Monday, December 19, 2011

As The Online Dating World Turns: The Killer vs The Wordsmith

Yeah folks, I am still online. I wouldn't exactly call it dating, it is more like keeping myself entertained.
With online dating, it is all about the opening email and then the subsequent exchange. Eventually that grows into a date and hopefully not your body cut into tidbits and put into lil baggies and then scattered about Prospect Park. These two guys are examples about how you don't get to find out what 'cashmere' is allll about...or at least not get a snarky message from me.

The Killer

This dude started with the usual: you're hot and I want to get to know you better.
I am all like: okay. Then I check out his profile. He was coming with the same dick poetry in his summaries about himself. Basically saying all the things he thinks women wanna hear like: I'll eat you out endlessly.
The only thing was...his pic. His ONE pic. It was of him far away. His face in profile...that was kind of blurred.
So I asked him what he planned to do with my body after he killed me. I thought that was a VALID question.
He laughed...well lol'd and wondered why I would ever think that.
I let him know that I am perceptive and can just tell. He then explained that I had a one track mind and that he still thinks I am swell.
I ended it with a: THANKS KILLA!

The Wordsmith

Since I don't have ass shots and my summary about myself reflects me and my awesomeness. Showcasing my sense of humor and ability to put sentences together. This attracts the dude who wants to SHOW me. I haven't figured out what though. So, this dude messages me responding to various things I wrote in my profile- he copied and pastes shit, yo!
After reading the email a few times, in his over worded way he was trying to be funny by being snarky and commenting on my shit...but also wanted to let me know he'd like to place himself gently inside of me.
I asked if he was trying to just offend me or was some charm thrown into that?
He let me know in another long email about- well I don't know what it was about because I stopped reading it half-way through.
Listen, I enjoy a well written anything that shows a persons personality...but not if you insist upon yourself (stole that one from Harry who says that a lot about people and art). I don't think I am the wordiest, wittiest bitch out there so don't try to impress me with some bullshit that just makes me delete you and then blog about your wack ass.

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