Wednesday, January 9, 2013

The Place Where I Work: My Muffin.

So there is this dude that works where I work, we'll call him Tatts...because he has arm tatts that go all the way to his fingers.  They are real artistic looking- meaning I can't tell if he got them in prison or not, and they are not something stupid like peoples names or topless chicks or a chicken wing driving an army tank.
I also don't know where else he has tattoos (and I'd like to find out, HOLLA) because he and I don't talk much.  Well, we didn't talk much before.
Tatts used to look at me with much disdain and I thought he was hot, but gave 0 fucks.  Due to self esteem, if you ain't checkin' for me, I damn sure ain't checkin' for you...boo.
....then I realized that like me, Tatts likes to observe before he partakes in pleasantries- he's a lil more stoic though. 
Soon enough, we started having jokes and talking about Knicks games.  Then I noticed his looks of disdain became easy smiles and twinkling eyes.  Awww.
To keep things interesting,  I decided to add him to my 'work sex roster'.  This roster includes just him and this dude I wanna have hate sex with because he is a complete douche...but HOT.
A 'work sex roster' is really something that makes the day go by...and if I happen to eventually have sex with the person (which NEVER happens), then that's gravy.

Anywho, so one morning I bumped into Tatts and he bought me breakfast- have I mentioned that Tatts is attractive??  Well he is.  Attractive and FED me. Oh hell yes!
Out of the blue and to show that I enjoy being fed...and like to feed too, I got him this amazing muffin.  It was chocolate and I know it was delicious because I've had one and slid.off.my.chair!
I give him the muffin real nonchalant like:

Me: Hey, do you like chocolate?

Tatts: I love chocolate.

Me: Oh...well here (hand him bag filled with muffin, practically run away)

Tatts was real appreciative.  Have I mentioned that Tatts is not Black and MAY BE White...or Latino...or something of that nature.  He is one of those ethnically ambiguous types that speaks both English and Spanish...but looks Irish/Italian...or he's just Ecuadorian or something.
In any case, he's attractive and enjoyed my muffin. 
Here is the conversation we had about his muffin enjoyment.  Please note this was in an office with people around...who THOUGHT we were talking about a muffin...

Me: How was the muffin?  Did you throw it out?

Tatts: Why would I do that?  I haven't finished it, am savoring it.

Me: Oh really...I couldn't.  That thing is delish- I was thinking about it all day...

Tatts: Me too.  I took a bite and it was really good...that's when I decided not to just devour it.  Wanted to take my time.  Warm it up later...

Me: Oh...

Tatts: That's what I do with things I enjoy eating...

Me: (gulp) Right...

...annnnd scene.

  1. This really happened.
  2. Eye contact was maintained THE WHOLE time...well when I wasn't looking away and blushing.
  3. 'fantasy work sex' may turn into 'sex sex'
  4. Anyone who can do innuendo like THAT, is okay by me.

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