Thursday, June 26, 2014

Days Late and Dollars Short my birthday fell on Father's Day and since my friends feel like it's summer so they want to be out n' about, they make me do something.  I didn't do anything that day because peeps need to show daddy love.
Maybe they just wanna celebrate with me because they love my company-awww.
In any case, Kim Kuntrashian decided to give birth to North West on MY birthday and THEN decided to celebrate her birthday the following Sunday as I did too!!!
What in the entire fuck?!  Can I live????
Obviously not as well as North because she had a baby cochella themed bday party that cost more than my LIFE.  One thing I know that I won was with the quality of people.  My people are THE BEST and really, who was at North West's baby cochella that I wouldn't want to kick in the stomach while telling them to eat several vegan dicks?!!!!!

In other news, Lana Del Ray was talking about wanting to die young n' shit.  Glamorizing artists like Kurt Cobain, Hendrix and Amy Winehouse.  She feels people would icon-ize her as they do them.
NO.  Just no.
Talent just is what it is.  Lana, I like some of your songs but you have snorted the WRONG line of coke if you think imma compare you to my Amy.  Ever. You could die tomorrow and people would talk about it for a year-tops.  You have done NOTHING significant besides have amazing plastic surgery and suspect vocals on Saturday Night Live.  Didn't you think while you were singing at the Kimye wedding: I am singing at the Kimye wedding!!!
Lemme tell Amy Winehouse was asked to sing at the fucking Kimye wedding she woulda been like: (picture my amazing British accent) [Amy takes long sip of her whiskey] Fuck. No.
And that my dear is why you are you and they are them.
Now get the eff outta here!

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