Tuesday, August 6, 2013

The Times I Went To See Only God Forgives & The Conjuring

These were both some dark movies.
I felt like my soul needed a chemical peel...also I may need an exorcism!

I went into 'Only God Forgives' not knowing a thing about it- just that Ryan Gosling  was in it.  You don't need much reasoning after that- oh and he plays a boxer.  This means he'll be shirtless.  I went with my friend Nicole (who writes for this amazing blog) who had a little insight into the movie, yet still not enough to comprehend what we saw.
The story takes place in Bangkok so I mentally prepared to see Ryan bang out a 13 year old tranny prostitute- that didn't happen.  Though he did finger a prostitute a few times who appeared to be female.
...this whole story was bloody and filled with karaoke.  Specifically a chief of police with a God complex and a love for karaoke- he would force his officers to be his audience... Of course this led to him being the most enjoyable character to me.  Maybe it's 'cause I have a God complex too?
The biggest surprise was Kristin Scott Thomas because I didn't know it was her till the credits rolled (told you I knew nothing about the movie!).  Her character was a complete twat and looked the part too, so I have to add her to the enjoyable list.

So far on the enjoyable list for this movie:

-Ryan Gosling's body
-Ryan Gosling's body covered in a suit
-Ryan Gosling's beady eyed stare
-The karaoke singing police chief who knew his way around blades and sharp instruments
-Kristin Scott Thomas as the moms from HELL!

Overall I still don't know how I feel about the movie.  Like...it was so many things but I don't if 'enjoyable' was one of them.  Nicole and I both left the theater feeling weird, a tad dirty and like we'd seen something that we couldn't comprehend.  Later, Nicole text me that the dude who directed 'Drive' also directed this movie!  It explained a lot, but still didn't confirm my feelings about the movie.
I can say I doubt I'd own it like Drive or that I would even watch Only God Forgives again...so that may mean something...

I went into 'The Conjuring' knowing I was going to be scared.  I informed JNN- an affectionate name I call my friend Jonathan who always seems to know current events, the weather and stock prices- anywho, I let JNN know that we were in for a bitchassed treat.  There would be grabbing and I would become a complete bitch!  I knew this because the movie trailer had me spooked and THEN I saw the TV commercials where they interviewed the REAL family this happened too.  That's right folks this was a TRUE story!!!
In the TV commercials they interviewed the surviving children and all three of them had a look in their eyes.  A look that said: I have seen some shit that cannot be explained except that the DEVIL is real!!!
Just from them looks, I knew I was in for nightmares and the like- I love how I love scary movies, but the right ones will really scare the shit out of me making me unable to sleep and I have weird dreams.

The story takes place in the 1970's in Rhode Island.  Typical family moves into house...and then shit starts getting real.  The movie also follows this couple who specialize in ridding people of ghosts and demons.  The husband in this couple was Patrick Wilson who I find attractive for some reason.  So I was excited to see him in some tight fitting 70's slacks!

Besides a bugle-check, I was consistently reminding myself that this really happened...and freaked myself out.  That's when I wasn't clutching JNN (and he me) and SCREAMING LIKE A BITCH.  This movie made me scream twice in a crowded movie theater (I wasn't the only one)- I NEVER DO SHIT LIKE THAT!!  Maybe if I am at home or at a friends, but never in public....but that's just how scary this film is!!!
The devil is ALIVE people...or demons are...or the evil spirits of Salem witches!! Either way I went and bought myself a bracelet of eyes...

Just in case I am hexed and some demon is after me!!!!!!  My life is not a game.  THE DEVIL IS REAL PEOPLE.

Overall, both of these movies were experiences that I suggest you endure for yourself in case your life is a perky kids cartoon and you need a lil time in the DARRRRKNESS!!

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