Friday, March 16, 2012

As The Online Dating World Turn: What Part of the Game Is This?

Again, I find myself THIS close to sewing up my vagina and living atop a mountain where I spin silks from the fur of goats and make butter from peaceful cows.
Perhaps I should quit my whimpering and take it as life experience, but COME ON REALLY?!
It would help if I told you about the recent fella's who have been trying to make it to Round 3 with me.
Round 1 being that I actually respond.
Round 2 is actually hanging out.
Round 3 happens after actually meeting and I still am in contact with dude.

So after a rough date where I was thankful the food was good- I get a text from another dude 'wanting to hang out'. Every time we were going to hang out 'something came up'. The guy hadn't even met me, so why is he throwin' shade? aka playing these wicked games (oh, Chris Issak).
I mean, if he met me, I would totally understand. I have asshole tendencies and can be aloof...awkward...you know FUN, SEXY qualities.
So, I take the dudes number out of my phone because it was obvious this wasn't going to happen.
A week later, the dude texts again. It went like this:

Him: hey, what are you up to?

Me: who is this?

Him: wow. is my number not in your phone?

Me: who is this and why would it be?

He then tells me who he is.

Him: i cannot believe you took me out of your phone.

Me: i am efficient. it wasn't happening.

Him: but i really want to meet you, my schedule is just crazy right now...

Me: okay.

The End- because I took him out of my phone again. Okay, WHY am I supposed to care about his schedule. I know something about dudes sometimes, when they wanna do something...i.e. someone, they make it happen. This was some bullshit and I have no time for it...there are bad movies to watch!

Then came a series of emails from various creepers and dudes I wouldn't sit next to on the Q train.

The final straw came from a dude who had heavily sculpted eyebrows and beard lines. He looked real 'GTL'. That dude emailed me 5 times in a row. As if we were having a conversation. As if I was responding. Finally I wrote a simple and elegant: wow.
This made him right 5 more emails!!
All the emails after the first one had the same theme: I'm awesome, he wants to become part of my world, he really wants to hang with me, I'm fantastic, am I not getting the emails because the system is effed up?????????????????.
Nine effin' emails allllllll about that!

I was walking the other day...or drinking, and I realized that I need to close the account (again) because this dude may really, actually tie me to a radiator and take my skin, eat my skin,and then makes stew out of the rest of me.
With that, I have closed my account.
Back to not meeting dudes the old fashioned way!

2012222222222222222222222!

3 comments:

  1. for the love of god!

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