Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The Consequence of Wit and Other Lessons

Here I am again. All pensive and in-between gigs. This is a time where I dabble in low self esteem and self pity as I send out resume`s. Resume`s filled with great ACTIVE words, and that illuminate my lack of career greatness. Perhaps it's because its not the career I seek.
I want to write, y'all...and get paid for it.
...but I live in New York City and need to maintain a LIFE. I need employment that doesn't rape my soul and won't distract me from my book writing and character observations.:)
...BUT this isn't about my job search and how I am done with it, this is about a few new things I've learned recently. Though I feel intelligent most of the time, I am a believer in knowing that you know nothing at all is true intelligence. You realize this and take notes. File it for later use and don't make the same mistakes again...unless there are things you cannot help, like being witty.

Lesson 1: Being witty doesn't get you laid- woah...*ahem* doesn't get you far in the love game. I'm thinking it's not becoming of a lady to crack one liners and just be hilarious- like myself. Throw in the fact that I say things off-the-cuff and you have me being scary, or just...too much. I cannot change this. It is who I am and how I do...which leads me to Lesson 2.

Lesson 2: Movies can do more than entertain they can teach you about yourself and perhaps others. Coco Before Chanel- great movie! there was France, clothes and Audrey Tatou-, Coco didn't believe in love and all of the things it involved (i.e. marriage, forever, etc.). Then she fell in love, but it wasn't perfect. He had to marry someone else for money. Coco then declared that she would never be any man's wife, but could be someones mistress (as in the love of her life who was marrying someone else). Though I could never be a mistress, could I be some man's wife? Would I ever be? Perhaps it isn't in the cards for me-I already don't adhere to the societal norms of being a single woman in her 30's. Am not a desperate banshee waiting for a man, ANY man to come my way and save me from being alone, childless and worthless to the WORLD!!! So glum.
Then I wound up at a JC Penny trying on rings that looked like they could be engagement rings/ wedding bands. I looked GOOD in these rings and realized that YES, I will be someones special someone because I look damn good in the rings! Really, doesn't matter the cut, I can WORK.IT!

Lesson 3: People who don't eat or have ill feelings towards food are the WORST to be around. They find no joy in life and are usually miserable. If I don't succeed with my 'ring quest' therefore making my life worth living, I will live like Ina Garten AKA The Barefoot Contessa. Have a lovely house and cook amazing food for all my gays, and just be so HAPPY that I'll make them hungry bitches shiver in their skinny jeans.
This lesson became more clear to me this passed Sunday as I along with some friends enjoyed AMAZING dim sum at The Golden Unicorn. We proudly ordered about 21 dishes amongst the 5 of us...and then spoke of getting cupcakes afterward. During our gleeful inhaling of dim sum, we were being glared at by some Hungries. Sometimes you have to share a table at The Golden Unicorn. The Hugries nibbled at like 4 dishes, not finishing ONE and just seemed hostile and disgusted with life. My friends and I had a great time laughing about them as we digested (and after they left)....then laughed some more as we walked to the West Village for cupcakes (NOT at Magnolia-*spits*).

I may be 'alone', but I am hilarious...well fed and look good in engagement rings. We'll see how this all pans out.


  1. you are awesome! I wish you Bling. Bling. but mostly happiness- which you already have...

  2. awww muchos muchos gracias!!! yes, happiness takes you further, but cupcakes are forever.;P

  3. make 'em shiver! girl, the change wind is comin'. you are gonna get banged out, i can sense it. and i swear i'm not going to try to touch you.

    also: no apostrophe in resumes. just resumes.

  4. hahahaha that could be WHY I don't get hired. BAD GRAMMAR!!! that even how you spell grammar?

    ahh I can GET banged out (am sexy as heck, you know this!), its the more more more, ma!:)

  5. haha... didn't mean to insinuate that you couldn't! i just meant you are going to get banged out by somebody QUALITY, with the more more more in tow.

    sexy as heck and then some!