Monday, March 23, 2015

The Time I Went To Punta Cana aka Escape From New York


There comes a time when you have had ENOUGH.  Enough of the day-to-days.  You need to escape the shit show that may have been your last couple of years.  A time when you wanna say 'fuck it' and wonder 'what would Rihanna do?'
It seems she would take herself on a long weekend to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.

M'girl Maria and I had been discussing a warm getaway since we felt the first winter chills.  We remembered last years Polar MUTHA FUCKIN Vortex and decided this year would be different.  We wouldn't stand for that shit.  We wouldn't stand for the feel of Mother Nature's taint on our chins.
We were OVER IT.
So we discussed a few spots...Puerto Rico, Curacao, and the Dominican Republic.  All warm.  All with a palm tree.  All with the drinks.
Since we are broke with expensive tastes, we needed the best deal.  Punta Cana, DR had the best airfare/resort deal.  DONE.

Once the tickets and everything were purchased it became the waiting game.  Anticipating, packing weeks in advance, crying through 7 degree weather and then crying some more during blizzards hoping that one doesn't stop you from warmth and wearing short shorts in February.
Thankfully the bad weather held off and we were off without a hitch.  I had a carry-on that was mostly filled with bikinis- I WAS RIRI READY.
Our JetBlue flight was filled mostly with families, couples, dude-bros and chicks on a girls weekend.  I don't know where Maria n' I fit in- we were two New Yawkers who needed warm weather, a fruity cocktail and to lay around and do not a thing.  No clubbin', no tours, no activities that didn't involve a drink or laying about.  This wasn't a trip about exploring n' shit, it was about choosing when we wanted to switch from the pool to the beach.
Sometimes you need to explore a new country, city, island, etc....and sometimes you need to just lay back and sip on a drink.


So we land at the Punta Cana International Airport- where we see our first palm tree and feel WARMTH.  Coats were off.  My lil almondy eyes were blinking rapidly at all the sunlight- the above pic shows our palm tree and the cute thatch roofed airport!
It felt unbelievable!  Almost like I didn't have a summer a few months ago!
Thanks to our seat buddy, Maria and I learned that you have to pay 10 bucks to enter DR. Who knew?!  Our new buddy knew!  He had a wad of cash ready 'because he and his wife always travel here and cash is the way to go'.  I kind gathered that, so I was about that cash life too.

A quick cab ride and we were at the Punta Cana Westin Resort!  The open airy lobby lent itself to breezes that caused you to sway along.  All the NYC tension released from my shoulders and my brain went into chill vacation mode.  It felt splendid!


As we walked to our room, we counted the steps from the pool to the beach.  Literal STEPS!
THEN...THEN...we get to the room and there are two perfect beds and a RAIN shower. Sigh.  After settling in a little we decided to make our way to the beach.  Just to feel the WARMTH.  I put on a TANK TOP, it was exciting.
As I put on my flip flops I thought to myself: it is so on.

The rest of the trip consisted of hanging in the hotel lobby for free wifi, and deciding whether to go to the beach or the pool.  BIG decisions.
A funny random was when I ran into this guy I sorta know from New York.  He was there with a group of dudes which seems like the prequel to train runs and the time I got pregnant in Punta Cana- BUT this is me and I was there for the sun and dranks.
Let me tell you- from the little I saw of the Dominican Republic (actually I saw NOTHING because I kept it resort styles), I will say the fresh fruit juices just about changed my life.  It certainly changed my appreciation for a simple pina colada!  Maria and I enjoyed a numerous amount of rum drinks because everything was just SO GOOD!
Also, while eating breakfast one morning and enjoying a mix of fresh squeezed passion, watermelon and papaya juices, I declared that I wanted to just stay on at the resort and work as a yoga instructor.
THAT'S how good them juices were.
I don't even DO yoga!!!!


I explained to Maria that prostitution was BIG in DR and that we may see some action on the resort, like most of my peeps she paid me no never mind- I mean I was the same person saying that the hot tub was filled with a mean stew of semen and STD's.  Then one night as we enjoyed some hotel bar lobby entertainment-an actual singer- AND free wifi, we saw these OLD ass white dudes with young beautiful Dominican women.  It was QUITE obvious what was (who was) going down.
Maria and I both felt gross after seeing that...so I Blanch Devereaux'd outta there.  Meaning I said something shady, did a twirl (allowing my flowy shawl to flow) and did her storm out of a room walk.
Old Ass White Dudes were definitely a trip theme.  They were EVERYWHERE!  One night while enjoying drinks at the lobby bar, we ran into that dude I randomly know.  Whilst chatting with him a crew of Old White Dudes interjected themselves.  I was annoyed because...NO.  Plus they started with: do you know who you look like?
They ask this of the random dude I know who happens to be black.  When a group of/ any white person/people start out a convo with 'do you know who you look like?' We know it going to either end in a fist punch because of racism or just be chock-full of racism leaving the black person full of disdain and the need to punch something/someone.
Fortunately the random dude I know DID look like who they thought- also random dude I know was gracious and didn't seem to mind the conversation.  One of the flock of Old Ass White Dudes did notice my expression of: go away!
So they did.


There were a few annoyances with asshole-y people with accents and how gringo-fied the food was, but overall relaxation was accomplished.  Sunburns also happened, but thems the breaks.  I never felt myself reach normal levels of aggravation that start at just waking up in the morning to taking the subway to people saying dumb shit to me.  I maintained my zen and it was fantastic.
If you are looking to just lay back and not think about- like how colorism is big time out there, prostitution is big time, or how Haitians are treated like SHIT though they share the island- then take your ass to the Westin Punta Cana Resort.  You just wanna sip amazing drinks- but don't expect much of the food which is fine because...BIKINIS.  Expect a politeness but no genuine warmth from anyone working at the resort;could be the corporate way or the 'bitches coming to my country with their money and lack of fuck giving'.  It is beautiful and picturesque so your selfie game will be times infinity!
Also make  sure your daily alarm wake up song Khia's 'My Neck, My Back'.  It will get your head in the game!
Overall, my advice to you is to GO.  When it's cold and you have reached your limits- JUST GO!  Go somewhere warm, believe me it'll help.  IT WILL HELP!

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