Thursday, October 22, 2009

True Story: Recent Conversations pt 1

Originally posted on October 13th, but...uh...not here.

I am forever doing character study. Quietly observing, some call it judging, but to judge you’d have to give a f*ck. From what I’ve learned about people, when you don’t give a f*ck they tend to earnestly like you more. Such is life.
Since I am in constant character study mode, I can remember dialogue verbatim. It’s a gift really. I remember each nuance from intake of breath or darting of eyes. Makes one almost feel like they were there…when I am telling my long detailed stories that leave peeps on the edge of seats, they are also wondering why I am so ‘rain man’ with the deets. Again, a gift.

This first conversation took place at a Duane Reade recently. Sometimes I wonder why I write fiction because my reality is way more interesting.
Random Dude At Duane Reade: (stops in his tracks, his friends stop with him-which is what makes me notice, they are all staring in my direction-thinking they are talking about someone behind me) Wow, she is pretty.

Friend 1: Sure is.
Friend 2: Word. (the two friends move along, RDADR lingers a little longer, I go back to looking at lotions)
[I walk online reading about all the amazing things my new lotion is going to do for my skin, I hear RDADR and friends chatting. The chatting stops when they stand behind me on line]
Friend 1: There she is.
RDADR: (stands a lil too close to me causing me to look up from my lotion benefits reading) You are beautiful, real pretty in the face. (says with amazement)
Me: Uh, thanks. (after a moment) Why do you seem shocked?
Friend 2: You have a nice body too. (smiles, even after RDADR gives him a dirty look)
Me: Great. I’m a ten. (they laugh)
RDADR: I’m sorry I seem shocked, its just that you’re really pretty, but you’re not all done up.
Me: Yes a natural beauty I am. (something about lotion causes me to just be all fast n’ loose with it)
Friend 1: …and humble too.
Me: Yes, and I can put together complete sentences. (they all chuckle realizing that I am just sarcastic, not a conceited twat)
RDADR: Wait a minute…you seem familiar…
Me:…because I am your dream girl?
RDADR: No…well…maybe (smiles). I think I’ve actually hit on you before, at a Starbucks.
Me: I’m always in one of those…(I look at him a bit, he doesn’t look familiar)
Friend 2: You must be consistently pretty then.
Me: On my ugly days I don’t leave the house, what’s the point of not getting hit on…
RDADR: Yeah it was definitely you because when I asked if I could meet you for coffee sometime you said that your husband wouldn’t like it and when I noticed you had no ring, you said he didn’t put a ring on it, but put a down payment on a boat and you two were going to live on it…in Jersey.
Friend 1: Damn you’re married.
Me: Wow, you have a great memory..and that sounds like me.
RDADR: It was you.
Me: Yeah….(whispers) awkward. (is next up to pay) Well…
RDADR: I’m sure I’ll see you again-I hope. If you’re husband isn’t with you-
Me: He’s working on the boat…
RDADR: Yeah. Well if he isn’t with you, you owe me coffee.
Me: Wow.
Friend 2: Way to go, Ike. (as in Ike Turner)
RDADR: I’m just sayin’, he shouldn’t let you out alone so much.
Me: Will let him know, the streets is watching. (they laugh)
RDADR: Damn right.

…And Scene!

Can’t make that kinda stuff up. The next conversation took place via gchat with a gentleman I’ll call E. E and I have a hilarious friendship dynamic that borders on nonexistent sexual tension. It’s quite lovely. Our conversations are random and quick, and usually take place on gchat or via text.

Me: where have you been all my life?

E: what do you mean? im staring right at you..!

Me: its weird you still seem so far away

E: i watch from a distance... i prefer to observe you un-obstructed in your natural habitat

Me: ahh that is best. keeps one from being kicked or stabbed

E: i love it when you do that...yea that… keep doing it just typing and staring at the screen ...ohhh that's good

Me: see its not all hate and violence. there are the tender quiet moments when you stalk me from afar
and contemplate taking my skin

E: it puts the lotion on...

Me: (shivers)

E: haha

….tender moments. Cannot wait to creepily remember more awkwardly wonderful conversations!


  1. wow. your stalker has a great memory, too. i think you've met your match! hahaha

    when are you gonna take me out on that boat?

  2. once you get settled, it'll be you, the hubby and I on the BOAT!

    ...yeah if the dude is crazy or toothless, it usually means he's the one for me.