Sunday, September 9, 2012

A Special Treat: 2012 MTV VMA's Sorta Rundown

This is a special treat because I said I would NEVER do a rundown of another MTV awards show...then I found myself watching the 2012 VMA's.  The WHOLE show.  I blame the weather, being hungover and me somehow leaving the remote control out of my reach.
I will rundown what I can remember of the show. No notes were taken.  This is straight off the dome (urban speak for off the top of my head):


 -Rihanna opened the show with some type of Indiana Jones Temple of Skank realness.  I didn't know the song or what was going on.  There was some type of Egyptian theme-we get it Riri 'snakes represent penises and you loves yourself some penises'. 
A lot of dancing.  Balloons.  Meh vocals.  Typical Riri performance.
Now her haircut/wig was the worst!  Why didn't her people tell her she looks just like that tranny from Love & Hop Atlanta Joseline??!!!

Someone should be FIRED!

-So Kevin Hart hosted and I like his stand-up, and what he does in films, but his' took three 8 balls of coke hosting energy' grates on my nerves.  I did like that little people walked him in though.

-Hmmm, did P!nk perform at this point?  Maybe.  All I know is, I need whatever workout she does for her AMAZING legs.  I enjoyed her performance and really always just enjoy P!nk!

-Were Katy Perry and Rihanna dates?  Whatever.  Chris Brown won for Best Male Performance and he was all like: ha ha, fuck you bitches with my dye job.  Drake is just so lame.  Like he rolls to the awards wearing G-Star and speaking for all the biracial nerds out there.  Whatever Drake, you can eat a lunchbox full of dicks!

-Speaking of Drake, one of his lovers Lil Wayne- who also annoys the fuck out of me, was there looking like the dude in your highschool (if you went to public school) who can't seem to graduate-but has to leave once he turns 21.  He still tries to dress all cool and acts all disinterested, but you know he cares that everybody thinks he's a fuckin' fool.  No amount of performing with 2Chainz will make you any less of a dickwad Lil Wayne.

-I was REALLY looking forward to the Frank Ocean performance.  This may have been the only reason why I wanted to check out the VMA's to begin with. 
The performance was totally worth all the times the camera fell on Nicki MiTwat's face and Taylor Swift's 'OMG I can't believe I am here and there are no gummi bear dicks in my mouth' face.
Frank performed my favorite song - Thinkin' About You.  It was moody and just a great performance...


 

I didn't get the Karate Kid thing, but I liked the stage setup with the bonfire.  Then I couldn't reach the remote so I couldn't turn after his performance.

-GreenDay was cool.  They previewed the latest Twilight movie- YESSSS! 

-Alicia Key's performed.  Listen, loved the haircut-I mean she looked GREAT.  The song and performance I've seen a million times before from Alicia.  I shut my eyes for a little bit...

-Then I hear something about Taylor Swift coming up.  I took a deep breath and conjured up the spirit of my ancestors.  Slowly, I stood and walked about five steps to get the remote and turned to Chopped.  Whew!

All in all, the awards were as blah as my rundown...but I am SO GLAD I got to see Frank Ocean...and I am hoping Rihanna's penis dance works some kind of magic for my winter boo situation.

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