Thursday, January 7, 2016

The Fear; Best Life

Today is my moms 60th birthday!
Not only is it a milestone, it is a sigh of relief. Almost like my brain and heart feel like a weight has been lifted.
With my dad passing away three years ago- he passed in May and was to turn 60 that November-I have been wracked with a certain fear that I have kept to myself.  Something that sometimes keeps me up at night... a thing that goes through my mind on a loop when I go for long walks.
It is something that I have never said out loud.  It is something that I have burdened only myself with since my dad passed away...
The thing is...I was so scared to lose my mom.  Like losing one parent really instills that whole mortality lesson.  Then comes the part where you are looking at your other parent- the one you have always been closest too and the one you really don't know how you'd survive without- and you feel almost like a little child clinging to their leg crying:  please, please don't leave me.
I was just so afraid that my mom-who doesn't have the same heart issues my dad had- was not going to make it to 60.  I mean her mom didn't either.
As the days neared to her birthday I FINALLY realized that she, my mom, is not them and will be okay.  Then today came and I woke up smiling.
...I cried just now though because actually writing this out was a true release.  No more fear, just striving to give my mom the best life and to live my best life!

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