didn't seem to mind the conversation.  One of the flock of Old Ass White Dudes did notice my expression of: go away!
So they did.

There were a few annoyances with asshole-y people with accents and how gringo-fied the food was, but overall relaxation was accomplished.  Sunburns also happened, but thems the breaks.  I never felt myself reach normal levels of aggravation that start at just waking up in the morning to taking the subway to people saying dumb shit to me.  I maintained my zen and it was fantastic.
If you are looking to just lay back and not think about- like how colorism is big time out there, prostitution is big time, or how Haitians are treated like SHIT though they share the island- then take your ass to the Westin Punta Cana Resort.  You just wanna sip amazing drinks- but don't expect much of the food which is fine because...BIKINIS.  Expect a politeness but no genuine warmth from anyone working at the resort;could be the corporate way or the 'bitches coming to my country with their money and lack of fuck giving'.  It is beautiful and picturesque so your selfie game will be times infinity!
Also make  sure your daily alarm wake up song Khia's 'My Neck, My Back'.  It will get your head in the game!
Overall, my advice to you is to GO.  When it's cold and you have reached your limits- JUST GO!  Go somewhere warm, believe me it'll help.  IT WILL HELP!

Thursday, March 5, 2015

You Don't Know My Life: Answers, I Need Them

Scandal and The Walking Dead are BACK!
This means I am back to coordinating all plans around these two shows- I don't think that means I am loser, I think it shows I am loyal and need ME time.
If you are not caught up with both shows STOP READING because intermixed with my bullshit ranting, there will be SPOILERS.

Let's start with Scandal- oh where to begin.
So they done kidnapped Olivia...well the Vice President kidnapped her to start a war and control the President aka Fuckin' Fitz.  The whole kidnapping of Olivia brings out the best n' worst in everybody.

- the worst in Fuckin' Fitz because he showed what an asshole baby he is. NO VAGINA IS WORTH IT.

- the best in Mellie.  Mellie Mels showed that she is ride or die..FOR HERSELF!  she made it clear she was helping Fuckin Fitz get his 'Liv so that she can one day be president, plus she was boning the VP who straight played her for Ellen's wife!

-the worst in Cy...I think Cy is proving that he too is in love with Fitz because he is standing by allowing him to make fucked up decisions.

-the best in Huck.  I LOVE ME A CRAY CRAY HUCK!!  when he gets all googly eyed and torching backs...LOVE IT!

-the best in Abbie.  she straight proved that Olivia doesn't need Fuckin' Fitz, Papa Pope, Noel (Jake)- just her GLADIATORS!  when I saw Stephen from season 1, I got giddy!

-the best in Olivia.  I am kinda sick of the vast array of white men she has available to save her and bang her.  I thought DC was 'Chocolate City'?!  in any case, I am glad she told Fuckin Fitz to FUCK OFF and hopefully she can get back on her grind with a sexy Samoan dude or something.

So Olivia is back from being held by a couple disgruntled Apple employees and she is still on her 'fuck all these mens' steez.  We'll see how long this lasts.  As long as I NEVER have to see Huck n' Quinn bone again, I am GOOD.

SPEAKING of bones, let's discuss The Walking Dead!  Let's discuss how I forever wanna bone Rick and how they steady killin' bitches!- first Beth and then Tyrese!
Listen, I wasn't sad to see either of the hoes go.  Beth with her folk singing and Tyrese with his crying Negro slam poetry steez.  NO THANK YOU!
Now the gang has made their way to another community and of course they are wary.  I mean they have proven they are a family who can survive together.  They have been through ALL of the shit so you can't tell them nothing.  Rick is all like- if these fuckers fuck up, we'll kill them and take their community!
Damn right you will, boo!
I am loving how everyone is still an individual, but they are so tight and cohesive.  Everyone is coping and helping the group in their own way- like Carol aka Activia trying to infiltrate and Daryl being Daryl, just ready to fuck shit up if and when.
I am not sure if this place will be cool, but I am loving how Team Ricktatorship is bonding and making it happen.  Also, imma really need for Rick and Michonne to make a slow, soul penetrating love!  They have showers and beds...he can treat her real nice.  IF THAT WENCH who cut his hair tries to make ANY sort of move on Rick imma be pissed till someone cuts her deep or a zombie eats her. this whole W nonsense.  What does it mean?  Wolves?  Walkers?  We Dead?
I dunno.
Also, where is Morgan??!!!  I think the season is ending at the end of March-UGH!  Hopefully these questions will be answered.  I need answers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Reasons Why I Write: Being Called Beyonce`....

So there I am walking when I overhear a guy say: ugh, and now here's Beyonce stalking me again.
I look at him thinking what grown ass man-
He is looking at me and then he smirks n' winks to reaffirm that he was talking about ME.

Granted the dude was white so the whole 'we all look alike' thing could be at play, but:



The only similarities are we are both light skinned black women and we are mega-stars.
...the dude was most likely giving me a compliment, but unlike most women, I don't think Beyonce is the finest woman that ever walked- she is attractive, but people need to calm down.
THEN them un-retouched pics of her came out with her skin looking like the moon's surface.  NOW I am offended if he thinks I look like an un-retouched Beyonce!  My skin really is FLAWLESS so he better don't.

In any case, I left the guy all confused because he thought he would at least get a smile from me, but all he got was a blank stare followed by a grimace.  Maybe he'll have more luck with the next one...

Monday, February 2, 2015

Hard Heat: A Chronicle of Cashmere Series-Don't Calliente Rain on my Parade

I know- it has taken me SO LONG to get back to my summer romance series.  Summer is effin' OVER- well summer 2014.  In any case, I have resolved my summer romance series- Hard Heat! We laughed, we loved, we cried...we boned.
You can see the beginnings of both story lines here and here.

I am starting a vampire series next!  Woot.

1- Memories

                D'Angelo was almost lulled by the beep of the monitors.  Almost because then he would remember that the beeps monitored the love of his life's heartbeat.  Then he remembered why she was in the hospital in the first place, and he would almost get blackout angry.  Getting blackout angry wouldn't help, not as much as holding her hand like he was now.  Her beautiful face swollen and bruised, the only visible signs of her accident.  'A miracle' the doctors kept repeating.  A miracle she only went as far as the hood of the car when she landed, not thrown so far that she hit a tree.  Another miracle being that she suffered minimal internal bleeding.  She did suffer head trauma, but overall she is a living, breathing (on her own) miracle.
D'Angelo stands and stretches, he bends down and kisses Jacobi's forehead.  Though he hated to leave her, he needed to make to his daily rounds to check on Gibson's progress.  Gibson didn't sustain many injuries, he was just in shock which made him unresponsive.  D'Angelo offered to hit him numerous times to see if he would respond to that, but the doctors said that wouldn't help.
As he nears Gibsons room, he sees his mother, his sister Harlow and her boyfriend Christaphor.  They stop speaking when they see D'Angelo.  Harlow walks over to him with a worried expression on her face.

"Hi D'Angelo.  How is Jacobi?"  Harlow asks, Christaphor moves with her.  Her constant shadow, D'Angelo almost smiles to himself.

"The same.  Is your brother well enough to go jail?"

"Doctors says he should be released by the end of this week.  Until Jacobi comes to- this is being viewed as an accident so-"

"If he is not out of town immediately after he is released- let's just say we don't know what other accidents he may get involved in..."  D'Angelo crosses his arms over his broad chest and begins to walk away.  He almost crashes into a doctor who is running towards him-

"Mr. Santos, I am so glad I found you- Jacobi is awake."  Without a word, D'Angelo takes off towards her floor and room.  Harlow and Christaphor follow, but motion for her mother to stay.

When D'Angelo reaches Jacobi's room, he releases the breath he had been holding in since he first found out about the accident.  Her brown eyes stare out of a window.

"Jacobi..." D'Angelo says as he takes her hand and kisses it.  Jacobi snatches her hand away.

"Who are you?"  Her voice is harsh whisper.  At this point the doctor, Harlow and Christaphor are standing in the room.  D'Angelo is stunned silent.

"Mr. Santos, I wanted to let you know that Ms. Garrett is suffering from mild amnesia.  I have explained to her why she is in the hospital and who you are-" The doctor says.

"You're my boyfriend, D'Angelo?"  She eyes him up and down, "I have excellent taste"

Harlow notices that D'Angelo is not reacting, "Hi Jacobi...I'm-"

"You're Harlow.  Sister of Gibson the jerk who landed me here."  Jacobi says, "Ah, and there is the Dark Knight, always close.  Always hovering."  Jacobi then goes back to eyeing D'Angelo appreciatively
Christaphor whispers to himself ' I don't hover.'  Harlow squeezes his shoulder and gives him a nod like 'yeah you do'.  His eyes smolder, looking from her hand on his shoulder and then back to her eyes, it had been a while since she had even touched him.  A day was too long for him.

D'Angelo finally shakes out of this daze, "You don't remember me, but you remember them and Gibson?"  The pain in his voice made both Harlow and Christaphor cringe with sympathy.

"I want to remember you, I really do."  Jacobi sighs and squeezes her eyes shut.

"Perhaps we should let Ms. Garrett rest..."  The doctor says.

"I am not leaving until she leaves this hospital."  D'Angelo says.  Jacobi opens her eyes to look at him, D'Angelo's intense stare causes her heart to race.  Which caused the monitor to beep.

"Well that is up to Ms Garrett really..."  The doctor looks at Jacobi.

"Please leave D'Angelo and come back tomorrow.  Harlow, can you stay a few moments please."  She avoids looking at D'Angelo because the pain in his eyes was a little too much for her.  After a few moments, D'Angelo walks out of the room along with Christaphor.

Harlow pulls a chair closer to the bed, "What's up?"

"I remember everything about the accident- your brother drove off the road-"

"Shit....I am so sorry."

"You need to get him help or something.  I can't say I won't press charges-I just don't know.  This whole forgetting D'Angelo thing has me feeling messed up.  Like I can tell he loves me just by looking at him, but why do I remember everything but him?"

"I don't know.  You left my brother for him and appeared to have loved him...I think you guys dated before you met Gibson..."  Harlow couldn't imagine what Jacobi was going through.  What if she were to forget Christaphor?!  Actually, Christaphor wouldn't let that last for too long- he would do some type of brain extraction thing....she sighed.  She loved her controlling sometimes freak of a boyfriend.

Jacobi and Harlow chatted for a few more minutes before Harlow met up with Christaphor and D'Angelo, who seemed to be getting on fine.

"Hey..." Harlow squeezes D'Angelo's broad shoulder, she then leans into Christaphor who puts an arm around her shoulders.  He smiles broadly, and though she was still freaked out by what he had done, she loved seeing that smile again.

"What did you two discuss?"  D'Angelo asks.

"You.  She knows you love her and is just frustrated as to why she can't remember you.  Give her some time- come, take Christaphor and I to your favorite place to eat around here."  

D'Angelo smiled, he appreciated Harlow and even Christaphor.  He would give Jacobi her space for the night, but in the morning he would be back to begin the fight for her memories.


After a rustic Italian dinner Harlow and Christaphor returned to the bed n' breakfast they were staying in.  As uncomfortable as their situation should feel, it was a pleasant dinner.  Harlow could see how Jacobi could fall for a man like D'Angelo- he was passionate, funny and wickedly smart.  Sure it was at the expense of her brother's heart, but some things cannot be helped.
She looks at Christaphor who was staring her longingly again.

"It was a nice night, considering..." He says, and goes to prepare the couch again.  Christaphor hated sleeping a part from Harlow, but she needed space.  If space would  eventually bring her back in his arms, then this will all be worth it.
He notices that Harlow is sitting on the edge of the couch.

"I don't fully understand your crazy, but I get that it's your crazy way to show you care-"  She leans into Christaphor who is now sitting beside her.

"I care for my shirts. I love you.  I am in love with you."  Harlow found it quite comforting how sure he sounded.  He sounded definite.

She leans closer and kisses his neck, he almost growls with pleasure.  "Why don't you show me how much you love-"  Her full lips were covered by his before she could even finish the sentence.

2- Letting Go

                   Patience.  This was a virtue D'Angelo was consistently learning from Jacobi.  This seemingly never ending lesson in patience that was their relationship was starting to make D'Angelo question it.  It had been weeks since initially finding out about Jacobi's memory loss- well the fact that she didn't remember him.  He was starting to take it as a sign.  A hurtful sign.
When he wasn't brooding, he hung out with Christaphor and Harlow who were helping to adjust Jacobi.  In any other situation he would never have thought they would all get along so well, but they did.  He grew to value their friendship...along with feel pangs of jealousy at how in love they were.  They were intense and passionate, and really only at ease when the other was near.  D'Angelo remembers mocking them with Jacobi (when she could remember him), but now he longed to be them.
He sat alone in the back of his car repair shop dreading going home to an empty cabin or worse yet having Harlow, Christaphor and Jacobi there, everyone trying to put on a show.  Everyone trying to remind Jacobi that she loved him.
He sighs.
Tonight, he decides he will sleep at the shop and tomorrow before he can think about it any further, he'll let Jacobi 'off the hook'.  The fact that she was alive was enough for him.  She didn't need to be with him if it was not where she belonged.  He shivers at the thought of letting her go again.


                Harlow tried calling D'Angelo a fourth time and again it went straight to voicemail.  She looked from Jacobi to Christaphor who both had expectant looks on their faces.

"He still isn't picking up."  She says, she almost couldn't blame him.  Harlow could feel the pain coming from him, he was just so hurt- and though she knew Jacobi couldn't help it and this was her brothers fault....arms are around her, Christaphor's.  Seems she has started crying again.  This happened when he didn't pick up the second time.
"Sorry...I am never this weepy, must be hormones...."  She then does some calculating in her head and realizes she should be on the second day of her period.  Stress, stress was a bitch.  Though she really didn't feel that stressed- she was able to work well from Vermont.  Christaphor didn't have many issues working from Vermont either, but he was leaving in the morning to attend a meeting he just couldn't miss.  Of course he was trying to convince her to come with him, but she knew she couldn't leave Jacobi yet.  The look of alarm whenever she does mention leaving, let Harlow know that Jacobi just wasn't ready.  Imagine leaving a life behind to start a new one and then forgetting it- you would feel lost.  Harlow wasn't sure if she should even suggest Jacobi coming back to New York, actually she didn't want to give up on she and D'Angelo.

Harlow's reverie as Christaphor held her and murmured sweet nothings in her ear was cut short by Jacobi saying,"I don't blame him."

"What do you mean?  You think he is not picking up purposefully?"  Harlow asks.

"Would you blame him?  He has been at my beck and call for weeks now...just hoping.  He has to watch me have moments with you guys and be awkward with him- the hugs at the end of the night as I leave with you guys...they are just worst.  Listen...I am going to go-"

"Where Jacobi?"  Christaphor asks, he still holds Harlow as he turns to Jacobi, prepared to stop her if he had to.

"I am going to his-our house to wait for him.  I'll make a nice dinner or something...he deserves something nice."  She gathers a few things, "Thanks you guys...really...for everything."  She smiles and then leaves.

"I am going to call his shop just to make sure he heads home."  Harlow says as she dials.

"Are you going to be able to handle the call without sobbing?"  Christaphor smirks as she elbows him and moves away to the couch.

Harlow let's the phone ring twice, on the third ring she gave Christaphor a dirty look as she felt her eyes well up again.  He hands her a tissue.  She snatches it from his hand, and then someone picks up the other line- "Hello?!  D'Angelo?"

He sighs deeply, "Yes, Harlow...I have noticed your calls, but have been busy."

"Okay...but you are going home now?  We aren't coming...but Jacobi is on her way there.  Just go home."

D"Angelo is quiet awhile, "I just-"

Harlow repeats, " Go home."

"Okay..." He says quietly and hangs up.

Harlow looks at Christaphor and smiles, "He is going home and they will be alone-"

"Are you going to break out into poetry?  If so, I will leave tonight."  Christaphor smiles and pulls Harlow in for a hug.

"Speaking of poetry...we are alone..."

"If this poetry involves nudity and sounds more like grunts than words, I am in."  He begins leading her into the bedroom, Harlow squeezes his hand and follows.

"The dark knight is in, twilight's sin and so we begin..."  Harlow begins laughing as Christaphor begins tickling her.

3-  Happily Ever After?

                D'Angelo takes a deep breath as he enters his home only lit by candlelight.  He looks for Jacobi in the shadows, but hears noises coming from the kitchen.  He walks towards the sounds and finds Jacobi swaying her hips to music in her head and chopping vegetables for a sauce she was making.
He felt his heart skip a beat- was her memory back, was she his again?

"Jacobi..." He had to lean against the doorway when she turned around and their eyes met, It wasn't recognition he saw, he saw destiny...passion.

"I wasn't sure you would come...I hoped, but I wasn't sure."

"Why weren't you sure?"

She bites her bottom lip, "I just felt as if you've given up...though I wouldn't blame you."

"I wouldn't call it giving up, just letting you go."  He sees the pain in her eyes briefly, then she steps closer to him.  He pulls her close before she can hesitate.
When Jacobi wraps her arms around D'Angelo she almost felt a warm calm come over her.  It felt so familiar and wonderful.  She kissed him because it was something she had wanted to do for so long.  The kiss awoke something in her...a longing.  She realized that though her mind didn't remember him, her body longed for D'Angelo.

They came up for air, panting and unable to look away from each other, "I need to turn off my sauce..."

"Are you smells good."  He smirks, revealing his dimple.  Jacobi feels herself melt a little.

"I am sure- something inside me remembers you and wants you, and right now that is more important than this sauce."  She leaps into his arms and wraps her legs around his waist.

"Definitely more important than the sauce."  He kisses her breathlessly.


Harlow stared at her phone willing herself to call Christaphor.  Knowing him, he would call shortly anyway.  He would be coming back to Vermont in a few hours, and though she managed to avoid his calls throughout the day, she knew her luck would run out.  He would just appear even sooner- maybe she wanted that.
Then again, she wanted to call him and tell him the news because a small part of her wanted to give him an out.  She still couldn't believe how obsessed with her he was-it was understandable, but she just couldn't believe it.  It was fear.  Fear that this person she loved may freak out and run for the hills.  Though 'freaking out' and Christaphor did not go- her phone rings and it is Christaphor.
Harlow sighs and picks up.

"You knew if you didn't pick up I would land my helicopter on the top of that damned bed and breakfast-"  He sounded his usual irritated with her.

"Listen...are you sitting down?"

"I am sitting in my car being driven to the helipad so I can get back to you and remind you how to use your iPhone."

"I am pregnant."  She heard him intake air and then she almost thought he hung up, but he hadn't.  He was just really quiet.  Harlow let him have his moment of silence to really soak it in.
It was still sinking in with her.  She would be someones mother.  Then she thought of Christaphor becoming someones father- she envisioned the castle he would build with full moat to protect them from the world.

"You are positive?"  He sounded his normal even tone, just less irritated with her.

"Positive I am pregnant, not sure about the father though...could've been-"

"Don't.  How far along?"  The irritation came back a little.

"A few weeks, so we can't really tell anyone...that's what I hear."

"I will see you soon.  I love you."  The click sound the phone made Harlow finally pull her phone away from her ear.  Truly, she knew that was how it would go.  Christaphor was very internal and was probably 'freaking out' in his own way.  This probably required a more intense brooding and perhaps some ruffling of his hair.


The steady rise and fall of D'Angelo's chest lulled Jacobi.  Her head upon a perfectly sculpted pec.  He was sleeping and she was reliving their passionate evening- never wanting to forget.  She may not remember her past with D'Angelo, but she was excited about their future.  In the few weeks she has gotten to know him, Jacobi saw the man that he was- the caring, the complexity...and the simple way he looked at her.  She sighs.

"What are you thinking about?"  His voice is deepened and husky with sleep.

"Us,  Life."  She looks up at him, "Don't let me go..."

He kisses her, "Never."

"Let's get married and make babies-in case I have an accident and forget, they will help with forcing me to remember."  She smiles.

"Funny.  If that is what you want then I will be happy to oblige-"  D'Angelo is cut off by Jacobi kissing him.  If he thought he was happy before when she had her memory, nothing compared to knowing that she didn't remember him and yet loved him as fiercely as if she did.
He felt he was the luckiest man alive.


The last thing Harlow remembered was calling Christaphor- possibly grabbing a snack- but she certainly didn't remember passing out on the couch.  Something woke her up though, she was in a deep sleep.  When she fully opens her eyes, she realizes what her 'alarm' was, it was Christaphor sitting on the coffee table by the couch where she lay, just staring at her.  A slow smile appears when he sees that she's awake.

Harlow stretches, "Hey, when did you get here?"

"I've been here for an hour.  I didn't want to wake you- you smile a lot in your sleep."  He touches her cheek and Harlow touches his hand that caressed her cheek.

"You are so creepy.  I was probably dreaming about fried chicken-"

"Are you having cravings?  I can have all the chicken you want -"  He quiets down when Harlow sits up and then goes to sit on his lap.

"Calm down.  For the next few months I am going to need you to calm your crazy so I have my crazy moment...okay?"  She kisses his cheek.  He smiles and nuzzles her neck.

"Okay.  I am very, very happy, Harlow."

"It's crazy, but I am too.  I am going to be someones mother."

"First you're going to be someones wife..."  He pulls out a ring box from his pocket.  He opens it revealing an exquisite pink diamond surrounded by miniature white ones.  Harlow gasps.

"You are so traditional, Mr. Halo."

"Harlow Johns will you do me the honor of being my wife?"

"Even if I tried to say no-"


"Yes!  Of course, your my baby daddy...and my love."  She kisses him, and he slides the ring on her finger.
Christaphor felt as if he was exploding into a million pieces yet he was still held together by his Harlow, he looked into her shining grey eyes and saw where he began and ended.


Friday, January 23, 2015

Befuddled, Bothered, Bewildered, Bigoted...

I am really trying not to become racist, y'all.
I am strugglin'.  #StruggleLife
I mean I like joking around with my intelligently funny friends about racial absurdities...that's always fun, but the culmination of recent events has made me just about reach my LIMIT!

Besides the day to days- the hair questions/statements, assuming I am NOT (full) African- American because I am not like 'them', assuming I give a solitary fuck about Tyler Perry, hearing shit about being 'light skinned', men assuming I am a certain way because I am a curvy woman of color, etc.

Besides all that, there have been an influx of police killing unarmed Black people, basic ass White people killing unarmed Black people, Black girl actresses being called out their names for playing parts perceived to be for White girls, Iggy Azalea, men/society/fashion making it clear that they don't find Black women attractive or to be worthy of love, 12 (white) French people who worked for a basically racist/bigoted magazine being killed (which was WRONG) causing a 'war on Muslims' aka brown people with turbans (any of them), NAACP building being bombed and you hear NOTHING about it being a terrorist act because a White man bombed it, same week everyone was all 'Je Suis Charlie' 2,000 Nigerians were killed by a terrorist group but it didn't appear on the news ONCE and George Clooney did NOT have a button made, people are mad that the SELMA movie told the truth and did NOT have a White savior, All White Er'Thang Oscars, All White Er'Thang Grammy's, All White Er'thang Golden Globes, All White Er'Thang....Er'Thang, FUCK #AllLivesMatter...because they don't!, directors still casting White people as Egyptians, Native Americans, any group of historical Black/Brown people who made an impact and don't fit into a 'savage mold', etc.

As you can see there is A LOT.  Hence my struggle not to become a racist and a Black feminist- can't be a feminist because we realize that only pertains to WHITE women.
Maybe I am leaning towards becoming a Black Panther...I dunno.  I just know I am just fed up.  Fed the fuck up and not here for a lot of shit.
Am trying not to be a walking ball of anger and aggression, but it's hard!..then I think about the wrinkles this may cause so I am trying to zen out. Maintaining awareness, doing what I can...and releasing it.

It is tough getting older and being more far away stare is less about deep thoughts about chicken, #EggplantFridays and I am deeply contemplating so much more. *le sigh*

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

You Don't Know My Name...and It Feels Like Oooooooo

I have established that I enjoy getting a smoothie every now and afternoon pick-me-up if you will.  I tried one as a meal and I get so violently hungry that I can't see straight!
Have since learned I am not built for that shit and need to stick to smoothies as snacks.  Anyways, a while back I went to my usual spot- Dishes (Midtown pocket raper with foods n' shit)- and as I ordered my usual smoothie, the guy behind the counter was staring at me open mouthed.
I looked behind me and saw no one.  That's when he let me know he thought I was gorgeous and that I looked like the love of his life...Alicia Keys.
Dammit!  All I wanted was a smoothie!  I thanked him and wondered if he could function enough to make my smoothie.  He said he was fine and then asked if I could play the piano.
I said 'yes'.  I lied...but not really because my parents got me a keyboard when I was younger and I could play the SHIT out of that.  I was the Sheila E. of keyboarding!- cuz I would stand and dance while I played it.  It's all about style, yo.
Anywho...I make a mental note to go to the more aggressively expensive 'Juice Generation' on days my 'admirer' is working.  As my 'admirer' is making my smoothie he is telling me how he knew I was the one when I said could play the piano...and cuz I look like Alicia...and because like all celebrities I change my hair all the time.
So he's been watching me.  This is the FIRST time I have ever seen this dude.
I am just nodding and smiling because he is handling my smoothie.  Once he is done, I bid him adieu and am saddened at all this extra money imma have to spend just to avoid this dude (see what we have to go through!).
Then I taste that smoothie.  It was THE BEST SMOOTHIE I had ever sipped!
You make something delicious and it wins over creepy stalker ANY DAY!

So today I went back for my smoothie and there was my 'admirer' smiling and calling me his 'queen'. 
I do my Wednesday Addams and get me that amazing smoothie.  He is harmless and just wants to compliment me and feed me. I kinda do look like Alicia Keys, and sing like her as well. #Lies

Thursday, January 15, 2015


What best describes me are not words (like: glorious, tantalizing, effortless, etc.), there would be far too many.
 I like summarizing things and the best way (well one of) to summarize myself is when I stick my hand in my bag while looking elsewhere, feel something furry, jump (heart attack styles with a gasp), look in bag and see/remember my hat has a furry pom pom on it.
Just unnecessary comedy.
It could also play into my rodent fear, but that is neither here nor there...
I had a deep thought while riding the train not sober one night: wonder if people ever think about their 'summaries'?
Do people consider the instance or instances that others would use to describe them.  Mine would mostly be comedic with a whole lotta shade- because I am not good with hiding my reactions to fuckery.
I often wonder when people are being jerks/asshats/shit turds or just plain unreal with their selfishness- do they know this is going into their summary?  Perhaps not the one in their head, but it's in someones.  So on that cold, cold day when you look around and you're surrounded by douchebags/fuckers/the worst, it may be because someone 'summarized' ya and was like: meh.
I seem to be doing okay because I am surrounded good, funny, shade-y mutha fuckers!

Note to self: stop drinking a lot and having thoughts.

Friday, January 2, 2015

HoneyCashmere's Songs of 2014!!!

At the end of the year, I usually like to reflect on what I've learned and where I am going- blah, blah, blah.
2014 has taught me that shit can be REAL (horrible), but you must stay strong and move ahead.  You must LOVE yourself (take care of yourself, live with yourself, BE yourself) and it will allow you to give the best of yourself to people.  Not everyone because not everyone deserves your best when they are the worst.
The songs of my year reflect where my mind was at (or wasn't)...and maybe even shows glimpses into the year ahead.
  I am so here and so ready for 2015!!

These songs are not in any sort of order....

1. 'i' - Kendrick Lamarr
2. 'Be Easy' - Alice Smith
5. 'Man of the Year' - Schoolboy Q
6. 'Good Kisser' - Usher
7. 'Lemonade' - DanityKane
8. 'Sing' - Ed Sheeran
11. 'Bank Head' - Kelela
12. 'Darkest' - Tokimonsta
13. 'Latch'/ 'White Noise'/ 'You & Me' - Disclosure
14. 'I Don't Fuck With You' - Big Sean & E40
15. 'Two Weeks'/ 'Lights On'/ 'Video Girl'/ 'Papi Pacify'- FKA Twigs
16. 'Warm Water'/ 'And I Drove You Crazy' - Banks
17. 'Rather Be' - Clean Bandit & Jess Glynne
18. 'Uptown Funk' - Mark Ronson & Bruno Mars
19. 'Really Love' - D'Angelo
20. 'New Flame' - Chris Brown & Usher & Rick Ross
21. 'Q.U.E.E.N.'/ 'Primetime'/'Electric Lady'/'Give Em What They Love' - Janelle Monae
22. 'BBD' - Azelia Banks
23. 'Nakamarra' - Hiatus Kaiyote
24. 'The Worst' - Jhene Aiko
25. 'Retrograde'/ 'Life Around Here'/ 'I Am Sold' - James Blake

P.S.S- I hope I attached all the right vids!  If not, GOOGLE that shit!