Thursday, July 11, 2013

As The (Online) Dating World Turns: Back In The Saddle In The Sun

OMG it has only been 2 weeks and I am READY to sign off of online dating!
It's not that it has been brimming with freaks and possible skin stealers- it's just that it is a lot of work!  First I have to care, then read a profile, then write back, then care some more...whew.
The whole dating thing is just fucked anyways.  Dudes think chilvary is going 'dutch' and then  texting you the day of to meet up.  Then they want you to plan everything. 
Really?...Come on!  I mean I got this, but dude try the whole making the effort thing.  I promise to bring my smashing personality and good looks, and you plan a date.  It's simple.

Anywho, so I start emailing with this dude who remembers me from before I signed off.  I think he wrote me then...but I killed that account.  He emails me and its cool.  Immediately he's like: let's meet up.
Good.  I was booked the weekend (it happens) so I opted for during the week.  He said he would text me the MORNING OF the day we were meeting up.
Normally this would've had me saying: fuck off!- BUT I am trying to be easy...and just date and not punch shit.
So I said: fine.  He texts me that an area near my job is good and that he will bike there so he may be sweaty.
He then added that he would text me at 5PM for a 6:30PM meet-up.
I really am so proud at the way I was just so easy breezy with this.  I believe I text back a: cool.  People, I am an evolving asshole.  Evolving.
There I am being all 'easy breezy' but then still maintaining my normal demeanor.  5PM comes around and I don't hear from the dude.  5:15...still no word.  I decide that if I don't hear from dude by 5:30, imma send a nice 'fuck off' text.
At 5:31 I let him know that I am in some far off part of Brooklyn and can no longer meet.  I tell him to have a good night...and say GOOD LUCK.  Hey, remember I have EVOLVED.
This bitch doesn't write me back till 6PM.
Here's the thing, I get that we are in some different times.  Times where peeps are just about whatever and communication is chock full of emoji's and twerking, but I am NOT 16 nor am I 22.  If you want to meet up HAVE A PLAN.  THEN FILL ME IN ON THAT PLAN AND THEN FOLLOW-THROUGH ON THAT PLAN!  It is really that simple.  Respect my time and my life and I will do the same for you.
Needless to say, it was no sweat off my's just another added bonus of dating in these times.  I think this all goes along the lines of dudes thinking 'they have it like that' but they gonna learn today!  I mean, this dude read my amazing profile and saw my photos.  Even if I do plan on getting many cats, I don't need to put up with the I won't.

Another amazing trend that has me leaning more towards a cardboard cut-out of President Obama- you know, just having someone I can talk to.  He'll be supportive and very successful.  He'll be mine and he won't talk back.
Anywho, dudes have straight bitchified themselves.  A friend of mine who is also back on the online dating scene, has come in contact with dudes who are very concerned about the weather.  These dudes will literally text her with things like: it's too hot out, let's go out some other time OR I think it's gonna rain and I don't wanna get caught in the rain because my shoes will get wet....
Have dudes been listening to Drake too much? Or maybe the hormones in food have caused them to get their period or something?- Actually scratch that because having a period aka being a WOMAN does not a bitchified trick make.  I don't mind if it's'S FUCKIN' SUMMER!!  Though I do share a concern for ruining my shoes, I am supposed to for I am a WOMAN (Ha!Ha! Double standard working for me).
What the fuck is going on?  I need some answers.  Why are dudes concerned with the weather?  Be comprehensive with these answers because I am already leaning towards: yous a bitch.

Ugh.  I cannot sign off this soon.  At least I seem to be raking them in....well the 50 year olds.
Someone kick me in my vagina.


  1. Yeah - this EXACT THING happened to me two months ago. NOT COOL :P