Monday, June 27, 2011

Conversations with Ice: If You Have Nothing Nice To Say....

Admittedly, I have been avoiding my homie (in my head) Ice T. Ice knows if he hangs around a Starbucks, Target, Dunkin Donuts, or pretty much any place that serves food...I'll eventually show up.
This time I was coming out of one of my favorite secret haunts, the Punjabi Deli in the East Village.
He rolls up on me like Finn would a perp on SVU...

Ice T: Yo, T!

Me: (startled, but refrain from dropping my samosas)Oh...heyyy, Ice! What's up?

Ice T: Why you avoiding me, T?

Me: Avoiding?! I would never...I've been busy...

Ice T: Right. Busy eating them delicious samosas that I enjoy!

Me: Wow. Here...(hand him a pocket of stuffed deliciousness)

Ice T: I don't want it. (crosses arms)

Me: (wave it under his nose) Iccceeee....come on, you know you want it...

Ice T: You talk a lot a mess, but you haven't said jack crap about Ice Loves Coco!

Me: (stuff a samosa in my mouth, then point to it motioning that I now can't speak)

Ice T: Wow. You just stuffed that whole thing in your mouth-you haven't done that since-

: Fine! It's a show. With you and Coco.

Ice T
: You don't like it?

Me: It's painful. Fucking painful.

Ice T: Damn. That's cold T!

Me: Seriously, I love you guys, but this isn't showing you in your best light. It's cheesey. Predictable. Poorly written. Then you produce a song for her about fucking shoes!

Ice T: Okay, okay. We'll agree to disagree.

Me: I love the dog though! If you ever need someone to stare disapprovingly at you-I'm your girl!

Ice T: Yes, when we need a bitter bitch, I'll holla.

Me: Word.

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