Monday, April 23, 2012
Conversations With Ice: 50 Shades of Lame
It was fantastic.
Me: (my mouth is agape for a bit) Ice...
Ice T: T! Wassup? Have a seat...
Me: Um...what are you reading?
Ice T: Oh that fucking book everyone's talking about..
Me: Yes...I see...
Ice T: Imma get me a steak. Porter house. Get you something-have you read this?
Me: I read the whole trilogy in one weekend.
Ice T: No wonder you been all hostile. This book makes you wanna do things- to me and Coco, this is a Dr. Seuss book.
Me: I bet. I just can't believe you're reading this-and sure it made me angst-y, but no more than usual.
Ice T: You read all 3 of these books in one weekend. Either you need to get laid or the books double as a cock piece...
Me: Why can't you just call it a dildo?
Ice T: Cuz cock piece sounds manlier.
Me: Did you read Twilight?
Ice T: Fuck no! Once I read the first chapter and that vampire dude didn't take that young, warm, girl and make her a vampire and then fuck her....I lost interest.
Me: It was more for women, we like that whole chaste shit sometimes...and then we like this. Tie-me-up-fuck-me-down books.
Ice T: Complex sexy beasts you are...
Me: What about the Hunger Games?
Ice T: A book about some hungry children having to kill each other to eat? Shit, I lived that!
Me: Ugh, you're right Ice. Reading these sexy books made me realize that perhaps I do need someone...
Ice T: Oh you think! You just need to keep your mind right and and keep yourself open. Stop closing yourself off.
Ice T: Don't placate to me, ass. Hurry and eat your crab cake so I can finish this book!