Friday, August 1, 2014

Conversations With The Little Prince: He Is Not Here For It.





Due to my friend (in my head and on my blog) Ice T going on tour with his band Body Count, I found myself listless and conversation-less.  Then one day whilst mocking Rita Ora for saying she is like 100% Yugoslavian (okay, bitch), I stumbled upon a secret- Prince George can speak already!!  Because this chubby cheeked phenom is royalty, he isn't quick to reveal this but has taken a liking to my hater ways so he only chats with me and his immediate family.
 He may be a little more high brow than I am at times, but like Ice, we can talk about ANYTHING.

Prince George: (a Skype screen comes up with the cutey Prince flailing his arms) Honey T...are you there?

Me: Yes, hey there Georgie...look at those cheeks! (tries to pinch the screen)  Just want to pinch...

Prince George: Piss off.  I have interrupted my daily walk around the grounds to chat with you.

Me: Lucky me, what happens on these walks?

Prince George: Are we seriously going to sit here and discuss my walks?

Me: Have you been changed?  You're cranky.

Prince George: Don't be crass.  Have you seen this nonsense about Legolas punching that Beaver gentleman?

Me: Good riddens...but it was more of a gentle swipe, I've seen you hit nanny's harder than that!

Prince George: Are you implying that I am abusive to my caretakers?

Me: You can be aggressive...

Prince George: ME?  This from the person who threatens to punch or kick someone just for existing!

Me:  Will you just admit you hit harder than Will Turner?

Prince George: Fine.  It's true.

Me: Now do you think you can do something about getting that Beaver kid hit by someone or something harder?

Prince George: My mum says that hitting him will not solve anything, she is a sweet woman.  I'll confer with my uncle Harry about getting a few of his service chaps to meet up with sir Beaver in dark pub and show him a thing or two.

Me: Yes!  That's what I'm talking about.  What's the point of being royal if you can't have anyone beat up at any time!- soooo can you also see how if Harry likes honey in his spot o' tea...

Prince George: I hear my grandmother calling for me...I must ...go. (his screen goes blank)


Here I thought I was a a hating ass hater, but Prince George has me beat.

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