Sunday, April 3, 2011

Conversations with Ice: Oh No!




Ice T (my imaginary friend who really should be my friend/mentor) and I are Skyping again. Ice is in California for Nate Doggs's (RIP) funeral and I am still in New York City-cold, alone, but mostly sad. Skyping with Ice is a sure way to feel A LOT better!

Ice T: Sweet T!

Me: Ice!

Ice T: You look like someone took your lunch money-

Me: Well, am surprised you even remember who I am-

Ice T: Ah, I see what this is. You know who I am and the obligations that entails, sometimes it means less time solving your problems....

Me: You don't just solve my problems...we chat. I thought we were homies. Sorry i am not big enough to be roasted like Trump...or

Ice T: Or be dead like Nate Dogg...

Me: Ah damn...(we both pull out 40's and pour a lil out)Well, I'll let you go back to your life...

Ice T: Oh stop. So tell me, besides being your usual asshole self, what's going on?

Me: Oh Ice...I thought you thought I was misunderstood...

Ice T: Listen, I have to go make sure I am not wearing opposing colors and then oil Coco's ass.

Me: Fine. I am okay. The usual. Less talk, more do- oh but I've been hearing that I cannot be taken seriously!

Ice T: Who wouldn't take your ass seriously?! You are sometimes too intense.

Me: This is what I thought!

Ice T: I wouldn't worry too much T, a lot of people talk shit because they can't handle shit or they are just trying to throw shade on your shine.

Me: Who knows? I think I am pretty straight forward-almost to a fault.

Ice T: Definitely to a fault sometimes.

Me: Uh hunh...

Ice T: T, you can't please everyone. If Nate Dogg taught us anything it's that even smoov muthafuckas have rough moments.

Me: Regulate!

Ice T stares at me a long while and then nods. We then Skype out.

Lesson learned: I don't have the capabilities to play games or lie, but I do have the ability to kick in throats.

I think that's what the lesson was.

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