Thursday, June 26, 2014

Days Late and Dollars Short my birthday fell on Father's Day and since my friends feel like it's summer so they want to be out n' about, they make me do something.  I didn't do anything that day because peeps need to show daddy love.
Maybe they just wanna celebrate with me because they love my company-awww.
In any case, Kim Kuntrashian decided to give birth to North West on MY birthday and THEN decided to celebrate her birthday the following Sunday as I did too!!!
What in the entire fuck?!  Can I live????
Obviously not as well as North because she had a baby cochella themed bday party that cost more than my LIFE.  One thing I know that I won was with the quality of people.  My people are THE BEST and really, who was at North West's baby cochella that I wouldn't want to kick in the stomach while telling them to eat several vegan dicks?!!!!!

In other news, Lana Del Ray was talking about wanting to die young n' shit.  Glamorizing artists like Kurt Cobain, Hendrix and Amy Winehouse.  She feels people would icon-ize her as they do them.
NO.  Just no.
Talent just is what it is.  Lana, I like some of your songs but you have snorted the WRONG line of coke if you think imma compare you to my Amy.  Ever. You could die tomorrow and people would talk about it for a year-tops.  You have done NOTHING significant besides have amazing plastic surgery and suspect vocals on Saturday Night Live.  Didn't you think while you were singing at the Kimye wedding: I am singing at the Kimye wedding!!!
Lemme tell Amy Winehouse was asked to sing at the fucking Kimye wedding she woulda been like: (picture my amazing British accent) [Amy takes long sip of her whiskey] Fuck. No.
And that my dear is why you are you and they are them.
Now get the eff outta here!

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Put Some Titties On It

I know!  I have slacked yet again and have not provided my three readers with any entertaining nonsense.  What can I say...shit has been real.  Real busy.  I am back though with a fire in my ass to share all my feelings- well all my bullshit via blog.  YAY!

Let's start with the above picture of Prince with his scepter and his friends, just chillin'.  In my mind this would be what hanging with Prince would be like ALL THE TIME.  I imagine the shade he throws paired with his low tolerance for fools n' bullshit usually results in many chuckles and scepter taps.
What I feel led up to this wondrous moment...

Cowboy Hat Friend: I can't believe they did that...

Friend In Shades: Not only did they bring one regular ass walking stick, they bring two.

Prince: (puts wooden canes to his right, places his walking scepter to his front) There is no need for cursing...

Friend In Shades: I know, it's just the audacity of some people.

Prince: You can't fault those that don't know any better.

Cowboy Hat Friend: True, but you're Prince- they could've brought out a lace covered walking stick-

Prince: Or at least put some titties on it.

AND THAT was when this pic was taken.  Prince with his knowing chuckle and his friends just losing their shit because they love when his talks naughty.

Needless to say, Prince inspires me and I will be updating more frequently than I have been.
 Things I won't discuss include: my upcoming birthday, the Kimye wedding or anything involving Justin Beaver...because FUCK THAT NOISE!