Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Good Things I Have Put In My Mouth Lately-Delicatessen

Sure, I have walked by Delicatessen (Soho,New York City) and have shaken my head: NO WAY!
It seemed like a scene. A place where 'pretty people' go to eat- well drink and play like they eat.
Then I had friends to show around town and we were in Soho...so I figured: why not give it a chance for the people to see pretty people.

Then I saw this on the menu....



...well not the pic actually, I just saw that there was a whole section dedicated to MAC N' CHEESE!! This is when I realized that I could be okay with pretty people and a scene. Actually, there was nice ambiance....and MAC N' CHEESE!
I chose the Mac' Lobstah...it was delightful.
Okay, besides the Mac' Lobstah, our waiter was FINE. I noticed he was not the only hot dude working there-good food AND hot dudes. Gonna pull an A.Schwarz: I'll be back!

My friend G-Money got a burger topped with pork belly.
WORD!


I know it was good because G-Moolah stopped speaking. I literally said a sentence, put a forkful of Mac Lobstah goodness in my mouth, and then turned to look at him and that burger was Swayze, yo!
Impressive.

Sometimes I am not always right-rare- but true. Delicatessen was good eating and chill vibes. The dudes were hot. I didn't try to give any my number so I can definitely go back! WOOT!

Saturday, October 15, 2011

The Sound of Love....- Lust

Way back in May (of this year) I bought NY Knicks headphones. They were AWESOME. They were Amare Stoudemaire headphones. I loved them.
Then they broke...
Before you say: you have a large head you big headed bitch!
I do not!! I am just rough with my headphones. I don't just DJ with them (or DJ at ALL with them), I throw them in my bag which is filled with books, Purell, and the numbers of dudes who were FEELIN' my headphones. *sigh* All the wang I bagged.
Then they broke...
Not even 6 months old!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Needless to say I was sad. Sad. Luckily it was summer so I got over it. I mean, it's was way too hot to wear big headphones.
As Fall approached though, I thought about my cold little winter ears. *sigh* I do have small ears which don't hold earbuds well. I thought about them being red. Cold. Earbuds falling out. Awww.
Thankfully, no one wants to see that.

It was suggested to me back when I went to purchase my Knicks headphones that I should head to Park Avenue Audio (NYC) for some Grado headphones.
Being the stubborn ass I am (the best) I was all like- whatevs.
Then the Knicks headphones broke and I remembered Grado.
So I did my research, and being a pseudo sound nerd, I was all like HELLS YEAH. They look real old school and more importantly they ARE.NOT. Beats by Dre headphones. They are also BROOKLYN made...like myself.
So, I roll to Park Avenue Audio and CANNOT. FIND. IT.
I walked the streets like a non-seasoned hooker...looking for the place. As a native New Yorker, I was sad.
Today I not only felt sad. I felt ashamed. See, today I FOUND Park Ave. Audio. You know how I found it? I wasn't walking up and down FIFTH AVENUE like before!!!
*moment of silence*
The only excuse I can give is that it was after a DAY at work and I utilize my brain so, so much for my wit n' shit...sometimes things slip through the cracks...like the difference between FIFTH AVENUE and PARK AVENUE!
I grew.up.in.this.city- I have worked on Park Avenue....ahhhhh, I'll stop.

The lighting in Park Ave. Audio could be called 'mood lighting'- it's dark, but not like creeper dark. Dark, yet still light. Hard to explain.
Anyways, I roll in...all frizzed and wet from the rain. There's me, some Law & Order playing on one TV, and 2 dudes repairing a stereo looking thing. They both look up and say 'hello'-one though, the one that made my cheeks burn with desire. We'll call him Stallion (of course he's Italian- could tell by the accent and smoldering looks) let his hello and stare linger.
Sure, Stallion was dressed like he was about to go hike some trail (in Italy I hope), but he was just so damn HOT. Like not pretty, friggin' handsome- then again...he just had these lips.

...where was I?
Stallion decides he's going to help me. Wanting to sound like I knew what the fuck I was talking about (which I do most of the time), I ask for some Grado headphones by SERIAL NUMBER! Yeahhhhh booyyyy.
Stallion smiles (amazing) and is all like okay, it'll take a bit because they specially make each one...blah blah.
I stopped listening- though still watched his lips move. I began thinking: hmmm, thought I would spend 100- 200 bucks....AND they specially make them?!
I lean forward on the counter- uh, how much is that total?
He says something along the lines of OVER A THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I chuckle and say oh no no. I don't want those. We then spend 20 mins discussing my roughness with headphones, working my way up the Grado system, Amy Winehouse, employers and your Facebook, New York City being generic not having enough trannies, clever email names, etc.
He laughed at my jokes even though I saw how disinterested in me was after he saw that I smell nice, have good skin...but I am not a rich bitch. No thousand dollar headphones for me.

Basically, Stallion and I were falling in love. I could tell by the time I signed the credit card receipt, that he wanted to hold me close and gently place his parmesan regiano all up on my grits!
Sadly-yet happily, I just left with my new headphones-and knowing that Stallion has my email address, and will think of me...FOREVER.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

This Really Happened

After seeing the Kardashian's in the audience of Dancing With The Stars (do not fucking ask WHY I'm watching this AND have crushes on J.R. Martinez and David Arquette-LIKE WHEN did he become sexy. WTF is happening to me???????????????)- so my mom sees them Kard-ASS-hians and says.....

Mom: That's it. You're broke and in your 30's, get on Twitter and find out who you have to sleep with to get rich and famous!

Me:
Excuse me?

Mom:
Find out who you have to sleep with to get famous. That Kardashian whore slept with Ray J! RAY J!

Me:
I know! It is too late to bring up this angst...

Mom: Here I have a beautiful daughter who's camera friendly, you're talented! You're also broke. Time to get rich- go sleep with someone. I give you my permission.

Me:
I'm gonna go....not sleep with someone.

....honestly, I have given the 'puttin' the nan on Twitter' some thought, but if Kim could get famous from Ray J, what low life would I have to bone??? AHHHHHHH! One of them Jersey Shore assholes? Ja Rule???
The main thing is my mom has given up on me and thinks whoring is the way to go. *sigh*

Monday, October 3, 2011

Mind Games.

With all that is going on in the world the one thing that is giving me an uneasy feeling is that damn new Paranormal Activity commercial!
Let's not think I saw the first or second Paranormal movies- you see after The Ring, my bitchassedness rose up.
The truly complex part is I LOVES me a scary movie...but that psychological, shadowy, camera trick shit- or just that Grudge sound ( though I proceeded to answer my phone with that sound for a week because even fear doesn't stifle my fuckery), fucks with my mental. After seeing The Grudge (1&2, because I tried to fight the bitchassedness), I thought every shadow in my apartment was that hair coming for me! Seriously, I hardly slept for a few days. This is the first time I am admitting that.
It's all that psychological shit that gets me. I can watch 15 people get gutted, but fucks with my mind and I am DONE.
It's because I am so mental...and smart...and intellectual n' shit.
....so, just the commercials where the little girls are saying 'bloody mary' and then that bitch appears!!!
SEEE, I have dumped friends for trying that 'candyman' shit. I don't play them kinda reindeer games.

In conclusion, I will NOT be ever seeing that Paranormal Activities business and I am excited for Halloween!!!