Monday, November 14, 2011

Conversations with Ice: Occupy My Vagina





So Ice T (my friend in my head) and I decide to go check out Occupy Wall Street-the smells, the people, the movement. Mostly we went to point and laugh...and have Ice play-pretend he's (Detective) Finn and try to arrest peeps.
After chit chatting with Russell Simmons- who was scouting for some unseen talent i.e. model looking females, and grabbing croissant sandwiches at Au Bon Pain with Kanye Wes, Ice then came up with an idea...


Ice T: T...stop mumbling 'hippie' and kicking at people- I wanna propose something-

Me: Woah, Ice...aren't you 'n Coco like 20 years strong?

Ice T: Calm down, homewrecker. I wanna propose something for you and your underused, overly promoted vagina-

Me: Dayum Ice, why you thinkin' about my pooonaaaniii?

Ice T: Please don't ever say that word again. Listen, I am just looking out for a friend-I mean look at this Occupy Wall Street thing. Bunch of people not really saying or doing anything, just hanging around. Maybe marching....basically a bunch of white people trying to bring the 60's back-

Me: Like sexy back?

Ice T: See, this is what I mean- you have that white appeal...and your moist vaginal years are few n' far between-

Me: Now you never say 'vaginal' again!

Ice T:
What I'm saying is we start a movement- we Occupy Your Vagina. I think you're worth protests-

Me: Wait...so you want various people sleeping in...my...vagina?

Ice T: I'm just saying you should have a vagina movement.

Me: So...my vag is like the 1%...which is true-

Ice T: Shit, this is going to get complicated.

Me: It IS complicated hence why my vag is unoccupied. (we hi-5)

Ice T: Nice one.

Me: Thanks for thinking about me and sugar walls, but I think it's going to be okay.

Ice T: There's always, Kanye...

Me: Well when my vagina turns into a dick, then yes, there is always Kanye! (we hi-5 again)

Ice T: You're on fire- and one day your vagina will be-

Me: Damn Ice. Way to ruin a moment.

Ice T: I think I said vagina too much. Let's stop and go tell Kanye how great his clothing line is!

Me: Yes. Imma tell him all my friends who drag LOVE it! (we hi-5 and then break out into a Kid N' Play style dance move)

Me: Wait I just thought of something-you ARE the solution to my cold coochie problem-

Ice T: Woah, T...I mean you're great but I'm married-

Me: Ice! I am talking about your fine ass blasian son!

Ice T: Fall back, T.

Me: He's young. Tender. Blasian.

Ice T: My son.

Me: You like me. I'm great. How great will it be?! He won't need to jack off in movie theaters...

Ice T: Let's go find Kanye.

Me: But Ice...come on...Ice...Ice...Daddy In Law....Grandpa...Ice?!...

The End.

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