Friday, January 18, 2013

A Monologue: Mark Wahlberg



Every time I see a commercial for Mark Wahlberg's new movie- I forget the name of it- I have this monologue that goes through my head of how the whole movie is going to go...which means I won't be seeing it.
It looks like he played that part in The Departed already, but I guess if it worked before...

Anyways, here is the Mark Wahlberg 'I'm A Serious Actor In A Serious Cop Movie' monologue:

"Hey...how's you're mother?  I'm a cop.  A good cop.  What are you doing?  Why are you doing it to me?  ...I'm a good cop but if you come against me or my family I'll kill your wife, your kids, your dog, your spirit!...Is your mother good?  Tell her I miss her.- Feel it, feel it!! (suddenly breaks out singing 'Good Vibrations')- You see, this whole situation is making me crazy.  I'll kill you before you make me crazy!  I'll kill your wife, your kids, your dog- I'll find you!  You can't hide.  See, I found you...and now you're going to die.  Slow.  This revenge makes me feel better...vindicated, but unfulfilled.  I'm gonna quit the force.  Run away with your mom.  Love her tenderly-give her my vibrations...."

Annnnnd Scene.

Now imagine he has done that scene while running around in circles waving a gun.
Now you don't need to see his new movie.  I just save you $50!!!

Thank me with chicken wings and pink sparkling rose`!

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