Friday, October 25, 2013

Good Things I Have Put In My Mouth Lately: Pizza Pizza! Drank, Drank!

Last night I had the amazing opportunity to attend my friend Jenny Ooooo's GRAND OPENING of her spot Park Luncheonette (Williamsburg, Brooklyn).  You know the food n' drinks had to be good for me to be excited about going to Williamsburg...when it has gotten unseasonably cold in New York City...well I guess it IS the season, but it's  freakin' COLD!
Anyways, Jenny is an inspiration to me and is one of the few people I would go to Willy B for- also I think her tremendous energy added to me NOT getting lost in Willy B! YAY!!  Also, I have to thank m'girl Nicole for joining me AND for giving the best directions ever.  A person is of excellent quality when they can give you simple directions without being condescending- I don't have this quality because I am an asshole, but Nicole definitely does!

Pictured above is the pizza menu- the menu is going to expand, but this is what is being served now.  We know I don't plays around when it comes to my eats, and these pizza's were just SO good.  Flavorful, simple and using local ingredients- it's the CIRRRCLLLE OF LIIIIIFE!  Everything is reasonably priced and the atmosphere is cool n' inviting.
I mean it was just PERFECT pizza- good cheese ratio, garlic-y, olive oil, thick pepperoni...I could go on and on-OH, I hate broccoli rabe, and it happens to be on the Moxie! pizza...I ate that pizza with zombie growls n' er'thang!  IT WAS SO GOOD!  That is big!

There is also a lovely bar- I mean the scene is REAL cute...without being a scene.  You don't need to TRY to be cool when you are...and your food is DELISH and your drinks are SO SERIOUS.  I had 2 cocktails- one was the Applejack I believe...that shit was LEGIT.  I then had the Fig U- I mean the name alone.  That drink was refreshing, not too sweet and it made me wanna eat MORE pizza.  #Winning
Since Park Luncheonette serves coffee and stays open to 4AM (kitchen closes at 1AM), you have all your needs COVERED.  Get drunk n' crunk, then sober up before you have to deal with the hipster zombies on Driggs Ave. or escaping McCarren Park.

This is just me being my usual seriously sexy...and classy!  You know, how I do on the regs.
Go to Park Luncheonette for a nice night out pre-game, low key sexy date night or you are apprehensive about Willy B but like good food n' drinks.  You probably won't come off as sexy as me, but you'll try and have fun doing it!

Photos courtesy of m'girl Nicole!

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Random Things That Make Me Nervous

It is no secret that I hate going to Williamsburg.  Added to reasons that are both outlandish and mainly have to do with most of the people there- I usually get lost whenever I am there.  Like Queens, Williamsburg has the habit of making me wanna revoke my own New York card.
I stays getting lost in them places.  The streets confuse the hell out of me!  Plus I just feel like I am walking into a Law & Order: SVU episode and I am about to get murdered/raped/murdered +raped and be the body that Ice-T discovers.
Some of you might get all high and mighty with some type of psych degree and say: well you probably hate Williamsburg because you get lost there.
To that I say: I don't hate Queens tho!

The reason for my sudden anxiety is that I will be in Willy B like three days in a row- which is BIG for me.  I will need to meditate daily, possibly drink, hopefully not wind up on meth, I may start brewing my own beer though, I also might fulfill my dream of becoming a DJ, etc.
I would be the DJ who somehow mixed trap music with Tibetian monk hymns.  I will probably be asked to DJ the KimYe wedding reception.
I don't know what I am going to do and how I am going to get there.  Wish me luck and if you don't hear from me for a long long while just assume that I have become that successful DJ wearing only leather thongs and plaid bolero jackets.  I will be dating some Blasian dude who is an artist that specializes in taking old boxes of laundry detergent and filling them with ...dreams.

Friday, October 11, 2013

You Don't Know My Life: ANNNND We're Back!

Ah, the Fall.  A time for crisper temps, changing leaves and when MY SHOWS come back.  A time when I plan my social activities around The Walking Dead and Scandal.  When I pride myself on early dining experiences and literally drinking for an entire hour (only) of a Happy Hour.  I do not play games.

I can also change the game if I want to.  I now watch Brooklyn 99 AND The New Girl- a show I said I could NEVER watch before.  The only reason I am now is because they come on before The Mindy Project.  I call this my 'one and a half hour chuckle time'.  Sometimes there are hearty laughs, but mostly I am smirking and congratulating myself on not watching episodes of Chopped I have seen a zillion times before.
So there's that and Parks and Rec- I may get involved with Community, but NBC Thursday nights are lame.  Lame and WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITE.
I may check out that Dracula show (to see how bad it is) with Jonathan Rhys Meyers...did that come out yet?

Mainly though, I am concerned with Scandal! OMG!  That show never disappoints.  I am loving the flashbacks, the non-emo Fitz who is ABOUT that life, and Huck.  It always comes back to Huck.  The character who will now live in my head and keep me motivated n' intense is Liv's dad!  He is...just the scariest most intense dude around!  NOW you totally get how Olivia Pope became Olivia Pope because that dude would make ANYONE excel at ANYTHING.  He'd even motivate a Kardassian into a talent.  Joe Morton, an actor who has been around for so long and is just so amazing.  *sigh*  HE SCARES ME! AHHHH...okay, so far this season we are getting a lot of background and seeing a stronger bond between Fitz n' 'Liv.  It's not just tears and backs being thrown up against walls, we see how they work...and why...even if it is all so very fucked up.  Also, Fitz MANNING THE FUCK UP is very attractive!
I have no predictions as of yet, but I do think there might be a BRO-DOWN between Fitz and Noel (aka Jake)...Fitz might have to handle that dude.

AHHHH this Sunday is the season premiere of The Walking Dead!!!!  I am beside myself with excitement, plus m'girl Maria is making zombie cupcakes!!!

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

The Times I Went To See Movies Then Forgot to Review Them!

Oh man.  I slack!

Okay, first things first, I saw Lovelace...

I give it 2 twerks and 3 bitches with no gag reflex.  I laughed, I learned something knew and m'girl Nicole and I ate the most amazing truffle popcorn EVER!!!  Have never finished a bag of popcorn IN MY LIFE, but I did during this movie experience.  Also, Amanda Seyfried is on my 'enjoyable' list.  I don't mind her as an actress at all!

Then I saw The Grandmaster...

This movie had EVERYTHING- style, martial artistry, hot Asians and beautiful cinematography.  The storyline was easy to follow and the fight scenes were spectacular.  I mostly remember this amazing fur collared coat Zhang Ziyi was like the HBIC of luxuriousness.  I give this  movie 4 helicopter kicks and 3 dim sum experiences.

Whew, I am ALMOST caught up-I saw Don Jon two weekends ago...

I haven't really admitted this, but I find myself attracted to Joseph Gordon Levitt which is odd because he is squinty, seems short and might be gay. In any case, there is just something about him and after seeing this movie I get what IT is...he seems smart, aware and not to be a total dick.  The movie was about connecting and how we the people of this highly tech savvy, connecting age are really not connecting at ALL.  In between though, I got to look at J Gordon Lev's HOT ASS BODY!  Dayum. 
I give this movie 3 smooth stroking jack-offs (because the main character in the movie loved jacking off to internet porn) and 3 pull-ups (some type of work out term...people can do these I think).

Finally, last weekend I went to see Baggage Claim...

I'd like to think I saw this to support the 'Black romantic comedy', but mostly I saw it for all the FINE ASS MEN in the movie.  Mostly Boris Kodjoe and Derek Luke though....I have never been into Taye Diggs.  Strangely Adam Brody (of The O.C. fame) was in this movie and I like his hands for some reason.  He is a little cute too.  Mainly, I wasn't offended by Jill Scott's acting...I find she over-acts most of the time.
Paula Patton was cute and awkward...and it all worked.  This was a predictable rom-com and I was thoroughly entertained.  I give this movie 4 neck twists and 3 soul claps. to catch up on my TV reviews.  I will have my review of all the Fall season premieres of the shows I watch-more importantly SCANDAL! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....

Let It Shine!

Yesterday my homie Nicole posted this on the blog she contributes to called Power Animals.  It is a wondrous tale about the sweatshirt we both purchased for...different reasons.
I bought my 'Haters' sweatshirt as a way to let the streets know where my heads at.  Not that I won't have a kind word to say, just that I won't be quick to say it because quite frankly...there are a lot of assholes/dicks/selfish twats/etc. out there.  Plus, life is just chock-full of lame situations.  Doesn't mean you are leaning towards depression, you just aren't easily amused by the BS.

In any case I just thought I'd post a pic of me wearing the shirt doing how I do.
Also, file this under: if you find something you're excellent at- i.e. me with HATING- then let the world know and let your gifts shine through!

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

A Chronicles of Cashmere Story: That Thing Called Karma

As I fell down the the stairs I realized that this would be how I died.
It's not that my life flashed before my eyes either, just a sudden feeling of dread and the inevitable.  I almost felt strangely at peace...until I remembered what led up to this moment.  The moment when I die.

It all began with me sitting at a cafe in the West Village waiting for my blind date to show.  My friend Dave decided to set me up with his friend who was new in town and so impossibly nice I wouldn't be able to find a single thing wrong with him.  Being a woman who loves a good challenge, I accepted this blind date.  So there I was waiting for Derek to show up.  Watching the door with the casual alarm I felt whenever I was in this situation.  Waiting for a date.
Admittedly, I was a serial dater only because I didn't know what I wanted.  I just knew that the guys I had various coffees, drinks and dinners with were not what I wanted.
Just as I take another tepid sip of my iced hazelnut latte, I notice a guy enter the cafe who seemed like he was looking for someone.  Our eyes lock and there is a recognition.  He walks towards me still giving me time to access him...and cut him down.
He is tall and has a confident walk.  He seemed focused...and I'd have to say he was handsome.  I find myself standing to greet him.

"Alice?"  His voice is deep, almost like a purr.

I hold out a hand, "Yes.  Derek I assume..."  He takes my hand and kisses the back of it instead of shaking it.  Oh, he was going to be a smooth one.  We sit opposite each other, still taking each other in.  His smile is slow and remains on his face even as he speaks.

"Dave was right, you are gorgeous.  I am so glad I didn't psyche myself and not meet with you."  His eyes never leave mine, it makes me feel like he is zeroing in.

"Thank you.  He didn't say much about you...just that you are really nice.  Are you going to get anything?"  I like to judge a man by the type of coffee he drinks.

"Nothing for"  He says.

The next few moments he relentlessly stared at me, it was a probing stare.  An almost frightening stare.  I sipped my coffee and thought about the many ways I would verbally malign Dave. Sure, this Derek was great looking, but staring at me creepily was not sexy nor was it going to get him a second date.

Finally he asks, "So how do you know Dave?"
This would be interesting.  I explain how Dave and I once worked together and how he asked me out after two months of coffee breaks and one happy hour.  I let him down easy because I thought he was nice, but way too short to consider having kids with.  He would be a great guy friend to have though in case I needed guidance with someone that actually had a chance with me.
I went on to tell about the time Dave finally moved on from me and started dating a girl named Priscilla.  He seemed really into Priscilla, so much so he asked her to marry him....this was when I reconsidered dating Dave.  I don't know what happened, I just saw him in a different more commitment worthy light.  So, like any romantic movie heroine I told him how I felt at the most inopportune moment- at his bachelor party as I was the one female invited besides his lesbian cousin Janet.  Dave called off the wedding and we dated for a bit until I met his brother Steve who moved from San Francisco for work.
There was no denying the chemistry Steve and I least I didn't want to deny it, Steve did.  It was a completely messy situation, but the heart wants what it wants and all that.

"You dated his brother?"  Derek interrupts.  He didn't seem judge-y, just curious.

"Well, I cheated on Dave with his brother and then dated his brother until he asked me to move with him to London where I just couldn't see raising children with that obnoxious accent."  I sipped my coffee and wondered if my murky past was all so that I could meet Derek...

"How are you and Dave still friends?"  He asks.

"Well..he forgave me eventually.  It helped that his brother moved to London- in the end, Dave just wants me to be happy."

"Perhaps...would you like to take a short stroll and then have dinner?  I know this great spot..."   He stands and stretches a little.

"After the amazing story of Dave and still want to go to dinner?"

"Of course I do.  I just asked how you knew him- listen, if he's willing to set you up on a blind date after all of that, then there must be something amazing about you."  He smirked and held out a hand to me.  I took it and stood up.  He was damn charming

Once outside, he guides me with a hand on the small of my back.  It had been a while since I'd been this close to date...a stranger...a male companion.  He smelled spicey and masculine.  Maybe I was getting ahead of myself, but I felt that karma paid me back for practically destroying Dave with all those horrific dates I went on, and now with Dave setting me up with Derek, the karma wrath was over.
I was so deep in thought I hadn't noticed that we were walking to a deserted part of town.

"So...which restaurant are we going to?"  I ask, looking at all the abandoned buildings.  Crackheads weren't even milling about.  Perhaps this was one of those up and coming neighborhoods with a restaurant in an abandoned crack den- anything for exposed brick.

Silently, Derek snatches my purse from my arm and before I can respond he pushes me down some stairs leading to a subway station.  I still can't believe how no one is around...more importantly I cannot scream as I think my neck is broken.
As I lay dying, I feel the thud of my bag hitting my back.  Though fuzzy, I see Derek's black shoes appear in front of my face.  What was happening?  Why?
He leans down and whispers, "Dave never forgave you and paybacks a bitch....or me.  A hired gun.  You're gasping for air now, you'll be dead and this will all be over soon.  A victim of robbery. Tsk tsk.  Still I feel this was too kind for you.  Too kind."  His feet disappear.
Everything goes black.  Karma really is a bitch.

The End.