Friday, June 10, 2016

Recent Surreal Moments in the Life of Cashmere

This could also be the time I realized that Cashmere's (me) been evolving n' shit.

I'll start with the worst of it....
Well the week already involved a crazy lady at Trader Joe's who I refrained from punching as she attempted to remove my headphones- I KNOW- I remembered that she was CRAZY and used my 'I am talking to a grown ass person like child' tone of voice.  There was no bloodshed and I had the respect of TJ's employees and other customers alike.  Though they all admitted they would've supported me punching this woman.
Then...then...I am riding the train with a new coworker and we were coming from happy hour.  Out of nowhere she mentions this group chat she has with friends and family called, "McNiggaz".
A few things...she is white, I am assuming her family is white too, and because of how South Brooklyn is set and just my initial assessment of her...all her friends are white too.
Again, I refrained from punching her as she laughed HEARTILY at this group chat name because I figured she had been drinking...and the whole coworker thing.  Can't come back from me beating your ass- BUT as she told me WHY the group chat is called this....basically her 'dumb ass cousin' was drunkenly ordering McDonalds one night and instead of asking for mcnuggets, he asked for McNiggaz.
As she continued to laugh I repeatedly asked if anyone beat his ass- I wasn't smiling, smirking, chuckling ...I think I was even speaking through my teeth.
His ass wasn't beaten.
Of course I had the Black existential crisis of trying to figure WHY this chick thought this would be okay to say to me?!  My mom clued me in that she probably figured I was a self hating corporate Black person because I don't appear to be bitter, standoffish or act like 'them'.  Moms, coming through with that knowledge.  She was also proud I didn't punch her....
I have decided to keep my distance so there will be no other instance where McNiggaz chick can drink a little too much and say something where the punching WILL happen because once is me being EVOLVED and twice..well...

So the other day after work I head into the ring of hell I call Grand Central.  I am heading towards the 6 train (aka the long steal path to Lucifers taint) and see it waiting (for me) in the station.  As I put a lil more pep in my step I notice this guy walking a lil ahead of me.  I notice his pale grey suit and then the cut of the suit...and then the cut of the BODY in the suit.  I nod with approval.
Finally I get up to dudes face and see that it is Dwyane (the fuck) Wade!
I shake my racist white ancestors out of head and say this handsome Black gentleman heading toward the 6 train with me COULDN'T possibly be DWade!  All Blacks DO NOT look alike.
It was him.  We head down the stairs together.  Side by side.  I literally look at him and ask: why the fuck are you riding the 6 train?
I also have spent DAYS scouring the internets looking for candid shots of us. NOTHING.  I did find out that he and Gabby Union posted an after sex Snapchat.  No thanks.

That happened...since I am on some magical evolution...next time I need to be heading into an elevator that gets stuck with Idris Elba!!...and I will only punch him if he is into that.

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