Monday, January 27, 2014

The Times I Went To See Thor, Catching Fire, 47 Ronin and The Wolf of Wall Street

Ugh I slack.
I shoulda been reviewing this whole time, but I forget...and it's not like I lives in a movie theatre, they are too damn expensive...but they do have that toxic cheese that you can dip pretzels in.  Mmmm....

Anywho, so I went to see Thor 2...


...now this was only because I am a Regal Cinemas VIP and had a free movie ticket burning a hole in my pocket.  I also heard there would be a lot of shirtlessness.  Also, Kat Dennings was in it- and like most Kat's (i.e. Katt Williams), I like her.  Natalie Portman I could do without, but whatevs.
The movie was a disappointment due to lack of shirtlessness and m'boo Idris Elba was also clothed through the WHOLE thing.  The story was predictable...yet entertaining enough, like I didn't fall asleep.
This movie gets 2 pretzel nuggets and a 'shoulda been a summer blockbuster' pass.

Next up is Catching Fire!


Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! This movie was so awesome.  Leaps and bounds better than Thor and even the first Hunger Games- though I didn't totally hate Hunger Games, it was just lacking in things that Catching Fire had.  Good story movement, amazing costumes, amazing characters and Jennifer Lawrence's 'acting eyes'.
I read the books a while ago so I didn't remember what happened in this movie till I saw Phillip Seymour Hoffman (who is perfecto for that part) and was like OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.  You can see how my mind is a like a find tuned orchestra...just working together to get me through the day.
It's fine I don't need to be a genius.
And talk about a great love triangle, the whole Peeta-Katniss-Gale thing is BELIEVABLE.  It would be hard for me to choose which to bone for life as they each have these great qualities....
ALSO, let's just say Katniss is an awesome female character.  I dig her and relate to her cluelessness about certain things but not being a dumb bitch.  Just can't comprehend when there are inceptions happening but she has integrity and grit...and humor.
This movie just did it for me.  Action, drama, costumes- I cried (Rue), I laughed....it made me gasp.  It gets a full batch of fresh out the microwave pretzel nuggets with hot toxic cheese on the side and the sideeye from some bitch eating kale chips.



Ha!  You're probably asking yourself WHY I went to see 47 Ronin.  One word- Keanu.  Who knew that he still had 'it'?  But he does.  Ruddy and I were SHOCKED that we actually enjoyed the movie and the story.  It made me wanna learn more about- okay it made me wanna revisit this thing between Keanu and I.  Haven't felt this way since Speed!
This movie had gorgeous costumes, some witchcraft and a man-bunned Keanu...which is really all a girl ever wants.  I give it 4 sorta fresh pretzel bites that you eat with chopsticks and wash down with a coco-cola slushie.


Finally, The Wolf of Wall Street.  I don't know where to begin...with the 'it's a true story', the cocaine, the fucking , Jonah Hill's penis...


The movie was long and incited anger in me from the moment I saw Matthew McConannaheyyyy thump his chest n' shit because I hate him.  I dunno where this sudden hatred for him came from but he does nothing to help it.
We get it, Leo is a great actor and since this dude (Jordan Belfort) was a total schmuck that only douchebag Wall Street types would look up to- then Leo played the part amazingly!  Jonah Hill wasn't bad either and I am glad he gained weight again.  Losing weight isn't for everyone.  You can't go from the fat funny dude to the skinny fugly dude who is trying to be a serious actor.  No one gives a fuck JONAH as you are NO Phillip Seymour Hoffman so have a seat.
Yeah...I still don't know how I feel about this movie.  Like...I didn't hate it, but it was just a lot.  Then it pissed me off because these dudes were basic dumb thugs who played in a elevated field simply because they were white.  Their criminal game and punishments are just different.  I hate that these assholes think they are better just because they stole a whole gang of money and are able to have 'the best' of everything. Ugh...this Jordan dude is just a piece of shit and the fact that many people will/do look up to him is another reason why I just hate people.
This movie gets a fresh batch or pretzel nuggets that are coated with cocaine and have possibly touched Jonah Hill's penis- thankfully the night I saw this my only nightmare was of Matthew McConnaheyyyy screaming shit at me like: YOU CAN DO IT (chest thump).
I woke up breathing heavy and in a cold sweat.

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