In these day leading up to commercial love day aka Valentines Day. A day of horror, red and chocolates, I have decided to fall in line with masses who feel like lost un- neutered puppies in the wind without someone to love. Well not that you don't have someone to love- we're not talking family and friends, we're talking someone you're boning. Or someone you potentially want to bone.
Perhaps I would have someone to bone if I didn't always fuck it up with my mouth. Well...what comes out of my mouth.
Consider these days leading up the OFFICIAL DAY OF ALL THINGS LOVE AND PINK like a personal therapy session. A way to figure some shit out...with some special treats for yous.
Here are things I have said to dudes recently that have probably led to them not wanting to bone me or be my sweet sweet Valentine:
- You remind me of my brother.
- So...when did you come out to your parents?
- No. Nope. No.
- Why are you talking to me?
- The thing is my taste level is like...high.
- Are you on some sort of drug?
- No, I seriously thought you were gay though...
- Thing is I am not really into dating assholes...well not douchebag assholes like you, like you're cool to joke with but...seriously...
- How old are you?!