Monday, November 14, 2011
Conversations with Ice: Occupy My Vagina
So Ice T (my friend in my head) and I decide to go check out Occupy Wall Street-the smells, the people, the movement. Mostly we went to point and laugh...and have Ice play-pretend he's (Detective) Finn and try to arrest peeps.
After chit chatting with Russell Simmons- who was scouting for some unseen talent i.e. model looking females, and grabbing croissant sandwiches at Au Bon Pain with Kanye Wes, Ice then came up with an idea...
Ice T: T...stop mumbling 'hippie' and kicking at people- I wanna propose something-
Me: Woah, Ice...aren't you 'n Coco like 20 years strong?
Ice T: Calm down, homewrecker. I wanna propose something for you and your underused, overly promoted vagina-
Me: Dayum Ice, why you thinkin' about my pooonaaaniii?
Ice T: Please don't ever say that word again. Listen, I am just looking out for a friend-I mean look at this Occupy Wall Street thing. Bunch of people not really saying or doing anything, just hanging around. Maybe marching....basically a bunch of white people trying to bring the 60's back-
Me: Like sexy back?
Ice T: See, this is what I mean- you have that white appeal...and your moist vaginal years are few n' far between-
Me: Now you never say 'vaginal' again!
Ice T: What I'm saying is we start a movement- we Occupy Your Vagina. I think you're worth protests-
Me: Wait...so you want various people sleeping in...my...vagina?
Ice T: I'm just saying you should have a vagina movement.
Me: So...my vag is like the 1%...which is true-
Ice T: Shit, this is going to get complicated.
Me: It IS complicated hence why my vag is unoccupied. (we hi-5)
Ice T: Nice one.
Me: Thanks for thinking about me and sugar walls, but I think it's going to be okay.
Ice T: There's always, Kanye...
Me: Well when my vagina turns into a dick, then yes, there is always Kanye! (we hi-5 again)
Ice T: You're on fire- and one day your vagina will be-
Me: Damn Ice. Way to ruin a moment.
Ice T: I think I said vagina too much. Let's stop and go tell Kanye how great his clothing line is!
Me: Yes. Imma tell him all my friends who drag LOVE it! (we hi-5 and then break out into a Kid N' Play style dance move)
Me: Wait I just thought of something-you ARE the solution to my cold coochie problem-
Ice T: Woah, T...I mean you're great but I'm married-
Me: Ice! I am talking about your fine ass blasian son!
Ice T: Fall back, T.
Me: He's young. Tender. Blasian.
Ice T: My son.
Me: You like me. I'm great. How great will it be?! He won't need to jack off in movie theaters...
Ice T: Let's go find Kanye.
Me: But Ice...come on...Ice...Ice...Daddy In Law....Grandpa...Ice?!...