Wednesday, April 26, 2017

I Am A Horrible Person




Admittedly, when I heard Jesse Williams and his wife were getting a divorce I got excited because I feel there is a real chance for he and I to make it happen.
Truly, I am not happy at the demise of their relationship....but because I follow a certain moral code, I know that if he is single I am definitely HOPPING ALL UP ON THAT.

I immediately started making plans for the summer of our chance encounter that will lead to about a 4-10 yr relationship.
First, I have to reflect on my wokeness. 'Am I at my FULL wokeness?'  'Is there a way to up my wokeness?'  Then I would start reading more than I already do.  I would also have to get back into sports- back in the day I was a sportshead...but with all the rapists, abusers, blatant racism...I became over it.  Now, I only watch games for hot dudes- in case I decide to date one before my last few 'moist' years run out and I want to be on Basketball Wives or something.
Jesse is WAY into sports (I think he has a podcast), so I would have to at least learn to watch the games and not just look for dick swangin' in basketball shorts.
We would have a relationship where people would see us out and wanna be part of it...cuz we're cool, but then I would be doing my own thing while he was giving speeches and hanging with Maxine Waters- actually, I wanna hang with Maxine too!  What I am saying is, you wouldn't be sick of us...but you would want to hang out with us all the time.
I have also taken into account that I will have to get along with his ex-wife/ mother of his children, luckily I am an adult and not a trifling Instagram/reality TV ho.
We will be bi-coastal though we won't live together.  Though we'll have a 'Kurt Russell/ Goldie Hawn' love thing happening, I don't see us living together.  I like my space...and it will keep the 'ship FRESH.
This natural hair journey has been HECTIC for me, so I understand that I will have to shell out extra dollars to have my hair professionally done every week.  The photo ops will be endless- I mean he is FOINE, I am FOINE...we are both lightskinned with freckles, we both have style...but the hair definitely has to be on point.  (Black) Twitter will have me on my '13 Reasons Why' and I cannot have that.

So as you can see I have put some serious thought into this. THEN I hear he has already been hanging around this trick Minka Kelly...
I let that distract me for a moment, but she is no match for my plans!


Friday, April 14, 2017

Random Thoughts: Ruth Negga's Eyes

Unfortunately, I have only recently become acquainted with actress Ruth Negga.  She was nominated for an Oscar and I was digging her award season style.
Then I started watching Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D on Netflix and fell in love with her face...but mostly her eyes.


There is something so alluring...so mysterious...just so damn beautiful about her eyes.  I feel like if I had her eyes I would use the power for evil!  They would get me whatever I wanted WHENEVER and at the cost of BLOOD!
I also will need to see her work more because she is a great actress...and those damn eyes!! (they almost do half the acting for her)

Monday, March 27, 2017

Creeper Sober Saturday Night

While enjoying a pleasant Saturday night buzz, I became extra elated because I was on the train at about 10:30PM.  Being a long standing member of Team Granny Pannies, making it home by 11PM (at least) is a beautiful thing!
Then I was forced to sober up and spend the rest of the weekend thinking of all the horrible things that could've happened to me....
Anyone who knows me knows that 'buzzed me' is just a jollier yet still quiet, hateful and
'you would never know I even had a drink' version of me.  So I am still aware of everything going on around me and know that I am in the 'danger zone' because I am woman outside... doing pretty much anything.
I found a door (on the train) to lean on and was chuckling to the "Bodega Boys' podcast when a dude gets on and proceeds to pace- from the doors I was standing near, to the doors he occupied with his shopping cart.
So I move away from him because....nah.
The new set of doors I leaned on seemed cool until I locked eyes with this dude who seemed to be watching me.  He then stood and hovered near me.  I looked him in eyes and said 'back up'.  He did but stayed close and was always watching.
As I got off at my stop, he hopped up and was right behind me.  Mumbling something.  As I went down the subway stairs, he was one person behind me, but I knew once I exited the train station and he was right behind me....that walking home was NOT an option.
Luckily, there was a cab there so I hopped in.
Once home and angry- I see a News 12 Brooklyn story about a rise in women be followed home, pushed into their apartments and assaulted.
It was all coming together.

This is not the first time this has happened to me...and unfortunately it won't be the last.  Creepy ass dudes consistently ruin a perfect Saturday night- like I had a great time with the homies, but it all went to shit...sober and unable to sleep because I was so upset.
The only silver lining is that I am a lucky one and perhaps it's a reminder for me to STAY WOKE.  Also, to let my girls know...be aware.  We are entering the season of dick imprints in basketball shorts and I need you to not be so wrapped up in the bulges...and to keep yourselves safe!

Friday, March 24, 2017

I Said What I Said

...and I said I was going to write more...and obviously I LIED.
Okay...maybe it was an alternative fact or a white lie.
I have really been trying but...I am overwhelmed by so much bullshit!  From the every day...and I mean EVERY DAY with dump and his bullshit, white nonsense in general, black girls going missing in DC (things that make you go hmmm) and NO ONE is saying anything...to my boss basically being a piece of shit.  Ugh.
I still have to take the subway too.
I am going to try to get over myself and let my natural humor and delusional capabilities take over so that I can produce.  Plus writing HELPS.  I have to remember that.
One of my delusions...*ahem* summer projects will be finding a sugar daddy.  I realize that I either need to:

  • work for myself
  • get paid for either sleeping, eating, traveling, creepily hitting on FOINE young mens, styling people, styling places, WRITING, hating....
  • finding a sexy yet appropriately rich sugar daddy that will finance a lifestyle I will grow accustomed to and who will not ask me many questions! #LetMeLiveBish
I plan on acquiring this sugar daddy with my wit and thighmeats.  Wish me luck.

Friday, February 24, 2017

Oh Nooooooooo *pause* ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo *pause* oooooooooooooooooooooo

I am sorry I haven't been posting....but I felt once there was a lull in the constant screaming of "Oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" in my mind, I could write something about the state of what's going on.
To put it quite simply- what's going on is some fuckshit, but not surprising in the least.

Here are just a few of the random thoughts I have had during this horrendous time:


  • 'Er'body Black'!  While people were all in a 'post racial' world, most of us woke Black peeps were like 'ummmmm....nah, shit is still mad racial'.  People were all caught up in being PC, but the underlying intentions were ALWAYS there- now PC is out the window because being HORRIBLE is accepted.  These monsters have been empowered by this new administration.  So now everyone who is in the crosshairs of these intolerant beasts are FEELING IT.  That feeling of not being seen as human- you know having to justify your mere existence by giving examples of how THEY are all not that bad. ' I mean, Steve Jobs is a child of immigrants and look at him.' Immigrants who move to the states and treat Black people like shit because that is what is instilled in American society, so the world acts accordingly.  You know how many times I have had some Russian try me and I had to tell them how they JUST stopped waiting three hours in line for toilet paper so they should get the fuck out my face- but even they come here and collect WIC and think they are better than ALL the Black people.  In these times though, Russians don't have to worry, it is the brown immigrants who have to.  They are starting to feel the strife and understand what it feels like to be treated a certain way.  Or they are just plain getting deported so....
  • When I am on the 6 train and see a dude in full pique Whiteness- he has on a highwater pant, loafers, socks with reptiles on them AND is carrying a golf club?!  This really happens.  My face...definitely in full judgement mode and I just KNOW he voted for the fuckface in the white house now.
  • I watched 'Paris Is Burning'  again recently and it still makes me so sad...but I LIVE!- for the most part I have been looking to escape the daily fuckery via TV...mostly Netflix.  A while ago I tried to get into Terrace House- a Japanese reality tv show, but it's like REALLY GOOD and funny.  I couldn't get into to ( I forgot to turn on my subtitles).  I tried re-watching and love it.  From seeing Toyko and surrounding areas, the FOOD (they are always eating and that makes me so HAPPY), some of the dudes are HOT AF (Blasian babies), the style (for some), THE FOOD, etc.
  • Even in these times of intolerance, it doesn't make me hate people on sight any less.
  • I ALWAYS knew about Steve Harvey.  He is a big tooth buffoon who tries to tell women how to behave and thinks he influences the 'Black community'.  Fuck outta here.  You (Steve) fucked over Bernie Mac because you KNEW he was better than you...ever since I learned that, I wish for your suits, teeth or mustache to catch on fire.
I am just trying to get by and not go into a depression k hole.
Wish me luck...and I wish you well.  I am going to stay on top of bloggin because writing brings me joy and I know it does for a few of you too...and that's all we need now...is just lil sprinkles of joy, yo!