Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Conversations with Ice: Disposa-ho!



Ice T (my friend in my head) kinda cornered me into having brunch with him.  It has been a while since we've hung out due to busy schedules.  He threatened to send Kanye after me, so I conceded to a Saturday brunch at Bubby's in DUMBO.  Ice enjoys the views and I enjoy the biscuits.

Ice T:
So....

Me:
So... (I put some jam on my biscuit)

Ice T:
T, what the eff is going on with you?

Me:
A lot.

Ice T:
You gonna gimme one word answers or are we going to have a conversation?

Me:
Oh! I finally saw 'Art of Rap', it was very well done, son.

Ice T:
Flattery will not get you out of me calling you out for being flakey- but thanks.

Me:
Simmer down.  Have you tried the biscuits?

Ice T:
(stares at me a while, then slowly eats a biscuit)
These things are legit. Now quit fuckin' around...

Me:
Hi hater.  (Ice grills me) Okay, okay!  So I left my job...

Ice T: 
Oh snap!  That deserves a toast...(we clink our mason jar glasses)

Me:
Yeah, felt disposable...so I disposed of myself.  Like Sonny says: nobody cares.

Ice T:
Nice Bronx Tale reference- wait, you were a disposa-ho!  (we hi-5)

Me:
Much like the women in your life prior to Coco...and your first wife...

Ice T:
Way to ruin a moment with life facts.

Me:
It's how I do.  Did you go to Obama's fundraising dinner at 40/40?

 Ice T:
Nope, did you?

Me:
Wow, how boring we've become.  Kanye done made a ho a housewife, and we are now brunch buddies- we've gone soft, Ice.

Ice T:
Maybe we're just content.  It's okay to be content.  Don't always have to be hungry.

Me:
What about angry? Can I be a lil angry- and I am not all content, there are still things I need to accomplish...

Ice T:
There are only so many bowls of dicks peeps can eat at a time, so it'll take time to accomplish your worldwide goal of peeps eating a bowl of dicks-

Me:
That's why there are vats and buckets.

Ice T:
For the few, like myself, that you don't want to dine on dicks- be content.  Enjoy the quiet moments of life.  you've got great people in your life, and you know what...

Me:
Ice, imma need more biscuits for all these sweet, sweet shit you're spittin'.

Ice T:
I was just about to say you're pretty fantastic, but I'll say you're fantastic when you shut the fuck up and let people drop knowledge bombs on that ass!

Me: 
Preach!

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