Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Conversations with Ice: See Ya, Stabler.

This brings sadness to my heart and soul as I write this, but Christopher Meloni aka Stabler is leaving Law & Order: SVU!!!...and Maritska Hartigay (sp) aka Benson is leaving a couple of episodes in.
I love Finn and Munch- but can they carry the show??? Then I am hearing talks about bringing Jennifer Love Hewitt on to replace Benson. NO! J-Love, you stick to playing whores on Lifetime!
...so Ice T (the great friend in my head)and I decide to go antiquing in Connecticut-we stop at a spot that promises the most delicious Belgian waffles we will ever taste, when we run into Mr. Meloni who is looking for furniture for the new farmhouse he plans on spending more time in now that he is not playing Stabler.

Ice T:
...so should I get the strawberry topping or just stick with some maple syrup?

Me: Strawberry topping- we're having Belgian waffles. Go all out.

Ice T: True. Imma get me some whipped cream too. (looks wistful) Whipped cream always makes me think of Coco' ass...

How is she? Excited about the TV series?

Ice T: Between that and the clothing line- I'm getting no sleep (winks) if you know what I mean...

Me: Gawwwd, I do Ice, I do. No need to- well, well, fuckin' well...Stabler. (Christopher Meloni strolls over to their table, Ice T stands and they do some sort of hip hop greeting thing, Meloni then sits down)

Stabler: Ice T, Sweet T and me. Belgian waffles-this is gonna be a great day!

Me: You take your menu and your flat leavin'ass over to another table!

Ice T: T, chilllll...

Stabler: Woah, woah, woah what's with all the hostility?? I've been doing the show for about 15 years...it's time to move on.

Me: ...so Ice, I think I'm going with the sugar topping-

You're just gonna ignore me?!

Ice T: She gets like this when she is sexually frustrated and cannot act on it- (I hit Ice T with my menu)

Me: Some friend you are, Ice!

Stabler: Ahh, so you want to play consensual SVU? (he and Ice give each other a pound)

Ice T: Yeah, she wants you to interrogate her vagina! (they chuckle heartily)

Me: Wow. Real classy, Ice. CLASSY!

Ice T:
Oh, I'm sorry T. We'll stop and just eat some waffles-wonder if they have some chicken.

Stabler: (notices that I've been staring at him a long while) Stop. I'm married and your conscious won't let you.

Me: You're right, but I can stare at you long enough to ALMOST flirtily touch your thigh or something.

Stabler: Right.

Me: I still hate you for leaving SVU-

Stabler: What about Benson?! She's leaving too...

Me: Benson doesn't have a dick!

Ice T: True. Sweet T don't give a fuck if it ain't about some dick. (he and I high 5)

Well to make it up to you, you and Ice are invited over to my farmhouse any time and I promise to do yard work shirtless.

Me: I didn't mean those things I said before, Stabler.

Stabler: I know. I know.

The End.

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