Friday, April 9, 2010

Conversations With Ice: The Tingley Fight

Everyone talks about their first love, but what about the first time you ever felt your lady parts tingle.
Let’s say you’re about 9 or 10 and you’re-okay I see Johnny Depp for the first time (on 21 Jumpstreet). I felt a warmth down low in my belly…that wasn’t gas (for once). It was something I hadn’t felt again till I met a family friends son when I was about 11 and he was 18 (always had refined tastes). Then again in 5th grade when Pablo this kid from Spain, moved to this country and into my heart. He walked into the classroom and I was a hot.mess.
…but back to Johnny Depp. Oh man. I loved that guy. Still love him to this day because no girl ever forgets the FIRST guy to make her lady parts tingle.

All this 21 Jumpstreet talk came about because of my fear of NBC not picking up Law and Order:SVU for next season…yet.
You know there is only ONE person that can set my heart at ease. That person is Ice T.

Setting: Ice and I are playing WII in his recording studio. The game is tennis. Due to my ‘mojito insanity’ during our Scrabble game, we are drinking milkshakes and eating finger sandwiches.

Me: Aw, Ice are you letting me win or am I just that good?

Ice T: It’s not that I’m letting you win; it’s just that I’m not in the right mind space-

Me: Oh? What’s up?

Ice T: I’m not good when my futures hangin’ in the air like some testes. I like to know what’s up. NBC not letting us know what’s good…

Me: I know I am not used to doling out the advice, but what the fuck are you talking about?

Ice T: We don’t know if we’re being renewed next season. SVU.

Me: What. The. Fuck?

Ice T: The show is doing great, but I dunno if they wanna take it in a new direction or sell us out to the USA network and turn the show into some soft porn-

Me:…or Monk.

Ice T: What the fuck is a monk?

Me: I’ve only seen commercials. I have no idea. All I’m saying is…Ice; you’re like a cat with 15 lives. You did Leprechaun in the Hood and bounced back from that. You’ll be aight and the show will get picked up.

Ice T: Well done, grasshopper. I know I’ll be good-I’m taking this as some sort of sign that maybe I need to get back into the music scene-

Me: Woah…what?

Ice T: T, that’s why I wanted us to hang in the studio. Wanted you to hear some tracks-

Me: No. Ice, what is our relationship based on?

Ice T: Honesty and you respecting my gangsta.

Me: Exactly. So, when I say go to NBC’s top brass and tell them to quit leaving you hanging like Octo-Mom’s tits…I mean you MUST NOT, CANNOT, WILL NOT come out with another album.

Ice T: Awww…you’re right, Sweet T. Plus Coco will wanna be all up in my video’s…and I’d miss doin’ TV and seeing Benson’s titties all trying to be covered up in her mock turtlenecks.

Me: Fight for what’s right, Ice. Fight for what’s right!

The End.

Let's hope this situation gets resolved SOON!!


  1. i love it when ice-t is around.

  2. me too. meeeeeeeeeee tooooooooooooo!