Wednesday, May 29, 2013

As The Dating World Turns: Getting Slapped By That Fate D*ck

Though I am not dating online all (for the most part), I am keeping this section going with choice dude encounters AND I have someone who wants to make me their project and get me BACK on the online dating grind.
I wish them luck.

Over this LONG holiday weekend that was supposed to jumpstart them summer notions...which was tough with New York City having March-like weather conditions.  I still pushed myself (along with the help of some good friends) to be more social.  This meant going out.  By going OUT I mean dancing...possibly with some dudes.  Meant I had to deal and be okay with not being in 'my own world'.

Saturday night we went to The Rub.  This was a party I lived for back in the day ( a couple of years ago), but due to my growing hatred of people and the 'scene', I stopped going.  Since Memorial Day Weekend is about remembering shit, why not remember my recent youth and open spirit?!
After downing some pear cider and twerking a little, I grew wary of the darkness and wack people.  Plus, the dudes there weren't that cute- I mean I thought like two were, but remember it was VERY dark in one of the rooms. 
The 'hip hop' room was PACKED and the DJ didn't believe in playing more than 10 secs worth of song which is annoying when you are trying to get your Camp Lo swerve on!
My friends and I made the most of it...but with dudes looking like bizarro (unattractive) versions of Bruno Mars, DMX , Robin Thicke, etc.- we...well I was not feeling it.
THEN as we strolled by a few unsavory looking goons, one of them grabbed my ass.  I then turned around and punched him on the chest 2 times (real quick like, like Bruce Lee).
To say I was pissed was a mutha fuckin' understatement.  I told dude to watch his FUCKIN' HANDS!  He and his friends were more shocked than anything.  Is this really the 'scene' now?  Dudes can just grab up on chicks and its supposed to turn into a Dream video? 
I left in a huff, alone and hating EVERYONE in the world.  Then I walked passed a 24 hour McDonalds and considered getting something, didn't, and was so proud of myself I soon realized I was over it and ready to hit the town again on Sunday.

Sunday was about Habana Outpost to pregame and then the Freedom Party at Brooklyn Bowl.  There are a lot of factors here:
  • who knew Habana Outpost showed movies and Sundays happened to be Prince's Purple Rain. this is one of my all-time faves which led me to believe that the evening would be pretty a Prince stage hump.
  • watching the movie while hanging with my peeps allowed me to not become aggrevated by the crowd or the long wait in line.  the food was worth it tho.  as was the frozen mojito.
  • Brooklyn Bowl is in WILLIAMSBURG (Brooklyn) a place I dread going to, but I actually like that venue so I didn't mind.  I did mind that the L train wasn't running proper, but with the help of friends we got there and I didn't get lost (for once).
  • the Freedom Party is another party I used to attend a lot back in the day, and have ALWAYS had fond memories of it.  best music and chill people.  its good to see that hasn't changed.
So there I am bopping along to the beat n' chatting with m'girls, I stop mid-sentence when I see HIM.  He would be probably the best looking dude I have seen in person, in a long while.  Am not talking just lookswise, I am talkin' make you stop mid-sentence to stare at him all in is face with his height n' all.
He walks by my friends and I a few times- we are a great looking group of women- and we are all like: DAYUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
It is decided SOMEONE should speak to him.  Somehow I get thrown into the mix...and I of course being the true punk ass I am say: oh noooooooo
Then I don't know what happened...he walks by again and I feel this tingle in my gut (or vagina) and I follow him to the bar.  I literally threw my hands in the air and was like: THAT'S IT!
As I near the back of him I start envisioning what I am going to say, and basically come up with reenacting the Ciara Body Party video!
So he turns around and is walking towards me, he is looking at me in my eyes, I am looking at him in his and then we walk passed each other. 
I am freaking out.  I had no idea what to say and if I just started bending over and twerking that would've been WEIRD.  Then I feel 2 taps on my arm and figure it is some dude I DO NOT want to 'body party' with.
It is HIM.  I can't remember what my face did- if my mouth was open or if I 'Joker' smiled or if my almondy eyes went wide with fear.....
Here is how the conversation went:

HIM: hey, you look like this girl who I worked with at Ecko- did you work there?

me: what is an echo?

HIM: Ecko...the clothing line...-

me: OHHHHHHH...nope. not me.  was she nice?

HIM: yes.  I interned there.  I really thought you were her. I'm sorry for bothering you-

me: was she cute?

HIM: ....yes.

me: you hesitated!  I did not like that answer!

HIM: (laughs) she was cute.  very nice looking. 

me: my name is....[insert my gov't here]

HIM: nice to meet you, [my name].  my name is Sinewy ( to this day I have no friggin' clue how to spell what I think he said)

me: what the hell kind of name is that?

HIM: Brazillian...African...

me: nice! (may have made an O face) do you hear what is playing? (it was Backseat Freestyle by Kendrick Lamar, one of my faves)

HIM: (smiles) yep...

me: like I wanna talk to you, but I wanna dance to this...

HIM: let's go...

He walks with me back over to my friends.  Everyone tried to keep their faces THUG, but I could see them all like: HOLY SHIT she really did speak to him AND bring him over???!!!!!!
Sometimes I come through...or stumble and then come through.  This was pure luck, but notice that I am not so bad at flirting and being somewhat normal when I can be...I'd like to thank the frozen mojito and Prince.
So there we are bouncing around...and then I suddenly become nervous because he touches my hand, and this is like the 3rd or 4th time and I realize that I have gone from checking out the hot dude to bringing him over to my dance floor lair.

me: who are you here with (decided to just see if the girlfriend/boyfriend/wife bomb was going to be dropped.)

HIM: I'm just here with my crew, we're over there (points to area, I don't even look)

me: so...dudes...

HIM: (smiles) yeah...listen, if you want me to introduce you to my boys I can do that-

me: no, no.  I am happy just meeting you- (he takes my hand AGAIN)  I just have my girls here... (perhaps more visions of the Body Party video can be reenacted)

HIM: oh, well y'all can come over and say hi...

me: great.  I am happy just meeting you though (upon realizing that I am saying this AGAIN, my hand goes cold and shakey.  he stills holds it though)

HIM: good....lemme introduce myself to your friends...

....he then goes and introduces himself to all m'girls.  I feel my face go hot.  I am having trouble breathing.  I feel shakey.  I want to jump on his back.
After he proves he remembers everyones name, we say a few more plesantries before he goes back over to his crew.  IMMEDIATELY everyone is like we are going over to say WASSUP and that I needs to get on that.  I am trying to focus on breathing though.  Breathing and not going over and dry humping his leg.
We made it near his crew but with all the dancing and the laughing- like if you're a guy don't roll to the club wearing church shoes, m'girl Lu will not be having it. 
I noticed HIM a few times.  Dancing around (VERY WELL) and having a great time.  He even danced with this chick.  I just watched him...and then went back to twerking.
In my head, I figured he is one of those social party dudes, who also happens to be nice and well mannered, and though amazingly attractive, not too much of a dick.  He liked touching my hand and had sparkling eyes.  He would be a nice bolster to the ego- a sign to let me know that Slutty Summer 2013 will be ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLright.
I watch him leave with another dude and am like: oh well, that is just how it is.
Over an hour later I leave.  I am looking for a cab and texting a friend when this hand grabs mine.  It's HIM. 

HIM: (smiling)...hey....shit, I forgot your name!

me: of course you's okay.

HIM: (his friend is trying to get him to move on) no....shit...what's your name?

me: (laugh) Of Course.  my name is Of Course.

I then hop into a cab and he is off down the street.
Fuckin' crazy and everyone is all like: WTF?!! Why didn't you get his number?  WHAT THE HELL?!
Fate done slapped me with it's dick and I laughed and kept it moving.  I suck.

Now I may never see Sinewy again so he will always be near perfect and a reminder of how MUCH I SUCK AT THIS GAME AND WILL NAME ONE OF MY MANY CATS SINEWY!!!!!

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